A colleague got married 6 months ago to his woman who he had, roughly 4 years relationship with before proceeded to the alter. but after he resumed from honeymoon break and was asked how he is enjoying his new status..he cofided in few of us and complained bitterly about his wife's characters, of which some of us had warned him against this lady b4 he married her but he said she would change, marriage changes women.

this lady nags, complains about his friends, his colleagues, his in-law, she is too demanding...
After they got married and resumed back to their respective work: the wife laid down some rules indirectly
1. she won't be cooking during the week except on weekends, so they get what they would eat on their way from work.
2. no in-law should come stay more than a week and for the duration of their stay, they must cook and wash their plates themselves.
3. he must not report her to his mother, mother-in-law cannot advise her what to do, whenever she errs, he must be ready to protect her and he must not allow any member of his family to disrespect her.
4. he must not give any female friend/colleague a ride even if they are staying in the same street, except she is in the car with him.
5. Sex should only happen according to how it's written and explained in one of her books, hubby can't just demand for sex anyhow, it must be according to timetable.

Now, the guy complains bitterly, quarrel and nagging every now and then...he now closes late cos he is too scared of getting home early cos of complaints, nagging and fight..the last fight they had was that the mother called and started tutoring her on how to take care of her man, how to love him, how to adore him and how to be submissive to her man, the woman even shared some of her experience with the lady. she was so furious dat wen they got home, the wife started complaining and lamenting that he is not protecting him from his family, the mother is always on her neck telling her wat to do and not do bla bla bla

the guy came to us for advise..we told him he had it coming cos we warned him, the lady had come to office one time to cause drama and we told him categorically that she is not a wife material but cos he met her a virgin, he went ahead to marry him...
the hubby is really in a mess now and is affecting his performance at work..some of his femle friends advised him to divorce the lady, some advise him to find solace in another woman's arm but we, the female colleague advised him to take charge of his home, stand up as a man and set things straight.

your advise on this is needed please? should he follow his male colleague's advice or female's?

God will see him through

.

You said that he knew her before marriage. I don't know what made him think that women become a different person after marriage but it was a fallacy to think so. He has three options:

1. He stays with her and tries to change her.

2. He stays with her and accepts her the way she is.

3. He divorces her.

He married her because he met her a virgin..... He overlooked all her flaws in four years of their courtship and is complaining after 6 months?

Well, he has priced market. He must pay.

One of the reason I left an Ex was because she held my shirt publicly,I told her its over,she thinks she can beg her way back.

Till today,e dey do her like say na dream.

We still talk on whatsapp,she stylish wants to come back.

If a girlfriend can hold my shirt publicly,only God knows what she would do,if she becomes a wife.

Op,you friend is IN it,only miracle can save his marriage.

lordy lord.

Eh ya, meeting a lady a virgin doesn't guarantee happy home or good character. There is more to a marriage than "I met her a virgin". 6 months only and he is fed up, I wonder how he will cope for 5yrs, 10yrs, 20yrs. He should also tell her what he wants from the marriage and they both should reach a reasonable compromise.

Kai, the man has married "gobe", see rules o. Her rules are annoying and very unreasonable. If he can't cope he should go for trial separation until she comes to her senses.

He has to take charge of his home. Let her know. Yell, Scream, do whatever it takes to get it into her skull that the marriage is not about just her.

Or divorce her.

Some men dey try sha

Josphine4good: God will see him through

that's ALL. NTA-nothing to add

Dygeasy: He has to take charge of his home. Let her know. Yell, Scream, do whatever it takes to get it into her skull that the marriage is not about just her.

Or divorce her.

Some men dey try sha

They definitely need to have a conversation, and come to an understanding. Yelling and screaming will not work with this lady. Obviously she is in charge in this relationship. This guy brought this on himself.

At this point, the only advice I have is DON'T BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS MESS! If they end up divorced, that won't be good for any children. If they stay together and don't fix this it's not fair to bring innocent children into it too.

carefreewannabe: You said that he knew her before marriage. I don't know what made him think that women become a different person after marriage but it was a fallacy to think so. He has three options:

1. He stays with her and tries to change her.

2. He stays with her and accepts her the way she is.

3. He divorces her.

And that's all.

See humble guy that wants to satisfy his conscience by doing what he feels is right by marrying someone he disvirgined but the disvirgined now uses it to torment the disvirgineer. This woman will only get worse, so no one can advice her again becos she marry. No cooking during the week ke and husband would readily dip his hand in his pocket and buy food, smh. Imagine going home late after everyone must have gone home becos you are married, this is an office where everyone knew you before marriage. Who would even want to visit this kind of home, except there are no hotels in that town. This man is really living in bondage.

One chance

One chance

KMTee: .

your advise on this is needed please? should he follow his male colleague's advice or female's?

He should be a MAN! . The HEAD!
He who stands for nothing falls for anything.
Did he not know much about marriage, his roles and responsibilities before jumping into the equation? if yes, then it's a pity he has to start learning how to fight in this battle, he's sure to sustain some injuries.
He can't be living under his wife's dominance, he needs to take some steps to humble her.
for d unmarried, USE YOUR BRAIN &OPEN YOUR EYES WHEN COURTING nd stand for something.

Yomieluv: One of the reason I left an Ex was because she held my shirt publicly,I told her its over,she thinks she can beg her way back.

Till today,e dey do her like say na dream.

We still talk on whatsapp,she stylish wants to come back.

If a girlfriend can hold my shirt publicly,only God knows what she would do,if she becomes a wife.

Op,you friend is IN it,only miracle can save his marriage.

great!
i tell whoever cares to listen to me that blinded love alone is not enough basis to get married. Know the word of God concerning marriage, read many books on marriage, gather enough experience, stand for something etc before tying the knots. you don't learn/practice how to fight at the battleground but before it begins.
Divorce, fighting, separation etc are some of the bruises sustained in such case. Many people know practically nothing about marriage,so clueless before casting their nets due to pressures or their age, little did they know that you're on your own(OYO) after you get married. some know not the different between a wedding and marriage, if only intending couples could prepare for marriage the way they do for wedding, ... how wonderful would it be.
Back to d bolded word of yours above, last year i left my supposed fiancée too because she held my cloth in public because i did not allow her to have her way and also for expressly scolding nd querying me for disallowing her stalling ,in addition she was not prudent o. She practically stood against all i stand for, i did not allow her beauty to blind my love but used my brain against entering one chance. like yours, we still chat but wt boundary . Don't joke with life covenant (marriage)

Omg! Is dis 4 real? Pls tel ur friend 2 give her d silent treatment. Sleep in a friend's house 4 some nyts. Dont text her, dont cal her. Nt evn a word 4rm u,let her com 2 ur office 2 rant,when she comes have some cool female friends wit u, lafing nd playing 2geda, let them show some care, pretend lyk she is nt there,if d ranting becoms worst,av d security bundle her out of ur office, try it 4 one week, she wil b d one begging ur family members 2 talk 2 u. Try it then thk me later.

AdeniyiA:
great!
i tell whoever cares to listen to me that blinded love alone is not enough basis to get married. Know the word of God concerning marriage, read many books on marriage, gather enough experience, stand for something etc before tying the knots. you don't learn/practice how to fight at the battleground but before it begins.
Divorce, fighting, separation etc are some of the bruises sustained in such case. Many people know practically nothing about marriage,so clueless before casting their nets due to pressures or their age, little did they know that you're on your own(OYO) after you get married. some know not the different between a wedding and marriage, if only intending couples could prepare for marriage the way they do for wedding, ... how wonderful would it be.
Back to d bolded word of yours above, last year i left my supposed fiancée too because she held my cloth in public because i did not allow her to have way and also for expressly scolding nd querying me for disallowing her stalling ,in addition she was not prudent o. She practically stood against all i stand for, i did not allow her beauty to blind my love but used my brain against entering one chance. Don't joke with life covenant (marriage)

so true,I won't compromise any of my stand before getting married. One reason I love my mum,she won't put pressure on you whatsoever you do.

I will end another relationship soon,she's too abusive for my liking. Am giving her cold attitude now,I will just text her its over when have made up my mind.

Am a polygamous bachelor,and till I get it right,I will keep searching.

I would suggest emotional torture for her kind coz I think she has chose to lord over you. Anyhow he can, let him torture her emotionally. Like no sex, no talking, e.t.c. I am sure sooner or later when two of them sleep on the same bed and they don't communicate, she go park well

Yomieluv: so true,I won't compromise any of my stand before getting married. One reason I love my mum,she won't put pressure on you whatsoever you do.

I will end another relationship soon,she's too abusive for my liking. Am giving her cold attitude now,I will just text her its over when have made up my mind.

Am a polygamous bachelor ,and till I get it right,I will keep searching.

i never hear this one before oo
new tinz on NL evryday

KMTee: A colleague got married 6 months ago to his woman who he had, roughly 4 years relationship with before proceeded to the alter. but after he resumed from honeymoon break and was asked how he is enjoying his new status..he cofided in few of us and complained bitterly about his wife's characters, of which some of us had warned him against this lady b4 he married her but he said she would change, marriage changes women.

this lady nags, complains about his friends, his colleagues, his in-law, she is too demanding...
After they got married and resumed back to their respective work: the wife laid down some rules indirectly
1. she won't be cooking during the week except on weekends, so they get what they would eat on their way from work.
2. no in-law should come stay more than a week and for the duration of their stay, they must cook and wash their plates themselves.
3. he must not report her to his mother, mother-in-law cannot advise her what to do, whenever she errs, he must be ready to protect her and he must not allow any member of his family to disrespect her.
4. he must not give any female friend/colleague a ride even if they are staying in the same street, except she is in the car with him.
5. Sex should only happen according to how it's written and explained in one of her books, hubby can't just demand for sex anyhow, it must be according to timetable.

Now, the guy complains bitterly, quarrel and nagging every now and then...he now closes late cos he is too scared of getting home early cos of complaints, nagging and fight..the last fight they had was that the mother called and started tutoring her on how to take care of her man, how to love him, how to adore him and how to be submissive to her man, the woman even shared some of her experience with the lady. she was so furious dat wen they got home, the wife started complaining and lamenting that he is not protecting him from his family, the mother is always on her neck telling her wat to do and not do bla bla bla

the guy came to us for advise..we told him he had it coming cos we warned him, the lady had come to office one time to cause drama and we told him categorically that she is not a wife material but cos he met her a virgin, he went ahead to marry him...
the hubby is really in a mess now and is affecting his performance at work..some of his femle friends advised him to divorce the lady, some advise him to find solace in another woman's arm but we, the female colleague advised him to take charge of his home, stand up as a man and set things straight.

your advise on this is needed please? should he follow his male colleague's advice or female's?

.

THERE ARE TWO SIDE TO EVERY COIN LET THE LADY SAY HER OWN SIDE OF THE STORY.
(Most times i don't believe any online stories)

Answer

1. What if the lady works in the bank or in a place that drain her physical energy,the solution is to look for a male cook.

2. The inlaw come and stay if they can behave wisely some inlaw do search the couples bedrooms look for what to take and give food items to some of their friends and some invite their friends and they will begin to cook different food in your absence meanwhile they cannot do that in their own house or sister's husband house.
So why do unto her what u cannot do in your house or your sister's husband house. The male cook will wash the plates nobody is a slave to another, can you tell the RICHES WOMAN IN NIGERIA TO WASH HER INLAW'S PLATES MEANWHILE THEY HAVE A MAID SUCH PEOPLE GET INVOLVE MOSTLY IN CRITICAL THINKING THAT IS WHY SHE IS RICH AND YOU ARE POOR.


3. The fact that somebody is a mother inlaw does not make her a QUALIFIED MARRIAGE COUNSELOR BY MERIT. Solution let HIM look for a qualified marriage counselor.


4. op how would you feel if your father continiously give every dick and harry a lift, don't become TIMAYA THAT WILL LEAD PEOPLE ASTRAY AND ASK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS OF SIN.


5. EMPLOY THE SERVICES OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR WHO IS QUALIFIED BY MERIT.

wow wow wow..these posts are so on point
he's reading them now and i believe he will take the necessary action.

i'm also learning, i almost married a guy out of pity
thank God for my dad who opened my eyes to many issues of life...
i broke up with him despite the fact that we had done a formal introduction.
i want a man who can act as d head, intelligent, take decision and man enough to control his home and at the same time love his wife dearly.
not some dummy who sheds tears after little argument or work issue..so irritating

marriage is so complex

oyihou: .

THERE ARE TWO SIDE TO EVERY COIN LET THE LADY SAY HER OWN SIDE OF THE STORY.
(Most times i don't believe any online stories)

Answer

1. What if the lady works in the bank or in a place that drain her physical energy,the solution is to look for a male cook.

2. The inlaw come and stay if they can behave wisely some inlaw do search the couples bedrooms look for what to take and give food items to some of their friends and some invite their friends and they will begin to cook different food in your absence meanwhile they cannot do that in their own house or sister's husband house.
So why do unto her what u cannot do in your house or your sister's husband house. The male cook will wash the plates nobody is a slave to another, can you tell the RICHES WOMAN IN NIGERIA TO WASH HER INLAW'S PLATES MEANWHILE THEY HAVE A MAID SUCH PEOPLE GET INVOLVE MOSTLY IN CRITICAL THINKING THAT IS WHY SHE IS RICH AND YOU ARE POOR.


3. The fact that somebody is a mother inlaw does not make her a QUALIFIED MARRIAGE COUNSELOR BY MERIT. Solution let HIM look for a qualified marriage counselor.


4. op how would you feel if your father continiously give every dick and harry a lift, don't become TIMAYA THAT WILL LEAD PEOPLE ASTRAY AND ASK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS OF SIN.


5. EMPLOY THE SERVICES OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR WHO IS QUALIFIED BY MERIT.

well, from the little i know
the MIL lives in another state, she has not even visited them since they got married, their communication has always been on fone. it was only the brother in law that had visited once and stayed for just weekend friday to monday,

the lady doesnt have a mother anymore, she grew up with her step mother who maltreated her, so the mil just wanted to be nice and be a mother to her.

the guy invited a marriage counsellor and the church pastor to the house to talk to them, after they left, it was battle galour, the wife warned him not to invite third party to their matter again.

they just got married, no kids yet, whats the service of househelp for when dey are just 2 and dey both hardly stay at home.

the lady works in a federal govt parastal, so she closes earlier dan d hubby

oyihou: .

THERE ARE TWO SIDE TO EVERY COIN LET THE LADY SAY HER OWN SIDE OF THE STORY.
(Most times i don't believe any online stories)

Answer

1. What if the lady works in the bank or in a place that drain her physical energy,the solution is to look for a male cook.

2. The inlaw come and stay if they can behave wisely some inlaw do search the couples bedrooms look for what to take and give food items to some of their friends and some invite their friends and they will begin to cook different food in your absence meanwhile they cannot do that in their own house or sister's husband house.
So why do unto her what u cannot do in your house or your sister's husband house. The male cook will wash the plates nobody is a slave to another, can you tell the RICHES WOMAN IN NIGERIA TO WASH HER INLAW'S PLATES MEANWHILE THEY HAVE A MAID SUCH PEOPLE GET INVOLVE MOSTLY IN CRITICAL THINKING THAT IS WHY SHE IS RICH AND YOU ARE POOR.


3. The fact that somebody is a mother inlaw does not make her a QUALIFIED MARRIAGE COUNSELOR BY MERIT. Solution let HIM look for a qualified marriage counselor.


4. op how would you feel if your father continiously give every dick and harry a lift, don't become TIMAYA THAT WILL LEAD PEOPLE ASTRAY AND ASK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS OF SIN.


5. EMPLOY THE SERVICES OF A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR WHO IS QUALIFIED BY MERIT.

For Starters I dont know if you are male or female but lets dissect this :

1) So what if the lady works in a bank ? she can make her stews and soups weekends and just warm dem and eat with sphagetti,boiled rice, eba or even yam . All this i listed takes less than an hour to cook. So when she has kids she would buy take out food for them abi. And dont mention getting a maid because that is how women end up lossing charge of there homes. I am not against maids but you should have a running arrangement before you engage a maid. And why did you specify a male cook?

2) She has already assumed the inlaws are bad without giving them a chance, that is unfair . She should put herself in there shoes .

3) Yes she is not a qualified counsellor, but ( omode gbon agba gbon ni afi da ile ife ) its is the knowlegde of the young and the old that a great city was founded. She can listen and take some , sheis not all knowing ke .

4) If she doesnt trust her husband at just 6months then marraige isnt for her.

5) i quite agree with you on this one.

KMTee:
1. she won't be cooking during the week except on weekends, so they get what they would eat on their way from work.
2. no in-law should come stay more than a week and for the duration of their stay, they must cook and wash their plates themselves.
3. he must not report her to his mother, mother-in-law cannot advise her what to do, whenever she errs, he must be ready to protect her and he must not allow any member of his family to disrespect her.
4. he must not give any female friend/colleague a ride even if they are staying in the same street, except she is in the car with him.
5. Sex should only happen according to how it's written and explained in one of her books, hubby can't just demand for sex anyhow, it must be according to timetable.

Now, the guy complains bitterly, quarrel and nagging every now and then...he now closes late cos he is too scared of getting home early cos of complaints, nagging and fight..the last fight they had was that the mother called and started tutoring her on how to take care of her man, how to love him, how to adore him and how to be submissive to her man, the woman even shared some of her experience with the lady. she was so furious dat wen they got home, the wife started complaining and lamenting that he is not protecting him from his family, the mother is always on her neck telling her wat to do and not do bla bla bla

diaris God oooo

Jeez! Did I just read this... Oh nooo... Oboy na to go buy cain for house o.. Enh if I hear... Infact no be my papa born me.

That guy is so softttt Ohh pls hold my hand before I beat somebody... Because this thing dey make me vexxxxx.. Ahhhh!

That boy(husband) is so mad.. To have tolerated this nonsense!

Abeg tell that guy.. He never see him wife o.. He is still living with his landlady.

Points 1 to 4 are not too bad but standing a wrong foundation. She is taking his softness for granted. If i say stay and ignore, she will cry, beg or even pull a stupid staunt to get him back. He should develop a tough skin and move to a friend's or hotel unknown to her and not pick her call until after a week. Her anticipated visit to the office must be strongly yet subtly greeted with indifference to avoid public drama. He should only go home after he is sure she is sorry, willing to change and MUST use the professional counselling that MUST immediately follow(he also need the counselling). Her points shows she is trying to be a woman of strength but with the wrong mindset/foundation, friends and books. She is redeemable.

Yomieluv: One of the reason I left an Ex was because she held my shirt publicly,I told her its over,she thinks she can beg her way back.

Till today,e dey do her like say na dream.

We still talk on whatsapp,she stylish wants to come back.

If a girlfriend can hold my shirt publicly,only God knows what she would do,if she becomes a wife.

Op,you friend is IN it,only miracle can save his marriage.

Exactly. ..What you can't accept in the long run better you state it clearly now and break it apart and move on than to be sorry. Na bottle she for dey use break your head down the line. No one is perfect but there are some things one should never compromise on of which abuse is top 5.

At op....anyone who believes they are never wrong and states such kind of laws that she knows it all and would not listen to advice from anyone is not fit to be in a relationship with let alone a marriage. She would only get worse.

I am at a loss on what to advise seriously. I am a big advocate for open communication between spouses but how do you achieve communication with someone who has a preconceived perception and rules?

Take her back to her father's house, let her exercise her authority and powers there. A man can should be able to have a peace of mind in his house.

What! From Where did he find this kind of woman? Why all these rules? Chai, the poor guy don enter one chance.

From what I have read here, the man married a headstrong independent woman.
I fully understand her rule about 3rd party involvement in their marriage. 3rd parties have been known to cause more harm than good.
The rule about having relatives staying over maybe shaped by her experiences as a child. She may probably have been abused as a child by relatives or she knows of someone that was abused as a child by a relative. I guess she is probably starting the rule now, before the children come so it won't be a sudden change when they have kids.
The whole idea of not going weekdays is bs, she works for the govt and she has more free time, she should stop being lazy.
Sex timetable ?? Bullshit again!
The one of not dropping any female shows that she doesn't trust him.
I would suggest, he sits her down and find out the reason for all her rules and they should try and find a middle ground. At 6 months they are just adjusting to living with each other.