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LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice - Romance - Nairaland

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LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 3:41am On Mar 31, 2015
A lot of the time we think about expensive bride-prices, we usually see it as an affair between the groom and his fiance's family.
But one part we never truly hear of is "Where is the girl/fiance in all this?"

It's almost like she is locked up in a room under lock and key while grown folk are talking.
Like whatever she has to say has nothing to do with the matter at hand...that's IF she has anything to say.

Is it that she really has no say in these things or is it that she is even supporting the family to extort the suitor she supposedly loves.

We'd like to hear some experiences from the female side.
Let your voices be heard.

How far are you willing to go with your man during these proceedings when it starts to look like your people want more money than your groom can afford?
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 4:12am On Mar 31, 2015
Tradition thing. undecided undecided undecided But usually they report to the bride afterwards. undecided

I personally think expensive bride price is so unnecessary. It give men this attitude of treating women like their own personal property. Cuz
hey there's so much monetary value attached to her. Something he paid so much for. So he gonna treat her anyhow he damn well fit.
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 4:19am On Mar 31, 2015
rokiatu:
Tradition thing. undecided undecided undecided But usually they report to the bride afterwards. undecided

I personally think expensive bride price is so unnecessary. It give men this attitude of treating women like their own personal property. Cuz
hey there's so much monetary value attached to her. Something he paid so much for. So he gonna treat her anyhow he damn well fit.

Well, It's one thing to "think" it and another thing to assert your thoughts on the situation.
It seems most girls just "think" it and end there. They do nothing else to impact the unfavorable (greed-based) situation.
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 4:28am On Mar 31, 2015
Well am not a lady...

But this issue of bride price I think the bride should be the one to decide the amount she wants...

Parents sometimes makes it looks as if they are selling their daughter away to the highest bidder...

Which in turns make's the man view the wife as his asset's instead of his other half....

That why you hear statements from most men,example: I paid so so amount on your head,so you are gonna live on my terms or your parents will refund my money back to me.....
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 4:31am On Mar 31, 2015
chiefdoctor:


Well, It's one thing to "think" it and another thing to assert your thoughts on the situation.
It seems most girls just "think" it and end there. They do nothing else to impact the unfavorable (greed-based) situation.
Son? What come again? What Nationality are you again?

You are indeed not African...


buhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah see this one. You know very well how Africans act. Who are you to defy the elders? or tradition for that matter?

In-case you didn't know that is one of our tradition, you don't opposed the elders, the elders are always right. Even if you are wrong, you apologize to them. grin grin grin grin

In fact anytime I say something to opposed my mom or tell he the truth, she says am getting really arrogant and rude. If you don't take your time they start to cruse and swear you.

There's this friend of mine, her parents refused for her to marry the man of her dream because of his surname. According to them, hes a slave. Been 4 years since, till this day they haven't agree. Their daughter ended up eloping, but losing her parents in the process. Cuz they want nothing to do with her.

My dear the problem with us is that, we refuse to grow/develop. We hold so tightly on to our culture and tradition even if its bad.

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Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 5:07am On Mar 31, 2015
rokiatu:
Son? What come again? What Nationality are you again?

You are indeed not African...


buhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah see this one. You know very well how Africans act. Who are you to defy the elders? or tradition for that matter?

In-case you didn't know that is one of our tradition, you don't opposed the elders, the elders are always right. Even if you are wrong, you apologize to them. grin grin grin grin

In fact anytime I say something to opposed my mom or tell he the truth, she says am getting really arrogant and rude. If you don't take your time they start to cruse and swear you.

There's this friend of mine, her parents refused for her to marry the man of her dream because of his surname. According to them, hes a slave. Been 4 years since, till this day they haven't agree. Their daughter ended up eloping, but losing her parents in the process. Cuz they want nothing to do with her.

My dear the problem with us is that, we refuse to grow/develop. We hold so tightly on to our culture and tradition even if its bad.

I'm Nigerian but my woman is carribean (You both have the same shape tongue ) and so I will be skipping all that noise and greed that is common with nigerian weddings. I specifically decided not to limit myself to just african girls because of their cultural excesses.

There is nothing I hate more than wanting to do something and someone always on my neck telling me "that is not how our fathers did it".
I despise hearing that shiit so very much, cuz it means the person don't have their own brain.

As to speaking to your parents, as an adult, you have to build your respect yourself.
No one will give it to you, especially not your parents. Through stubborness, my parents know where their influence reach and where they should back off. You don't get to that level of understanding with them by always being spineless.

Yes you should be respectful to your parents, but this should never turn you into a passive or passive-agressive person. You should be able to tell them what you like and don't like...unless you are not an adult. African or not.

When you think about it, your fear towards being assertive to your parents as an adult is irrational. The worst thing a parent fears the most is to loose their adult child (i.e. 20-something years of labor) due to their own greed or over-controlling. Until you understand this, you will continue to be thusly mistreated by wicked or over-bearing parents.

If you don't create boundaries now, you will always live a frustrated life.
For some people, this frustration does not end after they get married.
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 5:26am On Mar 31, 2015
When they come on you salivating with their greedy demands. Tell them to shove it. They can go ahead and marry their daughter.
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 7:04am On Mar 31, 2015
chiefdoctor:


I'm Nigerian but my woman is carribean (You both have the same shape tongue ) and so I will be skipping all that noise and greed that is common with nigerian weddings. I specifically decided not to limit myself to just african girls because of their cultural excesses.

There is nothing I hate more than wanting to do something and someone always on my neck telling me "that is not how our fathers did it".
I despise hearing that shiit so very much, cuz it means the person don't have their own brain.

[b]As to speaking to your parents, as an adult, you have to build your respect yourself.
No one will give it to you, especially not your parents. Through stubborness, my parents know where their influence reach and where they should back off. You don't get to that level of understanding with them by always being spineless.

Yes you should be respectful to your parents, but this should never turn you into a passive or passive-agressive person. You should be able to tell them what you like and don't like...unless you are not an adult. African or not.

When you think about it, your fear towards being assertive to your parents as an adult is irrational. The worst thing a parent fears the most is to loose their adult child (i.e. 20-something years of labor) due to their own greed or over-controlling. Until you understand this, you will continue to be thusly mistreated by wicked or over-bearing parents.

If you don't create boundaries now, you will always live a frustrated life.
For some people, this frustration does not end after they get married[/b].

LOL nigga chill, Its my life, and I do what I want my parents know that. though they called me proud and rude, I still say the truth and do whats best for me cuz its my life. but We are talking about tradition here and particularly the bride price issue. And my family don't even believe in expensive bride price. Just the traditional amount of the colanut and whatever the man can afford. And they usually ask us how much you want him to give as your bride price? And that is done in the Mosque. And if u like u can say 10 dollars. Your choice. grin


I was talking based on many African cultures.
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by falconey(m): 8:33am On Mar 31, 2015
personally any bride price that is more than 1million naira in any tribe,land,tradition MR FALCONEY will not pay.
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 8:46am On Mar 31, 2015
falconey:

personally any bride price that is more than 1million naira in any tribe,land,tradition MR FALCONEY will not pay.
u tailing us dat u poor, dat 1millons cant pays money form mine apartmelt i leave in dusbins
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by falconey(m): 8:48am On Mar 31, 2015
HSinclair:
u tailing us dat u poor, dat 1millons cant pays money form mine apartmelt i leave in dusbins


oh OK I get it now.
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 8:51am On Mar 31, 2015
HSinclair:
u tailing us dat u poor, dat 1millons cant pays money form mine apartmelt i leave in dusbins
Diz chacma baboon is here again angry
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 9:01am On Mar 31, 2015
Orijin101:

Diz chacma baboon is here again angry
dnt insalts me agains
kontinues dreinkins and u waisting ur lifes angry
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 9:09am On Mar 31, 2015
HSinclair:
dnt insalts me agains
kontinues dreinkins and u waisting ur lifes angry
I won't insalt you again but can i inmaggi you

MUMU!
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 9:23am On Mar 31, 2015
Orijin101:

I won't insalt you again but can i inmaggi you

MUMU!
u cant speik common engleish, u can cum to mine dusbin and i wil teesh u koret engleish

idiats and bascars angry
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 10:37am On Mar 31, 2015
Scrap the Bride price and we can discuss marriage..
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Mprex(f): 12:47pm On Mar 31, 2015
to the best of my knowledge. the bride has no say in the bride price issue


atimes she doesnt even know the actuall amount paid as her bride price
Re: LADIES: Your thoughts on expensive brideprice by Nobody: 6:34am On Apr 01, 2015
Mprex:
to the best of my knowledge. the bride has no say in the bride price issue


atimes she doesnt even know the actuall amount paid as her bride price

To which the question is, does she care?
And does she care she is essentially being sold?

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