I've been thinking of this lately. I'm not eager to jump on the marriage train (i know I'm a woman and most people seem to believe once you're out of school and gainfully employed, then marriage should be your next achievement), nor do I want to stay alone forever.
But see, i love to be in control of my life and space, and getting hitched kinda takes away total control from my grasp.
What if I choose wrong? What if he turns out to be some controlling psycho? Or our ideologies are just too far off to be reconciled? Or maybe I'm just miserable afterwards?

Picking right is hard, and it's harder when there's a line of people constantly demanding attention and asking you to commit.

I don't know. I'm a woman....an African woman. Not being married is odd around here. I'm not in a hurry, and may possibly never be ready to take that step. I've never really needed so much that can't be satisfied on my own, and i can very well live without a male body in my bed all night and quirky habits that drive me nuts, or even kids that make me want to lock them up in a room irrespective of how much i love children and know I'll make a great mum.

Marriage is just more scary than tempting. Looks like it's going to be a life time of incontinency--bondage on one hand, and the knowledge that there's this other half to share your world with (which is kinda liberating when you're going through a hard time).

*sighs* Still thinking about it.

UjSizzle: I've been thinking of this lately. I'm not eager to jump on the marriage train (i know I'm a woman and most people seem to believe once you're out of school and gainfully employed, then marriage should be your next achievement), nor do I want to stay alone forever.
But see, i love to be in control of my life and space, and getting hitched kinda takes away total control from my grasp.
What if I choose wrong? What if he turns out to be some controlling psycho? Or our ideologies are just too far off to be reconciled? Or maybe I'm just miserable afterwards?

Picking right is hard, and it's harder when there's a line of people constantly demanding attention and asking you to commit.

I don't know. I'm a woman....an African woman. Not being married is odd around here. I'm not in a hurry, and may possibly never be ready to take that step. I've never really needed so much that can't be satisfied on my own, and i can very well live without a male body in my bed all night and quirky habits that drive me nuts, or even kids that make me want to lock them up in a room irrespective of how much i love children and know I'll make a great mum.

Marriage is just more scary than tempting. Looks like it's going to be a life time of incontinency--bondage on one hand, and the knowledge that there's this other half to share your world with (which is kinda liberating when you're going through a hard time).

*sighs* Still thinking about it.

That's the Nigerian dilemma you perfectly described. Even if you become a millionaire, your cousins, aunties, uncles, family friends etc will still regard your life as "unfulfilled" if you don't have any Man you call a husband.
Our society is still very much a patriarchal one.

UjSizzle: I've been thinking of this lately. I'm not eager to jump on the marriage train (i know I'm a woman and most people seem to believe once you're out of school and gainfully employed, then marriage should be your next achievement), nor do I want to stay alone forever.
But see, i love to be in control of my life and space, and getting hitched kinda takes away total control from my grasp.
What if I choose wrong? What if he turns out to be some controlling psycho? Or our ideologies are just too far off to be reconciled? Or maybe I'm just miserable afterwards?

Picking right is hard, and it's harder when there's a line of people constantly demanding attention and asking you to commit.

I don't know. I'm a woman....an African woman. Not being married is odd around here. I'm not in a hurry, and may possibly never be ready to take that step. I've never really needed so much that can't be satisfied on my own, and i can very well live without a male body in my bed all night and quirky habits that drive me nuts, or even kids that make me want to lock them up in a room irrespective of how much i love children and know I'll make a great mum.

Marriage is just more scary than tempting. Looks like it's going to be a life time of incontinency--bondage on one hand, and the knowledge that there's this other half to share your world with (which is kinda liberating when you're going through a hard time).

*sighs* Still thinking about it.

So come visit me in America.

texanomaly:

So come visit me in America.

We will.

okotv: wow....kindly share your experience...

i was a victim of domestic violence.i didnt take my time to know him well and i was non chalant about his attitude.even after i made efforts for tinz to work out he was violent and aggresive about it.he lied about himself nd he refused to get a job instead he took to gambling nd hitting me at evry slightest act.av relly learnt my lesson nd i hope i get a second chance that wil b til death do us part in true love nd happiness

I used to be here.

First, I'm more a loner than the average man is. And I like to do things my way. I don't like to be roused before I'm ready to do anything. I don't like to wait on other people. Crowds weary me (and the definition of crowd depends on space for me). I hate to share my space. And I really am very protective of my Faith. These were my biggest reasons for giving marriage sidelong glances.

But, I have let people into my heart before and I have been pleasantly surprised how liberating that is. I don't mean relying on someone to help you through a tough time, I mean just opening up to someone because you actually find that it is possible to. Talking about any and everything. Removing inhibition. That was when I first experienced the meaning of a poem I wrote long Wwwago. The poem said that Love is when a man looks into a woman's eyes and sees himself. I'm sure I thought I knew what I was talking about then but the actual experience of that made me wonder just what it was that made me think I knew what I was talking about when I wrote it.

Another poem I wrote called The Bonds of Freedom was all about how something that appears to be bondage actually is true liberty.

"Is this love?
A wolf seeks a leash...
...one with her
the wolf runs free"
www.nairaland.com/1020863/bonds-freedom#11836679

Yeah, it may be easy to call me a romantic but the truth is that the fear that one will feel inhibited by marriage is actually unfounded. The fear is not of a loss of freedom but of the advent of responsibility. As a man, I would have to be there for my wife even when I would much rather just be in my cave. The truth is that sometimes we will not feel up to the responsibility, but has anyone ever heard serious talk about quitting sex because it is such a monotonous activity? Of course not, even those who say they're bored having it with one person still do the same old things with each new person. Responsibility is fun when you understand it. That's why you'll find professionals who work exceptionally hard but who love the hell out of their jobs.

Can I live without sex? It'll be hard but my experience says that I can. Would I enjoy waking to a quiet house every morning? Actually yeah. Whenever I feel like some noise I could always ask my nephews and nieces over to romp about. But I promise you having someone you can talk about any and everything with beats every benefit that I imagine being a bachelor for life can give me. I would give a lot for that, I would give a lot to be able to pick up the phone and call someone and say, "hey babe, is it raining where you are?" just because I can. I'd love to talk about nothing for hours on end even if all I do sometimes is listen.

Let's be clear about one thing: marriage does not just become miserable, people MAKE it miserable. About choosing the right partners, the criteria for choosing right are not some huge secret buried in some deep dark crypt and forgotten to the modern world. It is simple, marry someone who shares your worldview and dreams your dreams and works hard at them too. If you don't, you'll have it tough, simple.

Dis marriage ish scares the Jesus out of me... I feel lyk am caging myself, I can't even wake up to my babe everyday for a week without getting irritated let alone waking up to someone for the rest of my fvcking life.. A man likes to be alone sometimes.. plus am also scare of this disease called onegina....
My d1c'k fit rust...

okotv: yes cause it helps set boundaries

What boundaries?

carefreewannabe:

What boundaries?

keeping your self pure and controls your thought process and emotions.....self control is the word here.

okotv: keeping your self pure and controls your thought process and emotions.....self control is the word here.

I can do it without a marriage certificate.

ephee:
i was a victim of domestic violence. i didn't take my time to know him well and i was non chalant about his attitude. even after i made efforts for thinz to work out he was violent and aggressive about it. he lied about himself and he refused to get a job instead he took to gambling and hitting me at every slightest act. have really learnt my lesson and i hope i get a second chance that will b til death do us part in true love and happiness

thanks for sharing.

carefreewannabe:

I can do it without a marriage certificate.

you still need God though

okotv: you still need God though

God is not the same as religion.

By the way, I know atheists who have better morals than church or mosque goers.

crackhaus:

This example strong sha, shege...

That story wasn't funny ooo by the time my acquaintance opened up to say why his parents were getting divorced. I was like what the hell , hell no he's father is just plain mad. Why would you go down on the house help and not do so for your own wife? She caught them in the kitchen late one night around 12am.

@ UjSizzzle & Ihedinobi2
I totally feel you guys.

@ topic
I am more thrilled at the idea of staying single and making my hopes & dreams come true than I am at the thought of marriage. I am just plain terrified of the latter (marriage) its so bad I unconsciously sabotage good relationships when a man starts to get too serious and mentions the M word.

I didn't even realize I was sabotaging good relationships until my friend who studied psychology mentioned it one day. He forced a Q & A session to determine what my issues were and that's when my fears & anxieties about marriage came out. Marriage is tough business and I hail those who've taken it on, I don't think I can do it.

temigracie: ..eleyi gidi gan

I say this one is STRONG!

carefreewannabe:

God is not the same as religion.

By the way, I know atheists who have better morals than church or mosque goers.

I did not introduce you to any sort of religion but to God....by the way God is not a God of morals but of righteousness and he can only be reached through his son Jesus...sorry for derailing the thread

okotv: I did not introduce you to any sort of religion but to God....by the way God is not a God of morals but of righteousness and he can only be reached through his son Jesus...sorry for derailing the thread

You said that marriage is ordained by God. I smelled the influence of a religion. Now you are talking about Jesus, which shows me that I was right.

First of all, not everyone is a Christian.

Secondly, not everyone who believes in God is a Christian.

Thirdly, I can be a Christian and still choose not to marry.

Fourthly, Jesus himself did not marry.

Fifthly, many people got married in church and do not have the kind of marriage I would call godly.

texanomaly:

So come visit me in America.

Lol more like come 'stay' with me in America

CFCfan:
That's the Nigerian dilemma you perfectly described. Even if you become a millionaire, your cousins, aunties, uncles, family friends etc will still regard your life as "unfulfilled" if you don't have any Man you call a husband.
Our society is still very much a patriarchal one.

Tell me about it. I have aunts who ask that I prayed for a good husband now, and show up in the village every Christmas so young marriageable men will see me

UjSizzle:
Tell me about it. I have aunts who ask that I prayed for a good husband now, and show up in the village every Christmas so young marriageable men will see me

They don't know about Jaybee3

carefreewannabe:

You said that marriage is ordained by God. I smelled the influence of a religion. Now you are talking about Jesus, which shows me that I was right.

First of all, not everyone is a Christian.

Secondly, not everyone who believes in God is a Christian.

Thirdly, I can be a Christian and still choose not to marry.

Fourthly, Jesus himself did not marry.

Fifthly, many people got married in church and do not have the kind of marriage I would call godly.

please kindly read again with clearer understanding.

Whether you are a christian or not, once you want to get married you are in one way or the other obeying a divine call.

true but i still stand to say that if you are not a christian but claim to believe in God, you are on your own

not every one has the grace to get married...Apostle Paul an example.

Do you know why The bible gave us a probable reason but it is a discuss for another time.

Getting married in a church does not ensure you godly marriage..


by the way are you a Christian ?

okotv: please kindly read again with clearer understanding.

Whether you are a christian or not, once you want to get married you are in one way or the other obeying a divine call.

true but i still stand to say that if you are not a christian but claim to believe in God, you are on your own

not every one has the grace to get married...Apostle Paul an example.

Do you know why The bible gave us a probable reason but it is a discuss for another time.

Getting married in a church does not ensure you godly marriage..


by the way are you a Christian ?

So if I believe in God but refuse to be Christian or Muslim, I am alone?

I am Christian but not the kind of Christian you are used to. I don't follow the Bible blindly. I believe in God and I love Jesus but I don't believe I will rot in hell if I don't get married.

CFCfan:
They don't know about Jaybee3

He never carry palmwine come house

let go there...

UjSizzle:
He never carry palmwine come house

Ok. I fit carry the palm wine via BRT

CFCfan:
Ok. I fit carry the palm wine via BRT

Who go show you road to my papa house inside brt?

UjSizzle:
Who go show you road to my papa house inside brt?

Oops. EkeneDilichukwu will do d trick

carefreewannabe:

So if I believe in God but refuse to be Christian or Muslim, I am alone?

I am Christian but not the kind of Christian you are used to. I don't follow the Bible blindly. I believe in God and I love Jesus but I don't believe I will rot in hell if I don't get married.

you still don't get it. If you don't get married, its not a sin. But then if you are still single and engaging in sex, hell is definitely sure. Apostle Paul was not married but he is in heaven right now. By the way, you said that you believe in God and you love Jesus but i doubt that statement cause i have seen you and coogar's e-fights and that is no where near what Jesus taught or practiced. Be a light to the dark world.

okotv: you still don't get it. If you don't get married, its not a sin. But then if you are still single and engaging in sex, hell is definitely sure. Apostle Paul was not married but he is in heaven right now. By the way, you said that you believe in God and you love Jesus but i doubt that statement cause i have seen you and coogar's e-fights and that is no where near what Jesus taught or practiced. Be a light to the dark world.

First of all, your believes are your believes and not mine.

Secondly, have you seen Paul in heaven? No? Then again, this is just your belief and not something you know.

Thirdly, I will gladly throw my principles over board to fight stupidity of the highest order. Thank me later 'cause stupidity kills. By the way, even Jesus used to freak out every now and then. Read your Bible.

carefreewannabe:

First of all, your believes are your believes and not mine.

Secondly, have you seen Paul in heaven? No? Then again, this is just your belief and not something you know.

Thirdly, I will gladly throw my principles over board to fight stupidity of the highest order. Thank me later 'cause stupidity kills. By the way, even Jesus used to freak out every now and then. Read your Bible.

true...no argument

i know he his there...2 Tim 4: 6-8

in other words...coogar is stupid....Christianity....Whom did Jesus freak out on and why cause you are just giving your own meaning to HOLY SCRIPTURES..

UjSizzle:
Lol more like come 'stay' with me in America

Sure...You can come back to the States with me after the Christmas holiday. You need a visa though. If you get a work visa, then we can talk about staying for a while.

UjSizzle:
He never carry palmwine come house

Chei chei there is God ooooo