Firstly, i will like to plead with the other person reading this to please treat this as serious. What the poster need is your advise and not your bashing. However, may be after reading this you think i deserve some bashing for wasting your time, you can open another thread  and give as many bashing as you want, but let's keep to this content.

I am dating a girl whom i love so dearly and she definitely love me too. I mean, the feelings is mutual and we had been in the relationship since 2005 (not too long though ). We both have the belief that, if everything goes perfectly well with the relationship,  we are going to marry each. I really love and need this girl because she is the type any man will think of as a  partner in matrimony - lovely, caring, supportive,submissive, intelligent. . . . ,  , all these unsettles me when i imagine  loosing her.Sure loosing her will be a catastrophe and unfortunate thing to happen to me, but heaven will not fall and of course rain will not stop falling if i do loose her and she also believe this as well . We both know that marrying each other is our wish and hope which might not be in consonance with God's wish.

From the start, keeping a distance had been part of the relationship.Sometimes it takes up to 4months  and even more without seeing each other , and could  take like a week without talking on phone - thanks to her understanding , and with that, honestly we still love and trust each other. I said "honestly" because you may want to ask an important  question like "Do they really love each other?". Yes! we do and i think i am a little bit wise enough to know what girls can up to; i understand that the best thing you can do for yourself as a man is to have  in mind right from the start that any time, any hour girls can call it a day with you. They can be under a man and  continue telling you are their first and the last. They are crazy sometimes!

Sometime ago, she told me how her mother was betrayed by her supposed husband whom she claimed they both love each other and that she even had a son for him before he traveled  abroad but dumped and forgot her and the son after getting abroad .She said the man promised to come back but failed to show up.She said her mother would never stop crying until she met her dad who later made her to love again and later married each other. After like 19yrs, when she had single-handedly raised the child, the man came back to Nigeria, located her, and apologised. The man said she should forgive him that she is ready to marry her back,but after a lot of pleading the woman told him  he could see she is married and happy with her husband that he can take his son if he  like. She said because of that her mother, though not hard about it , believes loving a man who stays abroad is like wasting of time and that the only thing that can come out of it is a broken and shattered heart. . . .

Why i am less perturb about this is that i know my girl to be a girl of aplomb and self-esteem who doesn't share in the belief of generality- she would believe what happen to her mum was out of her destiny and have nothing to do with her own life. But what makes me unrest is the stiff opposition she might likely face from her mum if she know that her daughter is dating someone living abroad.She loss her dad some years back so she likes making her mum happy.

Right now i am in US and this girl is in Nigeria. I left Nigeria like 5 month ago and since then we ve been talking on phone - of course i know communication is important and crucial. Sure she is used to the distance, but yours faithfully, not this long. There was a day when i was still in Nigeria, i asked her what if we fail to see each other for almost 2yrs that what is going to happen? She replied in a rebuking voice "And you think that is going to work out?".And truth needs to be told, i don't see myself going back to Nigeria in the next 2yrs not even 3yrs.

Fellow NL being a Nigerian and knowing all the mentalities and beliefs back in naija coupled with all the distance, the mother factor and of course the friends and hidden factors. What and how do you think i can keep this girl and the relationship intact.

For those that are disappointed after reading this and say "So what?". i am very sorry for your time spent!

It is well!

You get it right that her mother's experience can influence her decision. Any good mother who have passed through what her mother went through will definitely not be in support of a regenerated cycle of betrayal especially when it can be avoided.

Again, you mentioned that she is independent minded. That mean she may afterall not succumbed to her mother's opinion. But, don't ever be too sure! Circumstances differ, but we are all responsive to our emotions.

One thing I find encouraging is that she is not the type that detest long distance relationship. In other word, if she will break up from you, it won't be because of distance. IT WILL BE BECAUSE OF YOU OR THIRD PARTY. By third party, I mean her mother and public opinions. This also include the coming of a better man.

Now, you have two control over yourself. Will you live up to your promise? Will you remain true to your profession? Will you still love her and keep her love alive even when you are under temptation down there? All of these are what is are beyond your control. We know of people who are madly in-love they travel out only for them to start acting as a stranger after a year. So, only you and time will answer these questions. Nobody else can.

The second scenerio is outside your control. But through maintaining closer and more regular communication with your lady, you can convince her to wait for you. You just need to have faith and stay focus.

Of cours that does not mean you should go to sleep. Always be alert at any strange behaviour from her part so you can take care of it before it is too late.

My last point, if you know you will break her heart in future, please let her go now!

men 4 u 2 call 2005 till date a short tym u must really b in love wiv dis girl. u shld have just told her d bitter truth dat u were not coming back dat soon, her reaction will b worse if u tell her over d phone, if u r gud wit lying 2 her u can save the truth 4 later and think of a smooth lie 2 tell her later as a reason 2 make u extend ur stay, till den communication will do u guys a lot of gud. i wish u all d best. i 4 say make u lie give am sha, much later say one tin one tin come up so u nor fit come back, u know jst 2 avoid plenty problem. gud luck

Bros, believe in your heart that you will not loose her and it will come to pass. Ok?

My Dear, i am in a long distance relationship as well, ma Boo is back in  Nigeria, we been goin out evn longer than u two,

all i can say is, just try and call her as frequently as u can, trust me, this L.D relationship is some long tyn mehn, but just make sure that when u call her, keep the convo poppn, involve her in ur everyday life, tell her everything, evn wat u had for lunch!!!dnt just say i love u, i miss u,

Invoving her may create some sort of security and bond in the relationship, which she would eventually get use too, n c how this goes in the next few months,

Goodlck, n happy new year !

Babynic:

My Dear, i am in a long distance relationship as well, ma Boo is back in  Nigeria, we been goin out evn longer than u two,

all i can say is, just try and call her as frequently as u can, trust me, this L.D relationship is some long tyn mehn, but just make sure that when u call her, keep the convo poppn, involve her in ur everyday life, tell her everything, evn what u had for lunch!!!dnt just say i love u, i miss u,

Invoving her may create some sort of security and bond in the relationship, which she would eventually get use too, n c how this goes in the next few months,

Goodlck, n happy new year !

it does work. it is hard work that pays off. communicate and communicate  again. create trust and security

Thanks to y'all
@olanajim

IT WILL BE BECAUSE OF YOU OR THIRD PARTY. By third party, I mean her mother and public opinions. This also include the coming of a better man.

i feel your insight and it really looming right now. The last time i spoke to her she was telling me her ex resurface and wanted her back.  Though she had told me about the guy before and she even assured me that everything will be ok. what do you see to this? please reply

@babynic
thanks for the experience shared.

@encomium
menh! thanks for the encouragement . . . . .thanks bro!

@souljaman
thanks for the tips

@jjoy
thanks i will do that

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@tpia
thanks ma sister
@topup
woooow . . . .cool and appreciated!!!

Hey Bro, the best advice you heard on this is from H2O , yea thats wsup. Just 5months in USA and you are fixated about your girl back home? Listen, USA has a way of sucking people into the pressures and challenges of ordinary everyday life, so deep that you do not wish to hear from home again, till, neva kaneva! My advice, 1) Travel light, 2) whats gonna be gonna be, 3) focus on now, 4) learn ur new USA culture (best if u have a USA female friend to do this), 5) Get ur papers (thats if you don't already have it)! and 6) fly sky high(shoot for the stars, work hard & be all you can be in God's Own Country)!!!