Thank you everyone

Well, it is not suprising to hear things like this about couples, especially when finance is the bone of drag. Any woman whose Christianity reaches her purse is really born again. But I have always known that it is disservice to be disappointed over a woman's misbehaviour; they are wired to do just that. Sit her down and express your mind to her. By the Scripture, she is meant to submit to you in all things, whether you are working or not. But if its convenient give her the cash. But she is being truly irrational.

Hmmmm..
Is to early to be having that kinda mindset, bn used?
Why? And for what..what belongs to ♈όϋ also belongs to her. she might not be seeing it the way ♈όϋ are talking it. Both of ♈όϋ should sit down and talk this out!

What was the problem again?

Lack of communication. Did you speak with her before starting this thread? No nairalander can solve your marital problems: you need to work out your marriage. Keeping quite does not solve it either.
Talk with your wife: you both need to define how you run the house and what contribution she will bring in, unless her salary is so little that it will only be enough for her weavon and recharge card.

Stop bottling up your anger, it will only breed contempt! Speak out anytime she does something you don't like. You didn't post much info about other things she's been doing but for the 100k, I feel she's right in requesting it as she wouldn't know what you did with it in the first place.

Goodmorning.

This is a simple thing if you just TALK. Talk with your wife and both of you work out how to save and plan for projects, You dont get far acting all "manly" "I dont need your money" and then getting hurt when she acts like this.
You told her yourself to spend her money on herself so if you needed to use the money you both talk over it. How was she to know you used the money? I am sure you havent told her you have challenges with rent so how is she supposed to know all this when you bottle it up?
Instead of this post, you would have called her and calmly explain the situation to her. COMMUNICATE

Guy Op..marriage is filled with trials and tribulations..dont let trifling come btwn u and ur wyf..play d deaf nd dumb sometimes and ignore things that a reasonable man on the street will know uv applied wisdom.

All these things you wrote here why not calmly tell her?

Also stop feeling "Used" when as the head of the home you make it clear you dont need her money, if your views change call a family meeting and define what you both will bring, she lent you money in January and asked for it in August, she no try? If you communicated more with her on financial challenges am sure she wouldnt yet instead of talking you did "Man" and gave her back the money while feeling bad, poor woman will be working around not knowing what is being piled up against her. Abeg talk to your wife, the problem is with you. Acting like it is no big deal yet vexing

This is the kind of marriage you created by yourself with your hands you cant be tired oh. If you are tired, change it you are the head of the home.

Sorry for breaking down the posts phone acting up)

Don't get angry about what you are facing....
U need wisdom to deal with women and their issues


to me
since u are building the house for your family comfort......mayb u should have carried her all along as u do the project..
Communicate to her on what you have done, what to be done and money spent and to be spent. Get her more involved in the building project so, she will believe that both of you are building the house and not you alone. Because all i could see from your post is a woman who is not carried along and feels she doesn't have any contribution to the building of the house.


Trust me.... if u have carried her along, she would know that that money was used for that purpose and notin else.

And as per other issue, communication btw both ends will help and seek help from older couples who you hold high esteem and learn from thier pool of experience and longitivity of their marriage. We learn everyday. And keep assuring her of ur love and speak it to her.....not just only showing it, but speak it to her.

From the first paragraph in your post, you made it seem like you were in total control of the situation financially but towards the end, it's obvious you're not and you haven't been entirely transparent with your wife about your financial state.

And you said you 'borrowed' 100k from your wife since last year and she's just asking for it now. I don't know if you think she dashed you but you made that rule yourself. She believes you have everything under control and to think the 'borrowed' money is over one and a half years. Haba! Nwanne!


It might be wrong of her to have asked for the money knowing you used it for your house project. I'd rather you both started making financial evaluations together to avoid situations like this.

I understand where ur coming from@ o.p. It's insensitive (esp) of her t demand f 100 , 000 at dis time wen bills are being met, but can u fault her ...NO. It Is HER Money.
Therein, I.m.o, lies the problem. You both 've forgotten the principal tin..dres no more I but We.
Running individual accounts f each person t use as u see fit will only give rise t these sort of issues..
U also, as d Head of d family, has t assume ur responsibility in All tins, including d finance. U 've t be responsible of how d money's disbursed n wat f..does dat takeaway her ffinancial freedom, No it doesn't, she's still@ liberty t spend as seem fit but only after you've both decided n settled d budget f d month.
Take responsibility. .where there are no rules, u only 've abuse.
Finally, work on ur communication. ..dis is something u could 've discussed wit her dan putting it up on a forum, faceless or not.

all d best

Talk more with your wife rather than bottling things up.From your post she apparently didn't know what you spent the money on.
You also should have told her you were spending that money.Women no dey forget money o(they're good anyway).

This shouldn't be a cause of strife between you two.Just let her know money is being spent for the family and let her in on how it's being spent.

Does your wife know you're having financial issues, ;the rent? Or are you getting touchy because she's not helping out with money in the house, don't forget you didn't involve her in financial commitments in the house, so don't blame her for she's acting the way she is,she probably doesn't know what you are going through. ..talk to her.

Is this what she has done that has made you tired of your marriage or is there something else? If this is the reason your wife is making you get tired of your marriage. ....

Space booked.

There is no shame here for you are one. She is not a mind reader so if u don't communicate with her she will not know (even though you expect her to). One night, sit her down very soon and tell her point blank "dear you know I used that money for OUR house project. Rent time is coming and its on me too same as every other thing, this thing has not been easy I must admit. I know I borrowed that money but i'd need you to please start pitching in. I was under a wrong impression but everyday we learn. I believe you should also contribute towards OUR home and family needs. The load is too much for me. I love you and want to be with you longgggg enough for us to enjoy OUR sweat together. Please we need to do this thing 70/30 or 60/40..... Goodluck sir. A wise n reasonable woman will understand

You were here in January 2013 one and a half year ago with the same issue, you got loads of advice you chose to ignore it and continueon this path then come back complaining one year later, communicate and stop destroying yourmarriage with your hands. You keep this on : https://www.nairaland.com/1148941/wifes-idea-spending

Let me also add at the end of dt conversation, you should make it VERY clear the 100k debt has been wiped off (for money matter, nor cover mouth o). However in the event that she tells u she will still need some of the money (mayb cos she don budget d money or promise person) don't argue with her. But from that point on, she needs to know she has responsibilities too. Nor be quarrel or fight oh, its just a realistic expectation of a family in the Nigeria of today.

KanwuliaJara: What was the problem again?

money

100,000naira is the bone of contention @ kanwulia

poik: Well, it is not suprising to hear things like this about couples, especially when finance is the bone of drag. Any woman whose Christianity reaches her purse is really born again.

Oh lawd!!!

This is the reason why anyone must be able to speak their mind. Is your wife intimidating? why is it so hard to explain your thinking and how you feel to the person who is supposed to be your best friend?

Tell her exactly what you wrote here she won't bite,she may feel angry but eventually she will be happy because the animosity between both of you will fade away and you know the best part- You will feel gooood with yourself just stop sulking,pretending to be perfect and tell her what you think.

OP, please grow up!
Marriage is not for kids.
Before you used the N100,000, did you both decide on its use or you just assumed that since the house is for you both, then you can use the money?
Well, since you asked her to use her money on herself, she's asking for her money so she can buy stuff and look good. Or don't you want that?
THE ONLY ISSUE I SEE HERE IS LACK OF COMMUNICATION.
I doubt if your wife is unreasonable and if you had carried her along, she won't be differentiating between your money and hers.
God is your strength!

A very big thank you for all the contributions.Like I said my wife was aware before I spent the money, sometimes, we go to site together, I always carry her along in whatever I do. The problem I have with this is not the money, but not trying to sacrifice for the sake of Family, that is my issue. The reason why I mentioned the house rent thing is this, I expected my wife to think and say, oh! We are paying our rent this month, this will not be the best of time to ask for money, also like I said, if my wife had come to me to ask for money without making reference to the 100000 naira, I would have given her twice that amount.I am saying she should stop giving me the impression that she will not sacrifice for the Family.

martin123: A very big thank you for all the contributions.Like I said my wife was aware before I spent the money, sometimes, we go to site together, I always carry her along in whatever I do. The problem I have with this is not the money, but not trying to sacrifice for the sake of Family, that is my issue. The reason why I mentioned the house rent thing is this, I expected my wife to think and say, oh! We are paying our rent this month, this will not be the best of time to ask for money, also like I said, if my wife had come to me to ask for money without making reference to the 100000 naira, I would have given her twice that amount.I am saying she should stop giving me the impression that she will not sacrifice for the Family.

Stop assuming and start talking to her. Same thing you were adviced to do the last time you came here to complain:https://www.nairaland.com/1148941/wifes-idea-spending
Talk with her, plan your home, Nairaland will not help you. Taking her to site is different fromplanning with her.
Work on a budget and stop assuming and expecting her to think the way you want while acting like super man

Just bear with her,she's displaying one of the characteristics of most ladies,which is self center..God that is blessing you,will continue to do that to fulfill all your duties as a man,and husband to your family..Some women are just selfish,and its not peculiar to your wife alone.

Why can't you simply talk to your wife?
Are you not a man?

become a muslim then take two wives. Problem solved

@Martin123
That you need to communicate with her
Let her know
Like people have advised,there should be set rules on how money is shared and disbursed in the family
Even if you, never get to use the money.For the sake of responsibility let your wife contribute a certain percentage of her money into the family purse( its all in the name of taking responsibility)
There is nothing wrong here, in sitting down with her and letting her know your reaction to her action( she might not have known,seeing she has doesn't contribute to any payment in the house)
Your allocating her a bill or two doesn't make you weaker or mean you are shrugging your responsibility, it makes her aware and alert- the building and running of the home should be a 'we' venture not a 'I' one.
have a talk and redefine all this.
Go back to the drawing board together.
Good luck.

Thank you everyone, I have heard all the inputs.I will take the meaningful and useful advices.thank you

Since you gave her the impression that your money is to run the house while hers to take care of herself, I don't know why you should be surprised she's asking for her money!

Op, next time tell her before spending HER money.