Hello ladies I am hiding somewhere to
type this write up. This is because I am
being pursued by scores of angry
wealthy young bachelors who are
furious over my insistence on leaking
these hidden secrets to you all. I have
chosen to leak these secrets because if
I don’t take care of my single female
friends, who else will?
My dear young lady do you want to get
married to a rich man? I am asking you
this question because i want us to be
on the same page. Oh your answer is a
big Yes!? You believe that love is
overrated. You know that getting
married to the love of your life only
happens in the movies. You agree with
the cliché that it is far better to cry
inside the comfortable and plush
interior of a luxurious Porsche cayenne
than to laugh inside a rickety taxi or a
crampy keke tricycle.
There is an adage that says if you come
from a poor family background it is not
your fault but if you choose to marry a
poor man, you are totally to blame. So
you are a sensible lady who wants a
man that is financially stable and who
can provide for all your needs. You
belong to the “no finance, no romance”
school of thought.
I mulled over this topic while drinking a
bottle of my favourite soft drink brand
and came up with the following
strategies that which if carefully
implemented will result in you walking
down the aisle arm in arm, grinning
from ear to ear with a rich and
handsome man this year.
1) The Packaging strategy
If you stand in front of a shelf in a
super market and you see two products
lying on the shelf, one with a shiny
package while the other with a drab
package. Which one will attract your
attention first?
The shiny one of course!
The crux of the matter is that rich men
like me*pats wad of mint dollars in his
pocket affectionately* are attracted to
ladies who are sound and complete in
the major facets of their life.
You have to package yourself well to
get attention. Your packaging begins
with your physical appearance. Why do
you ladies think that a semi nude
dressing will attract a man to marry
you? Sorry to burst your bubble, the
truth is that rich and handsome men
are all looking for classy and
responsible ladies as wives. When you
dress in a way that displays all your
“assets” to the public, you will only get
ogled by lusty eyes. The rich bachelors
that you are looking for may stare at
you and initiate contact but none of
them will have the remote thought of
putting a ring on your finger. The
attraction will only be shallow because
the name of that farming implement
used for weeding will always be
plastered all over your face. You will
only be a side chick good only for a roll
in the haystack every now and then.
You don’t want to be a side chick, you
want to be the main chick, a Mrs with a
stable family, don’t you? So think, do
you still want to buy that same outfit
worn by Amber rose during the last Mtv
music video awards?
Your face is a major component of your
packaging strategy. Try and smile more
often for Pete sake! All these frowns
and poker faces you keep putting up
ain’t helping matters. Grab your make
up kit and apply five layers of pancake
to further enhance your looks.
How do you talk? Do you talk at the top
of your voice? Can you keep secrets?
Do you have good table manners? Do
you chew chewing gum noisily? Do you
blow the gum into a balloon in public
places…..No? Wait….What’s that in
your mouth? A chewing gum? I have
caught you! Get rid of it and please
don’t stick it under the seat or table.
You don’t know if that rich dude is
looking at you right now.
How is your body carriage and
posturing? Are you physically fit?
I don’t get it, why do ladies walk
around these days with big bellies even
when they ain’t pregnant. If you are
one of such, you’d better hit the gym
fast.
Apart from the gist that Joan Rivers of
fashion police on E! is dead, can you
hold intelligent conversations on other
topics?
All these and more are the different
aspects of packaging that you must
work on to have a complete package
that will compel that rich bachelor to
get down on his knees to propose.
2) The Damsel In Distress strategy
We might not admit it but every man
has a secret fantasy of being the
Knight in shiny armour rushing into the
scene in the nick of time to rescue his
lady from destruction. When a man
claims to be in love, he will take over
the battles of the lady that he loves.
The knight in shiny armour expression
has its origin in the medieval times
when young men rode on horses and
acted as heroic rescuers of their love
interests, sometimes not hesitating to
use their swords to inflict damage and
death on anyone who troubled their
lovers. It is now being used figuratively
as a romantic gesture in our modern
times.
My dear young lady, a rich bachelor
would do anything for you with all the
resources at his disposal if only you can
activate his “knight in shiny armour”
personality. In this case you want him
to notice you and to marry you but first
of all you have to be in a distressed
condition for this to work.
There are many distressed conditions
that you can be in. You have to
simulate one that will get his attention
instantly. Think.
Have you seen that rich Adonis that
you want to marry? If you have not,
you have to be in a gathering where
there are many rich eligible bachelors
to select your pick. You should know
that the damsel in distress strategy
only works in the presence of the
knight.
Now, the easiest distress condition that
you can simulate is to slip and fall flat
on your face before your knight.
Yes I am serious. Dearie have you read
the book “She stoops to conquer” by
Oliver goldsmith? Oh you havent’t? You
skipped literature classes back in
secondary school?*sighs*. In this case
you are not stooping to conquer, you
are falling to conquer!
Now you are set to go to a gathering of
men with fat wallets. It could be a
birthday party, church meeting,
wedding reception, convocation
ceremony, house warming party,
anywhere. You have to look stunning
facially because your face will play a
major part in your stunt. If you don’
have a pretty face don’t worry, your
make up kit will come to your rescue.
Apply ten different layers of Mary kay
foundation powder, concealers, eye
liners etc. At the end of the makeup
session you will be looking like a Barbie
doll set to charm your target. Do you
have a perfume that irritates the eyes
making them watery or misty? Apply a
generous spray of the perfume on your
white handkerchief which should be
held in your palms at all times.
Wear a pair of high heeled shoes. It is
easy to slip and fall when wearing a
high heel.
Your intention is to get noticed by the
rich bachelors in the gathering.
When you get to the gathering, look
around, you will see the rich dudes
standing together or seated in huddled
in small groups. Choose the bachelor
that you are most interested in and try
to get his attention with a smile. After
sometime he will notice your eye
movements.
When he starts returning your smile,
look at him in the eyes and start
walking towards him.
This is the tricky part.
When you are just one meter distance
apart from him, suddenly twist the
stiletto heels of both legs of your shoes
in the opposite direction. This will make
you lose your balance and you will fall
flat on the ground.
My dear please don’t make any
attempt to get up. You don’t want to
ruin your hard work now, do you? Just
lie down there like a log of wood and
start counting slowly from 1 – 10.
I can assure you that the innate knight
in shiny armour mechanism in the men
will kick in. They will stop everything
they are doing and will rush towards
you. They will make attempts to lift you
up.
While they are fussing over you,
quickly dab your eyes with the
perfumed handkerchief. The tears will
stream out and melt their hearts.
The men will be hustling among
themselves to be the lucky one to lead
you away.
Imagine a group of rich men struggling
among themselves to take care of you
which is what you really wanted in the
first place. Your Adonis will eventually
emerge victorious. He will lead you to a
seat or take you of the hall r room. He
will comfort and start chatting with you.
He will request for your phone number.
Give it to him. He will even offer to
drive you home. He will call you
afterwards for a date. He will date you.
After a few weeks he will propose to
you.
When your wedding card is printed,
don’t forget to invite me. I am very
much interested in chopping the
wedding Jollof rice.
3) The Surprise gift strategy
Question 1: How do you attract the
attention of someone instantly?
Answer: By giving him or her a gift!
Question 2: What kind of gift do people
like the most? Answer: Money!
It may sound absurd for you to give
money to someone who already has
lots of it, do it anyway. Do you know
that by giving a man your money, you
have completely set yourself apart from
the rest of the female species.
The truth is this; majority of females
have sworn never to give money out to
any man. Wealthy men are continually
besieged by women with different
financial requests. They want airtime,
they want money to buy iPhone 6, they
want money to make their hair, they
want money to buy Brazilian and
Peruvian hair, they want money to buy
the latest designers clothes and
whatever is the reigning fad. It is all
about the money for them. You can’t
blame rich young men for having the
mindset that all women are after their
wealth.
If a lady deposits money into the
account of a rich man, no matter how
small the amount he will be pleasantly
surprised and will definitely look for the
lady to find out whether she made the
deposit by mistake.
My dear young lady looking for a rich
husband, look for the account number
of that rich guy that you fancy and
deposit something into his account.
Make the deposit with your full name.
That will be the fastest way of gaining
his attention. He will make contact with
you. He will want to meet you and from
there you can weave your charms
around him and get him to marry you.
*Clears throat*All my crushes here is
your golden opportunity to get my
attention once and for all. Send me an
inbox message requesting for my
account number. You know a rich guy
like me*pats wad of mint dollars in his
pocket affectionately* needs a pleasant
surprise to enable me date and marry
you. Yes I will marry all of you J
4) The Playing hard to get strategy
I can see a smile on your face now. This
is the oldest trick in the book that you
ladies use to keep us guys at bay.
Many a young man has wasted his
time, money and resources chasing a
lady only to end up in frustration. The
underlying principle behind the hard to
get strategy is that no woman should
cheapen herself by saying “Yes” to the
first request made by a suitor. The man
must crawl on his knees through a path
littered with nails & thorns and endure
all sorts of fickle behaviour from the
lady to prove his love before being
granted entry to her heart.…smh
Playing hard to get is counter -
productive sometimes. Many ladies are
still single and searching at 45 years
because they were playing hard to get
while their biological clock was ticking
away. The times have changed and
with the scarcity of husbands many
ladies have abandoned this approach.
You can still use the hard to get to get
strategy with slight modifications. The
hard working and rich eligible bachelors
do not have the luxury of time to chase
ladies. They have the belief that their
money can buy them everything
including love and women. Can your
love be bought? Can you resist the lure
of the greenbacks?
While you are playing hard to get, spice
it up a little chase yourself. When the
rich guy comes around you, you can
act cold and disinterested in his
presence. But when he does not expect
it, act warm. Give him a call out of the
blues, surprise him. Remember there
are millions of ladies like you looking for
this same rich man. They will snatch
him away without battling an eyelid if
you give them room. When the time to
say “Yes” comes, scream your answer
for the whole world to hear.
5) The Center Of Attraction
Strategy
The center of attraction strategy is very
effective if you can play it well. It is all
about you using your talents and skills
to draw attention to yourself. It is about
creating a star and infallible
personality.
What is your natural talent? Is it
singing, acting, writing, dancing,
cooking, painting, a pretty face and
body structure for modeling?…etc.
You have to develop whatever talent
you have and go public with it. A huge
base of star-struck fans will form
around you. Many facebook groups and
pages will be opened in your name.
Do you know that Shakira with over
100 million likes on her official facebook
page is the only person in the world
with the highest number of fans online?
What if she didn’t discover her “hips
don’t lie” talent?
Tell me which wealthy man in his right
senses wouldn’t want to marry the diva
Shakira? I will give up my right arm to
spend one week with her. I hope my
future wife isn’t reading this :p
Rich, handsome and successful men
will chase you like bees seeking for
your hand in marriage when you are
the center of attraction.
Oh you don’t have a talent? You have
not discovered your talent yet? You are
over weight, plain looking and lazy but
you desperately want a rich man to
look towards your direction. Sweetheart
what are we going to do about this eh?
Let us think of something…………….You
must discover your talent today!
……………..
Eureka!
Do you know Kim Kardashian? She is
married to a millionaire American
rapper. She has her reality show and
fashion line. She is rich and famous but
she doesn’t have any recognizable
talent.
Do you know what made her famous?
A scandal.
A video tape was released online by her
ex-boyfriend. What was the content of
the video? Google is your friend.
So since you don’t have any
recognizable talent, go and
manufacture your own scandal. This
will throw you into the limelight making
you the center of the media storm
which will ultimately result in men with
thick wallets making inquiries about
changing your marital status.
6) The social media strategy
The social media strategy being last on
this list is kinda ironic isn’t it?
Is it possible to get a rich husband on
Facebook, twitter, instagram, watsapp
and bbm? Is there any rich eligible
bachelor left on this facebook platform?
Oh You don’t know, you have been
searching for a husband on facebook
even before Mark Zuckerberg opened
the site in 2004…..Please don’t cry,
remember the comforting song of Bob
Marley….”no woman no cry”….
The problem with social media,
facebook most especially is that
everybody is rich, everybody is cool,
everybody has the best houses, cars
and gadgets. Everybody’s life is
awesome.
Ladies if you are targeting that guy on
your friends list who snaps photos of
himself with dollars, Pounds, Kenyan
shillings, Cedis, Rands and Naira notes
all the time, your natural instinct
should tell you that he is probably
faking it.
Why are you frowning at me?
He is not fake? Sorry I don’t want to
pour sand sand into your garri but you
can’t deny the fact that there are lots
of fake profiles here.
It is Confession time!*looks left & right*
Mr A got a friend request on facebook
from Gracie which he quickly accepted.
Gracie was a very cute girl, always
posing with exotic cars, gadgets and
clothes. She began chatting with him,
told him her dad was a millionaire. He
got her number and house address
over time. They lived in the same city
with him. They spoke on phone twice.
One day on his way back from work he
decided to pay her an impromptu visit.
Got to the address, it was the same
house he had been seeing in her
photos, massive black gate, lovely
flowers, big dogs, nice duplex. He was
interrogated by the gate man who said
the only person named Gracie in the
house was one of the house helps in
the house. In disbelief Mr A dialed her
number and asked her to meet him
outside. A short almost dwarfish lady
who was clearly 5 -6 years older than
him walked out answering the phone. It
was the same voice. She had a darker
than coal complexion and was wearing
a big gown stained with red blotches.
She smiled at him, opening up her
mouth to reveal a set of hideous teeth.
Mr A simply turned around and fled.

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It is your types that encourage these ladies to be lazy.

And later, you will be the first to say ladies are gold diggers.


Mtcheeew

Some girls do all these and more..

I can't really tell where they end up

iceberylin:
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this right here..is way I come on here...killing me bro.

if they are following from ur village will not marry a rich guy even if he bought you a range.

hehehe.

correct post. make i laff small

How many days did you spend typing that stuff up there

@OP,i must commend you for this write-up,a very intelligent one at that.Its a long write-up but i enjoyed every bit of it.Thanks.

dechandel:

Some girls do all these and more..

I can't really tell where they end up

some end up as items for rituals.

Most of d op's point mks lots of sense...kudos