Yeeparipa, dem don brush godwin wella so tay e no gada im self and e be like say kate sef na airforce abi wetin be all this mystic feelin wey dey open door?
@seun
nice story so continue or i go deal with you the goddie way, capice?

I have read better. Two strong men my ass, a girl shouts at them to get out and they do ( heavy sarcasm)  that does good for their ego's doesn't it. (they didn't even get money from the guy. They left high and dry) ohh i'm getting shivers)

And secondly, 'suddenly kate feels a strange sensation as if she knows for sure that Goody is here' what is she and Godwin, soulmates (i don't think so).

I hope there is more to this story because presently, i'm not finding it amusing, i liked the way it started but it's beginning to follow a predictable end. I am yet to come across humour, suspense, or climax in this story.

Just post the second part to the story (please) I hate starting something and not finishing it.

sugesstion seun , make a section called Fiction/Fan Fiction so that people who enjoy writing stories can go there , i used to write these long time agoo.

seun, im going to google dis, is is getting too much. kai, update asap, i cant wait.

abeg seun release more of the story

don't drive us too far with the suspense

man carry on joo. am enjoyin it :d

haba seun its not fair now you are leavin us in suspense

Thanks, guys, for your interest in this story!

CHAI SEUN! it's true o!
Post the rest abeg! PLEASEEEEEEEE

Habba! Seun complete the story noooow!

It's been so interesting all the while. Please I will encourage you to prepare the part 2 of the story.

Ah Seun! Do you want us to libate befor u send the remaining part of the story. C' mon sugar boy, you can do better if you send us the remaining part ( I know you need petting). Or you want it hard! SEND IT NOW OR, 

its gettin quite good

i dont see anything intresting in this story, why would a person carry 100k just cos he is going shopping, story doesnt show he is rich or somethn, the bullies side tottaly suck, i dont thnk it can ever happen

I must agree with u aloib, it trully sucks but thats what makes u wan 2 see the rest.

This is truly a literary masterpiece.
The plot, the suspence,the dialogue, the technical finese, the grammar, need i go on?

Jeeeeez, If i said this is totally brain-dead i would probably be kicked off the forum so i wont.
I also would like to believe this is an elaborate joke by the author and the excited repliers are also in on the joke *wink, wink *. If this, however, is an honest attempt at writing i would like to believe the author is 10 years old and the readers are toddlers

Yikes, you sure are a mean kid.

No offence man
Was just being naughty. Since u took it well I will call a truce.
I think the story is silly but at least u have started from somewhere. Keep it up.

xkape:

This is truly a literary masterpiece.
The plot, the suspence,the dialogue, the technical finese, the grammar, need i go on?

Jeeeeez, If i said this is totally brain-dead i would probably be kicked off the forum so i wont.
I also would like to believe this is an elaborate joke by the author and the excited repliers are also in on the joke *wink, wink *. If this, however, is an honest attempt at writing i would like to believe the author is 10 years old and the readers are toddlers

Are u mocking the writer and the readers or repliers? Remember, you read the masterpiece and also repied it, so you are mocked!

You already mentioned BRAIN DEAD.

Anyway, your comment is still funny. I could'nt help laughing

Lcoolbabe:



Are u mocking the writer and the readers or repliers? Remember, you read the masterpiece and also repied it, so you are mocked!

You already mentioned BRAIN DEAD.

Anyway, your comment is still funny. I could'nt help laughing

Touche!!!

U got me there.

U sound like a smart girl. Good for u

So is it good or is it bad? Xkape, have you finished reading the story?

errr, Let me try and be constructive, its simplistic, u may need to sharpen ur technique, the rendition is a bit simplistic (not that it is bad in itself) but most NLers havent noticed anyway, so ride on

Seun, I hope you have not forgotten that you left this story hanging. Please post the remaining part.

@seun

mehn u sure have that suspense talent, cos u doing a very good job at it.

it's just there.needs a lot more 'juice' and flavour, a little 'more meat on the bone'

Seun whatever happened to the remaining part of this story??. Hope you didn't stop because of the criticisms??, you have to be willing and ready to take criticisms if you are want to become a successful writer, so please,, spill the bean,

Seun has written better drama in the past.

This one reads like secondary school drama club stuff.

Seun, you can do better.

If this is serio-comic sketch, then it is okay.
Nollywood producers will like it.

Moved to story review forum

Hmmm quite boring, blunt, no action. I like your followers o so to say commentators, there's more drama in their comments... Bring in more romance, less brackets