I have been married for approximately 8 years now and have 2 kids. From the start I never had married on my mind because of what I saw in my own parents they were not very happy until I met my wife who changed my orientation about marriage and we fell in love with her because she gave me a new meaning and reason to go on in life which I really appreciate and love, we courted for 6 years and we married.

The problem actually started when I lost my job I noticed a very big change in her character and every time I talk her or discuss about it she tells me am overreacting or nagging its because I lost my job and I just kept to myself bottling every thing up on the inside. We tried going into business but it was not meeting up with our daily up keep so we opted that she gets a job. She then changed rapidly I seem to irritate her on everything I do, when i compliment on what to wear (because we do that for each other in which I don't object I just do as she says) she will say am not the only one looking at her she will wear what she feels like which actually is not the issue here, she comes back late from work, she talks to anyhow without giving me regard then it was like I was living in hell didn't know how to communicate because she will say am just nagging.

I am not saying am a saint or anything I have girls before I got married and my wife was a "good girl" so to speak that was why I fell for her and I put all my cards on the table and never hid anything from her and what I did. But what I have seen and all indication she wants to start rocking life while been married and leaving home with telling or giving me any regard.

The crux of the matter is that when i noticed all this I became inquisitive about what she did, she stated having late night calls and justifying it too from a colleague at work which she called him a small boy and even text message I saw which I find very offensive and what made matters worse was that I came across her conversation with her ex-boy friend who was in UK talking about how life would have been if they ended up together, insulted me with the boy friend that that am being over possessive, made plans of divorce in-case the marriage did not workout with me (which is still eating me up) because she already have a plan B for me, telling themselves they are somehow dating. How do I trust someone who is making a plan B for me when am not away or incapacitated or even considering divorce.

At that point that was the height of impunity in our marriage which she has exhibited and I would not condone it and it broke my heart, for I thought my wife was "innocent" and if I had not been sensitive it would have degenerated to something else with her face book lover. I cannot come to terms right now because of the high esteem that I placed her and my genuine love for her she made rubbish of. If she was not hurting then I would have ignored them saying she was fooling around. Everywhere I go I see the conversations of the Facebook in my head and killing me. At first she doesn't seem to agree that she has done something wrong since she hasn't slept or gave her body but I told her she was having emotional affair and depleting our love bank and giving it out to someone else and have created a very mighty vacuum for us and the most annoying aspect is that she is making excuses for them.

I cannot do anything am so confused she has begged me but the way I used carry her in high esteem around my friends is not there anymore, I feel she has deceived me because this things I never expected or imagined her doing all this am seeing. Am heart broken i feel nothing for her am praying to God to help me love her once again but not I don't even feel anything even when i make love to her. It would have been better I married a bad girl and never expected anything than for me to marry a good girl and get my hopes shattered. Lately we had a heated argument said am caging her and majority of her friends are guys that i should go out and get friends and she feels no remorse all because I have stop her movements and gradually pushing me away, her heart and mind is so distant from me.

Please am I over reacting over nothing because I have this gut feeling she is having an affair but she denies it all and she has changed for the worse.

Help me am so confused.

Get a job! or better still start making a living. but as for that your wife.......she ain't urs anymore, begin to come to terms with the fact that u've lost her. u can't do anything about it when she is still feeding u

omoyeme200: I have been married for approximately 8 years now and have 2 kids. From the start I never had married on my mind because of what I saw in my own parents they were not very happy until I met my wife who changed my orientation about marriage and we fell in love with her because she gave me a new meaning and reason to go on in life which I really appreciate and love, we courted for 6 years and we married.

The problem actually started when I lost my job I noticed a very big change in her character and every time I talk her or discuss about it she tells me am overreacting or nagging its because I lost my job and I just kept to myself bottling every thing up on the inside. We tried going into business but it was not meeting up with our daily up keep so we opted that she gets a job. She then changed rapidly I seem to irritate her on everything I do, when i compliment on what to wear (because we do that for each other in which I don't object I just do as she says) she will say am not the only one looking at her she will wear what she feels like which actually is not the issue here, she comes back late from work, she talks to anyhow without giving me regard then it was like I was living in hell didn't know how to communicate because she will say am just nagging.

I am not saying am a saint or anything I have girls before I got married and my wife was a "good girl" so to speak that was why I fell for her and I put all my cards on the table and never hid anything from her and what I did. But what I have seen and all indication she wants to start rocking life while been married and leaving home with telling or giving me any regard.

The crux of the matter is that when i noticed all this I became inquisitive about what she did, she stated having late night calls and justifying it too from a colleague at work which she called him a small boy and even text message I saw which I find very offensive and what made matters worse was that I came across her conversation with her ex-boy friend who was in UK talking about how life would have been if they ended up together, insulted me with the boy friend that that am being over possessive, made plans of divorce in-case the marriage did not workout with me (which is still eating me up) because she already have a plan B for me, telling themselves they are somehow dating. How do I trust someone who is making a plan B for me when am not away or incapacitated or even considering divorce.

At that point that was the height of impunity in our marriage which she has exhibited and I would not condone it and it broke my heart, for I thought my wife was "innocent" and if I had not been sensitive it would have degenerated to something else with her face book lover. I cannot come to terms right now because of the high esteem that I placed her and my genuine love for her she made rubbish of. If she was not hurting then I would have ignored them saying she was fooling around. Everywhere I go I see the conversations of the Facebook in my head and killing me. At first she doesn't seem to agree that she has done something wrong since she hasn't slept or gave her body but I told her she was having emotional affair and depleting our love bank and giving it out to someone else and have created a very mighty vacuum for us and the most annoying aspect is that she is making excuses for them.

I cannot do anything am so confused she has begged me but the way I used carry her in high esteem around my friends is not there anymore, I feel she has deceived me because this things I never expected or imagined her doing all this am seeing. Am heart broken i feel nothing for her am praying to God to help me love her once again but not I don't even feel anything even when i make love to her. It would have been better I married a bad girl and never expected anything than for me to marry a good girl and get my hopes shattered. Lately we had a heated argument said am caging her and majority of her friends are guys that i should go out and get friends and she feels no remorse all because I have stop her movements and gradually pushing me away, her heart and mind is so distant from me.

Please am I over reacting over nothing because I have this gut feeling she is having an affair but she denies it all and she has changed for the worse.

Help me am so confused.

@OP, Quite a touching story. However, it would have been nice to hear from your wifey's version because 'it takes two to tangle', especially as she was not like this initially. But practically speaking, try and get a job first so that you can take care of your family well and then the healing and reconciliatory process will follow. Being the man of the house, you are supposed to provide for your family. So, try and calm down at the moment, then start job hunting so that you can start earning money.

Look for another job.

Ladies reduce their respect when a man loses his job. Its universal among women.

You are not over reacting. What is happening is actually happening. Secondly, most women don't know how to handle success. She has changed status by getting a job.

You can regain her respect by earning higher pay than her. For me, THERE IS NO GOOD WOMAN..

lets assume all what you have said is what is happening...
get a JOB and be the man of the house...but i dont think
your being jobless must have triggered there effect of what is happening...

is there something you omitted.

Melahou: lets assume all what you have said is what is happening...
get a JOB and be the man of the house...but i dont think
your being jobless must have triggered there effect of what is happening...

is there something you omitted.

I now work with a blue chip company. Still no improvement.

try n have an open conversation with her,be honest abt how u feel n listen to what she has to say.try n be more romantic n spice up the marraige by trying new fun stuvz.I wish u all d best.

Bros, just go and look for job. Intensify your effort at it. And pray well about it. See, the truth is that when you dont have the means to take care of your home, it is quite difficult to attract respect from a woman. A woman's frustration is expressed clearly when she is able to dominate in terms of home support. Women have weak heart and are easily decieved once there is a crack in your relationship and other guys notice it. The guys around her are feasting on your predicament. So you have to stand up and be counted. I know its quite difficult to stand up after losing job but you can if you believe. Focus more on yourself and reinstate your responsibility @d home front, you will see the changes.

You have my prayers. God will help u!

omoyeme200:

I now work with a blue chip company. Still no improvement.

@OP, its good to hear you now have a good job. Kudos! Now that you make good money, always make sure that your wifey's allowances (or upkeep) is given to her regularly. If possible increase it. Irrespective of what she has put you through in the past and present, buy a lovely gift for her and on presenting this gift to her, thank her for all the support and encouragement she gave to you when you were out of job and also appologise for the stress your being out of job put the family through. Profess your love for her. If possible, don't try to bring up issues relating to her present attitude so as not to spoil the moment....there is no harm if u kneel while presenting the gift to her, just like you are proposing to her...lol. However, if after doing all these she is still adamant, then begin to give her some space, coldness, avoid eating her food, play and concentrate on the kids, take the kids out alone without her, pretend as if she does not exist in the house, but dont contemplate divorce. Continue this way for some time and see what happens. If she appologises in the end, then accept her back and put necessary measures for things like this never to occur again. But if she does not appologise, ignore her completely and focus more on your kids. I have a feeling that this phase she is in at the moment will gradually pass away. In the midst of all these, never starve her of her upkeep or allowances.

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