balaclava:
For me, it's a NO! And I'm going 2 give the cold hard facts to you comprehensively.

Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets. The reality I have seen over the years is usually a stressed out, overworked, debt stricken woman who really had no idea children cost so much in time, effort and money. Their careers are on hold as they need to balance their child with sickness, school activities etc versus moving up whatever career ladder they are on. Most single moms are raising their children with help of an extended family member (usually their mom), a bevy of friends and other single moms they find in support groups. It is usually not a pretty picture at all.

Somewhere along the way, usually quite quickly they come up with the idea that they need a "partner" to help them in their new enterprise of having a child and the sooner they can get one the better. Realizing they have a bit of a disadvantage with having a child and being in the dating scene they resort to several well known strategies to get a partner.

One trait that seems to come to the forefront with most men who are dating single moms is just how wonderful a woman they really are. Most men cannot for the life of them figure out why another man would abandon a woman like her. It has been stated that single moms are more caring, compassionate, great lovers, excellent cooks, laugh at all your jokes etc they seem to be ideal mates.

No matter what you see as a man there is something else going on do not forget that. Her plan is to eventually get a partner one way or another. You are the prize and she is going to earn it.

Wise man

balaclava:


With dues respect ma,

Every 1 is entitled 2 their individual opinion.
The guy actually asked for opinions n I gave mine, it's nt a must for him, you or any other person to accept it. Hasn't it even occurred 2 u dt ppl dnt even take advise this days. No matter ur opinion they end up doing what is in their mind wether good or bad.

U said life is NOTHING? I don't dispute dt cos that's ur opinion but haven't u read "is not life greater in quality than food" Matt 6:25/AMP

You made it look like i'm not rendering help to the dude, but reverse is actually the case. Go online, you'll read a lot of testimonies from devastated men who attempted relationship with Single Mum. I'm nt saying there r no few cases of success, please note dt. But it's 5 out of hundred.

For the remaining part of what u wrote, I seem not to get it.

Let there b Light!

And if you go online you will read several sorrowful tales from married, seperated and divorced men who married spinsters with no issue.

Justfollowit:


And if you go online you will read several sorrowful tales from married, seperated and divorced men who married spinsters with no issue.

Op doesn't have with her still.

I thought it is only Nigerian women that have issues with step-kids?

If you don't think you can deal with that,just get out of her way let her find someone else.

Same hypocritical people that will encourage a lady to go ahead with a single father and even spit on her for not loving the man's kids like her own will come here to discourage you from going ahead with the lady you love.

Follow your heart.
If you can't do it, leave her alone.
Simple.

I wonder why we depend on others to make the basic decisions for us.

missjenna:
Op, going into a relationship with a lady that has a child is not really all that different from a normal relationship, its just that there are things that you have to consider.

First of all op, you said you are scared. Why are you scared?. Are you intimidated by the fact that she has a child?
You have to clarify the reason why you are afraid and tackle it.

Secondly, you said she had the child by mistake. I don't really understand what you mean by "mistake" This is a very sensitive and crucial aspect of your relationship. Op please ask her to be sincere about who the father of the child is. Persuade her to be honest about it.
If truly "mistake" means she doesn't know who the father is then you are good to go. But I strongly doubt this.
If she knows who the father is, this is another issue. Make sure she comes clean about who the father is and if the issue of the child has been resolved.
Once you resolve this aspect, I don't think there is anything to worry about

If she truly loves you and you love her, and you want to spend the rest of your lives together, then go ahead. The fact that she has a child shouldn't be a barrier to your love, in fact it should strengthen it.

On a lighter note, op at least you are sure she is fertile.

Wow what a reply (comment) from one normal and a reasonable nairalander...babe I salute u..if not for anything I for give u my grandpa , no tink am o him teeth still complete...kudos babe for ur comment.

cococandy:
I thought it is only Nigerian women that have issues with step-kids?

If you don't think you can deal with that,just get out of her way let her find someone else.

We don't want this step step culture...not that he is getting papers.

Op how do u mean she had a 3 year old daughter by mistake?been a single mother is not a disease,she's madly in love with you,but you never mention if you love her in return,she wants you guys to get get married this year but you never mention if u are ready for marriage,you are afraid of having afair with her,afraid of what?perhaps you might have noticed somethings in or around her that unsettle you,check the few things I outlined and ask yourself if truly you wanna go ahead with her,remember"a person that drop his or her foots inside the river dose not shout of catching cold again"

bid4rich:
She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter by mistake but madly in love with me and she want us to get married this year. Though she is a good and loving person and I dnt see her giving me problem but im afraid of going into this affair with her.

Please, advise accordingly from the abundant of talent and experience God has given to you cos I dont want problem I cannot see.

Thanks

The owner of WWF, the footballer Alexis Sanchez and founder of Amazon, Jeff Bezos have one thing in common- they loved and adored their stepfathers. Bezos even bears the stepfathers surname! There are countless examples of that.

Remember that children see things in larger than life pictures.

Remember Things Fall Apart? Okonkwo was advised not to kill Ikemefuna because 'That boy calls you his father"

Don't forget what the bible says about love- (1 Cor 13:4-7)

My cousin in the US is married to a divorcee with 2 kids and they have a happy marriage.

If you love the lady and believe you can truly love the daughter and believe you can continue loving them, then I advise you proceed.

Mistake is doing something when you are not fully aware of the consequences. She had her daughter at 26. Why will she call her own child a mistake? To me that is a red flag. She is trying too hard to appeal to your ridiculous expectations. Look, marrying a single person without a child alone is a challenge. Marrying one with a child presents its own unique challenges in addition. What you should ask yourself if you are ready and mature enough to handle such. A lot of men are successfully able to handle it. I don't know you so I can't judge but you need to take time away from her and think properly since you are having second thoughts. Maybe because she is always around you, you have not been able to make a clear decision. Now that marriage has come up, your eye is clearing small small

My brother dont get carried away. Women are always extra desparate at that age beside she already has a daugther. Dating her for long is not a criteria u must marry her. From ur write up. You seens scare n indecisive.
Pls dont do things u will regret 2morrow. Marriage is for life. If u know u wont love daughter as ur own. Pls dont try getting marry pls. Otherwise u will certainly regret. Pls open ur eyses.
Gone are the days u marry a woman either cos she is aging fast or cos u have stay long with her cos marriage is a different ball game .
I wish all the best.

bid4rich:
She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter by mistake but madly in love with me and she want us to get married this year. Though she is a good and loving person and I dnt see her giving me problem but im afraid of going into this affair with her.

Please, advise accordingly from the abundant of talent and experience God has given to you cos I dont want problem I cannot see.

Thanks

Marriage is a "leap of faith", it could make you .... or ruin you.



*How old are you? who is pushing for the marriage? Both of you or just her?
*Are you ready to marry now or just want to do it to please her?
*How "deep' do you really love her?
*Is it infatuation or genuine Love?
*How well do you get along with the daughter?
*Hope you dont have any "paedophilic" tendencies? (No offence, just a warning)
*How well brought up is the daughter?
*What age is she?
*Would she accept you as a step-father or is she still the "angry child" of a broken home?
*Would her mother put her first before you.... or treat you like her father (say if you scold her)?
*Finally, do you envisage she might still be seeing or still want to "hop-off" with the daughters father ....."if wind blow small"

Ponder on these "qwesions" seriously...... and be honest to yourself.
They will guide you, going forward.

Lastpage!

Read balaclava, he spoke my mind

lokito:
From the abundant talent and blessings God has given to me I advise that instead of marrying her, wait for her 3yrs old daughter to grow up. Then marry the daughter.

If this is sarcasm, you took that shit a whole new level!

balaclava:
Here is a short list of problems you may encounter but not limited to these

.

do they also apply if its the other way round? I mean the guy having a child

bid4rich:
She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter by mistake but madly in love with me and she want us to get married this year. Though she is a good and loving person and I dnt see her giving me problem but im afraid of going into this affair with her.

Please, advise accordingly from the abundant of talent and experience God has given to you cos I dont want problem I cannot see.

Thanks

What is actually your worry in marrying her?
Don't you love her?
Or does her daughter hate you?

U r not a man,if you love her too,you have to love everything about her please

@ balaclava,

Do you want a list of trouble in marrying a woman with no child too?
I can do that and you will end up losing your interest in marrying anyone!

Every situation has its own problems but what is important is to enjoy the love while it last.
If he thinks that she actually love him, he should jump into it without any hesitation provided they are compatible.

The worst is to end up in a loveless marriage.

Some women are very crafty in nature Infact they see some men as mugu , my friend if you want to marry look for first love pls don't go for second hand look for a single girl or lady like you, let every double girl of lady look for a double men like them, my advice for you is to look for a lady that is still fresh and not with a child cos that her daughter has a father however she will never tell you the truth now until you are very deep in commitment then she see that you can not pool ur neck out of her grip then she will tell you the koko.

Fear woman if they want to keep secret they will keep it till Christ come, some times if you want to know the truth just look for her friends they might know her a little, we are living in a false world be very careful my ten kobo. I notice that Nigerian don't do what oyibo ppl call test match when they are looking for life partner, if get a perfect match you will enjoy ur marriage, marriage is made to be enjoyed not endured.

Dude, it's easy for people to say go ahead and marry her. But it's not that simple.
From close observation of people in my environment, I found that:

(1) If the stepdad makes it in life, he gains respect from his stepkids. Even if he didn't really care for them much.
(2) If stepdad is just managing, even if he uses his meagre income to look after stepkids, he gets no thanks.
(3) If the woman can make the kids see their stepdad as proper dad, there's normally peace. But most women cannot do so if the husband/stepdad is poor. The woman being good is not enough in most cases.

I know several cases. One trader used his money to look after his 4 stepkids. Sure things were tough but the man was good. 25 years on, the wife is dead. One of the stepkids came from abroad, he drives past the house of the now elderly & sick stepdad. He doesn't even stop to say hello. But he grew up in that house.

The man did nothing bad to them, just that as kids, things were not rosy, they felt they suffered growing up. But so did the poor stepdad.

Several other cases. The kids a man brought up don't every greet their stepdad. Many stepkids suffer psychologically that absence of biological dad. They always feel biological dad would have done better. Even if their biological dad was a lazy loafer.

The cases where the kids even now bear their stepdad's name & all is well, the men are all well-to-do.

In our African culture, blood is what matters. The next most important thing is money.

I'd rather adopt a child just to help that child than marry a lady with kids already.

Women should use and insist on contraception & not bear kids anyhow, otherwise it can be tough out there.

Run away. Her child was no "mistake". She was enjoying, sleeping with "ballers" with "swag". She was not interested in good men who had something going for themselves at the time. Now they gave her belle and left her, she's looking for a saviour. NOW she's' looking for that good guy. Now she wants that good guy to help raise her child, share the expenses, etc. I personally had a naija women who had a 4 year old boy and wanted to get with me. I respectfully declined and went my way but she kept on asking why. I had to explain to her I'd rather die a honourable death before spending a penny of my money/time raising another man's child, while the actually father is in the club poppin bottles. Of course the father as a 419 guy with "swag". My brotha run away. This is parental fraud.

guy just prepare for the worst case scenario. the man comes back for his daughter later n life.if you can live with tht loss. then go ahead. gbam!

It depends on you OP. If u know u really loves this lady, I see nothing wrong going into relationship with her.

Also be careful becos u need to know if the father of the child is not the temperament type due to future reference.

Keep praying about the situation and remember use your brain and heart.

Cheers...

If you can cope with the headache of dating and marrying a lady with another man's kid,do go ahead.if not,don't try it.

bid4rich:
She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter by mistake but madly in love with me and she want us to get married this year. Though she is a good and loving person and I dnt see her giving me problem but im afraid of going into this affair with her.

Please, advise accordingly from the abundant of talent and experience God has given to you cos I dont want problem I cannot see.

Thanks

https://www.nairaland.com/909062/show-thread-love-young-single

I don't know if this can be useful.

Young03:
Bro ,my ist question is..
Why must u marry a mother?
Is there no other girl dat love u as she do?
Pls, am not negative but i dnt c any reason u will mary a lady dt has a 3yr old daughter 4 another man.
My last question is..
Wats ur parents say about the issue?

Cus i beleive if ur an igbo and u came from my side,then u need to be verified.

It is wa . Why must he marry a mother abi? So all those "non mothers" have never gotten pregnant before, right?

bestestgirl:
A good woman is a good woman, If she is a wonderful person and you are both in love, please go ahead and marry her.
Or would you prefer the one who has done 19 excavations?

My dear, na the "excavator" be d original woman o! This one na 2nd hand .
Even some guys whose girlfriends have aborted four pregnancies for them will come here and say trash

[quote author=Justfollowit post=30960249]

Why can't he marry a mother? Such a backward mentality.[/quoted

Don't forget to add "from a foolishly blind fellow"

Get Amazing Discounts and Swift Delivery when you order items on JUMIA.COM [Pay on Delivery]...To place your orders Call or Whatsapp (08122204769)or e-mail me via (Eonuegbu1@gmail.com).[/quote]

marry her if u love her in return.
having a child makes her more responsible than those ingrates who "excavate". confirm d story of d child as told by her from another persons. if she's truthful..... marry,if she's not truthful, sit her down, it could be fear of losing u. also consider d circumstances surrounding d child's birth, her lifestyle n her family too.
good luck

bid4rich:
She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter

Dude a daughter or no daughter if I were you I'll marry her


My uncles wife had a 5yr old daughter b4 he married her now she has given him his own 3 n he's happy


If dem go tell me say my uncle weh me know 4rm small fit marry woman wey don born I nogo believe

In ur own situ she's 3 n she needs fatherly love , guy abeg no fall my hand if ure both compatible Marry her

GOD'll reward you as HE has rewarded my uncle

[size=32pt]Op if i were you, i would forget about her single girls are plenty out there and you decided to marry after 1. Marriage is a life time business wake up from your slumber [/size]