Don't Let Your Relationship To Become Your Nightmare

If you don't want your relationship to become your nightmare, then don't waste your time dating or marrying someone who does not love you and who does not respect you.
Any relationship without love and mutual respect will become your nightmare.
Therefore, do your best to avoid such a loveless miserable relationship from the beginning. Don't wait until you are already trapped in the quagmire of broken promises, conceit, deceit, unfaithfulness, disrespect and insecurity. Just get out of the shit without worsening your predicament.

Let me post the full meaning of quagmire for you to fully understand what I mean.

[size=14pt] quagmire
ˈkwagmʌɪə,ˈkwɒg-/
noun
noun: quagmire; plural noun: quagmires

a soft boggy area of land that gives way underfoot.
"torrential rain turned the building site into a quagmire"
synonyms: swamp, morass, bog, peat bog, marsh, mire, quag, marshland, fen, slough, quicksand; More
moss;
corcass;
bayou, pocosin, moor;
archaicmarish, carr
"the rains arrived and the area was transformed into a red quagmire"
an awkward, complex, or hazardous situation.
"a legal quagmire"
synonyms: muddle, mix-up, mess, predicament, unfortunate/difficult/awkward situation, mare's nest, quandary, entanglement, tangle, jumble, imbroglio; [/size]


If you are not happy in any relationship, it is time to get out of it.
Don't force yourself to continue to bear the apologies and regrets.
Your happiness and security should be your first and foremost priority in every relationship.

Don't make your relationship another Tyler Perry's "For Better or Worse" or the earlier "For Better, for Worse" of 1919 by Cecil B. DeMille, because even though millions have been fooled and misled by it in wedding vows, "For Better For Worse" is not biblical and not from the Word of God or Jesus Christ, so it is not a Christian vow and should be deleted from wedding vows, because it has made many unhappy couples to remain trapped and stuck in unhappy relationship or marriage until things go from bad to worse when the victimized lover or spouse should have left and save his or her life from the recurrent nightmares of woes.

Yes “for better or for worse” as contained in the vows that a bride and groom exchange on their wedding day is a promise for the couple to remain married come rain or shine, no matter the consequences of the circumstances of life. But it would be foolish and suicidal to remain married to someone who no longer loves or respects you and when your life is in danger. Please, leave before it is too late.

Love is not by force and marriage is not by force.
But securing your happiness and peace is a must.


~ By Ekenyerengozi Michael Chima, author of Diary of the Memory Keeper and other best selling books distributed by Amazon, Barnes & Noble and other international book publishers and booksellers worldwide.

Only a foolish man will date or marry a woman who does not love or respect him.

Only a foolish man will date or marry a woman
who does not love or respect him.

Warren Buffet said

Let block heads advise block heads.


Romans 12:2
And be not conformed
to this world: but be
ye transformed by the
renewing of your
mind, that ye may
prove what is that
good, and acceptable,
and perfect, will of
God.

A wise woman once told me, “If you want a truly
fine husband, respect him at the level at which
you want him to reach. A man will usually not
rise above the level at which his wife respects
him.” This is a general principle, not a hard and
fast rule because God does not put accountability
or responsibility for a man’s character on his
wife. Nevertheless, strong evidence indicates a
woman holds great power to make or break a
man. In his book His Needs, Her Needs, Willard
Harley amends the saying “Behind every great
man is a great woman” to “Behind every great
man is an admiring wife.”
Something in a man needs the respect of his wife.
He thrives and grows toward godliness when his
need is fulfilled. This explains why God
emphatically says, “The wife must see to it that
she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33
NASB).
10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband
1. Pray for him daily and trust God to answer your
requests.
Pray for his well-being, wisdom, protection,
blessings, guidance, knowledge, spiritual maturity,
success, purity, strength in temptation, etc.
Look for God’s answers to your prayers.
Thank God for working in your family.
Thank God for your husband.
Pray for your attitude.
2. Remember that God has put your husband in a
position of leadership, and He will lead you
through your husband.
3. Make a list of your husband’s qualities that you
appreciate. Review and add to your list regularly.
4. Tell your husband what you appreciate about
him. Tell others what you appreciate about him.
5. Don’t criticize your husband to others –
especially your children.
6. Look for the positive side of things that you may
find irritating. If you find it boring when he spends
time telling you about his bad day, remember that
at least he is talking to you, spending time with
you, sharing his concerns with you, bringing you
into his confidence, and giving you the chance to
be an encourager and helper.
7. Respond to his loving advances with enthusiasm.
8. If you are concernedabout a decision your
husband has made, ask him the following:
“I’m confused about _________. Can you explain it
to me?”
“Can we talk about _____? I feel uncomfortable
about ______.”
Don’t ask: “WHY in the world would you do it that
way?” or ask “Why?” in any way that implies you
think he is foolish.
9. Respect his likes and dislikes. If he likes a
particular food, make a point of serving that
regularly. If he hates the color purple, don’t wear
purple in his presence. If he likes you to wear
perfume, do it.
10. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts
about your husband, stop and choose to think of
something else – especially things from your
positive quality list.
Remember, God is working on you and your
husband. You can both learn from your failures as
well as your successes. Give God the freedom to
teach your husband through failure. In the same
way, give God the freedom to teach you to trust
Him through your husband’s failure.

oyihou:
Only a foolish man will date or marry a woman
who does not love or respect him.

Warren Buffet said

Let block heads advise block heads.


Romans 12:2
And be not conformed
to this world: but be
ye transformed by the
renewing of your
mind, that ye may
prove what is that
good, and acceptable,
and perfect, will of
God.

A wise woman once told me, “If you want a truly
fine husband, respect him at the level at which
you want him to reach. A man will usually not
rise above the level at which his wife respects
him.” This is a general principle, not a hard and
fast rule because God does not put accountability
or responsibility for a man’s character on his
wife. Nevertheless, strong evidence indicates a
woman holds great power to make or break a
man. In his book His Needs, Her Needs, Willard
Harley amends the saying “Behind every great
man is a great woman” to “Behind every great
man is an admiring wife.”
Something in a man needs the respect of his wife.
He thrives and grows toward godliness when his
need is fulfilled. This explains why God
emphatically says, “The wife must see to it that
she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33
NASB).
10 Steps Towards Respecting Your Husband
1. Pray for him daily and trust God to answer your
requests.
Pray for his well-being, wisdom, protection,
blessings, guidance, knowledge, spiritual maturity,
success, purity, strength in temptation, etc.
Look for God’s answers to your prayers.
Thank God for working in your family.
Thank God for your husband.
Pray for your attitude.
2. Remember that God has put your husband in a
position of leadership, and He will lead you
through your husband.
3. Make a list of your husband’s qualities that you
appreciate. Review and add to your list regularly.
4. Tell your husband what you appreciate about
him. Tell others what you appreciate about him.
5. Don’t criticize your husband to others –
especially your children.
6. Look for the positive side of things that you may
find irritating. If you find it boring when he spends
time telling you about his bad day, remember that
at least he is talking to you, spending time with
you, sharing his concerns with you, bringing you
into his confidence, and giving you the chance to
be an encourager and helper.
7. Respond to his loving advances with enthusiasm.
8. If you are concernedabout a decision your
husband has made, ask him the following:
“I’m confused about _________. Can you explain it
to me?”
“Can we talk about _____? I feel uncomfortable
about ______.”
Don’t ask: “WHY in the world would you do it that
way?” or ask “Why?” in any way that implies you
think he is foolish.
9. Respect his likes and dislikes. If he likes a
particular food, make a point of serving that
regularly. If he hates the color purple, don’t wear
purple in his presence. If he likes you to wear
perfume, do it.
10. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts
about your husband, stop and choose to think of
something else – especially things from your
positive quality list.
Remember, God is working on you and your
husband. You can both learn from your failures as
well as your successes. Give God the freedom to
teach your husband through failure. In the same
way, give God the freedom to teach you to trust
Him through your husband’s failure.

Your rational analysis and Christian perspective should guide and guard people in relationship or marriage.

Nice points.

Monday, July 21, 2014

[size=18pt]Relationships: When to Cut Your Losses[/size]
[size=18pt]
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife [or husband]."1[/size]

Among the most painful of life's experiences is rejection by a loved one.

When a couple is in a hopeless situation where there is continual rejection, hatred, and/or physical and emotional abuse by one or both partners, should they stay together for the sake of the children or should they cut their losses? Some say they should stay together no matter what. Others say to do so is insanity. But what does God say?

It is true that God hates divorce. "'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel."2 But who in his right mind doesn't? Jesus, in the Gospels, was also against divorce.

God's Word also says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife [or husband]."1 And again, the Apostle Paul wrote, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."3 This implies that it isn't possible to live peaceably with everyone.

Because of what God's Word says, I believe that divorce should only ever be the last resort. Marriage partners need to commit themselves to resolve their disagreements and seek all the help needed to achieve this goal. However, in cases where one partner refuses to work on resolution and files for divorce, the other spouse doesn't have a choice.

Also because of what God's Word says, where there are major conflicts and only one partner is willing to work on the relationship and get marriage counseling, tough love is needed. In these—and especially in abusive situations—the one being abused needs to set boundaries and kindly but firmly say to his/her partner, "Unless you are willing to seek help together, I will no longer tolerate your abusive behavior and will have to separate myself and the children from you." When one sets boundaries, he/she needs to keep them. This won't guarantee resolution, but without setting and keeping strict boundaries, it will almost guarantee that there will never be resolution.

Furthermore, wherever a spouse and/or children are being abused, physically, sexually and/or emotionally, the abused spouse needs to separate herself and the children immediately. The separating spouse needs to make it very clear to the abusive partner that he/she will not get back together until he/she (the abusive partner) gets help and overcomes his or her abusive behaviors.

In broken relationships playing the blame game doesn't resolve anything because both partners are contributing something to the failure of the relationship—even if one spouse is too passive or codependent.

Only when all else fails should a couple file for divorce.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, whenever I am in a conflict situation, please help me to see what I am contributing and, rather than playing the blame game, get the help I need to resolve my issues. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus's name, amen."

1. Proverbs 21:9 (NIV).
2. Malachi 2:16 (NIV).
3. Romans 12:18 (NIV).

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