Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? - Family - Nairaland
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| Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by omoyeme200: 2:46pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
I have been married for approximately 8 years now and have 2 kids. From the start I never had married on my mind because of what I saw in my own parents they were not very happy until I met my wife who changed my orientation about marriage and we fell in love with her because she gave me a new meaning and reason to go on in life which I really appreciate and love, we courted for 6 years and we married. The problem actually started when I lost my job I noticed a very big change in her character and every time I talk her or discuss about it she tells me am overreacting or nagging its because I lost my job and I just kept to myself bottling every thing up on the inside. We tried going into business but it was not meeting up with our daily up keep so we opted that she gets a job. She then changed rapidly I seem to irritate her on everything I do, when i compliment on what to wear (because we do that for each other in which I don't object I just do as she says) she will say am not the only one looking at her she will wear what she feels like which actually is not the issue here, she comes back late from work, she talks to anyhow without giving me regard then it was like I was living in hell didn't know how to communicate because she will say am just nagging. I am not saying am a saint or anything I have girls before I got married and my wife was a "good girl" so to speak that was why I fell for her and I put all my cards on the table and never hid anything from her and what I did. But what I have seen and all indication she wants to start rocking life while been married and leaving home with telling or giving me any regard. The crux of the matter is that when i noticed all this I became inquisitive about what she did, she stated having late night calls and justifying it too from a colleague at work which she called him a small boy and even text message I saw which I find very offensive and what made matters worse was that I came across her conversation with her ex-boy friend who was in UK talking about how life would have been if they ended up together, insulted me with the boy friend that that am being over possessive, made plans of divorce in-case the marriage did not workout with me (which is still eating me up) because she already have a plan B for me, telling themselves they are somehow dating. How do I trust someone who is making a plan B for me when am not away or incapacitated or even considering divorce. At that point that was the height of impunity in our marriage which she has exhibited and I would not condone it and it broke my heart, for I thought my wife was "innocent" and if I had not been sensitive it would have degenerated to something else with her face book lover. I cannot come to terms right now because of the high esteem that I placed her and my genuine love for her she made rubbish of. If she was not hurting then I would have ignored them saying she was fooling around. Everywhere I go I see the conversations of the Facebook in my head and killing me. At first she doesn't seem to agree that she has done something wrong since she hasn't slept or gave her body but I told her she was having emotional affair and depleting our love bank and giving it out to someone else and have created a very mighty vacuum for us and the most annoying aspect is that she is making excuses for them. I cannot do anything am so confused she has begged me but the way I used carry her in high esteem around my friends is not there anymore, I feel she has deceived me because this things I never expected or imagined her doing all this am seeing. Am heart broken i feel nothing for her am praying to God to help me love her once again but not I don't even feel anything even when i make love to her. It would have been better I married a bad girl and never expected anything than for me to marry a good girl and get my hopes shattered. Lately we had a heated argument said am caging her and majority of her friends are guys that i should go out and get friends and she feels no remorse all because I have stop her movements and gradually pushing me away, her heart and mind is so distant from me. Please am I over reacting over nothing because I have this gut feeling she is having an affair but she denies it all and she has changed for the worse. Help me am so confused. 3 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by RoyalRoy(m): 2:48pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
Romance Mods, please send to family section for better and matured review. Thanks. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by djeezy(m): 2:51pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
Quite lengthy but I managed to read it, however I will give a succinct reply. Well I feel your pain, it's quite annoying to be in that kind of situation. I read where you wrote about loosing your job. I think it all started from there. Most women's loyalty disappear after their husbands loose their job. Anyway from your post she's been cheating and it's pretty obvious. She's obviously tired of the marriage and I guess both of you didn't know each other very well before entering into that union hence her plans for a divorce. I suggest you both go for marriage counselling and see if it works out. 3 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Nobody: 2:52pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
Women....doing strong things to men since days of Eve... She might be doing this as a result of how you treated her while you had an upper hand,or as a result of her desire to wander and taste other diicks. Man up and start doing something even if it means you selling buscuits just to earn some money to support yourself and your children... Make some money and watch her crawling and begging,shifting blames to devil who is never there to defend himself. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by RoyalRoy(m): 2:58pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
This is really sad. Most women turn around when the going gets rough. Keeping real the age long believe of most men that they can't endure the hardship when things are down and out ……………not to say all women are like that though. Call her and sit her down... Explain all you wrote here, and ask her exactly what her plans are. Let her be matured enough to spell out what she wants exactly. Maybe its time to pack up and stop the pretence. Maybe!! 1 Like |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Iaz93: 2:58pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
Damn! Too bad. From what I've read, I can only say she's started looking elsewhere. To her; You've lost your job, you're now worthless. Sir, for the sake of your children, use all wisdom to settle this problem. Sorry, but she ain't loyal. 1 Like |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by RecruitmentMgr: 3:06pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
OP, irrespective of the challenges, I believe you have a lot of things going for you. You only need to find a calm and mature way of COMMUNICATING your concerns/hurts to your wife. Have an open heart-to-heart conversation with her and you may be surprised that she's hurting too. From your comments, your wife is a good woman, so you must be determined not to lose her. Someone once told me that marriage is about making a commitment to do what is right, irrespective of what the other person does. You CAN CHOOSE to make this commitment. You should also channel your anger (and jealousy) into more constructive activities that can help you get back on your feet quickly. Please stay strong; the storm won't last forever. I sincerely wish you the best in your marriage. 4 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by RoyalRoy(m): 3:09pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
RecruitmentMgr: OP, Have an open heart-to-heart conversation with her and you may be surprised that she's hurting too. @bolded..... Probably the right phrase to use there is "was", as it'd obvious she has changed coats and ready to jump ship with her recent behaviour. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by omoyeme200: 3:10pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
Odilafta: Women....doing strong things to men since days of Eve... I have gotten a job with a blue chip company last year that really not the issue. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by omoyeme200: 3:14pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
RoyalRoy: This is really sad. I have done that but she cries all through out when I raise the issue. Lately she said she will leave with the kids which I said never. She wants to rock and at the same time be with me. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Nobody: 3:14pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
I wouldn't like my husband to have such conversations with his ex either so I understand how you feel. Is she still acting cold and rude? |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by RoyalRoy(m): 3:14pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
omoyeme200: So now you are back on your feet and she is still flirting around online and giving you attitude? She wants to eat her cake and have it. If she is fed up and out of love with you let her say it. Sit her down and ask her what she truly wants. Enough of all the emotional somersault and jig-zaw puzzles. Take the initiative, dont keep "wondering and guessing". 2 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Nobody: 3:16pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
omoyeme200: Then exercise patience and concentrate on taking care of your children..I assure you that one of those sexually transmitted diseases would excort her home if she doesn't repent in time. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by omoyeme200: 3:16pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
RecruitmentMgr: OP, irrespective of the challenges, I believe you have a lot of things going for you. You only need to find a calm and mature way of COMMUNICATING your concerns/hurts to your wife. Have an open heart-to-heart conversation with her and you may be surprised that she's hurting too. I have tried that but its not easy, where your spouse will be telling you that you should go out and go and have friends I have sat her down but she said am choking her. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by dytbabe: 3:22pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
If this is so true without u addin or painting ursef all good, then that woman needs to be taught a lesson by one of those her bfs. Smtyms its not the women that goes wrong, I have a married frnd, even with the hubby loosing his job, he still goes abt with women and throws it at her face while she calm and always praying. Finance is what one can't jst look over in marriages, the only thing is God shld give either of u strength to carry on I feel u OP, bt don't worry, she only reminding God, things will get better soon And for the record, the ones u call bad are actually the best partner any man cld have 2 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by omoyeme200: 3:30pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
[center][/center] carefreewannabe: I wouldn't like my husband to have such conversations with his ex either so I understand how you feel. Very cold and distant, and when I even try to explain or express myself she says am overreacting and she has not slept with anyone. i told her I wont wait until she sleeps with someone before I express my self. She just doesnt take the marriage serious 3 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Nobody: 3:31pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
omoyeme200: [center][/center] You should give her the cold shoulder for some time and see what happens. 3 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Nobody: 3:34pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
Bros, The biggest problem I see here is that she is completely unrepentant and she is tired of the marriage. If truly she is, there is very little you can do. Just focus on your job and your career and let her be. If you can; ignore her completely. She has the emotional advantage over you and let her realise if she wants out of the marriage, you also want out. So, give her a break, don't nag her, don't discuss her male friends or conversations. Just let her be and plan your next action. And your action should be how to leave the marriage with minimal impact on your children. Let her also know you don't care. I know you do, but yours is getting a bit complicated and it's gonna be tough to win her back. She doesnt love you nor respect you, frankly she doesnt care about you anymore! 11 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by omoyeme200: 3:37pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
dytbabe: If this is so true without u addin or painting ursef all good, then that woman needs to be taught a lesson by one of those her bfs.Then be my guest... |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by dytbabe: 3:40pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
omoyeme200:  1 Like |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by fuckshit: 3:58pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
such a FÜCKING depressing suituation for one to be in. @ OP am FÜCKING glad you've gotten a job, meaning your back on your feet. #my FÜCKING take Try giving it some time, FÜCKING know this might be difficult for you. from your comments & replies it's FÜCKING obvious she FÜCKING cares no more. Just let her be. Focus on taking care of your kids for now |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by kreamidiva(f): 4:02pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
Umu nwanyi di egwu. She's the only person who can explain her sudden change of character. All of a sudden, she realizes that you're choking her. I don't know what to say but i think Nashville nailed it completely. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by kreamidiva(f): 4:03pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
dytbabe:  U no dey understand English again? Be his guest.... lol. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by omoyeme200: 4:07pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
fuckshit: such a FÜCKING depressing suituation for one to be in. @ OP am FÜCKING glad you've gotten a job, meaning your back on your feet.Thanks men...not being easy for me. Me I be guy man I just don't want all the extra marital affairs and shit like that but she say am overdoing it, have you ever heard where your spouse is telling you you stay at home too much go and have a girl friend then I knew something is wrong with my wife |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Nobody: 4:15pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
I feel like crying really. Without being sentimental, without being judgmental and without assigning spirituality to this because sometimes we are reaping our own sins. Remember the Bible says in the transgression of an evil man there is a snare. Which means we all dig a pit for ourselves in the future with every sin we commit today. In the absence of the above sir, I can see you are really hurting, heartbroken and full of regret. You cannot believe our own eyes and ears. I know when you hold someone in high esteem. Bro I have been there... They even did more than yours but bro I forgave her. I know you feel betrayed right now and you feel unloved. You feel like a fool who trusted her only to be finally fooled. In the light of your situation, if I were you, this is what I would do: 1) it's even pretty much hard to tell you what to do but you do not have a choice. Bro you will get over it with time. What's important first is to get something doing. I know even while at work you may be wondering where she is but I bet you the more you are engaged the little you will think about it. 2) You cannot be quiet bro... This is your wife and you have to speak against what you don't like or wrong. Get a job first and then you can report her to her parents. 3) Get something doing again. It's so key and then check yourself if you can live with this realization that she doesn't completely love you (Well I don't believe love exist anyway). If you can't live with the realization I think you need to suck it up as she hasn't really committed adultery and you can't leave her. 4) Pray to God and stand your ground in your home. Whatever it takes bro. No knives or guns or batons please. 5) Get a job and stand your ground and put her in her place. If she wants to leave it is her choice. Let her know you are hurt and stop running to her vagina every night after then. |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Nobody: 4:19pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
omoyeme200: Sometimes all what she is saying may be just to frustrate you and make you sit up. 1 Like |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by fuckshit: 4:24pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
omoyeme200:that's one serious FÜCKED up Shït. trust me, i FÜCKING know how that kind of Shït may sound like to the ears.  do not want to FÜCKING comment more on that, but of a FÜCKING truth i FÜCKING know |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Morotov1(m): 4:24pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
Tell her that you think it's high time you give her the breathing space she asked and take actions from her responses. If she wants out , give her and save yourself from dying prematurely. 2 Likes |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by dytbabe: 4:28pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
kreamidiva: Guest where? I no understand Ko ye mi 1 Like |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by dytbabe: 4:33pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
omoyeme200: Nothin is wrong with her, she must have bn hurt frm ur previous ways and reminding u Women sha Our wahala na number one Nashville said it all |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by crackhaus: 4:34pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
What nonsense! Are you not living in Nigeria? This here is one of the few times where our lack of an effective civil law should be taken advantage of. Send her packing out of your house man. I'm sure your kids are not so little anymore, or you can have a family member come live with you to help with them. You say you have a job now and still she's not sorry or repentant, I say again SEND HER OUT OF YOUR HOUSE and do not let her back in until she or her kinsmen come pleading and begging for your forgiveness. You are a man, don't let a woman toy with your emotions...least of all a disrespectful and cheating woman.  5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Is My Wife Having An Emotional Affair??? by Nobody: 4:35pm On Sep 16, 2014 |
crackhaus: What nonsense! Is it HIS house or their house? 4 Likes |
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