onegig:


Also i don't understand the thinking of the average Nigerian lady who's about getting married. You don't need to compromise on your ideals while trying to fit in. When visiting your inlaws, act your normal self. You are the guest for goodness sake. No need to go overboard with your familiarity. I am ashamed to say that most lack self respect and when you lack that i don't see how you expect someone else to respect you. They are the ones to warm up to you and make you feel accepted not the other way round but i guess since MANY are desperate or maybe its due to their naivety they would do anything just to be accepted and fit in even if it means being rolled and butchered in the mud.


Not saying ladies should turn out to be SAUCY and PROUD. You can be free with everyone. It however doesn't mean you are open to being rolled over and disrespected.


Though i strongly believe family ties should be strenghtened always but please not at the cost of losing your sanity.

hispinkolo: It's very difficult to walk the walk especially when hubby is the diplomatic type who will try to avoid wahala at all costs,always leaving you to defend yourself.
My inlaws have backstabbed me well well.I believe i'm married into a family of pretenders.
When i was pregnant,hubby and i decided to tell no one till we were 4 months along because i had health issues..Fastforward to this year,Brother in law and wife came to ours for holidays and i was shocked to see her big belle..We were on bb etc and it wasn't mentioned,hubby was shocked too and asked why they didn't talk and the wife said she thought her hubby had mentioned it..
Well,i said alright no wahala,i felt it was like revenge for not telling them about mine till 4 months.I now asked excitedly what are you having,SIS in law said she doesn't know,brother in law contradicted..evidently sis in law was lying..i said hmmm okayy.They had a great time in my home,behaviour off at times but no one is perfect jare.

Couple of weeks later hubby called them to ask how their ultrasound went,and asked if they have finally confirmed what they were having and brother in law told him the sex of the baby but asked him specifically not to tell me.Unfortunately for him,i heard when he said it.And i confirmed i was actually singled out.
These are people that are always disturbing me to help them do this and that etc.I was extremely offended and expected my hubby to at least speak up but as usual,nothing.
It has affected my relationship with them as it made me remember other instances where BIL's wife would tell me one thing and do another.I am now just cordial and courteous to them.No more extending myself and bending over backwards.I do what i can do for them and nothing more..They asked me for my daughters clothes and i gave them a bunch even though i was so annoyed as this is the baby they were hiding from me.They wrote list for me,help me buy this help me buy that..i bought because its for their older child oo but i didn't do it with my heart.
I felt soo betrayed as I thought we were close..I now generally avoid any unnecessary discussion with them and that's it.

MIL,I took as my own mother..I confided in her and she twisted my words and cussed me out..She later apologised but I cant forget it..Visited her for holidays.She acted cold to me for leaving the house on the morning of an occassion,not knowing i was going to arrange a gift for her.I later told her that's what i went to do and i'm sure she was ashamed of her behaviour.BUT the way she acted is still imprinted on my memory..This is a woman that is soo demanding and always calls me to buy things for her.

SIL..first day she saw me she said that the day they would want to make a decision as a family and my husband says let him ask his wife first,that someone will go to prison.She has insulted my parents as well..not to my face though..
Ofcourse i'm not totally blameless..I am very opinionated and speak my mind,lol.When i do that,i may appear abrasive when i don't intend to.

I spoke with my parents about all these and was told to do my best,just basically be polite and do what i need to do.
That has been my motto for this year.Arms length.MIL maybe is having a conscience crisis cos she's been calling too often.I say what i need to and that's it.I can't just get past things she said to me..I'm sure she would never speak to any of her kids the way she did to me and i told her that.
Family dynamics differ ...Especially when you feel the hubby doesn't have your back,so you fight your battles solo..It's been a learning curve for me and i'm doing as my parents have advised.No more saying my opinions ,i now just concur..yes and no..no more personal gists.

When you are told to look into a family before entering,it seems like a joke BUT if i had known what i know now,i'd have bailed.Hubby is a fantastic man but his behaviour makes me feel he is spineless and somehow makes me resent him.

LIFE....

bodashee: Sometimes people draw wahala their way from the onset with eye service and tinz. One time we had a family occasion.....my uncle brought his fiancee around.....it wasn't so big a gathering....it was an inhouse kinda thing.....so myself and my cousins in my age group were serving food....washing plates...etc. Only for me to see my uncle's babe lingering in the corner.....looking like "lemme not leave dem to do the work alone"
I told her to go and sit down, she didn't have to bother trying to help cuz she's our guest, we'll do everything ourselves. She didn't answer....so me I just kept doing my work. But she looked pitiable to me, becuz she's not agemates with any of us there.......so I kept wondering why she would do that to herself....cuz God knows I can't. On my first visit! Haba. It mite even av been a different issue if it was the brother's mom and sisters in the kitchen....
If they start to treat her anyhow......I think she invited it.

hispinkolo: Definitely,I have my faults..100%..who doesn't?But you will never catch me exchanging words,insulting,being disrespectful(on purpose)..NEVER.
My major fault is that when i believe in something,i fight hard for it,and i will state my opinion backing it with facts.I hate being told what to do without explanation especially from someone who is not even nice to me..

I expected to be accepted warts and all not just to be the perfect daughter in law,i'm not a stepford pikin.
Honestly,this is the first time in my life i'm facing hostility..

For the Brother in law and wife,I didn't do anything to warrant being singled out..I actually thought we were tight so i was shocked when i heard him say specifically that i shouldn't be told the sex of their child..I reasoned that maybe they don't want to tell people,but it hurt more when i found out that they told others..it was just me..

For MIL..I had a standard misunderstanding with her..called her,spoke with her in confidence only for her to twist my words and her reaction was wayyyy wayyy overboard.the statements she made to me,i can never forget.I took her as my mom for Chrissakes..My mom would NEVER treat me that way.I even used to joke with her that she's partial as she always finds a way to make excuses for her kids misbehaving..Her grouse was that i refused vehemently to follow the idea..In the end i accepted just to avoid wahala though..This is the first argument i've had with her in four years,lol..When i stayed with her for a while,even when i was annoyed,i'd look past anything as per daughterly love and i'm sure she also overlooked anything I did..I just now know that when it comes to her real kids,even when they are wrong,she will be in their corner.I know that once she's with her daughters her behaviour towards me is generally not nice

SILs..hostile from day one.Said nasty things about my folks.But I still made an effort.I even found out one was bearing a grudge about something i didn't do...
It's crayzeeeeeeeeee.
I stand for myself since hubby cannot stand up and fight for me..Werrin man go do.My parents faulted my giving my opinion as it's not my family..BUT thing is I entered there,accepting everyone and thinking that I was now a member of the family like the real kids..lol
I thought they were now my family..

As I mentioned before,I am now wiser... OR maybe there's something wrong with me.
I thank God that since i've kept my distance they are now the ones running helter skelter.
i may need special deliverance..

My question is this : Since you are claiming as a SIL or MIL you are my family,if i wrong you,cant you say so? You don't behave that way to your own family..

Remember i don't think they are bad people,once upon a time,I loved them and went out of my way to be nice till i realised that it's only when i'm good i'm loved..when i'm angry i'm now a bad person..Would you be that way to your sibling or your kid?NO.
Some words once spoken can never be taken back..MIL has apologised but it's difficult for me to get past it,coupled with the new one she acted again..She said sorry again but the damage has been done.


Meanwhile,hubby is a good loving man..he just has F9 in this area.He was okay if i refused to go with the status quo oo but I just thought about it well..no skin off my back plus with all my parents said..I just have turned a new leaf...distant

I had to tell my parents cos i felt soooo alone with no one i could trust,no one in my corner..No one to fight for me..I got strength and insight from them and my grandparents.

I'm 150% sure there are fantastic inlaws out there..
Somewhere in my heart,I still love my MIL and FIL they are nice people ..it's just sad that some things have happened and I can never trust any of them again.Never ever.

heywhyho: Pls my fiancee his a twin, and i call his his twin brother kenny,their sister just called my fiancee that am disrespecting his twin because I didn't call him brother kenny, am i suppose to call him brother kehinde,cos d first time we meet we didn't av any misunderstanding whatsoever, am I suppose too call him brother ni?

heywhyho: Pls my fiancee his a twin, and i call his his twin brother kenny,their sister just called my fiancee that am disrespecting his twin because I didn't call him brother kenny, am i suppose to call him brother kehinde,cos d first time we meet we didn't av any misunderstanding whatsoever, am I suppose too call him brother ni?

heywhyho: Pls my fiancee his a twin, and i call his his twin brother kenny,their sister just called my fiancee that am disrespecting his twin because I didn't call him brother kenny, am i suppose to call him brother kehinde,cos d first time we meet we didn't av any misunderstanding whatsoever, am I suppose too call him brother ni?