Drop out of school to marry
Never never never do that
Marriage is not the zenith of life but the beginning of a new phase.Going in without the ability to provide is not advised.This message is particularly relevant to the ones marrying men overseas,I have seen that happen,the papers come through and you abandon your education to go to Obodo Oyibo.It is a foolish thing to do,many have regretted it.A bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

Bad mouth your family to your fiancé/husband
If you have already done so,don't beat yourself up.Learn from it,marriage sometimes can be like a law court,whatever you say can be used against you when you least expect it.Apply wisdom.even if your parents hate your husband or fiancé with a passion,don't reveal the extent or relay their words verbatim.You may eventually marry him but the man will never forget how they felt about him and the painful things they said.

Share secrets of your friends with your man
There is a code of friendship that cannot be broken.If a friend for instance has confided in you with certain deep secrets that will show her in a bad light,please keep it to yourself,including certain utterances that are unwholesome,don't share.there are some things you must take to your grave.I learned this the hard way.I had a friend that was fond of talking ill of Nigerian men and I shared those stories years ago,my husband remembers it till this day and doesn't like her much for that.

Compare your situation with that of others even in light hearted humor
When you compare your household with that of others,you are basically telling the man he is not man enough.Be content with what you have and strive together towards doing better.Many young marriages go through strain especially financial strains.Be patient and hope and pray for a better tomorrow,the earnings usually increase as the years go by.

Tell your family details of your marital challenges
Very common with young marriages especially for people from a close knit family.Unless your life is in danger,shut your mouth.If you must unburden your heart,find a trusted friend,your pastor's wife,a deaconess in church, a wise auntie,anyone but your mom and siblings.They will never forget the stories you told them and will always view your husband through those prisms long after the issues have been resolved.A third party non relative is preferred.

Go sourcing monetary help for the family
Allow the man to do it.you put yourself in vulnerable positions as a female by going out to beg or borrow money for the family if such need arises.Don't take on the role of a rescuer in the marriage.There are some things you should allow the man take the lead in and this is one of them.


Please add some more

So true.....Also going below your standards.

grocery:
So true.....Also going below your standards.

What do you mean, going below standards?

grocery:
So true.....Also going below your standards.

Well it depends on the standards
If the standards are unrealistic or frivolous, they may need to be tweaked

Well said babyosisi MD, PhDs, dr marriage expat de nairaland

babyosisi:


Well it depends on the standards
If the standards are unrealistic or frivolous, they may need to be tweaked

As a lady their are things you don't see to seem right which the guy might want you to do, doing it once just to please him might warrant him to ask you to do it more often.

Miami11:


What do you mean, going below standards?

Doing something you are not comfortable with.

Anyone telling "secrets" a lady or man that is in a serious relationship should know that the partner knows about the "secrets" too. Thats how it works.

well said Mrs, but seriously, no 3 applies more to men.


sharing secrets of men with "she"

Don't share secrets of anybody to anybody.
Do not share secrets at all.

babyosisi:



Go sourcing monetary help for the family
Allow the man to do it.you put yourself in vulnerable positions as a female by going out to beg or borrow money for the family. Don't take on the role of a rescuer in the marriage.It is not your duty.

Should I call this convenient misogyny.
When equal rights and participation of women are called for only in desirable conditions, when things are not so desirable, feminists calling for equal participation disappear.
Is marriage not supposed to be a partnership?

babyosisi:



Read me again,my post was self explanatory.
Let me quote it

babyosisi post=31871455:

Go sourcing monetary help for the family
Allow the man to do it.you put yourself in vulnerable positions as a female by going out to beg or borrow money for the family if such need arises.Don't take on the role of a rescuer in the marriage.There are some things you should allow the man take the lead in and this is one of them.

Women including married women have had to sometimes give sex in exchange for favors in those desperate situations in case you don't know.
The world is a wicked place especially for desperate people and there are many out there who will take the opportunity to take advantage of a woman in desperation.
That is my message
You don't have to agree dear

you even changed what you wrote initially, before, the role of the rescuer is not the woman's job, now, the woman can rescue but with the man leading.
Even at that, is it only men that a woman can sought loan from, can't she seek loan from another woman, or will she be prone to lesbianism?

Woman, take correction and stop being sly, you don't know it all.

fr3do:


Should I call this convenient misogyny.
When equal rights and participation of women are called for only in desirable conditions, when things are not so desirable, feminists calling for equal participation disappear.
Is marriage not supposed to be a partnership?

If you needed money for something,would you ask your wife to go a-borrowing for the family?
This is a yes and no question

I have no idea how misogyny came into the mix

babyosisi:


If you needed money for something,would you ask your wife to go a-borrowing for the family?
This is a yes and no question

I have no idea how misogyny came into the mix

Shouldn't a woman help the family and partly be responsible for it?
That's another yes/no question.

fr3do:


Should I call this convenient misogyny.
When equal rights and participation of women are called for only in desirable conditions, when things are not so desirable, feminists calling for equal participation disappear.
Is marriage not supposed to be a partnership?

feminism=hypocrisy in nigeria,women in nigeria are not ready for it

@op, thanks.
Love the points, but that last point though. It doesn't really sound so awkward for a wife to find a solution to financial scuffle in the family if she has the wherewithal. In some marriages, the wives are more vocal, more influential and more vibrant. In that sense, the wife might be the Moses of that family from financial troubles. So, i see it as both parties' duty to fight against financial problems in the family, and not only the husband's duty alone.
Thanks.

Other things that i remember now that females should not do for love are........



Never despise your parents because of a man. Some women have done this, when either their mum or dad disagree over the guy they're falling in love with, instead of them to be patient and resolve the issue amicably with their parent, they resort to fleeing away with the guy and despise their parents, forgetting that things may turn around, where will they then run to for refuge. And this is one of the reasons these women stays, even when they're being brutally abused.

Never discuss whatever your husband provides for you with a friend, some women are fond of this, chochochochocho, they can't keep quiet, they narrate everything that happens in their marriage to their friends........e.g....my husband just bought this golden wrist watch for me, he promised me hoiday in dubai next week, he will buy me an SUV for my birthday, bla bla bla......

fr3do:


Should I call this convenient misogyny.
When equal rights and participation of women are called for only in desirable conditions, when things are not so desirable, feminists calling for equal participation disappear.
Is marriage not supposed to be a partnership?

I think the word you are looking for is misandry(which is women who hate men).

However, the problem with Babyosisi, is that she expertly crafts her poison and carefully tucks it in the truth. So, you almost have no choice but to swallow the damn thing if you're not discerning enough.

Who tells a woman not to bail out her family in times of trouble? Where do they unearth these kind from?

Gossiping!
Oh gosh!
Ur gossiping nature can be the undoing of ur marriage and family.

We call them cho cho cho folks.

Stop looking down on people cos u feel u have arrived.
Hmn,u will never know tomorrow.

Stop being too materialistic.
I want this,i need this,u must get this for me.
Haba! Until u die,u will continue to get/acquire things. Even if it's ur hard earned money.

Learn to be contented.

More

Never ever marry a man your parents disapprove of

Marriage is tough and you want to go in with a solid crew behind you.
It is foolish for a woman to go into marriage without the support of her parents.The love for the man is not enough and should never be enough to disobey the wishes of your parents.Unless your parents are outright mental cases,look for every avenue to convince them and allay their fears about the man and his background,don't jump in without their blessings.There is a wisdom parents especially fathers have,sometimes they may not put what they feel in words but disobeying it may spell doom.
I believe so much in the blessings of a father,till date whenever I go to see my dad,I never fail to kneel before him and ask him to place his hand on my head and bless me.

greatgod2012:
Other things that i remember now that females should not do for love are........



Never despise your parents because of a man. Some women have done this, when either their mum or dad disagree over the guy they're falling in love with, instead of them to be patient and resolve the issue amicably with their parent, they resort to fleeing away with the guy and despise their parents, forgetting that things may turn around, where will they then run to for refuge. And this is one of the reasons these women stays, even when they're being brutally abused.

Never discuss whatever your husband provides for you with a friend, some women are fond of this, chochochochocho, they can't keep quiet, they narrate everything that happens in their marriage to their friends........e.g....my husband just bought this golden wrist watch for me, he promised me hoiday in dubai next week, he will buy me an SUV for my birthday, bla bla bla......

I didn't see that before my last point
So true
Some go as far as running away and showing up pregnant without thoughts of what may be going in in the hearts of the husband.She has demonstrated to him that her parents are a nothing to her and he has taken note.
That husband they are putting above all else wouldn't want their daughter to run away too.

moca:
Gossiping!
[size=18pt]Oh gosh!
Ur gossiping nature can be the undoing of ur marriage and family.[/size]

We call them cho cho cho folks.

Stop looking down on people cos u feel u have arrived.
Hmn,u will never know tomorrow.

Stop being too materialistic.
I want this,i need this,u must get this for me.
Haba! Until u die,u will continue to get/acquire things. Even if it's ur hard earned money.

Learn to be contented.

Oh boy,so true
Sometimes not even gossips but just relaying regular stories you shouldn't have
For instance hubby is building a house in Owerri and you know about it of course,he may not want to tell that to friends and hasn't but in your excitement one day, you let that truth out to a friend and one day the friend asks your hubby how the project is going.
Talking about a house project or an upcoming exciting move is not a bad thing but for someone who doesn't want that news repeated,it is a betrayal of trust.

ok
I am a student of life
*taking down notes*

Never discuss whatever your husband provides for you with a friend, some women are fond of this, chochochochocho, they can't keep quiet, they narrate everything that happens in their marriage to their friends........e.g....my husband just bought this golden wrist watch for me, he promised me hoiday in dubai next week, he will buy me an SUV for my birthday, bla bla bla......

I personally don't see anything wrong with this.A respected familander some Christmases ago happily announced her lovely Christmas gift and we were happy for her.maybe I am just thinking about the crew of women I call my friends.If we can talk deep things and advise each other on very important life altering issues,telling them I am going to be spending a weekend at the Waldorf Astoria or them telling me their hubby just gave them 5k for Christmas or landed them a diamond rock on their finger is a piece of cake.it actually shows the man in a good light IMHO

There was a time we were living from hand to mouth. Sometimes, we hardly sell a single item a day in my Dad's shop.
We almost sold our land at a low price but it didn't work out.
We already have a two-storey building of our own so we didn't have to worry about house rent.
My Mom bought food items on credit. Most of those that my Dad went to for loan disappointed him, these are same folks he helped.

Those hard days are gone now. I think it is wrong to tell a woman not to borrow money to assist the family. Is she a secretary?

jmoore:
There was a time we were living from hand to mouth. Sometimes, we hardly sell a single item a day in my Dad's shop.
We almost sold our land at a low price but it didn't work out.
We already have a two-storey building of our own so we didn't have to worry about house rent.
My Mom bought food items on credit. Most of those that my Dad went to for loan dissappointed him, these are same folks he helped.

Those hard days are gone now. I think it is wrong to tell a woman not to borrow money to assist the family. Is she a secretary?

Read me again,my post was self explanatory.
Let me quote it

you put yourself in vulnerable positions as a female by going out to beg or borrow money for the family if such need arises.Don't take on the role of a rescuer in the marriage.There are some things you should allow the man take the lead in and this is one of them.

Women including married women have had to sometimes give sex in exchange for favors in those desperate situations in case you don't know.
The world is a wicked place especially for desperate people and there are many out there who will take the opportunity to take advantage of a woman in desperation.
That is my message
You don't have to agree dear

Well said op. I went to see a friend some months ago and there was this lousy lady there discussing about her family down to every detail, how much the husband gives to her, the kind of sex styles her husband enjoy, how he is the one that prepare the soup and she only cook white rice or make eba.
I couldn't help but tell her "hello you are disrespecting your husband.

babyosisi:


I personally don't see anything wrong with this.A respected familander some Christmases ago happily announced her lovely Christmas gift and we were happy for her.maybe I am just thinking about the crew of women I call my friends.If we can talk deep things and advise each other on very important life altering issues,telling them I am going to be spending a weekend at the Waldorf Astoria or them telling me their hubby just gave them 5k for Christmas or landed them a diamond rock on their finger is a piece of cake.it actually shows the man in a good light IMHO

not all friends have good heart, besides, you only know those who you truly and genuinely love and you don't know those who truly and genuinely love you among them. So, it's better to thread carefully among the so-called friends.
May God help us all.

Well said but the ones with cement ears to ti gan will not hear

okay...








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