ilurveit:

Ok first of all I know this is going to sound like poor me ooo, I'm really suffering with my upper middle class background and I don't want it to come across that way at all because I'm really greatful to God for my upbringing.

I'll admit I'm someone who grew up comfortable and ok a little ajebota-ish. My family is small. I have only one sister so my parents were really able to take care of us because they had good jobs. We weren't at all spoilt like we never just asked for money or took everything for granted like that, we always were grateful for everything we had and was given to us and we realised that none of what we had really belonged to us as in it was God's grace and our parent's generousity. We were expected to excel in school and in everything we did which we fulfilled.

Anyway, to my question. I recently returned from the US after finishing my bachelor's and I've been at home trying to organize my service (NYSC) for the next cycle. Since I've been home, I'm noticing one thing. Random guys in church and at my job keep toasting me. So at first I was flattered because I'm someone who's very honest with themselves and I know while I'm ok-looking, I'm not THAT fine like that. So I started talking to this guy, and like after a week of like really good conversation, he was like asking to borrow N90,000. I was soooooooo taken aback because I'm there like work experience so he knows I'm earning less than him so that means he must have been expecting me to ask my parents for that kind of money which of course I can't. I know they are working very hard for the money and I can't just ask for that amount like that. So when I refused the guy became very cold. This has happened again like 3 or 4 times with other guys and I'm getting really disillusioned.

I've never talked about my background with anyone at work or at church, when people ask where I stay, I try to be vague about it because I just really want to fit in. So it's not as if anyone knows me like that. But somehow they've judged me and made assumptions about me based on my parents (at church) and on Godknowswhat (at work) and now I can't even tell who wants to be friends for real and who wants me because of my parents financial situation. I'm not a snob at all, I'm really friendly and I'm the kind of person who can hang out with anyone.

So Nairalanders, my question is how do I trust people/guys who are trying to get close to me? And what can I do to get guys to like me for myself not my parents background.

guys still like girls even after they know that the girls are only with them for their money

michelin89:

@ topic

Bleep them off and set a list of all he guys you have dumped. When you reach # 50 you can write a book entitled "How I Screwed 50 Guys Thanks To My Parents' Money"

ilurveit:

Ok first of all I know this is going to sound like poor me ooo, I'm really suffering with my upper middle class background and I don't want it to come across that way at all because I'm really greatful to God for my upbringing.

I'll admit I'm someone who grew up comfortable and ok a little ajebota-ish. My family is small. I have only one sister so my parents were really able to take care of us because they had good jobs. We weren't at all spoilt like we never just asked for money or took everything for granted like that, we always were grateful for everything we had and was given to us and we realised that none of what we had really belonged to us as in it was God's grace and our parent's generousity. We were expected to excel in school and in everything we did which we fulfilled.

Anyway, to my question. I recently returned from the US after finishing my bachelor's and I've been at home trying to organize my service (NYSC) for the next cycle. Since I've been home, I'm noticing one thing. Random guys in church and at my job keep toasting me. So at first I was flattered because I'm someone who's very honest with themselves and I know while I'm ok-looking, I'm not THAT fine like that. So I started talking to this guy, and like after a week of like really good conversation, he was like asking to borrow N90,000. I was soooooooo taken aback because I'm there like work experience so he knows I'm earning less than him so that means he must have been expecting me to ask my parents for that kind of money which of course I can't. I know they are working very hard for the money and I can't just ask for that amount like that. So when I refused the guy became very cold. This has happened again like 3 or 4 times with other guys and I'm getting really disillusioned.

I've never talked about my background with anyone at work or at church, when people ask where I stay, I try to be vague about it because I just really want to fit in. So it's not as if anyone knows me like that. But somehow they've judged me and made assumptions about me based on my parents (at church) and on Godknowswhat (at work) and now I can't even tell who wants to be friends for real and who wants me because of my parents financial situation. I'm not a snob at all, I'm really friendly and I'm the kind of person who can hang out with anyone.

So Nairalanders, my question is how do I trust people/guys who are trying to get close to me? And what can I do to get guys to like me for myself not my parents background.

Tatase:

I think in your situation, it's hard not to come across as selfish or a snob but I understand what you mean. I think many guys would be happy to be in your situation because it seems that guys still like girls even after they know that the girls are only with them for their money. I think you need to build your self-esteem up and be proud of where you come from. If you're not getting the kind of guy you want, persevere. Eventually, the right guy will come along. Don't be so desparate to be in a relationship just because people are chatting you up and don't let the users get you down. Not all guys are like that.

Pittbaby:

@Poster

Your name, background and parents do not define you. So many people will come and go in the journey of life , you have to just give them a chance to show what they will be to you. You can not take everyone who shows an interest in you seriously. My motto in life is I smile with a lot ,but i am friends with a few .

Baby Jinx:

[color=#990000][/color]

You HIT the nail right on the head. Unfortunately, some people are all into the whole "Love conquers all" schtick

he was like asking to borrow N90,000

So when I refused the guy became very cold

And what can I do to get guys to like me for myself not my parents background

Gamine:

Ah well.

Sometimes, one just wants to give up on dudes

Ive never been in your situation, but

Like someone suggested, Dating someone in your own "class" or wareva

is usually safer.

Pako and Butter, just dosnt mix right at times

ilurveit:

All of you are wonderful. Thanks for all d advice and encouragement. So what I understand is the best thing is just to stick with people from the same kind of background as me. That's what my sister has been saying, but I don't want to come across as a snob. Maybe I need to just work on myself and stop caring what people think about me.
I don't think "love conquers all," but I just never thought that economic level would become like one of my criteria for picking guys, and to me, it's a little sad to come to that realization because I feel like one of those girls that is assessing a guy's pocket the minute she meets him and that's not who I want to be.

ilurveit:

All of you are wonderful. Thanks for all d advice and encouragement. So what I understand is the best thing is just to stick with people from the same kind of background as me. That's what my sister has been saying, but I don't want to come across as a snob. Maybe I need to just work on myself and stop caring what people think about me.
I don't think "love conquers all," but I just never thought that economic level would become like one of my criteria for picking guys, and to me, it's a little sad to come to that realization because I feel like one of those girls that is assessing a guy's pocket the minute she meets him and that's not who I want to be.

H2O2:

that's probably because you are too flashy with your parents' money.

H2O2:

that's probably because you are too flashy with your parents' money.

ilurveit:

I really don't think I am at least I try not to be. It's not as if they just hand me stacks of money to be flashy with. I live in their house and eat their food and sometimes they send me on errands with their car but it's not like we're the kind of family that is flashy or that people in our area know our business because we're so ostentatious. Maybe unknowingly it comes across like that, but if anything I go out of my way not to be flashy. I never talk about my family to anyone I'm not close friends with and I avoid talking about my background. I wasn't raised tobe boastful about the things we've been blessed with as if I were entitled to them or something and I don't think I'm flashy in my appearance. For example my phone is very old school (as in the olden days indestructable nokia 3330) and people at work even tease me about it.

na2day?:

sweet heart, u don't need to explain yourself to that dude, his point is baseless and rather disappointing, i felt like throwing up just reading his shameless argument. since when is it a crime to be rich? as long as u r not intentionally showing off, girl u r good. the next thread i will see on NL will be, "why is it that rich girls don't date poor men?" abeg make una dey respect una self, haba!