Well, Nairalanders I need advice please. I was taken away from my mum since over twelve years ago {since my dad died}. Now, I had gotten back in contact with my mum and all I want now is to go back to her but my dad's family wouldn't want me to. The first thing that came into my mind was to run away but I don't want to run away. How do I tell them that I want to go back to my mum without bringing back dead memories? I know if I tell them, they'll conduct a family meeting on me but I don't really care about the meeting. The main thing I want now is how to tell them my plan. MATURE ADVICES NEEDED PLEASE!

Yawns

starlingleanets:
Yawns

meaning!?!

how old are u? u said u hv get contact with ur mummy. Hv u see her or u do call her?. Is ur mummy remarried? these are the question that need an answer b4 any advice. sorry

If I may ask?

What are the reasons why you were separated from your Mum?

What is your age range now?
I mean how independent are you now?

A yoruba adage says: Tí owó eni kò bá tí te èku idà, a kìí bére ikú tó pà baba eni.

That is, if one's hand has not gotten hold of the sword, one does not ask for the cause of his father's death.

adebayour26:
If I may ask?

What are the reasons why you were separated from your Mum?

What is your age range now?
I mean how independent are you now?

A yoruba adage says: Tí owó eni kò bá tí te èku idà, a kìí bére ikú tó pà baba eni.

That is, if one's hand has not gotten hold of the sword, one does not ask for the cause of his father's death.

very well said

To answer some of your questions:- I'm 19yrs old now and my mum is not remarried. I have her contacts. In fact, we speak on phone almost everyday. I have her current home address with me. The only problem is telling the people I'm currently living with.

adebayour26:
If I may ask?

What are the reasons why you were separated from your Mum?

What is your age range now?
I mean how independent are you now?

A yoruba adage says: Tí owó eni kò bá tí te èku idà, a kìí bére ikú tó pà baba eni.

That is, if one's hand has not gotten hold of the sword, one does not ask for the cause of his father's death.

Very well said.

@op,to add to the above.
What is your mother stand over this issue? Is she willing to take you back as much as you wish to return to her.

You said you have been separated from her for 12 years and YOU JUST GOT HER CONTACT recently. Does that mean in the last 12 year you both haven't communicated or seen in all these years of separation She never payed you any visit/called/send money/buy you gifts/clothes/provisions e.t.c

If your answers to the above questions is YES then am sorry to tell you this which is the very bitter truth,there is no point going back to your mother o. Stay were you are and focus on your future abeg.
Your mother must have remarried and moved on in life. I doubt if she did be interested in having you back now if she hasn't looked back in the past 12 years ( no excuse what's so ever justifies such action) except otherwise you both communicated and she visited you,which I doubt cause you dint mention any impact or role she played in your life in the past 12 years you where separated.


I stand to be corrected IF I am wrong.

You are 19 years old now and as such an adult and capable of taking care of yourself and your mother and as well as making your own decisions, I would advice you go and see your mother, take care bro.

EazyBoi:
To answer some of your questions:- I'm 19yrs old now and my mum is not remarried. I have her contacts. In fact, we speak on phone almost everyday. I have her current home address with me. The only problem is telling the people I'm currently living with.

Why were you taken from your mum? Why the separation for 12 years?

What did you do?

EazyBoi:
To answer some of your questions:- I'm 19yrs old now and my mum is not remarried. I have her contacts. In fact, we speak on phone almost everyday. I have her current home address with me. The only problem is telling the people I'm currently living with.

Since when did you both start talking on phone ALMOST EVERY DAY? Cause according to the 3rd and 4th line of your first post you said you have just gotten back in contact with her.

How did you both loose contact in the first place? Are you comfortable where you are now or they mistreating you? Are you feeding well and how is the state of your education? What was your mothers excuse for the loose of communication? What has she been doing all this while you both dint communicate??

I am a mother and I know and see what women do for their kids. I WOULD fight tooth and nail before any soul would separate me from my kids oo

Let me advise you from experience.
I lost my dad when I was in JSS2 and was separated from my mum almost immediately. Three years later in SS2 I left my step-sister whom I hitherto lived with a went to my mum. My step-sister's first son was a lawyer so he wanted me to become one too.

Unfortunately, when I reached my mum's place, she was living in abject penury. I ended up on the farm for the next two years. I skipped part of SS2 & the whole of SS3. I couldn't go to the university then, I eventually went to NCE.

What am I saying? If they have plans for you, please stay. You mum of 12 years ago, will surprise you when you pack to her. At 19, you will soon leave secondary school if you haven't finished. #Juststayput#

however, the best experience is when you have it, you may go anywhere but think twice; never thrice.

taryour:


Very well said.

@op,to add to the above.
What is your mother stand over this issue? Is she willing to take you back as much as you wish to return to her.

You said you have been separated from her for 12 years and YOU JUST GOT HER CONTACT recently. Does that mean in the last 12 year you both haven't communicated or seen in all these years of separation She never payed you any visit/called/send money/buy you gifts/clothes/provisions e.t.c

If your answers to the above questions is YES then am sorry to tell you this which is the very bitter truth,there is no point going back to your mother o. Stay were you are and focus on your future abeg.
Your mother must have remarried and moved on in life. I doubt if she did be interested in having you back now if she hasn't looked back in the past 12 years ( no excuse what's so ever justifies such action) except otherwise you both communicated and she visited you,which I doubt cause you dint mention any impact or role she played in your life in the past 12 years you where separated.


I stand to be corrected IF I am wrong.

Well, she visited me like twice but she was openly disgraced. She bought me things if I understand what you mean but I wasn't allowed to take it from her. From our convo so far she wants me back if it's possible. She was even willing to come and see me but I told her not to worry that I'll find a way around it. I'm not getting what I want here. The biggest reason why I wanted to return to her is that the pple I'm currently living wit are illiterates. They have little or no care for my education as long as I'm eating and wearing good clothes. Is that all there is to life?

taryour:



Since when did you both start talking on phone ALMOST EVERY DAY? Cause according to the 3rd and 4th line of your first post you said you have just gotten back in contact with her.

How did you both loose contact in the first place? Are you comfortable where you are now or they mistreating you? Are you feeding well and how is the state of your education? What was your mothers excuse for the loose of communication? What has she been doing all this while you both dint communicate??

I am a mother and I know and see what women do for their kids. I WOULD fight tooth and nail before any soul would separate me from my kids oo

Let me ask u a question, ma. Maybe u were in my mum's shoe and u came to take ur kid then ur mother in law cursed u openly wit her breast open, would u want to return there in the nearest future? They thought my mum killed my dad.

Op go and meet your mum. No one needs to advice you about that.even if you don't get to stay with her now,just pay her a visit and see things for yourself,with that you can come to a conclusion.

Well, see peepz, I'm real determined to leave this place cos I'm not comfortable here. I've made my research and I'm satisfied wit the result. I just don't want to run away, I wnt the pple here to know that's why I'm asking for advice. How can I approach them to tell them?

EazyBoi:
Let me ask u a question, ma. Maybe u were in my mum's shoe and u came to take ur kid then ur mother in law cursed u openly wit her breast open, would u want to return there in the nearest future? They thought my mum killed my dad.

YES YES YES I WILL TAKE MY CHILD ALONG WITH ME. I will also return that curse with my opened bossom in which I breast feed my children with and also the same bosom her child sucked and cherished. As long as she is innocent of the charges then no curse is valid.

That as far as am concerned is still not enough reason to leave her child.

taryour:



YES YES YES I WILL TAKE MY CHILD ALONG WITH ME. I will also return that curse with my opened bossom in which I breast feed my children with and also the same bosom her child sucked and cherished. As long as she is innocent of the charges then no curse is valid.

That as far as am concerned is still not enough reason to leave her child.

I like this.

taryour:

YES YES YES I WILL TAKE MY CHILD ALONG WITH ME. I will also return that curse with my opened bossom in which I breast feed my children with and also the same bosom her child sucked and cherished. As long as she is innocent of the charges then no curse is valid.
That as far as am concerned is still not enough reason to leave her child.

Oh please get over yourself we know you are perfect and would have acted perfectly, she knew what she went through and her son has forgiven her and is willing to go to her GET OVER IT.

Poster, why dont you start with a weekend visit. Tell your people that you would like to visit your mom for the weekend, the worse they would do is quarel but you are an adult it is your right if you want to to meet your mother. Respectfully inform them and expect some opposition but still hold your grounds.

Good luck

The guy came here for advice on how to inform his people that he wants to see his mom, simple. He didnt come to ask for his mother to be judged or condemned, he didnt ask for perfect moms to highlight his mothers shortcomings, he is okay with his mothers actions or inactions, simply advice him on how to inform his people or if you have none look for another thread or open a thread and highlight your perfection in motherhood.

Human beings go through imperfect situations and may not act perfectly. So if we now establish that his mother is a terrible devil what next? He should barnish her to hell fire abi

aisha2:


Oh please get over yourself we know you are perfect and would have acted perfectly, she knew what she went through and her son has forgiven her and is willing to go to her GET OVER IT.

Poster, why dont you start with a weekend visit. Tell your people that you would like to visit your mom for the weekend, the worse they would do is quarel but you are an adult it is your right if you want to to meet your mother. Respectfully inform them and expect some opposition but still hold your grounds.

Good luck

And please where in my post or any post I have ever posted on this forum did I ever state that I am perfect

please and please respect yourself. If my opinion does not tally with your then please by all means KEEP MUTE.

I have only typed here what I can and what I will do as a mother, however I decide to act over my own children is non of your business.

aisha2:


Oh please get over yourself we know you are perfect and would have acted perfectly, she knew what she went through and her son has forgiven her and is willing to go to her GET OVER IT.

Poster, why dont you start with a weekend visit. Tell your people that you would like to visit your mom for the weekend, the worse they would do is quarel but you are an adult it is your right if you want to to meet your mother. Respectfully inform them and expect some opposition but still hold your grounds.

Good luck

Thanks madame. This is the most candid advice I've got in this thread.

EazyBoi:
Thanks madame. This is the most candid advice I've got in this thread.

Am happy you know your mother isn't a bad mother or a horrible woman as is being debated here but a victim of circumstances.
As you grow older you have to make good choices and move forward. Like I said start slowly, establish a relationship, and take it from there. God be with you

Op, I suggest you start by paying her a visit, Get a clearer picture of things and then take it from there. .. Goodluck

Btw, your mum must have gone through a lot being accused of killing her husband, it's well....

Thank you all for ur candid advices and criticisms. May the good Lord continue to bless you.

The first thing you need to know as a young man especially in Nigeria is that you do not get your independence served on a tray, you have to fight for it and prove you are worthy of it.
First thank them for all they have done for you so far- spend some time doing this
Then tell your fathers people that you need to see your mother for some time to get to know her.
She is your mother. They had theirs so they should not deprive you of theirs. Make it clear that you remain in your fathers family you are just visiting your mum.
If you wish to stay there and you have a better future there then do so, after all it would benefit your fathers family at the end of the day if you have a bright future.
Make them see the positive side of it.
Let them bring all the history they want to bring up- you can politely tell them that those issues were between your parents and you cannot question or judge them. You do not want to take sides either- all you want is to experience the love of a mother. They will respect that. You need to know what to say and how to say it. Do not let the conversation go too far. Explain to them that you are only informing them because you respect them.
They will understand that you are a man and have spoken like a man.

taryour:



YES YES YES I WILL TAKE MY CHILD ALONG WITH ME. I will also return that curse with my opened bossom in which I breast feed my children with and also the same bosom her child sucked and cherished. As long as she is innocent of the charges then no curse is valid.

That as far as am concerned is still not enough reason to leave her child.

I love this post with all my heart !

mutter:
The first thing you need to know as a young man especially in Nigeria is that you do not get your independence served on a tray, you have to fight for it and prove you are worthy of it.
First thank them for all they have done for you so far- spend some time doing this
Then tell your fathers people that you need to see your mother for some time to get to know her.
She is your mother. They had theirs so they should not deprive you of theirs. Make it clear that you remain in your fathers family you are just visiting your mum.
If you wish to stay there and you have a better future there then do so, after all it would benefit your fathers family at the end of the day if you have a bright future.
Make them see the positive side of it.
Let them bring all the history they want to bring up- you can politely tell them that those issues were between your parents and you cannot question or judge them. You do not want to take sides either- all you want is to experience the love of a mother. They will respect that. You need to know what to say and how to say it. Do not let the conversation go too far. Explain to them that you are only informing them because you respect them.
They will understand that you are a man and have spoken like a man.

I love this post. Thanks ma.