My Dilemma - Romance - Nairaland
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| My Dilemma by annamaria: 4:34pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
I am in a love triangle with a guy and his fiancee. I am the other woman. I didn't know this guy had a fiancee when I started seeing him and I was already involved with him when I found out. Now breaking up with him is so hard. He's not helping matters either. When I stay away, he calls me up and he's even making plans for us to get away together for a few days. I'm so torn. Why do relationship always have to bring so much turmoil? sigh |
| Re: My Dilemma by Areaboy2(m): 4:41pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
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| Re: My Dilemma by onyinye2(f): 4:49pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
I'm going to say this as nicely as I can. [size=14pt]BABY HE USING YOU. YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT HIS SIDELINE HOE!!![/size] Like Monica says, Does he go to Church with you?? Have you met his Family? His mother? Do you have his house keys? Can you honestly answer any of these with a yes?? Here are some words of advice: [Chorus:] Get your shit together you're making a fool of yourself, it don't matter if he spends the night his home is somewhere else Ain't you tired of being on the side line, of getting yours after i gets mine baby second place don't get a prize when you gone realize you wasting your time baby ain't you tired of him getting, hitting real quick, then rolling and ain't you tired of when you need a little change and he lie about what he holding, ain't you tired of spending all the holidays alone, tired of being his little sideline ho |
| Re: My Dilemma by annamaria: 5:02pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
yinye, i wish it was as easy as the songs make it sound. sometimes u can walk away from these things very easily. other times, u just seem to be stuck in time. appreciate ur candid words, have thought so myself so many times, but it's not changed the way i feel about him. he's on the verge of breaking off his engagement and i'm actually running away, but he won't stop coming after me. that's what makes it really hard. when she found out about me, i thot that would surely end it but things simply intensified between us. @ Areaboy, why don't u find ur level, under the bridge at Idumota! |
| Re: My Dilemma by whitelexi(m): 5:05pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
annamaria: True that |
| Re: My Dilemma by Aderoy(m): 5:13pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
I am in a love triangle with a guy and his fiancee. I am the other woman. I didn't know this guy had a fiancee when I started seeing him and I was already involved with him when I found out. Now breaking up with him is so hard. He's not helping matters either. When I stay away, he calls me up and he's even making plans for us to get away together for a few days. I'm so torn. Why do relationship always have to bring so much turmoil? sigh @ annamaria My comment is based on the frugal information you have provided in your post and it is possible the guy is not any of my assumptions. I understand your dilema but you should take time to ask yourself some pertinent questions: 1. Why has this guy begun a relationship with me wihtout letting me know he has another lady on the side? 2. Why has he failed to date to let her (the other lady) know he's no more interested in her? 3. Has he explained to you why he seems to prefer you (my assumption) to her? 4. Don't you think he's unpredicatle enough to wake up one morning and go for another lady? 5. Am I happy enough to want to stick with this guy irrespecive of any material consideration or promises? 6. Am I happy enough to want to stick with this guy if his current situation changes for the worse (seein that life is unpredicatble)? 7. Do you have hatred for (or beginningto develop hatred towards) the other lady? 8. Search within and ask yourself- Do I hate her enough to want her to die so I could have him all to myself If in the affirmative (especially to questions 7 & 8, then you are beginning to slide into a complex, nasty and unhealthy relationship. I am not insinuating or advising anything as this is your decision. BUt I can only say the following: 1. Ask him if he genuinely loves you. (Of course he will definitely say YES even if he's lying to you) 2. Then ask him why he didn't tell you from the start he has a girlfriend already (He might tell you, Oh I was having a misunderstanding with my girlfriend when I met you and I like you more I do her bla, bla, bla). 3. Ask him to tell you what is the current state of his relationship with the other lady? 4. Tell him you are willing to part ways with him so he could be with the other lady (if that will make both of you be happy in one way or the other) even when you at a crossroad like you are right now. 5. Do not in any way arrangue him or pressurise him to part ways with the other lady for your sake. That would leave you as what I like to call "GRAB IT NOW, GRAB YOUR COPY NOW" lady (Like the Nigerian films are annoyingly advertised). 6. Along the line you might just find out that he's either worth "nothing" or "everything" to you if you ask questions and politely reason with his answers. 7. Finally do not raise your voice at him, play the cool, do your homework properly, get the facts, and make informed decision based on facts (and not what you supposedly want to hear him tell you like most ladies unfortunately resort to). Well, what else can I say? Emm, em, I guess other Nairalanders would add a word or two to help you out. For me, this is the only 50 kobo I could throw in for now. Regards, Roy |
| Re: My Dilemma by viperman: 5:21pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
Nice reply onyinye  The funny thing is that there will be someone who's willing to make our darling maria his number 1, but she'd prefer to be the 1st runner-up of mr-engaged. Some women actually prefer being the 'other woman' as it relieves them of all the emotional baggage that come with serious relationships. Annamaria, I know issues regarding attraction and lust aren't easy to dis-entangle ones self from most times  , but as onyinye wrote; he's only using you(knowingly or unknowingly) to quench his emotional/sexual thirsts. If he loved you so much, he wouldn't be planning to marry someone else and be 'eating' you in the dark.If you say he's on the verge of breaking off his engagement TRULY, then wait till he breaks it; If he does, don't be so sure that because he broke it for you he will end up marrying you. Most likely not. If you were my sister and based on your story above, i would advise you to let the guy go as fast as possible before you learn in years what the days never knew. |
| Re: My Dilemma by Cristalz(f): 5:35pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
@annamaria Don't you wonder that he could do the same to you if you eventually get engaged to him? He's two-timing his fiancee, not just a girlfriend. Another thing,his fiancee knows about you? And she didn't call it quits with him? Means you're gon' be in for a whole lotta ''scorned female'' drama. . .I mean,his woman could come after you too if shez hell bent on keeping her man. But then,are matters of the heart ever easy? I think you should stay away from him till he breaks things off with his fiancee. He should do that if you are the one he really wants and not just a passing fancy. Otherwise as Onyinye said, you'll end up just being used and forgotten when he eventually marries his woman. Heart issues are hard, but you've got to be strong sometimes. . .infinitely better in the long run. |
| Re: My Dilemma by annamaria: 5:40pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
I agonised about putting this thread on here cos i was afraid of being slaughtered like it happens on NL. Yes, I'm seeing sense in all u guys are say, esp ur suggestions, 4 &5 @ Aderoy. Really on point. I'll definitely take steps. Thanks. @Cristalz, I don't want no chick after my head o, lol. Thanks babes, u seem to understand quite well. |
| Re: My Dilemma by sexytov: 5:50pm On Jan 02, 2009 |
@poster, this guy is not serious with you, he's playing for time and i doubt if he will break up wiht his fiancee, maybe  ,maybe not but it doesnt seem so. And the part of how he is planing for both of you to go away for some few days , is simply to satisfy his sexual desires around you,, sorry but its true.don't go away with him for some days, Simply keep off no matter how hard Or he should break off with his fiancee without procastinating and propose to be with you for a lifetime, if he is truly sincere, because, i can smell from your story, he is noT sincere but a playa! |
| Re: My Dilemma by Akinagirl(f): 12:13am On Jan 03, 2009 |
Honey, I honestly think you should think twice about him. I mean is he really the man you want to be with? He is two timing his fiancee and with you. That means he could to that to you as well. Not to mention, he didn't even tell you that he had a fiancee.  . I would really think twice, if this is the kind of man I would want in my life. So give him space to sort himself out, and at the same time, sort yourself out as well. |
| Re: My Dilemma by sevenseas(m): 12:29am On Jan 03, 2009 |
follow your heart if you have one. Good Luck. |
| Re: My Dilemma by omega25red(m): 12:29am On Jan 03, 2009 |
you are a bust it baby |
| Re: My Dilemma by dyabman(m): 12:39am On Jan 03, 2009 |
annamaria: u tooo wan show urself say u sabi talk , abi ! |
| Re: My Dilemma by Youngpo413: 8:01pm On Sep 30, 2014 |
Leave the guy alone,just go and find your own man! |
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