Olufemiolaolu:
What do u mean?

5minsmadness:
apologies. i thought you were a familar. my mistake.








*deep deep deep sigh*

you are so barking up the wrong tree bro. Please do your "due diligence" on my dossier again. I am NOT the man in question. If I have issues I clearly state it is me(look at my previous threads). This isn't the first time i am bringing one of my cases to nairaland. I don't do it often (at least I hope not) but when i do its cos I'm stumped and I'm looking for outside the box ideas. All the information I gave are in the original post, please read through it again slowly and without malice.

tanchu.

pak:


Now that you know I am not bluffing, do you really want me to give you (or your friend) sincere advice on the way forward ??

From the little I have heard, this lady seems to be suffering from a personality/psychological disorder. Her emotional development was stunted in the early stages of her life because of the trauma and abandonement and she is in all probability severely damaged emotionally (in some instance irredeemably)

And for one minute, do not think she doesn't know what she is doing or she is just being confused or spoilt. She in all probability a most manipulative person and the 'marriage' is going along exactly the way she intends it - so communicating with her isn't a solution at all cos she already knows what she's doing and she'll go to denial mode in any communication unless she feels threatened.
Infact, right now, I am also certain she's doing her best to isolate him from other loved ones (it's a usual tactic).

Anyway, do you really want me to give my frank advice ?

Seun:
What? I've made no such decision! I have seen some good marriages so I know that marriage can be beneficial and pleasant. I have also heard and read about bad ones. You have to marry the right person; someone whose life goals, decision-making style, communication style, religious views, views on the role of each partner in marriage, sex drive, etc are compatible with yours. And you also have to acquire some qualities that every marital partner needs to have e.g. maturity & diplomacy. The decision to marry must be based on serious thoughtful calculations. Personally I'm a bit conflicted about the purpose of marriage. Is it just to raise kids in a healthy environment, or is there more to it?

You believe it's very important for your wife to remain equally slim and fit and sexually active after marriage? Marry a fitness fanatic who is also a nyphomaniac. Problem solved. You want your wife to continue to laugh at your jokes after marriage? Marry a woman who actually shares your sense of humour. In other words, a friend. You want your wife to enjoy going out after marriage? Marry someone who loves going out as much as you do, and don't try to stop her from hiring a maid to take care of the housework while she's gone, because someone has to do it.

I have no problem with marriage because I've seen good marriages but it is better not to get married until you've surely found the right person.

babyosisi:


So a man helps around the house and expects to be thanked and worshiped for what the woman does daily without thanks
She didn't tell her parents you got her a job?
This man is so petty
What does serving his food properly mean?
She is not serving it on her knees?
Some men will not pamper a wife or show her love,won't even buy ordinary birthday card then and at night he wants to whip out his pinis
It doesn't work that way nna
Love is 90% emotional and 10% physical especially for women so he should ask himself why his wife has disconnected sotay his blokoss is now an eyesore
I don't see any issues here o
What I see is a nagging man who is not taking the time to attend and connect to meet his wife's emotional needs
Attend to her emotional needs,and keep your pettiness in check and you will have the woman you desire

pashaun:
Wrong. Polygyny is when a man has more than one wife. Polygny and Polyandry are forms of polygamy.

In polyandry the woman is the leader

Gaidenk:

How was jamb?

Renylee:
First of, I'd sit her down and ask her why she agreed to marry me. This is pure undiluted nonsense. If I were a man, I would never take this from any woman. The woman is lucky.. If she was in the man's shoes now, she'd be screaming 'my husband is cheating on me'.... Nonsense

Renylee:
First of, I'd sit her down and ask her why she agreed to marry me. This is pure undiluted nonsense. If I were a man, I would never take this from any woman. The woman is lucky.. If she was in the man's shoes now, she'd be screaming 'my husband is cheating on me'.... Nonsense

pashaun:


Polyandry is a form of polygamy.

Polygamy: po·lyg·a·my
pəˈliɡəmē/
noun
1.
the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time

saasala:
Do you think I was mad when I said I wouldnt get married? A man stands to gain nothing from marriage. You lose your freedom. She nags you to hell. You live your entire life to satisfy a woman. She suddenly hates sex, loses her pristine beauty and becomes a fat pig with saggy booobs and tasteless asss, your jokes are no longer funny to her, she doesnt like to go out for fun any more, she now hates picnics and the cinema. You can get more than enough what you tend to gain in marriage by remaining single: Free sex, free movement, you can even have a baby mama if you are so crazy about having a child, plus nobody will call you oloriburuku for being single unlike the females. Guys, dont get married. Think well before you cross that rubicon. Seun Osewa has known these facts hence his decision to remain single (Well, I guess). Why get married when you will end up losing your happiness, and probably divorce. As for me and my head, ama stay single for life ni o...and I dont even give a hoot about having kids. This life is messed up already, why bring another innocent child to participate in it. Think Brothers.

elantraceey:



Not all ladies are like that.

klark3:

It's not easy to ignore dat feeling.

There in lies d problem, when love strikes... Because it's almost impossible to suppress dat feeling when it's mutual, it's like a magnet... That feeling is too vortex, trying to fight it can make one act silly, love strong sha...

quivah:

wrong person..

quivah:

wrong person..

cococandy:
Exactly.

They have no issues except the sex thing.
That's all I believe they need to work on.

The rest is the usual nonsense typical of spoilt men who want to be worshipped for cleaning his own house.

This couple have been married for three years and have two kids. The man met his wife at his workplace during which time she had just finished nysc. They got to know each other better and soon they became a couple and got married. The man helped her get a job at his place of work but noticed she didn't mention his help to her parents, making it look as if she got the job herself. However he overlooked it thinking it was no big deal.

Recently however he has come to realise that his wife doesn't love him. He feels this way because

1. she never acknowledges his good deeds around the house,

2. is never willing to listen to any advice he has to give but rather takes her friend's advice over his.

3. Most times he asks for sex she says she is tired or in her period or that they should postpone it to the next day And when the next say reaches she pretends to forget. If the man insists it turns into a big fight and they don't talk for days.

The man decided to be helping her around the house [size=14pt]in case housework was overwhelming her[/size] as they don't have a nanny. He washes the clothes, picks the kids from school, cooks food for the kids and feeds them when she comes late from work and he is the one at home. Despite all this it seems he is making no headway as their sex life has not improved. The man decided to stop asking for sex but the wife didn't even notice.


4. She rarely serves him his food properly. He comes from a traditional family where the woman serves the man food as soon as he comes back from work. She says she was not brought up that way and starts cooking the food when the man comes home. He decided to be understanding and accepted to wait. But he finds if he doesn't remind her, she doesn't near the kitchen to cook for him. He had now resorted to serving himself when he gets home, thinking his wife will get the message but she is comfortable with it.

He feels the wife no longer has feelings for him and left for him would have divorced her long ago, but he doesn't believe in divorce. Also he is worried about the kids and how it will affect them if they separate.


Pls advice needed.

Tobiegal:
This OP should fast and pray for his wishes to be realized.

That he helps out is no big deal... They have no maid... And he also said she returns late at night... So, regardless of what ever he has done... The stress of Traffic is enough to make any one tired.

Since they work in the same office, am wondering why he would leave her there and head home without her sef!

Issues are in every home, that this issue is coming from a dude doesnt make it any special.

Like I started with, please go on your knees and pray and talk to her about your concerns when she's in a good mood.

5minsmadness:

thanks for your reply.
he has discussed with her numerous times, the last time was after their last kid when she denied him sex for several months with the excuse that she was still in pains following delivery (she had a cut), he later called her aside and asked if there was anything he had done wrong as he had asked his married friends around and none of them said thier wives starved them of sex for 3months due to pain. He even offered to take her to the hospital but she refused. she apologised and said she would be better. she became more sexual for a while but soon she fell back to her old ways. right now the guy doesnt ask for sex unless she approaches him but instead satisfies himself with porn. He didnt have any qualms telling me all his issues cos he said he wants to make sure he has done all he can before he takes the next step.

he wanted to report to the mum but she said she would change that he shouldn't embarrass her. her dad and mum have been separated since they were little so the dad has little or no say in the matter.

i dont think she is circumcised. i will ask him.

marv1:
. How old are u? U must be below 25 yrs and that is why u are nt interested in marriage. By the time u get to 40 yrs, u wont be thinking like that again, ur orietation and thinking would have changed.

Ashonibarenla:


bros, am almost tempted to agree with u, but truth be told, marriage is seriously overrated!

OBlaize:


Hmmm

I feel you... True words... Harsh, but true

But lemme ask

What would you do when "love" happens?

When you find the one that wouldn't be or isn't any of these things? The one that totally "connects" with you and vice versa

Will you fight the feelings or just plain ignore it

Seun:
What? I've made no such decision! I have seen some good marriages so I know that marriage can be beneficial and pleasant. I have also heard and read about bad ones. You have to marry the right person; someone whose life goals, decision-making style, communication style, religious views, views on the role of each partner in marriage, sex drive, etc are compatible with yours. And you also have to acquire some qualities that every marital partner needs to have e.g. maturity & diplomacy. The decision to marry must be based on serious thoughtful calculations. Personally I'm a bit conflicted about the purpose of marriage. Is it just to raise kids in a healthy environment, or is there more to it?

You believe it's very important for your wife to remain equally slim and fit and sexually active after marriage? Marry a fitness fanatic who is also a nyphomaniac. Problem solved. You want your wife to continue to laugh at your jokes after marriage? Marry a woman who actually shares your sense of humour. In other words, a friend. You want your wife to enjoy going out after marriage? Marry someone who loves going out as much as you do, and don't try to stop her from hiring a maid to take care of the housework while she's gone, because someone has to do it.

I have no problem with marriage because I've seen good marriages but it is better not to get married until you've surely found the right person.

You believe it's very important for your wife to remain equally slim and fit and sexually active after marriage? Marry a fitness fanatic who is also a nyphomaniac. Problem solved. You want your wife to continue to laugh at your jokes after marriage? Marry a woman who actually shares your sense of humour. In other words, a friend. You want your wife to enjoy going out after marriage? Marry someone who loves going out as much as you do, and don't try to stop her from hiring a maid to take care of the housework while she's gone, because someone has to do it.

I have no problem with marriage because I've seen good marriages but i[b]t is better not to get married until you've surely found the right person[/b].

MuttleyLaff:

I dont know why you got the hump for me being honest in admitting checking up your profile and posts before posting on the thread
Though I might have fleetingly seen your monicker before, apart from that I dont know you from Jack
so what has malice got to with this
I bear no malice towards anybody, please dont give me bad market

Where have you heard treatment or advice is given without probing questions and then the diagnosis

You think this is time fooling around make more enquiries, when "all the information you gave in the original post" werent adequate enough
I guessed it might come to this, which is why I warned "Please give responses to all the questions for the expected advice".
- all the questions, as in, all my questions for the expected advice

Renylee:
First of, I'd sit her down and ask her why she agreed to marry me. This is pure undiluted nonsense. If I were a man, I would never take this from any woman. The woman is lucky.. If she was in the man's shoes now, she'd be screaming 'my husband is cheating on me'.... Nonsense

5minsmadness:
ok, I will ask him tomorrow when i see him

saasala:
Do you think I was mad when I said I wouldnt get married? A man stands to gain nothing from marriage. You lose your freedom. She nags you to hell. You live your entire life to satisfy a woman. She suddenly hates sex, loses her pristine beauty and becomes a fat pig with saggy booobs and tasteless asss, your jokes are no longer funny to her, she doesnt like to go out for fun any more, she now hates picnics and the cinema. You can get more than enough what you tend to gain in marriage by remaining single: Free sex, free movement, you can even have a baby mama if you are so crazy about having a child, plus nobody will call you oloriburuku for being single unlike the females. Guys, dont get married. Think well before you cross that rubicon. Seun Osewa has known these facts hence his decision to remain single (Well, I guess). Why get married when you will end up losing your happiness, and probably divorce. As for me and my head, ama stay single for life ni o...and I dont even give a hoot about having kids. This life is messed up already, why bring another innocent child to participate in it. Think Brothers.

MuttleyLaff:


Polygny or polyandry whatever it might be, would only aggravate a situation

Madam, "In polyandry the woman is the leader", is not true ma'am,
as the women, just as in polygny,
are not in control of this other husbands arrangement or set-up

MuttleyLaff:


Polygny or polyandry whatever it might be, would only aggravate a situation

Madam, "In polyandry the woman is the leader", is not true ma'am,
as the women, just as in polygny,
are not in control of this other husbands arrangement or set-up