no be new thing bro OP mind ya business its everywhere

The side comments are sometimes annoying, silly or funny. Zizman, I love this your write up, you just captured what we ignore.

early this year, a friend that works at silverbird, abuja, showed me pictures of a used condom found by cleaners in the cinema hall.
I know a friend that gets head regularly in cinema halls.

Plagiarism...this was once on FP.

I thought you were there to watch movies not to observe,anyway you should not use oyibo's culture as a yardstick over ours,it is our cinema and our culture bro,concentrate on your movie next time

If the culprits kept to the core reason they were there in the first place, the op wld have not had this to report.

It is about observing PUBLIC behaviours / manners that can be improved upon for the benefit of all.

Typical reaction, being defensive. Talk about shooting the messenger.

@Op, nice one and funny too. ;-)

dom: early this year, a friend that works at silverbird, abuja, showed me pictures of a used condom found by cleaners in the cinema hall.
I know a friend that gets head regularly in cinema halls.

the bitches giving him the head are nymphos who have an outside sex fetish...if u are not lying sha. Really hard to come by such ladies

BRING FOOD! EVERYONE in the cinema hall will
be eating something. The smacking of lips seems
to be a prerequisite of cinema attendance.
Security at Naija cinemas is so slack that you can
smuggle a cow’s thigh in. I once sat beside
someone who had a bowl of Amala and goat
meat! Feel free to bring your starch and banga,
or fufu and Oha soup. When you are done,
remember to smack your lips loudly and
comment on the food, to everyone’s hearing, of
course.



bro, amala and goat meat?! seriously.... Dats a bit far-fetchd, dont you think?

linkin8k: Not to derail the topic but last night I was at Ceddi Plaza cinema in Abuja watching a movie and on three ocassions saw a rat running up and down the walls. So freaking disgusting

yeah. Rats abound there.

The commentary part is soooo true! I just don't get it!

90 percent of ppl on N.l don't go to cinemaz,,diz list z nt needed

zizman: [img]http://2.bp..com/-nRfuk-J1ZDA/UQ7zNf9NWUI/AAAAAAAAASE/4BiF_jgLAoY/s280/silverbird-cinemas-victoria-island-lagos-nigeria.jpg[/img]

Since those who run this country have decided that you will not enjoy any form of entertainment in your own home by constantly ensuring that power supply remains an illusion, going out is your only consolation and the cinema has thus become an integral part of your existence.
You know what they say about when you’re in Rome, right? Well, should you choose to go to the cinema around here, please be advised to obey these golden rules:
Inside the Cinema Halls…

BRING FOOD! EVERYONE in the cinema hall will be eating something. The smacking of lips seems to be a prerequisite of cinema attendance. Security at Naija cinemas is so slack that you can smuggle a cow’s thigh in. I once sat beside someone who had a bowl of Amala and goat meat! Feel free to bring your starch and banga, or fufu and Oha soup. When you are done, remember to smack your lips loudly and comment on the food, to everyone’s hearing, of course.

BRING A DRINK – If you are a guy and you are seeing a chic flick with the (in)significant other, smuggle some Vodka or Henni in a juice pack to help through the gloom. If not, just bring a straw with whatever drink you are bringing. When you have almost finished the drink, take a long drag with the straw and make a nuisance of yourself with the accompanying sound. Don’t worry, everyone else would be doing the same!

SPEAK UP! – What’s the point of a movie without commentary? Share your observations and opinions with all those who are unfortunate enough to have bought a ticket to see the same film as you: “Ah, don’t go there! The bad guy is waiting o!” “Kill him jo!” “Ah, no now (sob! Sob!!) don’t leave her now…” You will not be the only one speaking up so be as loud as possible.

KEEP YOUR LIPS TO YOURSELF – Kissing is universally accepted as a part of the cinema experience. However, if you sit in a Naija cinema anywhere within the sights of members of the National Association of Currently Unattached Female Citizens (NACUFC), you may get an earful should your lips venture forth: “What? Is it that bad? Can’t they wait till they get home? And it’s not as if they are in love like that o; yeye show-off! People who are truly in love don’t PDA. Psssssew!! Rubbish! Abeg! See see, they don’t even know how to kiss sef; is he going to swallow her tongue?!

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF – After eating his popcorn off his date’s cleavage, a friend of mine decided to venture further with his hands. He had depended on the darkness of the cinema hall for cover but clearly underestimated the presence of ‘men of God’ in everything Nigerian. A hand grabbed his advancing fingers from behind and declared in a clerical voice: “You shall come forth but no further. Salvation is better than earthly desires!” You may hold hands, or sling your hands across shoulders, but that’s about it!


Outside the Cinema Halls

PAY TOILET TAX – After sitting through a 2hr movie, using the restrooms is always a good idea. If you are male and you go to the male convenience, please go there with some money. You will be welcome by about four cleaners who will hail you as if you are their long lost brother. They will sing your praises while you pee. They will be ready to help with the soap when you want to wash your hands. These otherwise personal acts will be rudely interrupted by these tax collectors and all through their praise-singing, there would be an underlined firmness to their request. Ignore them at your own peril. While cases of physical assaults have not been reported to us, it is just smarter to give the boys something.

DO NOT TOAST, UNLESS… – Unless you see a certified birth certificate or a sworn affidavit, do not toast any female within the walls of Silverbird or Genesis Deluxe. Looks are very deceptive and I guess you do not really want to ask your 13 year old niece’s friend out. Forget that they look developed and ready; they are kids! On the other hand, do not be deceived by the body-hugging clothes, tight jeans and flimsy tops; things are going south beneath them. So, unless you like being handled by a young-babe-wannabe cougar, you are advised to demand for certification

LOOOOL nice post mehn

uzolexis: Nice one OP really funny but I find it difficult 2 believe that someone brought amala into d cinema. I think you are exaggerating.

You never see anything! My dear, in naija, anything is possible. Once upon a time, at silverbird galleria, a man with very dirty feet put his stinky feet up on the backrest of the seat in front of him and that was two rows below my row.

Lol!

so funny. loved it

nice one op

NaLaugh:

In other news:

Akpos was very drunk and was with his girlfriend in a cinema.

He suddenly fell asleep. After a while, he woke up and started shouting,

“MY PENIS!… MY PENIS!” Everyone was surprised.

He continued, “Where is my penis! Someone has cut my penis and my nuts!

Oh shitt! where the hell is my penis??”

His very embarrassed girlfriend quietly said to him,

“Shut up you f00l!.. your hand is in my panty!”

very dry

Good use of sacarsm...great humour!

Once upon a time, I used 2 see a lot of sugar mummies with their shameless boytoys @ d cinemas. Even the runs girls and their oyinbo/lebanese aristos. Bt I don't see much of dat anymore, or maybe its just me who doesn't frequent d cinemas dat much these days.

Classic!

You missed picking up phones and talking loudly.

Nice one OP. I laughed all through. I wonder why people just love kissing in cinemas. Its so annoying. Some people even make fone calls too

.

To me, the most annoying part is when one person laughs @ an unfunny scene, everyone seem to follow suite. Damn!

Note to self: Never pay or agree to see a movie at any Nigerian cinema.

glitest: Note to self: Never pay or agree to see a movie at any Nigerian cinema.

I hope you know the post is just sarcasm right?


So when is our date to that Cinema?

prof800:
I hope you know the post is just sarcasm right?


So when is our date to that Cinema?

I actually thought the Op was just expressing his frustration....Our date?....Sorry love, but I've been off the market for a while now.

Hahahaha such an amusing post every one wants to get to eat or chew something. It lightens up the movie anyway to relieve whatever tension held up.

I remember my last visit to Ozone,i abandoned my popcorn as it was so damn sugary,the laughter from the guy at my back drew my attention as he said he really loves the popcorn a lot while some ladies don't and he continued to laugh like a mad man. I could only stare at him,before i knew it i was laughing like i was being paid to do that cinemas and so many sweet experiences

Junipero:

#TeamMovieStreamingOnline

Downloads are illegal in my place.

wc con3 is dat ?

dridowu: wc con3 is dat ?

Clue- Sausage in almost every meal,
Breweries, treasures dear to us.
Automobiles or else we'll rot.
Our tongue is tough, so are the broads.



I trust you bro. You can unlock this code.