Hi all , please help a confused friend. Her problem is that her husband's cousin she seniors with 6yrs who is living with them expects her to greet him first every morning. What do u think? They re Igbo

Report to ur husband, n make sure he did not return to the house after sending him out

ngoziliz: Hi all , please help a confused friend. Her problem is that her husband's cousin she seniors with 6yrs who is living with them expects her to greet him first every morning. What do u think? They re Igbo

It is very inconsequential who greets who; I just think we blacks, with our black brain; seem to take vvery silly things into account, n cause troubbles for ourselves!!!

Mmy thought!!! U can greet d cousine, in d morning; buh if he eks it aaa habit; like u suppose to be greeting him evvery morning; den I think, dats disrespecting; n he needs to be corrected; she should in4m her husband; if dat happens to b d case!!!

If saying good morning is difficult ,
try...... Hi bro....or wa'd up dude.


Handle your ish, please and ignore his sorry asssss.

Abeg let her face her front and ignore tiny issues.
It is not by force, if someone respect you he does if he does not he does not, LIVE WITH IT. Dont go forcing him to greet you if it doesnt come from his heart.

"He doesnt greet me" " He takes food from my pot" Married women there is more to life than all that one.

Some people will like you some would not, you cant force it. Ignore it, they day he decides to greet you let the greeting come from his heart and not from being forced too. Are you sure she was not kneeling down and greeting him forming submissive before marriage only to want to form Madam now as she don enter balance.

Women sha, I cant even imagine reporting to my husband that someone refuses to greet me. Each to their own sha. Shey without that persons greeting your oxygen will stop abi?

ngoziliz: Hi all , please help a confused friend. Her problem is that her husband's cousin she seniors with 6yrs who is living with them expects her to greet him first every morning. What do u think? They re Igbo

I can see pride here in your friend. we all have the same problem sometimes ago not until I listen to 'ATTITUDE' by Pastor Chris Oyakilome then I change my perception and am a happy man.



there is nothing wrong greeting him first. but the truth is we always see that as insult in this part of the world.
I experienced that in my workplace sometimes ago. I didn't mind instead I greeted them first and today we are best of friends.

let's her continue to be greeting him first, in a jiffy she will realize he will be greeting her first.

As an Igbo guy, he may believe in Onye kene sunny, sunny ekene ya(greet me I greet u) so kene sunny.
That guy name must be sunday

ngoziliz: Hi all , please help a confused friend. Her problem is that her husband's cousin she seniors with 6yrs who is living with them expects her to greet him first every morning. What do u think? They re Igbo

Assuming no underlying drama to this situation:

It is her matrimonial home, which means the couple gets to set the rules. If greeting your elders is a rule in their home and they have graciously agreed to provide him with room and board, then he should abide by the rules. If he's not greeting due to ignorance of some sort, they should let him know what they expect. I presume he greets his cousin, the husband?

Personally, I try to avoid dealing with poorly mannered folks and would certainly not want that kind of influence in our home, around our kids. I am not familiar with Ibo tradition so maybe there is an acceptable explanation for his behavior but in Yoruba culture, a person's bad manners reflects negatively on their parents and their pedigree so the emphasis on good manners is strong.

When you wake up in the morning.

Tell him 'good morning sir'
In the afternoon 'afternoon sir'
Same in the evening.

Just do it for one day and his brain will reset.

aisha2: Abeg let her face her front and ignore tiny issues.
It is not by force, if someone respect you he does if he does not he does not, LIVE WITH IT. Dont go forcing him to greet you if it doesnt come from his heart.

"He doesnt greet me" " He takes food from my pot" Married women there is more to life than all that one.

Some people will like you some would not, you cant force it. Ignore it, they day he decides to greet you let the greeting come from his heart and not from being forced too. Are you sure she was not kneeling down and greeting him forming submissive before marriage only to want to form Madam now as she don enter balance.

. Kai. U nailed it .. I LOVE U !!! Dat is coming from d deepoest of my heart.... Its been almost a century I saw a lady being n writing reasonably; God Bless U...
Kisses...

I t

What's the big deal in "greeting" each other?

May God save us from unnecessary ego and ten kobo a piece self importance. Married women, chose your battles wisely!

So because the "cousin" is acting like a village champion/mgbeke which he rightly is, the woman wants to bring herself down to his level by engaging him in petty squabbles over and about "greeting"?

ifyalways: What's the big deal in "greeting" each other?
May God save us from unnecessary ego and ten kobo a piece self importance. Married women, chose your battles wisely!
So because the "cousin" is acting like a village champion/mgbeke which he rightly is, the woman wants to bring herself down to his level by engaging him in petty squabbles over and about "greeting"?

Exactly, happens mostly with those who scheme, plot and pretend just to marry.
One who I know will go and pack her boyfriends clothes and his 2 brothers and wash, cook, clean and wash their plates, after all the eye service they were bought over and the brother married her as against one who showed her true self and wouldnt touch their plates talkless of clothes, now its a constant battle as she wants to be "Madam" for the same people whose nyash she was so shamelessly kissing.
When they finally enter the house they carry inconsequential matters on their head like gala

cococandy: When you wake up in the morning.

Tell him 'good morning sir'
In the afternoon 'afternoon sir'
Same in the evening.

Just do it for one day and his brain will reset.

God forbid bad thing. If she greets that idiot I will personally 'swear for her'.

If he refuses to greet,then greet him first. Instead of good morning just say Nnaa kedukwanu/Nnaa i bola? That may make him remember his manners. Maybe his mama no teach am to greet.I do greet my younger ones first if they forget to greet though. My mum do same to us if we dont greet her.

pendusky:

I can see pride here in your friend. we all have the same problem sometimes ago not until I listen to 'ATTITUDE' by Pastor Chris Oyakilome then I change my perception and am a happy man.



there is nothing wrong greeting him first. but the truth is we always see that as insult in this part of the world.
I experienced that in my workplace sometimes ago. I didn't mind instead I greeted them first and today we are best of friends.

let's her continue to be greeting him first, in a jiffy she will realize he will be greeting her first.

how can i get the mp3 version of the message.....attitude

aisha2: Abeg let her face her front and ignore tiny issues.
It is not by force, if someone respect you he does if he does not he does not, LIVE WITH IT. Dont go forcing him to greet you if it doesnt come from his heart.

"He doesnt greet me" " He takes food from my pot" Married women there is more to life than all that one.

Some people will like you some would not, you cant force it. Ignore it, they day he decides to greet you let the greeting come from his heart and not from being forced too. Are you sure she was not kneeling down and greeting him forming submissive before marriage only to want to form Madam now as she don enter balance.

I can't tolerate the bolded as a married woman, how can you say there's nothing wrong with a visitor/stranger going to my pot as he wishes? A visitor can only open my pot in my house with permission from me. You can't just go to my pot as you wish..



@op, if there's nothing more to this story, just ignore him and maybe sometimes ask how his night was, etc..This issue shouldn't bother you though in the right senses he's supposed to be greeting you..

MarvellousGod: I can't tolerate the bolded as a married woman, how can you say there's nothing wrong with a visitor/stranger going to my pot as he wishes? A visitor can only open my pot in my house with permission from me. You can't just go to my pot as you wish..
@op, if there's nothing more to this story, just ignore him and maybe sometimes ask how his night was, etc..This issue shouldn't bother you though in the right senses he's supposed to be greeting you..

Well we have different cultures and orientations. To me its just FOOD, to be excreted after 4 hours. Half of the time I am not home self and even when I am I use my energy for better things rather than monitor who enters the pot.
It saves me a lot of energy self if people dish their own meals, first of all people know what their stomach can take so I see no reason to regulate that for them.

There were always people in and out of our house when I was growing, food is put in a foodflask and anyone can eat as they want to their fill.

Life is more important than pot, food and meat to me but different strokes

Another housewife that has nothing going on in life but looking for who will greet her.

Greeting is not by force. It's just a well wish. You can't force someone to greet you.

OP, pls tell her to get busy.

I give up!

aisha2:

Well we have different cultures and orientations. To me its just FOOD, to be excreted after 4 hours. Half of the time I am not home self and even when I am I use my energy for better things rather than monitor who enters the pot.
It saves me a lot of energy self if people dish their own meals, first of all people know what their stomach can take so I see no reason to regulate that for them.

There were always people in and out of our house when I was growing, food is put in a foodflask and anyone can eat as they want to their fill.

Life is more important than pot, food and meat to me but different strokes

I never made my statement because food is the most important thing in my life. again, saying I won't allow a visitor go to my pot as he wishes doesn't mean I will have to monitor him, I wouldn't just give him the liberty because of the reasons below..
1) Whoever respects you wouldn't go to your pot without your permission.
2) Maybe after I have finished cooking and gisting with my husband, because the visitor is the type that goes to my pot the way he wants, he goes to my kitchen and dishes out food for himself before I dish for my husband and even kids? What if my husband likes a particular part of a meat/fish and it was that same part the guy takes? What if he's the type that isn't considerate about whether others have taken or not and maybe not enonomical too?
3) Before a woman cooks , she must have made prior plans on how the food goes and expected days the food serves. Like my mum used to cook soups every weekend which usually lasted till the next weekend, so because I have someone who wouldn't seek my consent before he goes to my freezer, he microwaves food whenever he wants and whichever he wants hence foiling my plans?
4)Some foods in the freezer maybe left for a particular purpose like maybe your husband likes a particular soup/food, so whenever you prepare such foods he's normally the only person that takes it or like in the case of my uncle where his kids always cry for okro soup, so most times there's always okro soup in the freezer to avert the situation.
5)Sometimes, you may think that particular food you left in the freezer is still intact without knowing your visitor who wouldn't seek your consent without taking stuffs already took it.
6) Some people after going to pots leave it sore to the eyes which makes the food look like some leftovers.
7) For security reasons.

There are just many reasons why I can't allow a visitor take food without my consent, it's so disrespectful to me. He can take fruits, etc whenever he wishes..
.again, it's my kitchen, so na me dey run things


But as you said, diff strokes for diff folks

Chillisauce: Another housewife that has nothing going on in life but looking for who will greet her.
Greeting is not by force. It's just a well wish. You can't force someone to greet you.
OP, pls tell her to get busy.

Tell me about it. While fellow women are going to the moon, developing cure for Malaria and HIV, our priority is greeting, calling me "Anty" and others, later we will come and cry that our husband and in laws disrespect us, why wouldnt they when we fill our heads with petty inconsequential things passed on from generation to generation limiting our abilities

cococandy: When you wake up in the morning.

Tell him 'good morning sir'
In the afternoon 'afternoon sir'
Same in the evening.

Just do it for one day and his brain will reset.

not for one day, keep on doing it. There was a time in ABUJA when old men/women do greet me and say Good morning sir, it felt creepy. Why should you greet me Good morning sir?? Seriously I reported the incident to my mum o and I began to pray about it and before you know I stopped hearing those creepy and freaky good morning Sir lines.Good morning is okay for me be it from someone I'm much older than or someone that is older than me

It is annoying living in close quarters with someone who does not speak to you and maybe because I was raised by someone who did not condone it I can get why she might be uncomfortable with it.So I want to believe it is not the "greeting " perse as in "good morning aunty" that is the issue but the cold icy environment. My mum could not stand it if she scolded you last night and you give her icy response the next morning you are in trouble. Same with us and everyone that lived with us.She could not stand it.

Personally I would just ignore you (I am like my father in that way) and pretend you don't exist but we are different people.If it is not a petty reason but the fact that its a strained atmosphere (not everybody lives in a big house) tell her to greet him embarrassingly like cococandy suggested.If he still does not respond I will automatically go into ignore mode and find out from hubby when the visit will end.

Salutation is not love so its better not to go down the petty route with a mannerless individual.

ngoziliz: Hi all , please help a confused friend. Her problem is that her husband's cousin she seniors with 6yrs who is living with them expects her to greet him first every morning. What do u think? They re Igbo

Sorry but if that really troubles her as much, it could translate to the fact that she is a troublesome woman. In my view, greeting is a blessing and not a sign of respect. When I say GOOD MORNING I'm only wishing you well for the day. Bottom line is anyone can do the greeting just that our 'black mentality' sometimes cohme into play.

cococandy: When you wake up in the morning.

Tell him 'good morning sir'
In the afternoon 'afternoon sir'
Same in the evening.

Just do it for one day and his brain will reset.

lmao!

will never forget. My dad used this tactics on me very well while still a kid. Sometimes i wake and unconsciously do not greet him, he calls me first; shizzle, good morning sir! it will now dawn on me that i haven't greeted my old man dis morning'o, and i will promptly do the needy

aisha2: Women sha, I cant even imagine reporting to my husband that someone refuses to greet me. Each to their own sha. Shey without that persons greeting your oxygen will stop abi?

aisha you neva see be dat'o!

Trust me this is a BIG issue to a lot of women especially if they don't like you. They will be like 'you are living in my house, i an feeding you bla bla.. but your mouth is to heavy to great me' before you know, she will start looking for other things to incite the husband against the guy.

There re women who always show themselves, trying to prove they are in charge

Raymondenyi:

It is very inconsequential who greets who; I just think we blacks, with our black brain; seem to take vvery silly things into account, n cause troubbles for ourselves!!!

Mmy thought!!! U can greet d cousine, in d morning; buh if he eks it aaa habit; like u suppose to be greeting him evvery morning; den I think, dats disrespecting; n he

shizzleStar:

lmao!nwill never forget. My dad used this tactics on me very well while still a kid. Sometimes i wake and unconsciously do not greet him, he calls me first; shizzle, good morning sir! it will now dawn on me that i haven't greeted my old man dis morning'o, and i will promptly do the needy

needs to be corrected; she should in4m her husband; if dat happens to b d case!!!

greeting according to seniority is simply our culture and part of what makes us thick as a people. My advice to her is to show more love and be patient with your husbands cousin.

MarvellousGod: I never made my statement because food is the most important thing in my life. again, saying I won't allow a visitor go to my pot as he wishes doesn't mean I will have to monitor him, I wouldn't just give him the liberty because of the reasons below..

7) For security reasons.

You have made excellent points and thanks for that. For me the most important one is the one above. Any stranger taking food from your pot at will is a security risk. Both intended and unintended security risks. No extended family should just come in and take food from the pot without permission.

@topic, the cousin lacks proper home training. Does he know that the wife is also part owner of the house? People bring you into their house and you refuse to greet them. It is pure wrong. Even if the husband built the whole house himself, you need to respect his wife. And please let us not argue that our culture is against women, this is not a cultural issue, it is pure common sense which the cousin clearly lacks.

Wife, I will suggest you ignore him too. If he doesn't greet you first, you stop greeting him and if I were you, I will bring it up with my husband!

chibabe3: greeting according to seniority is simply our culture and part of what makes us thick as a people. My advice to her is to show more love and be patient with your husbands cousin.

You are right, all these greeting or not greeting gd morning, good afternoon will be inconsequential when you have a people who share common understanding living together.


Example i once lived with my married elder brother and his wife(she is is about 7yrs older than me), there's a pet name the family had for her which we we called her and she is used to, so in the mornings i kinda hail her with the pet name, we don greet be dat'o, we exchange pleasantries, joke, compliments etc and everyone is happy.

That you don't tell someone 'good morning' doesn't mean you don't respect the person.

Lol @ Security Risk. Each to their own, again orientation differs.
I fail to understand the constant fear of the unknown. Its food that will be shi-tted" out in 4 hours whats the long procedure for?
Funny, since we shout security can we all swear that we have never eaten out at fast foods or weddings? If that isnt a mega "security risk" I dont know what is.

Cant imagine mounting guard at my pot so people wont poison me.

People come in and out and they are asked to feel free just like it was in my mothers place and at my sisters house where I lived before I moved out. She had 3 hefty brother in laws yet in the 4 years they lived before moving out and in the 6 years I lived there NO ONE EVER HEARD our voice that we were quarelling simply because she never bothered about petty issues.