SAMBARRY: Haaaaaa coco see you encouraging the man . first of all 40-18=22 years. Meaning the girl was born when he was 22 years.i can't even say he's like a big brother but a father to her.ahaaaannnn.not 5,8 or maximum maximum 10 years 22 freaking years ahaaaaaannnnn




op fear God na.slippers get size. Why take advantage of the girl because she's the only one around you. So because she's domesticated and takes care of your daughter =she's a good wife. She never show you her colour




agbaya ni e why you no go find 29 years-35 why a teenager? A secondary school pikin for that matter. It would have even been manageable if she was in the university like 25years.you no try.truth be told and as for you coco aka soyoyo I'll be back to your matter later

chaircover: @poster, this is unfair.
You are in a position of trust and authority, wiser and older, so should know better.
That girl should not have been in your bed consensual or not. What could she have done? You are her boss, feeding her and probably her family too, hence it wasnt even a level playing field to start with.
I dont buy the consensual excuse, cos unless she had been chasing you round the house nakedd or spiked your drink, I am almost certain that you were the one who started the relationship talk/let me sleep with you situation. What choice did she have? She is your househelp and you are her oga.
Most especially as you are going/went through a bad marriage, you should have taken a step back to evaluate what went wrong and have your eyes wide open before going into another relationship, especially one that you already know upfront that its going to be fraught with difficultys.

aisha2:

As much as this is possible but some of these girls already know what they want and may actively work towards it. Its possible she could have been the agressor, single Dad, no woman in the picture, her ticket out of poverty. I am not arguing with your view just looking at it more broadly. If we believe the poster she lied that she had slept with someone else just so he could sleep with her.
Anyway, from the previous post it seems this post is made up but still good so others in same position can learn

chaircover:
My dear, this is why I said in my first sentence that he is in a positon of authority and trust, more matured and should be wiser.
This is the reason why teachers are not allowed to date students, doctors date their patients and so on.
Its because its not a level playing field. The girl is vunerable.
Even if she had done the chasing, the man should have been able to use his brain and tell her in no uncertain terms to stop it or send her packing.
He is still recovering from his marriage breakup, some of what was caused by a woman who grew wings and flew away. Same thing is almost likely to happen again here.
I undertand that he may have sexuall urges as a man, but he could have gone for a woman who knows what exactly she is doing.
Even if she was out to hook him, its still down to the same thing Poverty. If she wasnt poor, would she have gone for this man? Probably not.
Honestly honestly, what has happened in this story as its been said, does not sit well with me.

Agrika: Please marry this girl jor...age is just a number...at least pay money on top her head first...me I think she is God consolation for you.

donpeey22: If this story is true, i don't see anythn wrong in a 40yrs old man marrying an 18yrs old girl provided there's a mutual consent. I have seen even 15yrs old girls who're more matured both in body and in character than some 35yrs old ladies, so, what's the fuss? All these overgrown single women that usually come up in arms whenever an older guy is planning marriage with a much younger girl,wetin be una own sef? If the story had been the other way round , y'all won't see any wrong. Hypocrites!

SAMBARRY: Coco you too you are agbaya.if a 40 year old man comes to your house with his people that they want to marry your 17+ year old daughter you no go land the person slap



nothing like talking to her about her future like studying for gce, jamb etc.na marriage be her next priority.


Ok let me even take a 17 year old girl as an adult even though she's not. At 17 her priority is different from a 40year old man's priority. Hers is or should be planning on getting into the university and if she doesn't want help her get a job or learn a skill



does it mean a parent cannot leave a little girl in a man's house and be sure she's safe and untouched. I am trying so hard to resist the temptation of calling op a paedo.a man that should be the one guiding, advising and seeing her as his daughter is bedding her. Even if it's with her consent is it right? Which parent will be happy knowing that a man old enough to be her father is bedding her when she's only going there to lighten his domestic burdens

ITbomb:
I wish you were with Celine Dion before she got married or better still Kanu Nwankwo

@OP, my only fear is that the girl maybe lack experience in male and you being the first, we may never know how she will turn when she enters the University and finds out that younger guys have more swag.

Let her enter university first, if she is still consistent in her character and attitude then go ahead with a low key wedding and be happy.

Better be happy with someone who loves you than the working class that has tentacles everywhere

cococandy: Why are you calling me agbaya?

I don't support child abuse and I already blamed the OP for sleeping with her before her 18th birthday. Actually it's crime to sleep with an underaged person. Sadly I don't see anyone prosecuting him here.the girl's parents may not even press charges.
If I were to give him the names he deserves for sleeping with her already,the thread will go downhill fast

But the deed is done and he's looking for a way forward. Leaving her won't undo what he's done. Not saying that marriage will fix it either.

If she was so far away from the consent age,I'd be spitting fire now. But she isn't and he's not the use her and dump her kind of dude,so I believe he has better intentions than those who are just out to prey on young girls.

As for your question,you must have read where I said he can try to let her reach 20 before proceeding with marriage rites.by then she must have had a chance to decide otherwise if she changes her mind.

As long as he doesn't get in the way of her education and mental growth,and as long as he doesn't marry her when she's not yet of age(which is 2months away BTW)

I know some older guy-younger female marriages that are thriving,so if they put the fact he's done wrong by her behind them,they can still make it. Or not

Just being realistic.

And stop calling me agbaya(whatever that means)

chaircover:

Most especially as you are going/went through a bad marriage, you should have taken a step back to evaluate what went wrong and have your eyes wide open before going into another relationship, especially one that you already know upfront that its going to be fraught with difficultys.

MarvellousGod: Just look at the attributes the op counts as being a wife material. .."she washes my clothes, irons them, polishes my shoes, serves me food and takes the plate immediately I'm done"

She no dey brush your teeth too

Mtcheeeeww

ITbomb:

The man (husband = op) is a typical Nigerian man that demands absolute submission in return for love and caring.

ITbomb: The man likewise found a girl who fit in to his mentality of wife (helper) and the girl is of age and consenting, ready to return the love and caring with more love and caring. Even though someone said here that it is her guarantee of poverty free future.

ITbomb: I would say to man if the girl is of age and consenting and you know you two would be happy ever after, then go. If you go for your age mate who will come to you out of desperation and then treats you and your child bad afterwards, chaircover will still be here to advise you to pray about it.

chaircover:
Speak for yourself please


How come its about only his desires? Or doesnt she have a say or right to determine her own marriage or the type of man that she really wants just becasue she is poor and a househelp to a man that chose to exploit her situation?



No need to try and score cheap points. Stick to the argument!

I ve said it a thousand times on this forum; Look very well before you leap so as not to end up telling stories that touch.

If you read betweeen the lines, you will see that I am actually telling him the exact same thing; i.e to think very carefully about the relationship becasue he is about falling into the same problem again. His wife grew up and changed on him and he is about to make the same mistake again.

Let that girl go to school and go and serve and then if she is the same girl he knows now and she is still interested, then he can marry her.

If he is in a rush to get married, then let him go and find a "cooked" woman who is ready.

Anyway I dont pray for such for my daughters and I dont think that anyone saying its ok here prays for such. Omo lomo lo she lu pa

bukatyne:

17 40 God's consolation?

I hope you don't mind if it is your daughter in this position or God selects consolation prizes?

@OP: you took advantage of a very vulunrable girl

Just send her to school and let her be

If you both are still interested in your love after her first/second year, you can reconsider

cococandy: First thing you should finalize your divorce with you wife.
has the custody of your daughter been decided? You guys need to agree on that so that whoever you marry next won't have problems about that.
Close one chapter before opening the other.


True the girl is too young. All the goodness you're seeing may be as result of carried over master-servant mindset that she's been relating to you with. She's yet to discover herself,so how are you sure she's the ideal wife you've been longing for?
I fault you for taking the virginity of an 18yr old girl. What were you thinking?

Anyway the deed is done. If you want to marry her and if she and her family agrees,then sort things out with your first wife and move on with your life.

The age barrier can work in your favour because some women relate better with guys much older than them.
It can also work against you if you become too domineering and controlling.

Just know that if you marry her now,you'll also play the role of daddy in her life because her higher education will be on you.
Between now and when she grows into a full woman say 23-28yrs,you'll notice HUGE changes. She's still growing.

Just thread carefully.

cococandy: Why are you calling me agbaya?

I don't support child abuse and I already blamed the OP for sleeping with her before her 18th birthday. Actually it's crime to sleep with an underaged person. Sadly I don't see anyone prosecuting him here.the girl's parents may not even press charges.
If I were to give him the names he deserves for sleeping with her already,the thread will go downhill fast

But the deed is done and he's looking for a way forward. Leaving her won't undo what he's done. Not saying that marriage will fix it either.

If she was so far away from the consent age,I'd be spitting fire now. But she isn't and he's not the use her and dump her kind of dude,so I believe he has better intentions than those who are just out to prey on young girls.

As for your question,you must have read where I said he can try to let her reach 20 before proceeding with marriage rites.by then she must have had a chance to decide otherwise if she changes her mind.

As long as he doesn't get in the way of her education and mental growth,and as long as he doesn't marry her when she's not yet of age(which is 2months away BTW)

I know some older guy-younger female marriages that are thriving,so if they put the fact he's done wrong by her behind them,they can still make it. Or not

Just being realistic.

And stop calling me agbaya(whatever that means)

KAYCEEJUNIOR: Dude, what happen to you is a fantasy..... At that moment of your life you needed a shoulder to lean on......unfortunately and fortunately for you.....you stood low to the younger girl, don't know whether your job stress threw you off balance that you don't have time to mingle with those UNIZIK girls at least..... But nevertheless try and finish the lollipop that you've opened.......yes you can marry her over and over, that doesn't make anything......but do it after you must have gotten admission for her in the higher institution at least college of education, it will be prestigious that way...shalome

cococandy: Oh I see.

So the only problem you have is how to tell the world that you're in love with an 18yr old huh?
Tough luck.

Talk to her mom like she suggested. If you get her mother's support,getting her father on your side won't be hard.

I still think you should give her a little time.
Girls that age can change their minds like underwear. If you can wait for some time before starting the marriage rites maybe At least until she's 20 it would be better (IMO) but now you don rush go take her virginity

Well just swallow shame or whatever it is that's holding you back and go see her parents.
It may be easier than you think.

simbaddsailor: I can be crucified for sleeping with the gal, but all I care is that I love the gal from the depth of my heart and she has been returning the love back to me. She is matured to the earth than gals I have dated in the past. Its upto 1yr and 6months now that I brought her, she has never given me any concern to doubt her sincerity. I have already left her with my daughter in the care of my immediate younger sister. I will be sending her money for der school fees, provisions etc. By God's grace I plan to come back when she turns 20yrs to officially propose to her, if everything works out, I will pay her dowry. If she still want to further her sch, I will enrol her, if she does nt wnt, I will open a business for her cos she has proven to me dat she can become a successfull business woman. I don't care wot people think.

simbaddsailor: I can be crucified for sleeping with the gal, but all I care is that I love the gal from the depth of my heart and she has been returning the love back to me. She is matured to the earth than gals I have dated in the past. Its upto 1yr and 6months now that I brought her, she has never given me any concern to doubt her sincerity. I have already left her with my daughter in the care of my immediate younger sister. I will be sending her money for der school fees, provisions etc. By God's grace I plan to come back when she turns 20yrs to officially propose to her, if everything works out, I will pay her dowry. If she still want to further her sch, I will enrol her, if she does nt wnt, I will open a business for her cos she has proven to me dat she can become a successfull business woman. I don't care wot people think.