Quick summary of the lecture.

•A Muslim should understand that he has to get married.
•Marriage can only be successful in sha Allah if it is done accordance to the Qur’an and Sunnah
•A man should only marry if he is able to afford it. For example, has a job and able to pay for rent and food
•If parents are wealthy and their son is unable to afford it, they can help him in that regards.
•4 reasons of marriage- righteousness, lineage, wealth and beauty.
•Marrying someone for his or her piety is best but beauty has to be taken in consideration. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder- not beauty in magazines and such

•Modesty is a way of judging a woman’s righteousness
•Marriage is a time when you have to be firm- if you do not like her, leave. Don’t worry too much about her feeling to the extent that you take a decision you originally didn’t want to take because you’ll have to pay for it for the rest of your life.
•It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the person. After you are pleased with a person’s righteousness, find them attractive and have a connection (you feel like this is a person I can be with), then do isthikhara.

•After isthikhara – look for whether the situation is becoming easier or more difficult. Dreams don't matter
•The more you communicate with the opposite gender, the more you will find things in common and start developing feelings even after engagement. Keep relationship with the opposite gender professional
•Love all you want ONLY after getting married.
•Then he mentioned some innovations during the engagement, the proper nikkah and so on.
•Marriage without the woman’s guardian is NOT valid.

Thought I would post this here.

Although I have watched this video before, it was a reminder to me and I hope it serves as a reminder to others as well.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9La8SA9Gxs

Usernamesucks:


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. I've been following your posts sis and I must say I'm impressed with your knowledge and commitment. If you're married, your husband is a lucky man indeed. He's given his kids a good mother. If you're single, may Allah grant you a good spouse. May He grant other single muslims(myself included) good spouses. Ameen

Mofpearl:


Wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu.

Wow sis your post left me speechless. I am not even sure how to respond.

Thank you .

Ameen. May Allah grant us and other single muslims good spouses.

Usernamesucks:


Ameen.

PS: I'm a male ma'am

Mofpearl:


Sorry

Mofpearl:

Wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu.
Wow sis your post left me speechless. I am not even sure how to respond.
Thank you .
Ameen. May Allah grant us and other single muslims good spouses.

Alennsar:


Ameen and I pray to be there also masha Allah.

Its only permissible for a Muslim male to marry from the people of the book(Christians and Jews),though it isn't encouraged because of the ill-effects.We believe in their prophets and their original books,we'll expect a Muslim male to give a non-muslim wife due rights.
But it's FORBIDDEN for a female Muslim to marry other than a Muslim
#Alhamdulilahi for Islam

Hmm, 2 main reasons:
1) Most often find myself in places there rnt many nigerian muslims
2) D few I've known don't go about proposal d right way or want boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

But I know I don't have to compromise for Alllah grants as he wills.

abuhubaidah:
I'm getting married soon insha Allah,although I earn very little amount and I still collect pocket money from my mum still living with her because I'm in my early twenties and still a student but I'm going to seek her dad permission then we invite you for the waleemah after my studies in sha Allah

zarinaAin:
Waiting for the Masha'Allah brother. I guess I'm too selfish

Is there anything wrong in searching for a brother who is good in Tajweed, Fiqh, Arabiya and so on?

He must have memorized juz amma

I simply want someone who is better than me in the affairs of the Deen. Biznilah

niyi123:
As for me, any sister with ugly past does not fits to be my zawjah.

EmmGee:

I easily get put off by people.

I have an almost bad roommate situation. As in, I'm not good sharing a room with someone.
Plus, sometimes i get tired of people i see day in day out. And I'm afraid that issue will still be there when i get married

Adebayolove:
If you've been searching for a wife for a while, don't despair, because its in this waiting time that you're being tested with patience.

Allah SWT says in many places in the Quran that patience is one of the virtues of the people of Jannah, and we are commanded to remain patient when afflicted with misfortune and to seek help through prayer:

'And seek help in patience and As-Salaah (the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khaashi'oon [i.e. the true believers in Allaah -- those who obey Allaah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]' [Surah Baqarah 2:54]

In this verse, Allah SWT acknowledges that remaining patient is a difficult thing to do, but also explains that this is the hallmark of the believer. In another verse, Allah SWT specifically says He is with the patient:

'Surely, Allaah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)' [Surah Anfaal 6:46]

Patience has a special virtue in Islam:

'Indeed, the patient will be given their reward WITHOUT account.' [Surah Az-Zumar 39:10]

The Scholars of tafseer have explained this verse to mean that you will be given your reward in the akhirah (Jannah) without having to go through the scale that other people will.

Subhan'Allah! What a beautiful reward for the ones who are patient!

If you've been searching for a wife for a while now and it's not yet happening, then this is proof that He SWT wants good for you - as long as you understand that patience means having full acceptance of Allah's decree, making a lot of dua and not despairing of His Mercy or complaining about your situation.

It's perfectly normal to feel upset, depressed or become anxious when you can't find a suitable spouse - but there's great wisdom behind you struggling to find the one.

The real test of your patience is you placing your trust in Allah that HE will do what is best for YOU, as long as YOU keep striving towards your end goal of marriage - and this means you continue to talk to sisters and not become restless or impatient because it's not happening.

Remember, if it's not happening for you, don't lose hope - rather increase in your istighfar and duas and remain content in knowing that Allah SWT is with you and you WILL by His permission, find a suitable spouse - ameen!



Jazak'Allah Khairan

Pure Matrimony

Mofpearl:
Found this to be very comprehensive. Posting because it might help someone else.

100 PRE MARITAL QUESTIONS

What is your concept of marriage?
Have you been married before?
Are you married now?
What are you expectations of marriage?
What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?

What is the role of religion in your life now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?

What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
What is the role of the husband?
What is the role of the wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
What is your relationship with your family?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?

If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
How did you get to know them?
Why are they your friends?
What do you like most about them?
What will your relationship with them after marriage be?

Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
What is the level of your relationship with them now?
What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)

Do you travel?
How do you spend your vacations?
How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Do you read?
What do you read?
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?

If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?

How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?

What is you definition of wealth?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
Do you use credit cards?
Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
Do you believe in abortion?
Do you have children now?
What is your relationship with your children now?
What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?

What is the best method(s) of raising children?
What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
How were you raised?
How were you disciplined?
Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Do you believe in public school for your children?
Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?

...............
Modified to include my own questions
Asides family relatives, do you have non-mahram contacts on your phone? If you do who are they?
Do you watch movies?
Do you listen to music?
How do you spend your weekend- do you invite friends over every weekend(if you do who will cook for them) or spend time with family?
Are you a gamer? If you are, how many hours a day do you spend playing video games?
Do you smoke or drink alcohol?
Do you have a problem with eating outside?
How important is food to you?
How do you think couples should make their decisions? Should they both discuss it together or does the head make the decision and wife follows?
If you and your spouse were to have a fight, who would you talk to?
Do you get up for Fajr?
Do you have a problem moving to a different country or state to be with your spouse?

After all the asking questions- find out where suitor lives and ask people in the neighborhood about them. It's unfortunate but people lie about themselves during proposal.

Mofpearl:
I wished they named some brands that use pig for their products. I often don't research about companies because I assume that everything coming is regulated.

Mofpearl:
Found this to be very comprehensive. Posting because it might help someone else.

100 PRE MARITAL QUESTIONS

What is your concept of marriage?
Have you been married before?
Are you married now?
What are you expectations of marriage?
What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?

What is the role of religion in your life now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?

What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
What is the role of the husband?
What is the role of the wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
What is your relationship with your family?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?

If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
How did you get to know them?
Why are they your friends?
What do you like most about them?
What will your relationship with them after marriage be?

Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
What is the level of your relationship with them now?
What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)

Do you travel?
How do you spend your vacations?
How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Do you read?
What do you read?
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?

If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?

How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?

What is you definition of wealth?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
Do you use credit cards?
Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
Do you believe in abortion?
Do you have children now?
What is your relationship with your children now?
What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?

What is the best method(s) of raising children?
What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
How were you raised?
How were you disciplined?
Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Do you believe in public school for your children?
Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?

...............
Modified to include my own questions
Asides family relatives, do you have non-mahram contacts on your phone? If you do who are they?
Do you watch movies?
Do you listen to music?
How do you spend your weekend- do you invite friends over every weekend(if you do who will cook for them) or spend time with family?
Are you a gamer? If you are, how many hours a day do you spend playing video games?
Do you smoke or drink alcohol?
Do you have a problem with eating outside?
How important is food to you?
How do you think couples should make their decisions? Should they both discuss it together or does the head make the decision and wife follows?
If you and your spouse were to have a fight, who would you talk to?
Do you get up for Fajr?
Do you have a problem moving to a different country or state?

After all the asking questions- find out where suitor lives and ask people in the neighborhood about them. It's unfortunate but people lie about themselves during proposal.

luv2talk:
[b]I graduated from University 8 years ago, i was jobless for good 5 years before one of my Aunt help me secure a state Govt teaching Job. Through out my struggling period, no woman sees any future or potentials in me. Though, Im a born Comedian and many girls appreciate my sense of humor, but no one want to identify with poverty
Im yet to married because i had two heart-breaks that almost cost me my life. The first Girl friend's Dad didnt allow me to marry her daughter cos i was a Teacher then i tried to persuade her that things will get better, But her Dad couldnt see future in me.
Few month later, i was match-made with an abuja based muslim girl through a family friend. when i opened up to the lady that im a teacher, she asked if im willing to look for federal job or other high paying Job, i said NO, cos i knew what i was doing. i told her that im a Blogger and within a year, inshallah, i will be earning millions. She laughed at me and gave me conditions that before she could marry me, i must have a job that pays not less than 100k and i must be ready to relocate to ABJ.
I almost gave up my dream of becoming a successful blogger. i arranged with a friend in abuja who got me a teaching job at one international sch there and they were ready to pay me 120k. i rushed to call my girl friend and informed her about the Good news. Alas!! She replied it was too late, that she has found he guy with secured future. i nearly commit suicide then. Well, just one month after she dump me. Google sent me Half a million naira as my accumulated blog adverts.
Inshallah today, Im the proud owner of Entertainment and Gossip blog www.Vibenigeria.com where I earn almost 7 figures from Google adverts every month. I just even open another tutorial blog www.TipsMill.com where i research solutions to what many people are searching for, ranging from Health, relationship, marriage, Business idea, Technology and more.
Exactly this time last year, the bike i use to ply around knocked and i couldnt afford to repair it.Poverty was my middle name then, seeing what i looked like then can even scare a potential wife . Mehn, Thunder Fire Poverty
I live more comfortable now and i employ 3 people that earns Higher 5 figures monthly from me.

Now, Many women are professing their love for me now as if i be learner
Anyway sha, i wish im married, but Allah knows the best

Since then, i have lost hope in women, i find it difficult to fall in love again. Im a well-read mallam, But im happily single. only in love with my blogging business[/b]

N.B
Nairaland and Linda Ikeji really played dominant role in my blogging career, inshallah, im going to publish my story on my birthday 9th Jan. here on how i become a successful blogger within a year. its going to make front page and im sure linda ikeji is going to publish it too

Empiree:
^^

That's interesting story by lov2talk. Well, you really can't blame them considering economy situation in nija. Sunnah will be hard to practice. Practicing deen more efficiently requires wealth or steady income.

You can at least be happy that none of the two came back in your life and take you for a ride. The second girl could have easily done that to you and at the end of the day, she had dumped you still.

Don't lose hope. You can still get woman of your choice starting from missyqween herself