larza:

I face exactly the same problem. Where i don't see alot of Muslim men
And unlike churches where singles are giving opportunities to meet themselves. It doesn't happen here and when you go to mosque to pray after prayers everyone goes thier separate ways.

I think Muslim community are not doing enough for us to find Muslim partners.But there are so many Muslim online sites which i don't consider the right means for me.

I meet christian men who fit in my category but rarely meet Muslim men..
I was once introduced to a Muslim brother but i decided to give it a go

The question he asked me mde me angry. He rang me and first question was my age which i was reluctant to tell him but told him
I felt it should not be the sort of questions to ask
The first time we ever spoke


then he later told me he was in the university for 10years in Nigeria.he came out with no degree.he then travelled to Malaysia to start all over Which i thought was very good of him
But as time went by he didn't seem like he had enough drive and was not enlightened about many things I expect someone of his age to know.He likes to watch movies and does not really develop himself. The sort of questions he asks leaves me wondering if he is the sort of man I wanted. I letter friend zoned him
So please brothers up your game.

Very funny. You think brothers do not see non-Muslim women who fit their type intellectually? They do not go for these women because of religion.

My advice: approach your imam and tell him that you want a Muslim brother for a husband.

By the way, you ladies should also up your game, not all brothers can get married to sisters who are older than them. The next brother may likely ask you questions that may annoy you, are you going to friend zone him and others after him?

AbdH:


Very funny. You think brothers do not see non-Muslim women who fit their type intellectually? They do not go for these women because of religion.

My advice: approach your imam and tell him that you want a Muslim brother for a husband.

By the way, you ladies should also up your game, not all brothers can get married to sisters who are older than them. The next brother may likely ask you questions that may annoy you, are you going to friend zone him and others after him?

Take it easy na brother.. haba

Candis009:


Take it easy na brother.. haba

I'm sorry if I seem harsh...it wasn't my intent.

larza:

I face exactly the same problem. Where i don't see alot of Muslim men
And unlike churches where singles are giving opportunities to meet themselves. It doesn't happen here and when you go to mosque to pray after prayers everyone goes thier separate ways.

I think Muslim community are not doing enough for us to find Muslim partners.But there are so many Muslim online sites which i don't consider the right means for me.

I meet christian men who fit in my category but rarely meet Muslim men..
I was once introduced to a Muslim brother but i decided to give it a go

The question he asked me mde me angry. He rang me and first question was my age which i was reluctant to tell him but told him
I felt it should not be the sort of questions to ask
The first time we ever spoke


then he later told me he was in the university for 10years in Nigeria.he came out with no degree.he then travelled to Malaysia to start all over Which i thought was very good of him
But as time went by he didn't seem like he had enough drive and was not enlightened about many things I expect someone of his age to know.He likes to watch movies and does not really develop himself. The sort of questions he asks leaves me wondering if he is the sort of man I wanted. I letter friend zoned him
So please brothers up your game.

Why did u result in friend zoning him instead of just opening up clearly to him about what u want and all and ur exact qualities in a man, u just said he watches movies and doesn't want to upgrade in his deen and all but if we get to meet him and ask whatsup about u from him have u ever resulted in thinking he might say u have a kiddish attitude(no insult meant).

Because if a guy ask about your age after u both get talking then he surely saw some meaning to your words! So place yourself in his shoes, a guy who schooled 10yrs in nigerian educational sector would always wise up and be smart so if ur feeling is he watches movie and doesn't want to learn new things? Why do u believe he asked your age too? Just maybe u watch movies too and doesn't wanna wise up though! (No insult meant whatsoever)

bimp08:

the fact dat i wear a scarf does nt mean i tie a scarf over my head i respect all d conditions of the hijab.loose ,not transparent,covered except d face n d hands,not colourful n d last time i checked d quran did not provide women wif a specific way of covering as lng as ur d conditions of d hijab is fulfilled.

Covering hair is normal, all the overboard hijabs is choice

AbdH:


I'm sorry if I seem harsh...it wasn't my intent.

Baba Cool down O! Lol

balash:


Baba Cool down O! Lol

I'm cool

larza:

I face exactly the same problem. Where i don't see alot of Muslim men
And unlike churches where singles are giving opportunities to meet themselves. It doesn't happen here and when you go to mosque to pray after prayers everyone goes thier separate ways.

I think Muslim community are not doing enough for us to find Muslim partners.But there are so many Muslim online sites which i don't consider the right means for me.

I meet christian men who fit in my category but rarely meet Muslim men..
I was once introduced to a Muslim brother but i decided to give it a go

The question he asked me mde me angry. He rang me and first question was my age which i was reluctant to tell him but told him
I felt it should not be the sort of questions to ask
The first time we ever spoke


then he later told me he was in the university for 10years in Nigeria.he came out with no degree.he then travelled to Malaysia to start all over Which i thought was very good of him
But as time went by he didn't seem like he had enough drive and was not enlightened about many things I expect someone of his age to know.He likes to watch movies and does not really develop himself. The sort of questions he asks leaves me wondering if he is the sort of man I wanted. I letter friend zoned him
So please brothers up your game.

Well, maybe you should try the Muslim Singles Matching Service (MSMS) we have created. https://www.nairaland.com/1935933/muslim-singles-matching-service-msms

Try and be detailed on the kind of spouse you want and the kind of person you are as well.

Assalam alaikum ww...I have learnt and recalled some things on here....I would like to add some lines...these go to men out there.
1.I am married
2. She WAS a scarfite (even pt scarfite )
3. She doesn't know much about REAL Islam
4. Now! she has (3 colours ) big hijabs to match her outfits
5. Now want to enrol her in a modrazat in our neighborhood
6. she follows and does 99% of everything I tell her to do @ home (that 99% means she's not perfect as I do not expected her to )
7. Alhamdulilah! she's beautiful... it's not just permissible to showcase her beauty here
8. I am not an USTADZ but I know I am pious, I submit to every quote from the Qur'an and haadith..even though I av not started practising all but I'm not against any (in said much they r "Allah says or prophet Muhammad says / does " this or that..good .intention is veeeeeeery essential in all deeds in our deen...
#bottomLines
it's only Allah that can make ur wife be submissive... choose ur partner with sincerity and good intentions... you can remould or reshape your wives....

*MODIFIED *
TRUTH IS ONE,,,,, THE BEST JIHAD NOW IS FOR US (ESP YOUTHS ) TO SEEK FOR KNOWLEDGE ..SO THAT WE WON'T LIMIT OURSELVES ONLY ON WHAT DIFFERENT ALFAS TELL US...
1.hijab is a must (face n hands r optional )
2. beard is a must (sunnatu muhakada )
3. "jumbing sokoto " as a sister posted is a must to
4.all other obligations n mandatory deeds of the prophet (pbuh ) are must... one again TRUTH IS ONE let's stop practising MODERN ISLAM THAT SEEMS TO SUIT MOST YOUTHS (esp in campuses ) ...
there is an haadith reported by "help me out, USTADZ " in the house that.. only 1 evidence is enough for who's ready to advance /improve in his / her deen but several evidences r not enough to convince who's never ready to improve.
...assalam aww

balash:




A guy with all the qualities u just mentioned with an average income and a one room apartment can u still take him home

Just logged in to see this.
Yes as far as he is industrious, has aspirations and always strives towards achieving them.

Nice debate though. Twas fun, a good distraction for me.

yeyenati:

Just logged in to see this.
Yes as far as he is industrious, has aspirations and always strives towards achieving them.

Nice debate though. Twas fun, a good distraction for me.

Yes dear! Heard about your Mom Demise, May The Good Lord Forgive Her Sins And Grant Her al-janah firdaous,Sorry I wasn't able to come over too! Heard about it late..take heart dear

maclatunji:
Alhamdulillah, after a very exciting and educative debate with both the men's team and women's team putting in so much effort, we are glad to announce the results for voting on the winning team for the first edition of the Nairaland Islam Section Debate (NISD).


Men's Team

Total Likes:: 20

Total Shares: 9

Total Votes: 29



Women's Team

Total Likes:: 31

Total Shares: 17

Total Votes: 48

Votes were made on the special voting posts which have now been hidden.


Therefore, for the purpose of this debate as a competition, the women's team are hereby declared as the winners. Congratulations to them.

However, in reality we are all winners because we have tackled and continue to tackle an important issue which is key in the life of the overwhelming majority of most individuals- getting married.

This debate is by no means exhaustive and I am sure every single and even married person that has read this debate has learnt a few things and now know of more things they might need to change about themselves.

For those Muslim singles who are really looking to get married and are having serious challenges with finding the "right one", you might be interested in using the Muslim Singles Matching Service (MSMS) https://www.nairaland.com/1935933/muslim-singles-matching-service-msms. If you were impressed by the organisation and delivery of this debate, know that a large part of the people behind the MSMS have also helped to conceptualise and organise it. Hopefully, you will give our service a trial.

The thread will now be reopened for the discussion to continue.

I pray Almighty Allah (SWT) continue to strengthen you all and never to forsake you for this laudable debate.

Barakallahu fikum

amodu:


I pray Almighty Allah (SWT) continue to strengthen you all and never to forsake you for this laudable debate.

Barakallahu fikum

Ameen.

salam alaykum warahmotullah wabarakatuh ya ikwan. Alhamdulillah we still have youths in Islam that are intellectually blessed. To my knowledge of the Deen I will like to make some contributions to all been said over here.
1. Let's all know that there's no moderation of Islam since inception except from fatwas(rulings) to expantiate on them. Any other are bid'ah!
2. let's put an end to modern day Islam and do exactly what we are asked to do. don't overdo and don't do less.
3. A brother wearing a designer doesn't mean he's extravagant so far that he's doing what is ordained to do and wearing it the right way. he might try to imitate some rich Sahaba e.g Abd Rahman ibn Awf.
4. As per no. 3 its contrary to sister wears, imagine a sis putting on makeup(how on earth will that last when u r going to av a 5 daily solat?), and its been said that they shldnt entice men with their beauty but we see lot of them on social networks doing it the wrong way.
5. Allah told us He won't accept half islam but we r not ready to perform full Islam. and yet we write it on our profiles that "we r striving for jannah".. Firdaus no be beans o.
6. To our sisters, you r of 2 types;
I. this brother is too sunnatic, I can't cope cos I won't be able socialize and do what pleases me. But he's loving and caring.
II. this brother is rich but not calm. He is a free giver but don't stay much at home.
6. Our brothers too r of this types.
I. She's a niqabite and my family won't accept her cos they believe they either have bad past or worse attitude. But she's vast in Islamic knowledge and western education, of good attitude and pious.
II. She only put on scarf and only knows the basis of Islam but also gud n pious.
III. She's all I want but older than me.
IV. she's an HND holder and not BSc holder.
7. For both and the worst of all
I. He/She is not of my tribe!
II. His/Her parents are not wealthy
iII. He/She has a bad past.
8. If we all want a perfect gal or guy, we will have to get clay and mould them to ur taste.
Remember, marriage is half of our deen and we need to complete it.
-Build ur partner to ur taste and let each other know what u r lacking and work things out.
- Teach one anoda the deen and let them do it for Allah's sake alone!
- don't marry someone that cannot correct u when u r wrong.
- Marry someone that'll make ur offspring better than u are.
- Marry early so that you'll be free from ziina and dnt make haram tge foundation of ur relationship
- whether u r the male or female, make sure u respect each other and wheb deres commotion, one shld be submissive.

May Allah forgive us all and make this ujah for us n not against us on the day of Akir. Subhannaka Allahumo wa bihamdik, ash ahdu an la ilaha ila anta astagfirllah wa atubu ileyk. Salam alaykum.

olawalebabs:


Women, getting what they want since the time of Adam.

YES O, anytime

balash:


Why did u result in friend zoning him instead of just opening up clearly to him about what u want and all and ur exact qualities in a man, u just said he watches movies and doesn't want to upgrade in his deen and all but if we get to meet him and ask whatsup about u from him have u ever resulted in thinking he might say u have a kiddish attitude(no insult meant).

Because if a guy ask about your age after u both get talking then he surely saw some meaning to your words! So place yourself in his shoes, a guy who schooled 10yrs in nigerian educational sector would always wise up and be smart so if ur feeling is he watches movie and doesn't want to learn new things? Why do u believe he asked your age too? Just maybe u watch movies too and doesn't wanna wise up though! (No insult meant whatsoever)

I am not offended at all. He was the one that contacted me and i really feel we ladies are sensitive to guys asking for our age
This is someone i don't know and i didn't tell him i want to get married so why would his first question be how old are you.i was taken back by that but went ahead to tell him he then asked for my DOB maybe to confirm. If you dnt know its a turn off for us ladies. he should at least developed a bit of rapport with me.
And i didn't mention he wanted to know how much i earn as well
He makes it feel like i am looking for a husband. And more like an interrogation than a conversation.

larza:


I am not offended at all. He was the one that contacted me and i really feel we ladies are sensitive to guys asking for our age
This is someone i don't know and i didn't tell him i want to get married so why would his first question be how old are you.i was taken back by that but went ahead to tell him he then asked for my DOB maybe to confirm. If you dnt know its a turn off for us ladies. he should at least developed a bit of rapport with me.
And i didn't mention he wanted to know how much i earn as well
He makes it feel like i am looking for a husband. And more like an interrogation than a conversation.

Wow Am Sorry I Resulted in Reading other meanings to your posts cox I had this thought he asked the age based on some personal behavioural attitude of yours.

You were not explicit enough either, he asking your age and still ask for DOB meant he started on a fully wrong foot 'Lack of trust' then asking for what you earn monthly shows either two thing he might be a gold digger or a lazy guy. What has what my gf/wife earn any of my problem or whatsoever? Even if my wife earn more than me am trained to feed my wife and family whatsoever she earn is probably an help when am not closeby and she needs to get things done and am sure I will return it when am back lol, And surely get things for her our kids!! Well sorry for resulting in reading meanings to your earlier post! I support friendzoning him lol.. I would have said I should advise you on relationship matters but we are on the same shoes on this lol

larza:


I am not offended at all. He was the one that contacted me and i really feel we ladies are sensitive to guys asking for our age
This is someone i don't know and i didn't tell him i want to get married so why would his first question be how old are you.i was taken back by that but went ahead to tell him he then asked for my DOB maybe to confirm. If you dnt know its a turn off for us ladies. he should at least developed a bit of rapport with me.
And i didn't mention he wanted to know how much i earn as well
He makes it feel like i am looking for a husband. And more like an interrogation than a conversation.

LOL.

Ladies should not be sensitive to a man asking for their age. I have seen too many cases of people starting relationships on lies. It is better you tell him at the outset than for him to fall head over heels in love with you. A simple fact like this can rock a seemingly perfect union.
I know someone who lied to her husband, she is at least 2 years older than him. I don't think he knows yet but they already have issues which she claims are due to his dishonesty.
Imagine the predictions for this marriage if he finds out her true age or his mother finds out!
Tell him what he wants to know, if he doesn't like it, let him move on.
No friend zoning though in Islam. We need to stop copying non muslims.


May Allah ease our affairs, Amin

ayinba1:
Ladies should not be sensitive to a man asking for their age. I have seen too many cases of people starting relationships on lies. It is better you tell him at the outset than for him to fall head over heels in love with you. A simple fact like this can rock a seemingly perfect union.
I know someone who lied to her husband, she is at least 2 years older than him. I don't think he knows yet but they already have issues which she claims are due to his dishonesty.
Imagine the predictions for this marriage if he finds out her true age or his mother finds out!
Tell him what he wants to know, if he doesn't like it, let him move on.
No friend zoning though in Islam. We need to stop copying non muslims.


May Allah ease our affairs, Amin

Sometimes, ladies love to complicate matters. Many men like hard facts, whilst many women want emotional roller-coaster rides before taking a decision.

ayinba1:
Ladies should not be sensitive to a man asking for their age. I have seen too many cases of people starting relationships on lies. It is better you tell him at the outset than for him to fall head over heels in love with you. A simple fact like this can rock a seemingly perfect union.
I know someone who lied to her husband, she is at least 2 years older than him. I don't think he knows yet but they already have issues which she claims are due to his dishonesty.
Imagine the predictions for this marriage if he finds out her true age or his mother finds out!
Tell him what he wants to know, if he doesn't like it, let him move on.
No friend zoning though in Islam. We need to stop copying non muslims.


May Allah ease our affairs, Amin

Ameen, and right sister.

For me and I think for most, the issue isn't what exactly was lied about but the fact that the person was dishonest. Good or bad, it's always better to be honest, trust me! Even lying about insignificant things still give your partner or whoever you lied to a reason to not trust you. Besides lying is haram anyway.

maclatunji:


Sometimes, ladies love to complicate matters. Many men like hard facts, whilst many women want emotional roller-coaster rides before taking a decision.

I disagree, everyone goes by what they're told, man and woman. And believe me no emotionally healthy person wants a rollercoaster ride. The issue is that some men think women are fragile and can't take the truth which is wrong. Both should just be honest and keep it moving to avoid unnecessary head ache and stress.

maclatunji:
Let us discuss: How the Gap Between Single Muslim Men and Women can be Bridged

I'll advise that another thread should be opened for this...

bimp08:

the fact dat i wear a scarf does nt mean i tie a scarf over my head i respect all d conditions of the hijab.loose ,not transparent,covered except d face n d hands,not colourful n d last time i checked d quran did not provide women wif a specific way of covering as lng as ur d conditions of d hijab is fulfilled.

I believe you can move up the ladder.Just be patient and persevered in your deen, in sha Allah, you will meet the rightful person.Society and environmental factors also have to be considered. Who do you socialise with and others need to be critical ly look at and assess!

larza:


I am not offended at all. He was the one that contacted me and i really feel we ladies are sensitive to guys asking for our age
This is someone i don't know and i didn't tell him i want to get married so why would his first question be how old are you.i was taken back by that but went ahead to tell him he then asked for my DOB maybe to confirm. If you dnt know its a turn off for us ladies. he should at least developed a bit of rapport with me.
And i didn't mention he wanted to know how much i earn as well
He makes it feel like i am looking for a husband. And more like an interrogation than a conversation.

To put it in a sentence:You are not ready for marriage sister, you only want relationship.. Period!!!!

semioyin:


I disagree, everyone goes by what they're told, man and woman. And believe me no emotionally healthy person wants a rollercoaster ride. The issue is that some men think women are fragile and can't take the truth which is wrong. Both should just be honest and keep it moving to avoid unnecessary head ache and stress.

Many ladies get cold feet when you open-up to them and tell them everything they need to know in terms of what you want from them and what you have to offer with a view to working towards marriage.

You tell a lady frankly that: "you match what I am looking for and she throws bricks your way". Tell her you just want to be friends and sweet talk her and she is likely to accept that. You ask yourself: to what end?

They might however be pushy if they initiated contact having assessed you and decided that they are interested in you.

maclatunji:


Many ladies get cold feet when you open-up to them and tell them everything they need to know in terms of what you want from them and what you have to offer with a view to working towards marriage.

You tell a lady frankly that: "you match what I am looking for and she throws bricks your way". Tell her you just want to be friends and sweet talk her and she is likely to accept that. You ask yourself: to what end?

They might however be pushy if they initiated contact having assessed you and decided that they are interested in you.

Many men get cold feet when you open-up to them and tell them everything they need to know in terms of what you want from them and what you have to offer with a view to working towards marriage

They might however be pushy if they initiated contact having assessed you and decided that they are interested in you.

Not all men are the same as not all women are the same, however some men and women are very much alike, just look at the above

Some are only interested if they feel like they worked and deserved the others acceptance and lose interest if the "reward" is handed to them immediately.

Others are more efficient because the goal is to find someone they're compatible with without the need to win them.

And then there's the pushy one's who simply don't get a "no, I'm not interested" and makes you feel suffocated.. these can also be the same as the the first group, as in they're trying to win u over to applaud themselves..

The main point of all of this is that all men aren't the same and all women aren't the same and most traits that u see in women can also be found in men. But we shouldn't lel the first and third group kill our hope if we know what we want. Sooner or later you'll bump into another one who is only interested in seeing if you match without all the games and nonsense.

semioyin:




Many men get cold feet when you open-up to them and tell them everything they need to know in terms of what you want from them and what you have to offer with a view to working towards marriage

They might however be pushy if they initiated contact having assessed you and decided that they are interested in you.

Not all men are the same as not all women are the same, however some men and women are very much alike, just look at the above

Some are only interested if they feel like they worked and deserved the others acceptance and lose interest if the "reward" is handed to them immediately.

Others are more efficient because the goal is to find someone they're compatible with without the need to win them.

And then there's the pushy one's who simply don't get a "no, I'm not interested" and makes you feel suffocated.. these can also be the same as the the first group, as in they're trying to win u over to applaud themselves..

The main point of all of this is that all men aren't the same and all women aren't the same and most traits that u see in women can also be found in men. But we shouldn't lel the first and third group kill our hope if we know what we want. Sooner or later you'll bump into another one who is only interested in seeing if you match without all the games and nonsense.

On this we can both agree.