It was at the church service for the 90th birthday of the legendary matriarch of the Awo dynasty Chief Dr Hannah Dideolu Awolowo in Ikenne that the thoughts that prompted this article began. Some well known highly placed gentlemen and their wives were called upon to partake in the wine sipping, bread breaking ritual called Holy Communion. As soon as these respectable ladies and gentlemen, all of them past age 70, and amongst whom were renowned professors, high court judges, legal luminaries and business moguls, finished their spiritual blessing and were returning to their seats, they caught a pitiable sight in their over-flowing garb of hypocrisy.
They wore forlorn mien plastered with furrowed frowned faces like some one afflicted with putrid smell of heavy dose of fart. They looked as if they were mourning a three-year-old boy mistakenly killed by his own father, or the passing of a poor woman who has just succumbed to excruciatingly painful cancer.
They clung to their wives as if they were newly wedded. I temporarily forgot that I was in a holy church, the spiritual enclave of Christians. I almost laughed my head off because I knew each of the ‘holy’ ‘monogamous’ men intimately and by Jove, I knew of their second, third or fourth wives/liaisons/mistresses with whom they had sired several children. To the whole world they were champions of monogamy, but to their hearts and conscience they were celebrated polygamists, or at best, serial monogamists. Pshaw!
I saw pain written all over them, the agony of living a lie, the unease of hypocrisy, and the shame of going through life pretending to be what you are not.
This is the sort of agony a lot of the so-called monogamists go through all their lives. The series of lies they sell to their wives, and the double life they present to their pastors and church leaders, most of whom are actually equally guilty of hypocrisy and double life living.
This piece is not set out to condemn or criticise monogamy. Monogamy is perfect for those who believe in its concept and can genuinely keep to it. I too have been married to one lovely woman for almost 45 years and it has been like a marriage made in heaven. I happen also to be the promoter along with some friends the 35-year-old Family Club of Nigeria which is dedicated to the upliftment and celebration of marriage and family values.
The article is designed to expose the hypocrisy and pain associated with embracing false notions which are really not observed by any culture in the world, and to advise those who erroneously sentence themselves to a life of sadness and emptiness because they were deceived to believe that there is some utopia somewhere called monogamy.
I am very much aware that this article will generate a lot of controversy most especially from those who live holier-than-thou life and have continued to deceive the world that they are upholders of a doctrine that is not supported by true and enlightened interpretation of any religious doctrine.
The white men, I am yet to see any human being whose skin colour is like that of chalk, came and told the unfortunate lands they invaded that the cherished cultures, traditions and religions of such lands were rubbish, and instead indoctrinated them with values which they themselves never believed in or truly practiced. We know of King Henry Vlll, and several major historical figures in ‘Christian’ Europe who had more than one wife in addition of a string of wives who their ‘laws’ forbade them to address as wives but who nonetheless perform all the functions of wife minus name.
God bless President Mitterrand who openly confessed to having two women in his life, with the one in the other house with whom he fathered an 18-year-old daughter at the time he passed on.
I have schooled, worked and lived virtually in all the continents of the world and I make bold to say with all emphasis at my disposal that no culture on planet earth truly practices monogamy. My Greek, Italian, Russian, British, American and other Caucasians routinely visit their other wives [called by other names] with whom they have children. But back in the homes shared with the one carrying the ring, they are monogamists!
If God had wanted humanity to be monogamous, He or She would not have made the pigeon the only monogamous creature.
The cultures that practice polygamy had always known that at any given time, the number of available marriageable women far out number available men plus the fact that an 80-year-old man, if he has money, is still very much in the market whereas a 60-year-old woman may not be that lucky. The biological limitation to a woman’s productive age is also a factor. Why should a woman therefore remain on the shelf till age 45 when she could jolly well get married as second or sixth wife to a man who can afford to share life’s responsibilities with her? Why should a woman leave a man with whom she is No 1, simply because took a second wife and end up being numberless in the hands of several men with whom she naturally shares bed just because of some doctrine she hardly understands?
All the women who should go and marry but are saying they do not want to share their man with another woman in a polygamous setting, are sharing current boyfriends with several other women. Where is the logic?
The argument that children in a polygamous house are always at each other’s throat does not hold water. Many siblings of monogamous families are known to have had worse and irresolvable, irreconcilable squabble, with dirty bitterness over inheritance than children from different mothers.
The agony suffered by both men and women in the hand of unnatural laws and doctrines is too stifling for comfort. In 2002, 502 Reverend mothers were reported to have died while procuring abortion in Rome. Nigerian Tribune wrote an editorial on the unfortunate incident. And stories of Reverend fathers having children and sodomising young men in their care are legion! Why the hypocrisy? Why should the world continue to live the life of Ostrich?
A well known Nigerian journalist hid his other wives from his wife because his religion would not permit of it and his wife, living in monogamy should not hear of it. At his funeral service, other wives surfaced and the woman parading the ring collapsed. It was the grace of God that prevented double interment that day!
The Western world which had not learnt the art of living amicably with more than one partner under the same roof has indulged in multiple serial marriages, divorcing innocent wives under flimsy excuses so that another woman can move in should not be measure of standard for the world. Thank God Hillary Clinton in the US and Mrs Cook in England were very much wiser. They refused to allow some indiscretion on the part of their husbands to ruin their marriages.
There was a well known American actor who passed on about a decade ago and all his 11 ex-wives with their numerous children attended his funeral. To ridicule the lie of their hypocritical existence, all the women were recognised and addressed as wives. As far as records show, the man had 11 wives!
Society must rethink this issue of pretentious monogamy vis-à-vis polygamy so that in the not-too-distant future we do not end up with millions of unmarried women whose life style would be worse than prostitutes’ and millions of children whose fathers would be nowhere to be found.

http://thenationonlineng.net/new/agony-of-monogamy/

The man has said it, too much hypocrisy.

It is a very rare thing to see a man live/stick to one woman for the rest of his life especially if he has some few bucks to throw around . Nowadays women are the ones frowning against polygamy because the Bible teaches so. I'm not an advocate of polygamy but the odds do not favor men that much in that area because our eyes always lead us to sin and women do all sort of magic to lead us to their bed. But the biggest lie here is that of reverend fathers which is simply pathetic. Can a rich man be blame for his polygamous nature? no! it takes the fear of God not to do what your mates are doing because you will see different brands of women.. from alomo to brandy, champagne etc so being with one woman can really be agonizing especially when you have conscience. You want to bed that beautiful lady you just met and something keeps reminding you of your wife the mother of your children. some men fight it while some succumb to the temptation just cuz their attention is always turned on when we they see a beautiful chick walking on the street and they just wanna explore to know if the chick is a different version of the name "woman"

Yet he's been married for 35yrs in a monogamous 'marriage-made-in-heaven' union.

Everyone else is living a lie except him.
Smh.

Mu he he he he he he

I can't fit to laff finish ooooooo. . . . .

They clung to their wives as if they were newly wedded. I temporarily forgot that I was in a holy church, the spiritual enclave of Christians. I almost laughed my head off because I knew each of the ‘holy’ ‘monogamous’ men intimately and by Jove, I knew of their second, third or fourth wives/liaisons/mistresses with whom they had sired several children. To the whole world they were champions of monogamy, but to their hearts and conscience they were celebrated polygamists, or at best, serial monogamists. Pshaw!
I saw pain written all over them, the agony of living a lie, the unease of hypocrisy, and the shame of going through life pretending to be what you are not.

***SMH......must everything be about sexual gratification? If a man wants to marry many wives, do your first wife a favour and marry her traditionally, dont stand and swear before God and man to be faithful only to her if you know you have no intention of keeping your vows. If you want to be ruled by your libido, abandon your christain faith and the attendant benefits( submission, being head,etc).

In short, why bother getting married? why complain when it is said most men think with their dicks?

A lot of Nigerians are hypocrites so not surprised, even the so called religious ones are the same. That is why when you listen to how people talk about how moral we are and how we discipline children here blah blah blah you'll expect that the society will be so good yet the opposite is what occurs showing that people don't do what they preach

Interesting.

Following

Yeap I agree most men are going to cheat on their wife or have cheated and still cheating
Me and my husband has agreed he going to take a second wife as soon as I clock 45, there no point suffering the guy when I can no longer shine his Congo
This might sound absurd oh but me I like to tell my self the truth.
My girlfriends ask a question what about if the woman get pregnant I tell them so be it
After all I came to this world with no husband and am leaving with none


As for me oh monogamy equals hypocrisy from both parties

sexybash:

As for me oh monogamy equals hypocrisy from both parties

So you're getting yours on the side too

See flexing

cococandy:
So you're getting yours on the side too

See flexing

What make you think so
If only you can see the mind of the so called. Only wife
You go bow

sexybash:
What make you think so

You said monogamy is hypocrisy from BOTH of you. That's what made me think so.
Anyway never mind

@ coco I am just stating the obvious
We live in.a society where people are not allowed to be themselves thereby giving room for hypocrisy
Why do men run to get married shortly after they loose their spouse go figure
Most at times the so called new woman is a side chick from yesteryears
I know men who has father kids which thier only wives know nothing about and they secure financial future of those kids
If as a man I can afford polygamy why won't I go for it
Solomon who commuine with God directly practice it
If one can afford it why don't you go for it

Ok

sexybash: @ coco I am just stating the obvious
We live in.a society where people are not allowed to be themselves thereby giving room for hypocrisy
Why do men run to get married shortly after they loose their spouse go figure
Most at times the so called new woman is a side chick from yesteryears
I know men who has father kids which thier only wives know nothing about and they secure financial future of those kids
If as a man I can afford polygamy why won't I go for it
Solomon who commuine with God directly practice it
If one can afford it why don't you go for it

Mankind is not designed to be monogamous.

Good post by OP but flip it a bit to accommodate polyandry.

cococandy: Yet he's been married for 35yrs in a monogamous 'marriage-made-in-heaven' union.

Everyone else is living a lie except him.
Smh.

35yrs ke?

He said 45yrs and had a club promoting marriage for 35yrs.

He is the only saint na...

Abeg, don't rain on his parade

Abi o. All others living their monogamous marriages are suffering and smiling.
He's the only saint.

Or

Maybe he's giving his wife an indirect message
(It hasn't been only you these 45yrs)
I hope she reads between the lines

bukatyne:

35yrs ke?

He said 45yrs and had a club promoting marriage for 35yrs.

He is the only saint na...

Abeg, don't rain on his parade

How does polygamy stop a man from looking outside? Having said that, I am not convinced the Bible teaches monogamy. Not all men (and their spouse and children) can handle the troubles of polygamy. I will highly recommend one man, one wife.

cococandy: Abi o. All others living their monogamous marriages are suffering and smiling.
He's the only saint.

Or

Maybe he's giving his wife an indirect message
(It hasn't been only you these 45yrs)
I hope she reads between the lines

Seriously, wifey needs to do some research

sexybash:
Yeap I agree most men are going to cheat on their wife or have cheated and still cheating
Me and my husband has agreed he going to take a second wife as soon as I clock 45, there no point suffering the guy when I can no longer shine his Congo
This might sound absurd oh but me I like to tell my self the truth.
My girlfriends ask a question what about if the woman get pregnant I tell them so be it
After all I came to this world with no husband and am leaving with none


As for me oh monogamy equals hypocrisy from both parties

Wow your Husband is lucky to have you

I pray/hope I will marry a woman like you in the future