I went home december 2005 and fell inluv with the younger sister to my elder brother's wife. b4 i left we both agree to make the relationship secret until we are ready to get together. Since then we have been communicating to each other and have been seriousely inluv for these years. I went back this jst concluded xmas to make our relationship known to every one only to be told that we can get married coz our tradition and custom is against that. Since my elder brother is married to his Elder sister, actually i we fell inluv based on the saying that goes "When a road is good u can apply on it twice.
So really am in a confused and dilematic situation at the moment. Since i came back from home i have not been myself. I dont know either to damm all consequencies of the tradition and custom to go ahead or to quit from this love that has lasted this long, Knowing exactly wht the consequencies are and as a custodian of my customs and tradition.Please i need advice of some matured mind here and those from easten part of Nigeria i want to know if there are such Marriages existing.

Damn Damn Damn.

Ooohhhh Damn.

Seriously, you shouldn't be in that kind of relationship. Custom or no custom.

There are other reasons why it shouldn't be. But then, this is Africa. I don't know of any major tribe in Nigeria that can support that kind of relationship.

Please let go. Go find your wife elsewhere. Your brother's sister is too close for comfort.

olanajim:

Please let go. Go find your wife elsewhere. Your brother's sister is too close for comfort.

I believe he said brother's wife's sister aka his sister in law's sister.

what exactly is wrong with it?

Princekevo

How much are you willing to sacrifice for this relationship? If your tradition/customs are against it, it's obvious that your family is against it as well. Therefore, chances of them supporting you are slim to none. If you are willing to accept that, then good luck. You had chosen to keep this relationship a secret for so long, why? Why invest so much time and lies in keeping your relationship surreptitious? You knew something was wrong in the beginning, that's why you chose to keep it a secret. Now you are in love and your mind is split.

So this is what is bound to happen,

Scenario 1: You continue keeping your relationship a secret, elope and get married on the hush hush
Scenario 2: You discontinue keeping your relationship a secret, inform everyone and marry the woman of your dreams
Scenario 3: You're done with scenario 1 or 2 and the two of you are happy in love, but with no family to support or accept it
Scenario 4: Things don't work out due to scenario 1, 2 and 3, and you eventually break up
Scenario 5: You've broken up and you have no family to return to or welcome you with open arms due to Scenario 1, 2, 3 and 4

Again I ask, How much are you willing to sacrifice for this relationship?

I don't see anything wrong with it but whatever. . .

if ur family is against it then (maybe u should)let it go

i know u r igbo,because their custom and tradition can be very strong and harsh

but sometimes we have to get what we want

jeeezzzz,

follow ur heart and grab ur happiness

my brother i have seen people that married to the same family the elder brother first and the younger one follow, and they are happy married and they are from igbo.

Good luck and follow ur heart

i don't think there is any problem with your relationship, because most men go ahead to marry their wife's sisters and if they don't see a problem with that then i don't know why they see a problem with your relationship because you are not neccessarily related to her.

@karmaMOD,
such marriage is not completely illegal if contracted. But, my intuition tell me that the guy would regret it if he go ahead. I don't know why, but it keep telling me that something is missing somewhere. That is why I said he'd better avoid it now. But if the two families give them the go ahead, why not? He should jump at the lady.

Another thing is that the guy said they kept the affair secret since 2005. It is not impossible. I have kept an affair secret for up to 2 years in the past. My question for him goes:

How secret is the affair? How old is the lady? Is the guy working or schooling? How will the two parents take it? What make him think the lady feel the same way as he? How do they communicate and how often? How many times did he see the lady between 2005 and last december? Is the lady ready to elope with him? What was her reaction to the opposition?

You see, he can't just plan alone in this kind of situation. No amount of tricks can help unless he carry the lady along.

I think a problem is brewing. It is better avoided than managed. A word is for the wise.

bros, this is a serious taboo in the igbo land. I guess those that are advising u to carry on are not igbos or nigerians or does not know the implications. U are a custodian of ur tradition and customs, so please back off.
For God sake save ur family the scandal they will face b4 the community and get the blessings of ur elders. "The words of our elders are words of wisdom"
In as much as the community forbids it there is a repercurssion or after effect to it.
Pls break up bro and start a new relationship, U can do better.
Cheers,

igbos and their stupid culture/tradition/custom will make people loose their rightful partners

nonsense

don_ciccio:

bros, this is a serious taboo in the igbo land. I guess those that are advising u to carry on are not igbos or nigerians or does not know the implications. U are a custodian of ur tradition and customs, so please back off.
For God sake save ur family the scandal they will face before the community and get the blessings of ur elders. "The words of our elders are words of wisdom"
In as much as the community forbids it there is a repercurssion or after effect to it.
please break up bro and start a new relationship, U can do better.
Cheers,

Same way we discriminate against our own people because they are Osu. They are some traditions that need to be banned.

@poster,

Princekevo

How much are you willing to sacrifice for this relationship? If your tradition/customs are against it, it's obvious that your family is against it as well. Therefore, chances of them supporting you are slim to none. If you are willing to accept that, then good luck. You had chosen to keep this relationship a secret for so long, why? Why invest so much time and lies in keeping your relationship surreptitious? You knew something was wrong in the beginning, that's why you chose to keep it a secret. Now you are in love and your mind is split.

So this is what is bound to happen,

Scenario 1: You continue keeping your relationship a secret, elope and get married on the hush hush
Scenario 2: You discontinue keeping your relationship a secret, inform everyone and marry the woman of your dreams
Scenario 3: You're done with scenario 1 or 2 and the two of you are happy in love, but with no family to support or accept it
Scenario 4: Things don't work out due to scenario 1, 2 and 3, and you eventually break up
Scenario 5: You've broken up and you have no family to return to or welcome you with open arms due to Scenario 1, 2, 3 and 4

Again I ask, How much are you willing to sacrifice for this relationship?

Vonny is right and correct. Are you willing to throw away the love and support of your family for a lady, you are supposedly inlove with . Customs and traditions are strong , unfortunately and there is nothing we can do about it. You will meet someonelse and fall inlove again, thats for sure as long as you are patient and willing to love back once more to someonelse. Forget about marrying your elder brother's wife sister. Dont do it, cause you guyz will break up,after some good years down the drain. Am not professing doom, but thats how it alawys ends up in most cases,if not all

I don't think you make such an important decision that may change the rest of your life based on advice you solicit from strangers on the internet. Like someone asked, Are you willing to alienate your family. Whether this culture is stupid, which I personally think it is, does not matter. If you can't work it out, it's a choice between your family and your personal life. Think hard before you make the call because you'll live with your choice.

Thanks to every one who has contributed positively or Negatively to my call.

olanajim:

@karmaMOD,
such marriage is not completely illegal if contracted. But, my intuition tell me that the guy would regret it if he go ahead. I don't know why, but it keep telling me that something is missing somewhere. That is why I said he'd better avoid it now. But if the two families give them the go ahead, why not? He should jump at the lady.

Another thing is that the guy said they kept the affair secret since 2005. It is not impossible. I have kept an affair secret for up to 2 years in the past. My question for him goes:

How secret is the affair? How old is the lady? Is the guy working or schooling? How will the two parents take it? What make him think the lady feel the same way as he? How do they communicate and how often? How many times did he see the lady between 2005 and last december? Is the lady ready to elope with him? What was her reaction to the opposition?

You see, he can't just plan alone in this kind of situation. No amount of tricks can help unless he carry the lady along.

I think a problem is brewing. It is better avoided than managed. A word is for the wise.

Actually wht i meant by keeping it secret is that we didnt formally made our relationship known to any one until last dec, Though my elder bros and her elder sis knows about it in one way or the other and even her mother. But i made formal jst last year dec. i went home.Since 2005 we jst seen each other last Xmas though comunicate to each other almost every day.And my family is hundred percent against it to the extent they sent out some Elders of my clawn to go and inform the family of the girl to tell their daughter to back off the relationship. They said is a taboo and abomination. But for us we never knew it to be so b4 we fell inluv to each other. I refused to get married here in abroad becoz of her and she has refused so many suitor in Nigeria there jst waiting for me so the whole thing is jst like a deseaster to both of us. Since i came back I havnt got the courage to even talk to her coz i dont jst know how to face her in the whole situation wht to say.Omg!!!

In short, you made a formal proposal last December at xmas. Whatever that have been going on between 2005 and then were just emotional build up. Now, you are so sure that you are in love. The elders knew the two of you have something going on but didn't interfene until you started making it formal, . .

You see, from the way your parents raised "elders forum" to go and warn the lady's parent, it is clear that they will be ready to do anything it take to stop you. They are taking it very, very seriously. The time for you to stop the affair is now. That is if you want to remain a part of your family.

I tell you, it does not worth it. Let the lady go. You can still be friend with the lady.

But if you want to "test" you family resolve, you may go ahead with the love. I strongly advice that you leave the girl alone. You will get over the hurt, believe me, you won't die. And what is mord, you will find a better lady.

don_ciccio:

bros, this is a serious taboo in the igbo land. I guess those that are advising u to carry on are not igbos or nigerians or does not know the implications. U are a custodian of ur tradition and customs, so please back off.
For God sake save ur family the scandal they will face before the community and get the blessings of ur elders. "The words of our elders are words of wisdom"
In as much as the community forbids it there is a repercurssion or after effect to it.
please break up bro and start a new relationship, U can do better.
Cheers,

bros abegmake i ask u ,u be igbo abi u be hausa,ok maybe u are from abakiliki.for ur tradition u no know say inlaw dey marryy inlaw .kpako guy.

men i don`t know what tradition is that because i don`t see anything wrong there, a man can even marry two sisters that is from the same father and mother not to talk of a sister to your elder brother`s wife. which part of nigeria is that. have you approach the elders of your community to confirm if what they told you is the truth.

FOR EVERYTHING THERE IS A PRICE BRO

we always pay one way or the other even in simple decisions. something must be forgone for another, i believe the economists call it opportunity cost.

so if you marry her and bullshit all else, u will gain her luv (which may turn sour in future) and will definitely have to pay a price for it. loss of family relationship, community wahala and the likes

if you follow custom made by some dead people, and bone ur luv, u may really never get over it or meet real true luv again and even no ruin ur relationship with the family and community in d end, so u still pay for it.

so u see, in conclusion each has a price, something u have to face or forgo no matter what u choose.

finally, i do not believe anyone (including me) can tell u what to go for. since all has a price u should know wat u cherish most and wat u wont really want to lose or does not make sense losing in the bigger picture. so we all here can yap like unemployed busybodies but u have to listen to ur heart and then follow ur head.  because u will pay the price and u will bear the result of any decisions

but,

if it were me, i am kinda stubborn so find it hard to drop want i want cos of so called stories but i am also a very compilable peace loving compromise. so i will simply marry some1 else and tell her to do the same,

we can always meet in between and consummate our so called luv in feats of heated passion in secret acloves of hotels and stuff. since their problem na make we no marry, no wahala, but meanwhile, baby, pls meet me at d usual place, yes, yes,,,, no panties please

I believe in some cases these so called custom and abominations are fictions.
Even if, in the real sense of it, nothing will happen if you eventually marry the lady, but sometimes those elders can do some crazy things (like striking you spritually) to justify the so called custom. So that will make you belief the custom.
So i advise you to let go of the lady to save yourself from the wrath of the supposed "custom".
Sometimes the best way to save those you love is to stay away from them
I know is hard to let go of someone you ve waited for that long. it's for good trust me! may you are not meant to marry each other in the first place.
it's well brotha . . . . .ok?



cheers!

highpappy:

I believe in some cases these so called custom and abominations are fictions.
Even if, in the real sense of it, nothing will happen if you eventually marry the lady, but sometimes those elders can do some crazy things (like striking you spritually) to justify the so called custom. So that will make you belief the custom.
So i advise you to let go of the lady to save yourself from the wrath of the supposed "custom".
Sometimes the best way to save those you love is to stay away from them
I know is hard to let go of someone you ve waited for that long. it's for good trust me! may you are not meant to marry each other in the first place.
it's well brotha . . . . .ok?



cheers!

Thanks mate for the advice and every other person on here.Ur advices have in one way or the other been a source of encouragement to me. The issue am facing at hand at the moment is that i dont even know how to face the girl anymore to tell her anything. I have tried to reach her since i came back to no avail. Only the mum i was able to reach and was told she has been crying day and night since then.I felt guilt of that within me, i feel am the cause of her pains. My prayer is that God should grant me the wisdom and strenght to solve the situation at the end.

I would rather betray the whole wide world,than let the world betray me.

sadly, ull have to think looong and hard about this one because u have to know what ur going up against and how much resistance, resentment and full blown hostility will hit u in the face
apart from all that if ur 'love-everlasting-relationship' hits the rock (which we all pray it doesnt- heart breaks suck we know), who will be ur rock, ur support? when ur family(s) have all but disowned u

this however doesnt mean that u should give up entirely
u have to make this decision ur selves sit n think real hard weighing all options as frankly as possible
and when i say u i bet u can decipher that im referring to both of u

@poster,
telling her should not be a problem. Her reaction natural. Arrange a meeting with her and explain everthing as honest, and sincere as you can. You two can still be friend. The "tradition" did not forbid that.

She will over it. So will you.

princekevo:


Thanks mate for the advice and every other person on here.Ur advices have in one way or the other been a source of encouragement to me. The issue am facing at hand at the moment is that i don't even know how to face the girl anymore to tell her anything. I have tried to reach her since i came back to no avail. Only the mum i was able to reach and was told she has been crying day and night since then.I felt guilt of that within me, i feel am the cause of her pains. My prayer is that God should grant me the wisdom and strenght to solve the situation at the end.

Talking to her shouldn't be a problem since she is also aware of everything . However, the way you handle the talking is what really count. Arrange a meeting with her as aptly stated by olanajim, let her realize how devastated you were about the whole thing.It is no fault of any of you guys but a circumstance that is far above your manipulation. Of course you guys can go ahead and discard all the oppositions but can you withstand it when your respective famiy deserts you or when the so called elders in the community, who are trying to portray themselves as the true custodian of custom, starts  afflicting you with all kinds of calamity to convince you how geniu their custom is. What is the essence of the marriage you _may live to regret? Remember you can tell her to let go of each other and still put a smile on her face. It's all depends on  how, where and what you tell her when you talk with her.Anything you tell her will be in her memory for life and that will either be her source of happiness or make her cry more anytime she think about you.
      Honestly life will not cease to exist and heaven will not fall if you break up, though heart will be broken and eyes will  shed tears, but atleast you will both save each other from any ugly eventuality .Remember this is your life and nobody is going to leave it for you. You know what is happening to you right now more than any one in this world. So follow your heart!!

       

My prayer is that God should grant me the wisdom and strenght to solve the situation at the end.

Amen . . . .my brotha. That is the important thing. We are just giving advice which might not be perfect but the wisdom of God is utmost.
       God help us all.

       Smiles

my stop. . if the custom does not accept o0o,its hard though

princekevo:
I went home december 2005 and fell inluv with the younger sister to my elder brother's wife. b4 i left we both agree to make the relationship secret until we are ready to get together. Since then we have been communicating to each other and have been seriousely inluv for these years. I went back this jst concluded xmas to make our relationship known to every one only to be told that we can get married coz our tradition and custom is against that. Since my elder brother is married to his Elder sister, actually i we fell inluv based on the saying that goes "When a road is good u can apply on it twice.
So really am in a confused and dilematic situation at the moment. Since i came back from home i have not been myself. I dont know either to damm all consequencies of the tradition and custom to go ahead or to quit from this love that has lasted this long, Knowing exactly wht the consequencies are and as a custodian of my customs and tradition.Please i need advice of some matured mind here and those from easten part of Nigeria i want to know if there are such Marriages existing.

how did you go about this? did you damn the consequences and marry her?