bukatyne:


Whatever rocks one's boat

I consider it deceit to keep quiet during courtship and start showing yourself after marriage... the period of courtship was wasted then.

Nothing like getting someone who has same values with you... Life is so beautiful

You couldn't have said it better.

freecocoa:
Even if OP is the one with all the faults, why did this man have to accept it all those years only to cry divorce now? People just like putting themselves in trouble sha, mschew.

My thoughts exactly. Very deceptive.

Lepetitechic:


How can you tell when a marriage is worthless?

I will tell you that any day I advertise myself as a marriage counselor.

When you go to your neighbors house to steal goods, you don`t complain about the quality of the fruits.
When you buy a tree at a very expensive price and plant it in your garden, you go wild if the fruits turn out rotten.

aanikky:


Are you married?

Are you proposing?

freecocoa:
You couldn't have said it better.

Thanks

Nonso23:

very.

Some people work towards 'Telemundo marriages' and get it

As you like it

TV01:

The brother tried 0 jare - six years for one fish. Jacob sef only did 7 years for Rachel !

Many women nowadays come with a huge sense of entitlement, especially if lauded as fine, but often for no discernable reason ! He obviously considers her a catch, so put up with her nonsense to seal the deal. Now she's "caught", and it's showtime, she needs to play the role ! The better she plays it, the more fulfilling it will be. I think she can turn this around with a simple "attitude adjustment"


The best thing she could do for herself, them and their unborn child is to take a long hard look at herself and to get to grips with the situation as I've described.

His threats are just flexing, possibly compounded by her being a bit of a liability - pregnant, not working, all the stress to keep things going is squarely on him, and all she can do is parrot demands and expect him to wait on her hand and foot as she "suffers" through labour. Abeg, make like a hebrew woman and let us hear word.


TV

^{**I really should put something together - perhaps post in the "Boys night out" thread. If there's the demand maybe**}

That's the thing about men who act too nice - not like being nice is a bad thing, but a time comes when one just has to look a woman in the face and tell her exactly what you don't like about her personality/character.

All that sentiment on how he has always known about my character and personality..., was just him playing nice and probably avoiding anything that may upset her - I'm pretty sure he was the kind of man she would refer to as real man, the kind who will be a yes man and never be blunt or criticize her (constructively and otherwise).
It can only last for so long.


^{What you want to put together is long overdue..}

Nonso23:

There is no such thing as a 'telemundo' marriage. A blissful one, i agree but telemundo. Very unlikely.
Unless you mean outwardly telemundo neglecting the amount of work put into it in the background by the couple to get it to that phase.
But telemundo in all respects i.e start to finish??
Nah nah.

What is 'Telemundo marriage?' what is 'blissful marriage'

Like I said, as you like it.

bukatyne:


Thanks

You welcome.

crackhaus:

Yet you're not laughing

Bro, e be like say you know this lady (saw your earlier comment)... how far na, her story complete?

una wan kill me with laff na wetin mak me call una clown jaree..

She will definitely show up and complete the story..I believe there are somethings she isnt telling

byvan:




Are you proposing?

Not at all

Ohwhy:
I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding. The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid. It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly. You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet. I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

There are ladies who are in the habit of hurting men whom they date.

They insult the men, spite them, cheat on them to get back at them. One thing I always tell ladies is this. He might be after your beauty and be nice to you. But after the wedding, he will tell you that he is the head and cannot be controlled by you.

Op, for you to mention that he knew your character before marrying you shows that your character is repulsive to the sane mind but since he has been accommodating it while you guys were dating, you expect him to continue accommodating it after marriage.

Why not work on yourself ?

obicentlis:
Hmmmm. I fear marriage eh!


I checked your profile and your other thread which you tried to erase, you have been playing guys that came your way with "yes" to their request. Now, you became serious with this guy you married after confessing that you didn't love him as he did.
So many things are not adding or I conclude you caused your problem..

Look inward and know what you did or doing that is causing the disaffection btw u guys. Or I say you need a reorientation from your previous experience with other guys giving them a hardwork of making them love or win you.

Good advice.

Reading the comments here, I'll reiterate what I've bin saying...
Only married peeps should comment/advice on marital threads like this bf peeps like by van n co cause unnecessary divorces in marriages.


@o.p...looked up ur oda thread,so may have an idea of the 'characters' ur talking about.
That aside, there's almost no one that gets into marriage without expecting some sort of miraculous transformation from their spouse, no matter how illogical it may be. Ur married now, make a conscious effort to drop the habits/characters..but make him understand ur still the same u.
more importantly, put ur foot down on his careless use of d word divorce. Some seeds are best not thrown on fertile ground lest they take root. He Needs To Stop That.

As a guy tho, I can understand the change he's going through,especially with the added blessing of the baby, tho he is handling it very wrongly.

The first year of marriage mite be as some has said here, but It Can also on d flip, be one of the best times u both can have.
It's simply a matter of choice.

aanikky:

Not at all

Ok

100Cents:


There are ladies who are in the habit of hurting men whom they date.

They insult the men, spite them, cheat on them to get back at them. One thing I always tell ladies is this. He might be after your beauty and be nice to you. But after the wedding, he will tell you that he is the head and cannot be controlled by you.

Op, for you to mention that he knew your character before marrying you shows that your character is repulsive to the sane mind but since he has been accommodavting it while you guys were dating, you expect him to continue accommodating it after marriage.

Why not work on yourself ?

So you're saying her husband is insane? Well if your whole write up is true, then you're probably right.

Aprime:
He Has Changed.. Almost Completely.

He has stopped pretending... Almost completely.

I'm sorry. Am only interested in your title.

Gbam...

Nonso23:

One is built on sincerity, openness and honesty.
The other is based on mimicry of unrealistic standards to please the selfish desires of the other party.
I prefer the term blissful marriage though.

Ok then

bukatyne:


Whatever rocks one's boat

I consider it deceit to keep quiet during courtship and start showing yourself after marriage...the period of courtship was wasted then.

Nothing like getting someone who has same values with you... Life is so beautiful

Pretty deceptive but these things happen.

Freecocoa your point is noted.

TV01 don't forget to post what you have planned on the Boys night out thread

An0nimus:

Pretty deceptive but these things happen.

Freecocoa your point is noted.

TV01 don't forget to post what you have planned on the Boys night out thread

And terrible people support that

bukatyne:


And terrible people support that

People like?

TV01:

I disagree, I reckon he was aware of her immaturity & solipsism, he pandered to it as boyfriend/girlfriendage, but figured he'd tighten up when things were formalised. She would have seen his flaws as well, but as women typically do, "talked over them" .

Typically when men take on the burden of marriage, they are less accomodating of capricious behaviour. Moreso if he now has to focus to provide for their household. I see him as a bit immature as well, he just needs to spell things out and support her to get where she needs to be.

Let one wake up, the other shape up and then grow together.


TV

You misunderstand me, you just spoke my mind in your first paragraph. My point is, he was well aware of her ways but chose to not speak up against them and is only doing so now that he's bought her off. A move which might backfire, which is why I said he was not wise to do so.

I agree with the "grow up and shape up" line every bit, by the way, that sounded exactly like my wonderful father

freecocoa:
No, it's not difficult to look at things from other's perspective but that doesn't mean agreeing with whatever they say, as being married, is not a license to wisdom.

You don't have to agree, but you certainly might want to explore their minds for even though experience doesn't always confer wisdom it does knowledge. Perhaps, they're sharing from the bounty of knowledge they possess due to experience which you aren't privy to.

An0nimus:


People like?

If she had a nasty character and he went ahead to date her for six years and marry her,then he's 100percent to blame.

Old people say one doesn't learn to be left handed in old age. He must be very immature to think she will change in her old age.

For him to accommodate whatever it is they think her problem is for 6 good years,he gave her the unspoken reassurance that he was fine with it.
Now he's turning his back on the deal? That's deception. If he didn't know I wouldn't blame him. But he knew. Come on

So in my opinion he's the one who changed.

Imagine dating an armed robber or woman beater or drug dealer for 6 years and as a woman you saw all the manifestation of his bad character in those six years then after 2 months of marriage you want to turn him into pastor adeboye? That's unrealistic and childish.
He made his bed. He better lie on it.


@OP whatever it is you do that is uncool,try help yourself adjust. Not just for this man but for your relationship with other people elsewhere. You never know what opportunity you could miss because of somethings you do that put people off.
Help yourself

TV01:


He did her a favour. Bore with the rubbish during courtship and wifed her. A few more relationships like that and she would have hit the wall - hard - and then had to go through the worse situation of struggling to find someone she liked who would even look at her - desperation.

Hitting the wall hard just cracked me right up. However, it's unlikely that she'd be hitting the wall had he not wifed her. You should see your bredrin back here swallow the most inane rubbish all in the name of romance and being modern, it's sickening I tell ya.

When you consider somebody like Cococandy who has massive solipsism, cognitive dissonance and comprehension deficiency having a suitor queue longer than the Suez Canal and getting married before 25, you begin to understand what I mean.

crackhaus:

Apparently in her mind, this dude has to keep on putting up with her character and personality as he always did for six years.

Which is my grouse with the dude. He could have just called her out since year one or moved on if she didn't change. If this tactic works for him, he'd be lucky and among the few who'd have benefited from it.
Perhaps, he'd studied his subject very well or the fact of the almost decade-long courtship would make her maleable.

You all have spoken well. But I wanna say that if my personality was as bad as some people here termed it, I won't have bothered posting this topic. I was frm a poor background when he met me, I never covered this up like most grls would. Infact I showed him where I live the first day we saw each other. He called me humble. Even with my kind of background, I was never materialistic. He loved this about me. (He had the guts to refer to me as poor after we tied the knots)
My kind of person, am a shy person who can hardly look at a person's face for more than 10 seconds. Am not confrontational ( now he wishes I was as aggressive as his friend's wife) I get scared easily I find it hard to ask questions most times . I don't like outrageous kinda dressing, I like to keep it simple, he loved this about me (now he calls me a small girl). Am not rude, am not insultive as I was raised well by my parents. I knew him well and he knows me well. The years of courtship was never filled with pretense because we spent a lot of time together. There was no room for one to pretend.