This weekend, my exuberant 3-yr old nephew was sitting down, hands in his lap. Grandma asked him "do you want to wee-wee?" And our baby replied "I'm protecting my privates"



You see, my brother gifted them with a book written by Nomthi Odukoya titled "No! Don't touch me there". It's a lovely book, talking about child abuse, teaching children how to understand what is right and wrong and how to react.

Now, before you go "my child is perfectly safe, covered by the blood of Jesus" and check out of this thread, let me tell you a few things and share a few personal stories.

Child abuse is one of the most common crimes in Nigeria. It is so common, that almost everyone you know has been abused. I'm not exaggarating. Let's share some real life examples.

1. VVF, where girls too young are having babies. I remember a thread about it and people living there said young girls selling Fura de Nunu will be lured by older men, high on Burantashi, to be attacked, whilst the child wept.

2. Child street hawkers, who are constantly attacked, yet not one has come forward to name their attacker.

3. My friend in primary school, the smallest girl in her class, for 6 months, a bigger girl in her class would follow her to the bathroom, pull her panties down and handle her for 30 mins every day and warn her not to tell anyone. This started age 6 and for 25 years after, my friend couldn't go to the bathroom easily and would stain herself. She also doesn't like having female friends till now.

4. That horrendous video some years back, of 2 children having Bleep in a face-me-i-face-you quarters. Instead of someone stopping them, he filmed it and shared it. The number of Nigerian men that happily shared and viewed that video stunned me.

5. Going swimming at Ikoyi club. The instructor (a man in his 20s) picked a girl to teach (the littlest girl, 14 and she looked like 10 years old). Every time he was supposed to put his hand on her waist, he would instead drop his hand lower and try and slide 2 fingers under her swimsuit towards her privates. He kept doing it all afternoon and the child got more upset but didn't know what to do. He kept smiling. That man is now a father of children and a prayer warrior.

6. A cousin's memory at age 5, where one houseboy was sweeping her dad's room and she used to tag after him. With no-one there, he quickly lifted her dress, pulled his pants down and rubbed his kini all over her privates till she felt a liquid, thereafter he made her change her undies and continued sweeping like nothing happened. She wept when she told her hubby this story at age 33.

7. The boy in my ex's group of friends who boasted that he had deflowered a lot of maids his mum and grandma brough to the house. Most of them underage girls.

8. The cousin who was one of the most popular boys in Unilag and was getting "enough" from girls, who came home and at night, pounced on a relative of ours (still in secondary school). She cried out and ran away and her mum told her to keep quiet and never speak of it again. Now a very wealthy man and father.

9. The Uni of Ife student who, because I came to his dad's bookstore to buy some books and sounded smart, smuggled a love letter through his neighbour (a classmate) to me on Val's day, detailing how much he loved my "walk, talk and just wanted to devour me". I was 14. I gave that letter to my mum in fear.

10. The number of people who will sit down in a cramped bus beside girls in school uniform and be doing elbow nudge to rub against their bosom. And those people think there's nothing wrong with such behaviour.

Have you noticed from all these stories, that these attacks happened everywhere you thought your child was SAFE? Even at my former office, I know what happened to the PA's daughter (8 yrs old) by another co-worker (in his 40s) and after rubbing her chest all over pretending to help her get over a fall, he said "don't tell your mummy o".

We need to educate our babies that there is a type of touching that is wrong. Kids can telll when something upsets them but don't know how to tell adults "I'm scared of another grownup", after all they are taught to respect all adults. Otherwise, they won't complain and as adults, will tell you horror stories and we will keep hearing tales like "15 year old impregnated by 45-year old man" and blaming the girl. Did she know it was wrong, did anyone ever tell her "keep your body to yourself?

I don't work for TFOLC, I just wish parents would buy this book, it costs N350 on Konga and teach their kids what's right and how to handle it. My nephew won't let me touch him in the loo and I'm happy (infact if you ask him what should he do if someone touches him anywhere naughty, his shout of "noooooooo" can wake up a ghost).

Child abuse is rampant in our society. Please start from babyhood to tell your kids to make people respect their bodies and keep reinforcing this until adulthood. Don't let your baby one day grow up and say "Mummy/Daddy, I wish you had known what happened to me and stopped it".

And please before you rush screaming "it is my driver/houseboy that can do this", remember that it may be most likely a classmate, a relative, a teacher/instructor or someone who has access to your child, that looks harmless and responsible, who will most likely be a predator.

They tend to go after children they know, because of the close proximity, they feel more comfortable (after all, if a stranger wants to take my clothes off I would scream, but when my grown-up in university neighbour used to tell 6-year old me I was the prettiest girl ever and he would marry me and then one day my brothers and I were dropped off at his home and he proceeded to watch an Indecency film in front of kids shamelessly, I didn't tell my mum. I was too scared).

And all these predators, they have access to people their age who can satify their needs. But they go after vulnerable people like children and young adults because it's about power. A young adult is anyone under the age of 18. And sadly, people who are abused tend to go and abuse others (child abuse perpetrated by other children is very common in primary school, most abused children grow up not knowing boundaries, struggling with healthy relationships. An abused girl I know grew up to constantly date/marry guys younger than her. Her hubby said it's because her abuser was much older therefore she formed a fear of older men in her mind, she can't date even 2 years older than her because she would feel helpless and out of control and scared, and not know why).

Make sure you get this book, bring up this topic with your little one and ask them "has anyone touched you that you weren't happy about? If anyone touches you, tell them No". If your playful baby suddenyl turns into a quiet withdrawn child who is too scared to leave your side or people they trust, start asking questions, because someone has made them feel threatened.

Abeg, don't let your child be another sad story.

Nice piece.

Beautiful .



They need to be educated about these

Thanks for this was wondering how to teach this lads. Konga don get customers be that.

This is a very important piece, sexual education must start early and moved up as kids age.

Parents must create an atmosphere that makes kids comfortable and able to communicate with them. Parents must actively listen to their children and must not be dismissive of their statements.

When I was much younger, one of my ex neighbour used to 'touch' his house maid in public areas when he thought the coast was clear. She was like 10-13 and just developing. He was caught a few times. This man was married.

Mothers have an important role to play because they are usually closer to the kids.

Good piece. Let's spread the message and get enlightened on how to raise confident, outspoken yet respectful kids.

Already placed an order. No one touches my little girl without her blowing the whistle

Nice one.

Beautiful piece Op apart from konga where else can we get that book?

Seun, ishilove and lalasticlala please help move this to the front-page. People need to see this. This 54 year old impregnates 9 year old thing is getting too rampant abeg.

Onegai, if only you could add a link to your first post. You know our people are very lazy.
Ayamlaykorn

Lovely piece

I was abused when i was like 9....and the memory is still there



nice one op

Brb.

Hehehe

Mm

Hmm

Child abuse is rampant, unlike then, because most mothers spend lesser time educating and watching over their kids. The man is busy working in an oil company, the woman is busy working in a bank, the child is left in the care of people who don't really give them much protection, but make them susceptible to abuse.

Kids who get less attention from their parents are more likely targeted by child abusers than kids who get a lot of time and attention from their parents.

So, parents should carve out time to spend with their kids. It makes them feel secured, protected, and also discourage child abusers from taking chances. Even in their absence, the abusers will psychologically feel their presence around their kids.

Compelling.......

.

hmmm

dis story longooo

Those pervs deserve capital punishment.
Who wan make the law sef? The fence scaling legislators?
PS: parents should protect their children.

I think its good every adolescent should have one.

chai

Very good one OP... it's very common

I should read it abi

Next time summariz

Another traffic for konga

Its so saddening to hear of these things happening on a daily basis. Children should be taught sex education before they get manhandled. Many a time, they do not know what to do because they don't know if its wrong or right. Very nice of you to bring this up!

Beautiful! Parents in Edo state need this.