1, 11 nd 19 are my fav

Hilarious but factual.
'If you get caught by any chance, do not allow
them to enter your car, if they happen to get in
do not drive from that spot (veer off traffic &
settle promptly), and if they don’t agree, pretend
that you are calling your uncle who is in the army
(believe me it always works), never follow them
to any sort of office except you are ready to pay
ten times more than what was demanded."

Ifu enter their yard ehn?,you are on your own.

5p1naz:
5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. Never
yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise....

this danfo guys bashed me 8 times last month. ..
7 sped off after...
one of the 7 danfos ended up in a small drain...
the eighth one wanted to fight...


Jeezzzz.. Lagos is the largest psychiatric ward in the world

You probably need to see a Psychiatrist bro.
Only you? Haba!
I'll assume you never went to driving school, though. Your Agidi driving skill is the problem here.

lagos driving.

Driving in lagos dey sweet die, walahi. I almost knocked one guy down when he was crossing the zebra roadmajestically.The guy shouted nd jumped to safety asking if I didn't see the zebra crossing, na I'm I ask am whether him na zebra. Over here in the UK, driving no dey sweet, with all d speed limits and all, Kai! I miss lekki road.

You forgot to mention Keke NAPEP

Avoid them too because they have a standing pact with death, especially in traffic on Ozumba Mbadiwe Road, Ahmadu Bello, and flyover Bonny Camp...
Choi....and if you are pregnant and board a marwa in VI..sorriment!

This just made my day

Ohh boy, Jst thinking about the mad trific am gonna go through wen I close dis eve. So crazy doing dis traffic race thing. @ traffic officials I drove one (lastma) yesterday into ikeja military cantonment yesterday from maryland turning

Wale112:
All these can never happen in a civilized country like Ghana.



Lawless Nigerians

God bless Ghana

Hahahaaa.
Hope you know Nigeria will soon acquire Ghana as an offshore state.
With the increasing poverty and IMF refusing to lend you guys feeding money, it won't be long. We'll always be our brothers keeper

U know u don't know how crazy you ar until u live lagos to another town
Everything u thought was normal. Was totally insane trust me I got to know this when I moved down to abuja
When i talk every body could tell I was from logos when I walk
When I laff when I woo a girl when I party when I dance anything at all mhnn lagos is a land of beasts well thank god I av adjusted to abj corporate hustle

29) When you hit someone don't stop to check speed off as fast as you can for your own safety, report to a nearby confirm police station asap. 30) horn when greeting your neighbours failure to do so can be counted as bad manners. 31) if you are without valid document and also approaching a police check point horn also and make sure you package their N50.. It never fail to work. Good luck to all lagos drivers and remember its not by your expertise that you haven't killed someone with your car its only God that saveth #Jesus take the wheel

cecegorz:

Hahahaaa.
Hope you know Nigeria will soon acquire Ghana as an offshore state.
With the increasing poverty and IMF refusing to lend you guys feeding money, it won't be long. We'll always be our brothers keeper

see what EBA and generator fumes has caused?

HAHAHAHAHA....NEARLY CHOCKED ON THIS DODO LUNCH!
LAGOS IS BY FAR THE NOISIEST PLACE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD...EVERY1 SHOUTING EVEN FOR NOTHING.HAD TO POLITELY TELL A LADY MAKIN CALL BY MY SIDE DAT SHE WAS SHOUTING AND BATHIN ME WITH SALIVA...NXT THING I SAW,CAME HOME WITH A TORN SHIRT!

Lol@25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat
tyre!!!*
How can you keep driving even with a flat tyre abi na die dy hungry the person

Lol
In Aba everything is negotiable.In the words of a policeman;"one-way is 200 naira"
Aba is quite similar to lagos,there are no rules
If you aren't living in lagos or aba,then you are living pretty Cool.

This is hilarious....this op must be a saheed osupa fan danfo driver.

Oh my goodness "when in doubt accelerate"
This totally cracked my up.... Lol

Totally enjoyed this...coming to lagos soon..@op u just raised my anxiety level...omo can't wait to hit lasgidi...I don tire 4 dis cool and boring ABJ life

I have seen a very fine man clothed in a nice suit (probably a banker) head to the back of his car & retrieved his wheel spanner and tried to smash the head of a danfo driver because of broken side mirrow

HORN WHEN YOU ARE HAPPY, CHAI!!!
horn whenyou hear any horning sound
this op get swagg but itz a fact

omg! This is sooooooo correct about Lagos driving situation... Funny on paper but never in reality


_{Eko oni baaje o}

OMG! This is so funny. I wonder why did not laugh

ROTFL.
I've never been to Lagos but the person that wrote this has successfully convinced me that there's no sane driver in Lasgidi

RushHoursTraffic z jz xo xo cwatzie n insane.. U tuk yur bath sm mins afta 4am.. Reachn bus stop.. Whr d rush z alreadi underway sm mins to or afta 6am... Kai Lagos O'ni baje.. Hustle Bustle.. Errthing.. Js2survive!!

1. When in doubt, accelerate!
2. Be prepared to ram into anything stopping you
that is wearing uniform in Lagos (police, traffic
warden, FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO,
LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA)
3. If you get caught by any chance, do not allow
them to enter your car, if they happen to get in
do not drive from that spot (veer off traffic &
settle promptly), and if they don’t agree, pretend
that you are calling your uncle who is in the army
(believe me it always works), never follow them
to any sort of office except you are ready to pay
ten times more than what was demanded.
4. Never give police or VIO your original
particulars (whether expired or up to date).
5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. Never
yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.
6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid
them like a plaque.
7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they
have no brakes.
8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the
right of way, all of them have been driving in
Lagos for 25 years. Show some respect.
You would notice I omitted “Private car owners” (popularly called ‘my car’). It is intentional. They are in a class of their own. Best advice: ASSUME THE NEXT PERSON IS INSANE (don’t be deceived by the tie and suit). And in cases of confrontation, please proceed to deal with such situations as you are inspired

9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he
flings himself under the wheels of your car.
10. The first parking space you see will be the
last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of
the fittest, you may say!
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes
(and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations
to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I
saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last
week).
12. There is no such thing as “one-way” in Lagos.
Expect traffic from any direction at all times. The
okada riders are the experts in this area.
13. Never get in the way of a car that needs
extensive bodywork, except you want to spend your
whole Saturday at the panel beater’s place.
Morning rush hours
14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos
grand prix (who gets to the junction first).
15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during
rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody might be
inclined to take that ’short-cut’.
16. When asking for directions, always ask at
least three people. Lagosians always claim to know
every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never
been to.
17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service
lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the
traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush
hours.
18. Never use directional signals, since they only
confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are
not used to them.
19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals.
Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will
think you are making obscene gestures to them.
This could be very bad for you in Lagos.
20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double pointer”)
is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a
hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a
bonafide Lagos driver, he’s headed ’straight’ and
as such, will not stop under any circumstance.
Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs
it up with a continuous blast from his “horn”.
21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra
crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else
you will have to explain to the on coming traffic
whether you look like a zebra.
22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only
to make you feel guilty.
23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to
get there first by whatever means necessary.
24. In Lagos every spot is a potential bus stop.
FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their
constitution.
25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat
tyre!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS
Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous
maneouvre.
‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.
‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.
‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.
Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.
‘Horn’ when turning into a road.
‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.
‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s
considered good etiquette.
‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t
worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is
about.
‘Horn’ when you’re happy.
‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in
your car.

Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through
Lagos and hustle and bustle!!!!!

I cnt fit laff again o.

Nakarey:
Totally enjoyed this...coming to lagos soon..@op u just raised my anxiety level...omo can't wait to hit lasgidi...I don tire 4 dis cool and boring ABJ life

... Seeeee ds one.. U dy ABJ U no dy hapi.. Oya come n u'l run bk afta js 3days.. #cntWithstandTheFIERCEintensityOfStayingInLagos.. I swr Down m serz

hilarious indeed

Seriously lagos is crazy.. But this what makes it more fun... #Ilovemylasgidi

GBAGAAUN:
26. for those that live near main road, don't sleep anyhow in the palor ni. last yr in Ikoyi motor killing person that is watching TV in his palour
27. wear helmet if u are cross by under the bridge. Okada e have fall from the bridge and land on top person head

Oloshi!

Totally true. Just attempt to walk under Ojuelegba bridge, if a trailer or danfo doesn't fall on your head, consider yourself blessed.

I remember being in the middle of the express and turning on my side navigator to change lane. Omo see insults! "you can't drive you confused us why are you putting on light to change lane, na only you get light"

obicute007:


Source: [url]1pageweekly.com/lagos-driving-101/[/url]

Lolzz....true

SwingzProsper:
... Seeeee ds one.. U dy ABJ U no dy hapi.. Oya come n u'l run bk afta js 3days.. #cntWithstandTheFIERCEintensityOfStayingInLagos.. I swr Down m serz

Lol..bro na dat kind hustle and bustle I need right now!
A place to keep me busy all tru...plus dis driving issue ehnn e go sweet die..

"Horn when u are happy"..lol