If you're ready to take the plunge, here are a few practical ways to prepare yourself.

Develop a relationship with yourself.

Take a good look at your health, your job, your friends and your interests. How do you fill your time? Can you be happy alone? What patterns recur in your relationships? What can you learn from them? Do you feel you can't cope without a man? Perhaps you get your sense of validation from men – can you try validating yourself? Make a list of the things that you like about yourself, and the things that you do well.

Decide what you want from a relationship.

Do you want a partner primarily for excitement, fun and sex, or are you looking for a long-term companion and soul mate?

Be clear in your mind about the kind of person you would like to attract and why. What qualities appeal to you? What qualities should you avoid? Set ground rules and don't compromise on the things that are really important to you – but don't be so rigid that there's no room for the unexpected.


Take responsibility.

Next time you find yourself sabotaging an evening out, remind yourself that you chose to go out with this man, and that you have as much responsibility for what happens as he does.

Take the initiative and change the conversation.

Be interested and interesting; look for ways to establish a friendship. If he starts to irritate you, ask yourself if he really is being offensive or if he is unknowingly holding up a mirror that reflects your unresolved issues.

Work at weeding out judgement, prejudice and intolerance; in short, give the guy a chance.

Learn from past mistakes.

If you always attract the wrong man, ask yourself what appeals to you about this type. We tend to be drawn to people who will aid our growth in some way (be it painfully or pleasantly), and need to be aware of the unspoken agreements that are the real reason we are together, rather than the reasons we think we are together.

Take the time to think about other relationships you have experienced, and what was good and bad about them. What role did you play in ending them? What do you need to do differently next time around?

Get help if you need it.

We are supposed to struggle and grow through relationships, but some people have had so much pain in the past that they can't help dragging their baggage into every interaction.

If you have been abused in some way or have experienced a dysfunctional family life, you may have a personality structure that would benefit from professional counselling.

Therapy can help you unravel why certain scenarios are repeated, why you put up with unacceptable behaviour, why you are afraid of intimacy or why you are so critical.


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