My parents didnt choose or influence my career path.i am self motivated.my dad is actually my role model,lookin at how he started life n d way he succeeded to b d MAN he is today inspires me,many of his peers he started life togeda wit r stil struggling.

His advice n support r just valuable to me.

I'm a victim of this.
my father being a medical doctor wants me to practice same of which he knows what my passion and talents are. at least to an extent, I'm confident of myself that if I study medicine, I will get " the good grades", but then, that won't bring me fulfilment.
I had to forfeit my admission the year I finished secondary and we dragged the issue for close to four years now, before he finally gave up earlier this year to allow me pursue my dream.

during this period, I lost a lot of things -my self confidence, my self esteem, my desire for education. seeing my mates in the University while I'm at home because of my Father's wish was no joy.
but then, I still continued to push it, and finally I got it.
(I can't quantify just how much happy I am)


Parents, please allow your kids follow their dreams.

My parents have never been a problem where my dream is concerned. I know what I want and I go for it regardless of anyone's opinion.

omoelu1: I'm a victim of this.
my father being a medical doctor wants me to practice same of which he knows what my passion and talents are. at least to an extent, I'm confident of myself that if I study medicine, I will get " the good grades", but then, that won't bring me fulfilment.
I had to forfeit my admission the year I finished secondary and we dragged the issue for close to four years now, before he finally gave up earlier this year to allow me pursue my dream.

during this period, I lost a lot of things -my self confidence, my self esteem, my desire for education. seeing my mates in the University while I'm at home because of my Father's wish was no joy.
but then, I still continued to push it, and finally I got it.
(I can't quantify just how much happy I am)


Parents, please allow your kids follow their dreams.

Oh boy. 4 yrs at home?

I can't do it

Kanwulia: Errrrrrm, I don't have those kinds of control freaks of parents o!
They only advice and support.
Finite!

Abi o

Sometimes when I read about Nigerian parents on nl, I find it hard to believe.

Derealme: I have a father which is of this type. He has been very choosy and always want to dictate how I live my life from education, career, faith, relationship in short evry facet of my life. These have make me resentful towards him evry tym I see him. He makes me look foolish and stupid as if I dont knw how to take charge of ma live. If not for the fear of God and following His commandment, probably I would done something stupid but their [b] blessings [/] matters alot.

It all started wen I finished my JSS graduatin to SSS and to choose which path to follow in my career. I wanted to go for commercial class but he was tellin me I had to go for science. With his coersion I did first term of my SS in science. Wen it was second term I decided to change, not that I cud nt cope. I had good grades, one of the best in the science class, however, dats nt wat I wanted in life. Wen he heard dat I defected to commercial class he beat the hell out of me. That wasnt painful , the most painful is dat he wanted me to study medicine to be a doctor just because one of my female cousin, agemate, choosed science class and wanted to be a doctor.

Comes to faith, though we are both Muslims but the extent to which u bliv in something differ. There are sometin u c ur fellow bliver doin which u knw is nt part of the doctrine or takin tins too extreme. It pissed u off. He ll always want u to join in it which is against wat u bliv.

There are many other issues lyk dat tym and space wont allow me to type.

I bliv in dis wise sayin 'Your destiny is in ur hand'. But I think I ll fully take charge of my life wen am no more unda his roof.

U're not alone broda, I too have this same problem. The worst of all here is that not only is my father against such notion as well but also almost my entire relatives as well! No one seems to realise the fact that we are living in a fast-changing world! Things seems to be taking a different shape every minute of the day, a world where if u don't choose for ur self how u're going to survive it's SEEMLY mysterious system, it will eventually end up adding u as part of it's likable horrendous HIVE-LIKE MENTALITY!! :-o I hav decided to take charge of my life the moment am through with the phase of my university eductaion. I know it is quite late for one to wake up @ that stage but I still have not giving up on my own self. I will advise each & every one of us to discover their true calling so long as u're still breathing. It's never too late. Our parents has the responsibility to guide & protect us on the path of our destiny in life but never to choose our purpose. The possibility of finding ur one true happiness lies solely in your hands! This is because this course has been designed for u & u alone right from the onset. Not for ur parernts, siblings, relatives, friends & other dignitaries.
Be wise, my friends.

Ilekere:

Abi o

Sometimes when I read about Nigerian parents on nl, I find it hard to believe.

my brother, na so I see am o.
although, the four years wasn't a total waste, because during that period, I taught myself to become a programmer.

I've learnt a lot of lessons though.
my kids will never suffer such a fate.

omoelu1:
my brother, na so I see am o.
although, the four years wasn't a total waste, because during that period, I taught myself to become a programmer.

I've learnt a lot of lessons though.
my kids will never suffer such a fate.

Cool. What kind of programming and programming software do you use?

I've been teaching myself Java starting last year. Currently learning to use balsamiq and axure software.

eleojo23: Much of your years on earth may have been a conscious effort to please your parents and to live up to their high standards.

There are a lot of people out there who have big dreams, who want to do something meaningful with their lives, but they are worried about what their parents will think. All this time, everything had to be the way their parents wanted it and now they are worried about abandoning them. They are worried about disappointing them. They are worried that, if they are to trust their guts and follow their hearts, that they may end up being disowned by the very people they owe their lives to.

The big question is, Why do your parents always want to decide for you? It is mostly for the best of reasons. Let's consider some of them.

1. They want to protect you. Your parents have the right to be caring, concerned and emotional. They don't want to see you fail. They want you to succeed at everything and never get hurt. But the world doesn't work that way. Shield a child from pain and she'll never really live

When your mum told you to study medicine / business / marketing / whatever at university, she meant well.
When she suggested that Bola had all the qualities she would want in a daughter-in-law, she meant well.
When your dad told you to take up that job, he was telling you what he thought you needed to hear.
They wanted you to be happy.
They wanted you to be fulfilled.
They wanted you to feel powerful, in control, and valuable.
They gave you the life plan they followed and you just need to follow the same life plan as them and with a bit of luck, you're going to be confident, strong, happy, fulfilled, and free. Right?
Unfortunately, no. Happiness doesn't work like that.

As important and innocent as parental guidance is in the life of their children, it is important to note that the effort to make kids into what their parents want them to be might not always be the best for them. Naturally, responsible parents want their children to be successful in life and this often drives them into taking various decisions for their children some of which might not just be what the child was cut out for.

Choosing careers for kids could lead to lifelong regrets as most parents often do not take into cognizance the talent, interest and capabilities of their kids and would rather they studied the popular courses; medicine, law engineering and the like. The kid in an effort to keep his reputation of being a bright chap would work very hard and graduate but might never find fulfillment in that profession.
The same scenario plays itself out in other situations like in choosing life partners, job preferences, etc.

Living someone else's life plan is the fastest and most consistent path to an unfulfilling, unrewarding, and frustrating existence.
You need to take a walk to the nearest bar to observe the disappointed, sad, and angry guys trying to forget their pain over bottles of beer to see how well living someone else’s life plan works.

2. Another reason is the fear of change.
Many parents don't want their kids deviating from the norm because then the parents themselves will have to figure out a new reality, a different and uncomfortable reality where their kid doesn’t follow the rules and act predictably.
They tell their kids "nobody in the family has ever taken that path before"
But hey, everything changes. Nothing stays the same.

3. They really do need you.
This is another reason why your parents may show resistance to you pursuing your dreams.
If you're an only child or somehow your parents’ life support system, you can’t just drop everything and head off into the world to chase your biggest dream, leaving your parents to fend for themselves. We totally get and respect that. Giving up your own ambitions to care for loved ones is nothing short of heroic.
You need to be careful here though. Many sons and daughters tell themselves that their parents can’t live without them, when in fact that’s just a convenient excuse to keep them from taking a scary leap.

These points above are some of the reasons why children are often ‘trapped’ in their parent’s dreams.

While you should hold nothing against your parents for the decisions they’ve taken or made you take all these years,-though you might have reasons to disagree with some of them,- you have to however decided that from now henceforth, you will be responsible for your actions. This doesn’t in any way suggest doing away with their superior advice and wise counsel, it only means that in taking decisions especially on issues that relates to your life and future, the first consideration will no more be what would be pleasing to your parents, but what you want for yourself and how such a decisions fits into your plans for a fulfilling life.
You must at a certain age begin to mould yourself into your dreams, not that of your parents. You must be bold enough to leave the comfort zone of your parent’s protection and chart a course for your own life. It doesn’t mean you should rebel, but to find a way to make them understand that you’ve got some plan which can work out fine with their support.
The best way you can take away all the insecurities they have about your dreams is to show them you succeeded. If you show confidence at what you are up to and work hard at it, your parents are sure to give you some benefit of doubt and support you if need be.

The crux of this issue is, you shouldn't let anything keep you from pursuing your dreams and finding fulfillment in your own life. You should appreciate your parent's love and concern towards you but the fact is, your parents have had their own lives. This is yours and it is incumbent on you to make the best of it. In the end, your parent's dream is the same as yours and that is to see you happy and successful. It’s just that you have a different way of getting there.


Feel free to contribute to this piece by sharing your experiences.

OMG.... You just made my day....
Just Imagine, only 70 comments in this very imp thread.....
This is the reason why developed countries are growing faster than us..... Once you are an adult, you are made to take responsibility for your actions. Your parents words become mere suggestions or advice but in this part of the world, our parents words are final.....
I have made that decision a long time ago, even before I got married and graduated to be responsible for myself, so far, no regret and my parents re now proud of me.

Dramadiddy: wish this stuff would work out for me though....i need help convincing my dad guys help out!!!

Bro, it could be difficult. You have to look deep into your conscience and if you think you are making the right decision, please go ahead. But think of the consequences and be ready to live with it.
Parental influence is one of the reason why we are backward today, we don't have great footballers, no great artists, no great professionals in various fields because our parents wants us to either study law or medicine or pharmacy

mukaddam131: Kudos to the writer, more greece to your elbow, infact these piece is one of the best write up I ever read on these platform. In my own family we have every right to choose how we want to leave our live. Something happened yesterday in my fiancee Home, where the mother insisting that she wount let me marry her daughter just because I came from a christian/Muslim family. We have prayed over the relationship, and God said yes we are a perfect match. I love her, she loves me, The only clause is that of religion. Now the lady was Quoting the bible verses where the lord said we should always heed to what our parent say. Now all these pressure she inform me to let's quit the relationship of almost Two years now. My question now is is proper to be fernatic about these in relationship? Or you guyz feel their is anything I can do to get my baby's attention back in terms of convincing her to stay with me.thank u all

That's sad..... I feel your pains.
If she loves you, she will stand by you and everything will sort out itself with time.

DebateNigeria:
Bro, it could be difficult. You have to look deep into your conscience and if you think you are making the right decision, please go ahead. But think of the consequences and be ready to live with it.
Parental influence is one of the reason why we are backward today, we don't have great footballers, no great artists, no great professionals in various fields because our parents wants us to either study law or medicine or pharmacy

Thanks for the advice jare...I'm a growing pianist but then farthest place I can go on my own is festac which is not good enough...I wanted to se the heights of music...I've seen it here but I haven't seen it there...I'm planning on working for a church on the island...convincing my dad that I can go there is a big problem..but thanks for the advice, when I'm successful with my plan, you'll hear from me

olaezebala: See all of dem don start again o. No one go gree sey him papa mama fall for the category wey OP list.
Make I join dem too , my papa de support me wellA. Dem just de sidon look me do my thing even wen dem know sey na wrong thing I de do.

this issue concerns me! Till now we are still fighting over the course stuff and they always confuse me.

Ilekere:

Abi o

Sometimes when I read about Nigerian parents on nl, I find it hard to believe.

i guess you have to see my dad.

op you are on point. my parents are control freaks; The "my way or the high way" kinda folks but I no send. I do who i am and what i know is right. It's only i that can know wha.t's best for me. I want to be fully responsible for my actions and never blame the next man neither do i want to live with the thought of "what if."

I dont even ask for advice not to think of them directing me (maybe they pray for me though)...

I do my thing my own way...

N/b: no1 should quote

Kudos to the poster [img]http://www.hostsleek.com/clients/?aff=052[/img]
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Dramadiddy: Thanks for the advice jare...I'm a growing pianist but then farthest place I can go on my own is festac which is not good enough...I wanted to se the heights of music...I've seen it here but I haven't seen it there...I'm planning on working for a church on the island...convincing my dad that I can go there is a big problem..but thanks for the advice, when I'm successful with my plan, you'll hear from me

Good. Wish you all the best

eleojo23: Much of your years on earth may have been a conscious effort to please your parents and to live up to their high standards.

There are a lot of people out there who have big dreams, who want to do something meaningful with their lives, but they are worried about what their parents will think. All this time, everything had to be the way their parents wanted it and now they are worried about abandoning them. They are worried about disappointing them. They are worried that, if they are to trust their guts and follow their hearts, that they may end up being disowned by the very people they owe their lives to.ju

The big question is, Why do your parents always want to decide for you? It is mostly for the best of reasons. Let's consider some of them.

1. They want to protect you. Your parents have the right to be caring, concerned and emotional. They don't want to see you fail. They want you to succeed at everything and never get hurt. But the world doesn't work that way. Shield a child from pain and she'll never really live

When your mum told you to study medicine / business / marketing / whatever at university, she meant well.
When she suggested that Bola had all the qualities she would want in a daughter-in-law, she meant well.
When your dad told you to take up that job, he was telling you what he thought you needed to hear.
They wanted you to be happy.
They wanted you to be fulfilled.
They wanted you to feel powerful, in control, and valuable.
They gave you the life plan they followed and you just need to follow the same life plan as them and with a bit of luck, you're going to be confident, strong, happy, fulfilled, and free. Right?
Unfortunately, no. Happiness doesn't work like that.

As important and innocent as parental guidance is in the life of their children, it is important to note that the effort to make kids into what their parents want them to be might not always be the best for them. Naturally, responsible parents want their children to be successful in life and this often drives them into taking various decisions for their children some of which might not just be what the child was cut out for.

Choosing careers for kids could lead to lifelong regrets as most parents often do not take into cognizance the talent, interest and capabilities of their kids and would rather they studied the popular courses; medicine, law engineering and the like. The kid in an effort to keep his reputation of being a bright chap would work very hard and graduate but might never find fulfillment in that profession.
The same scenario plays itself out in other situations like in choosing life partners, job preferences, etc.

Living someone else's life plan is the fastest and most consistent path to an unfulfilling, unrewarding, and frustrating existence.
You need to take a walk to the nearest bar to observe the disappointed, sad, and angry guys trying to forget their pain over bottles of beer to see how well living someone else’s life plan works.

2. Another reason is the fear of change.
Many parents don't want their kids deviating from the norm because then the parents themselves will have to figure out a new reality, a different and uncomfortable reality where their kid doesn’t follow the rules and act predictably.
They tell their kids "nobody in the family has ever taken that path before"
But hey, everything changes. Nothing stays the same.

3. They really do need you.
This is another reason why your parents may show resistance to you pursuing your dreams.
If you're an only child or somehow your parents’ life support system, you can’t just drop everything and head off into the world to chase your biggest dream, leaving your parents to fend for themselves. We totally get and respect that. Giving up your own ambitions to care for loved ones is nothing short of heroic.
You need to be careful here though. Many sons and daughters tell themselves that their parents can’t live without them, when in fact that’s just a convenient excuse to keep them from taking a scary leap.

These points above are some of the reasons why children are often ‘trapped’ in their parent’s dreams.

While you should hold nothing against your parents for the decisions they’ve taken or made you take all these years,-though you might have reasons to disagree with some of them,- you have to however decided that from now henceforth, you will be responsible for your actions. This doesn’t in any way suggest doing away with their superior advice and wise counsel, it only means that in taking decisions especially on issues that relates to your life and future, the first consideration will no more be what would be pleasing to your parents, but what you want for yourself and how such a decisions fits into your plans for a fulfilling life.
You must at a certain age begin to mould yourself into your dreams, not that of your parents. You must be bold enough to leave the comfort zone of your parent’s protection and chart a course for your own life. It doesn’t mean you should rebel, but to find a way to make them understand that you’ve got some plan which can work out fine with their support.
The best way you can take away all the insecurities they have about your dreams is to show them you succeeded. If you show confidence at what you are up to and work hard at it, your parents are sure to give you some benefit of doubt and support you if need be.

The crux of this issue is, you shouldn't let anything keep you from pursuing your dreams and finding fulfillment in your own life. You should appreciate your parent's love and concern towards you but the fact is, your parents have had their own lives. This is yours and it is incumbent on you to make the best of it. In the end, your parent's dream is the same as yours and that is to see you happy and successful. It’s just that you have a different way of getting there.


Feel free to contribute to this piece by sharing your experiences.

Numbers 21:25
So Israel took all these cities, and Israel dwelt in all the cities of the Amorites, in Heshbon and in all its 'villages'.

we can see you asking you! we are books already!!