coogar:


i couldn't have had if i tried. i remove myself from such pettiness.



i find it difficult to believe a slap just came out of nowhere because the wifey refused to hand over her pictures.



did you ever bother to ask your granny why she used oppression to wear out your aunts?



you can prove her wrong & change her opinion about you. you don't have to lick her arsë too. just keep being you & one day the penny would drop for her.



so if a mad woman gets into a fight with you in public, you would join her in the show of shame cos you are taking control before shyte escalates?

lol, am nt going to try to argue with you cos u have never been in the position,
Reasons range from her family are bad people, to not having children e.t.c.

By taking control I mean, reducing visits to barest minimum, let the couples enjoy their marital life without her breathing down their necks constantly

Again I don't have experience with mad people, maybe you should tell me about it

jadelyn007:
sweery, you don't get it, not every parent beat their child and mine are such. My mum doesn't slap or blow me, I served other purnishments tho. I was grounded and all that.
If I were looking for a husby on nairaland trust me I'd be kissing every males assss on here n trying not to step on toes, unfortunately I am nt here to feed anybodys over bloated ego.

That said, I am going to go by what I read and not assume anything. The poster didn't say his wife talked to his mum anyhow hence she was slapped, he said she refused her mum taking pics from the album so she slapped her.

Why can't granny respect herself and wait for her son to return then get the pictures?

My question remains would she slap her own daughter who refuses her frm taking pics
no matter how her daughter puts it to her

going by what have read equally(on the original thread) most people didn't ignore the fact that mil was at fault for taking the first strike...but what most argued about it; should the dil retaliate?
so your last question (which I will rephrase) isn't necessary cause-- would a child slap her mum back cause she slapped her over a flimsy excuse?

and yes! she would especially due to the emboldened.. we know African parents will take no shi.t, a mother would easily slap her daughter over a lesser reason than what it might have been with the original thread.. you know, its quite easy to be disrespected by someone's child than by your own child!

also you can't live your life solely based on how people you grew up with treated you.. that your mum didn't slap you doesn't mean she wouldn't slap another person when provoked.. also your mum felt punishment was a better form of caution than hitting you cause you were young then..but I know pretty well she won't ask you to kneel down at this age when you piss her of.. if you disrespect her, you are not old enough to be corrected.. and I also expect you not to talk rudely to your mum to the point she will hit you..if you can do this then common sense should tell you , you need to be more cautious when relating with someone who wouldn't take many shits your mum can take from her daughter

Also do note that your mil can never be your mother. .. there are many things your mother can accept from you that a mil can't!! so dont judge the next mother by your own mother... same goes to every potential mils..

you have no right whatsoever to slap back at an elderly person(would you have slapped your mum's sis back if she slapped you?) I'm not relieving the mil of any blame, but you slapping back is a big disrespect to your own parents, your husband, his mum, and his family. nobody in your family and your husby's family will directly tell your mother in law she was foolish for striking first but they would Blame you for;
1. infuriating your mil to slap you
2. slapping her back
3. disrespecting your family members.
I'm pretty sure your mum will feel wounded that her daughter had the guts to soap an elderly person..
they will Shame your mum for a bad upbringing.

nobody will remember mil slapped first. so whats the fuss?

also you can't just jump to conclude they fought over 'gimme pix, I no give u' .. I can't be so sure but I assume the reason for the first slap goes beyond just that..
what you need to change the mentality that mils can do whatever they want to a dial as the thread madly implies..
you are telling one party to cool off while the other party can continue showing her craze..which very soon will rob off on the other party And when they retaliate, no one will remember they have been taking shits way back(esp if the victim is the mil) they automatically blame the one that has been taking shits. .the ability of a mil to dil good relationship to exist doesn't/shouldn't lie solely on the dil..

jadelyn007:
lol, am nt going to try to argue with you cos u have never been in the position,
Reasons range from her family are bad people, to not having children e.t.c.

i understand this bit some wives also hate their MILs for no reason. they have pre-conceived notions about her from the outset and they are all out to isolate the husband from his mother.

By taking control I mean, reducing visits to barest minimum, let the couples enjoy their marital life without her breathing down their necks constantly

very easy for you to say.....
you want to force the western mores on the stereotypical african families. the men in the western countries don't owe their parent's much. he started fending for himself at 18 - there's no intense emotional connection like you would find in africa.

the african man comes with a baggage - his mom. his mother probably invested her gratuity & pension on her son's education to become successful. some sold houses, jewelry, etc to train their sons. you then think she would sit back & let a skinny-legged wifey from nowhere ruin the bond that has been there for more than 30 years?

think again, my friend.

Again I don't have experience with mad people, maybe you should tell me about it

you are sick!
you have a nan that once oppressed your aunts. ask her if she throws slaps around for the ficklest of things.

quivah:

going by what have read equally(on the original thread) most people didn't ignore the fact that mil was at fault for taking the first strik...but what most argue about it; should the dil retaliate?
so your last question (which I will rephrase) isn't necessary cause-- would a child slap her mum back cause she slapped her over a films excuse?

and yes! she would especially due to the emboldened.. we know African parents will take no shit, a mother would easily slap her daughter over a lesser reason than what it might have been with the original thread.. you know, its quite easy to be disrespected by someone's child than by your own child!

also you can't live your life solely based on how people you grew up with treated you.. that your mum didn't slap you doesn't mean she wouldn't slap another person when provoked.. also her mum felt punishment was a better form of caution than hitting you cause you were young then..but I know pretty well she won't ask you to kneel then at this age when you piss her of.. if you disrespect her, you are not old enough to be corrected..

Alao do note that your mil can never be your mother. .. there are many things your mother can accept from you that a mil can't!! so dont judge the next mother by your own mother... same goes to every potential mils..

you have no right whatsoever to slap back at an elderly person(would you have slapped your mum's sis back if she slapped you?) I'm not relieving the mil of any blame, but you slapping back is a big disrespect to your own parents, your husband, his mum, and his family. nobody in your family and your husby's family will directly tell your mother in law she was foolish for striking first but they would Blame you for;
1. infuriating your mil to slap you
2. slapping her back
3. disrespecting your family members.
I'm pretty sure your mum will feel wounded that her daughter had the guts to soap an elderly person..
they will Shame your mum for a bad upbringing.

nobody will remember mil slapped first. so whats the fuss?

madam, I don't have any problem with your opinion. Truth is going from what I read MIL shouldn't have slapped DIL because she refused giving her pics, and you don't go about slapping adults for whatever reason.

You chose your opinion because in your subconscious you have assumed that DIL must have abused MIL that's why she was slapped. That explains your indignation.

Well after seeing how bad some MIL's can be, I chose to believe that just for declining to give her pic is what makes her receive a slap.

If you got a MIL treats you well, treat her like she's a god. As for wicked MIL's whatever they get is their cup of tea.

coogar:


i understand this bit some wives also hate their MILs for no reason. they have pre-conceived notions about her from the outset and they are all out to isolate the husband from his mother.



very easy for you to say.....
you want to force the western mores on the stereotypical african families. the men in the western countries don't owe their parent's much. he started fending for himself at 18 - there's no intense emotional connection like you would find in africa.

the african man comes with a baggage - his mom. his mother probably invested her gratuity & pension on her son's education to become successful. some sold houses, jewelry, etc to train their sons. you then think she would sit back & let a skinny-legged wifey from nowhere ruin the bond that has been there for more than 30 years?

think again, my friend.



you are sick!
you have a nan that once oppressed your aunts. ask her if she throws slaps around for the ficklest of things.

my granny not going to visit doesn't stop her from getting all the love she needs from her sons, they visit her often enough, they give her all the stuff she wants. The fact that they appreciate their wives doesn't mean the bond between mother and son is broken.

And no, she doesn't throw slaps but she does belittle them. You have said time n time again that there is no difference between verbal n physical abuse so I don't know why you are contradicting yourself.

You are sick if you consider your wifey skinny legged at 30-something.

DIL doesn't go to MIL's matrimonial home to harass her, I still don't see why MIL should come disturbing the peace of her son's new home

jadelyn007:
madam, I don't have any problem with your opinion. Truth is going from what I read MIL shouldn't have slapped DIL because she refused giving her pics, and you don't go about slapping adults for whatever reason.

You chose your opinion because in your subconscious you have assumed that DIL must have abused MIL that's why she was slapped. That explains your indignation.

Well after seeing how bad some MIL's can be, I chose to believe that just for declining to give her pic is what makes her receive a slap.

If you got a MIL treats you well, treat her like she's a god. As for wicked MIL's whatever they get is their cup of tea.

my assumption was to negate your assumption that she got slapped just because she refused to drop the pix.. you gave what you believed, and I tried to drop another assumption to it..@emboldened
and I also won't argue further cause you are judging based in your experience.. but at some point you need to think of any other possible way to the issue than what you Perceive to be the usual

and lol I am not dropping my comment based on the fact that I have a good mil (says who? I'm not married) that will be a rubbish thing to do .
#peace madam

jadelyn007:
my granny not going to visit doesn't stop her from getting all the love she needs from her sons, they visit her often enough, they give her all the stuff she wants. The fact that they appreciate their wives doesn't mean the bond between mother and son is broken.

i agree in principle - but let's not pretend there are no wifeys whose mission is to destroy that mother-son bond. in a nutshell, not all MILs are evil & not all DILs are saints.

And no, she doesn't throw slaps but she does belittle them. You have said time n time again that there is no difference between verbal n physical abuse so I don't know why you are contradicting yourself.

TIA - this is africa!
such things go with the norm in the society you have found yourself. try and adapt.

You are sick if you consider your wifey skinny legged at 30-something.

DIL doesn't go to MIL's matrimonial home to harass her, I still don't see why MIL should come disturbing the peace of her son's new home

that MIL made DIL's husband suitable to be married in most cases. if she didn't train him to be successful, he would have received a big no from the DIL during the wooing phase.

she(MIL) knows many young brides are devious & she's made it her duty to protect her investment. try & understand where these MILs are coming from. they just need assurance that all would be well, antagonising them in retaliation never ends well for all the parties involved.

And oh I can't argue the fact there are no evil mils.. I will fail at it big time..my late Granny was a VERY bad mil gosh!

but I will as much as possible not debate any sort of issue based on that line...I wasn't there, was I? we can only drop comments based on what we perceived. equally I know a daughter wouldn't hit her mum cause her mum hit her over a flimsy issue.

besides i don't get the correlation between the issue between a mil-dil and mother-daughter .. different relations, roles and bonding..

quivah:
And oh I can't argue the fact there are no evil mils.. I will fail at it big time..my late Granny was a VERY bad mil gosh!

but I will as much as possible not debate any sort of issue based on that line...I wasn't there, was I? we can only drop comments based on what we perceived. equally I know a daughter wouldn't hit her mum cause her mum hit her over a flimsy issue.

besides i don't get the correlation between the issue between a mil-dil and mother-daughter .. different relations, roles and bonding..

A number of your posts here have been refreshing

@bold, thanks for been honest

To some, their family members becomes saintly once a wife enters the family

My mum knows I will not tolerant her becoming a pain in the butt of my SIL.

bukatyne:


A number of your posts here have been refreshing

@bold, thanks for been honest

To some, their family members becomes saintly once a wife enters the family

My mum knows I will not tolerant her becoming a pain in the butt of my SIL.

that's absolutely true...I have a cousin who doesn't go along with her mum well, my aunt is what every one in the family tag 'woman tiger' .. so strict! but at emboldened„ she will definitely be a lil goddess in the eye of the family members. after all, she's the mother in law who always need to throw her fangs around..but I still won't deny the fact that there are still good family members who are aware of mils evilness, I believe covering up her act in public is the best way. she would be condemned in private.
but you know there are also some wicked dils ? wickedness is not a definition strictly for mils

thanks

bukatyne:


The bolded should be on a bill board

and you should be on a sign post!

Bolded:


and you should be on a sign post!

Bolded! Bolded!! Bolded!!!


[size=14pt]ON A BILL BOARD![/size]

quivah:

that's absolutely true...I have a cousin who doesn't go along with her mum well, my aunt is what every one in the family tag 'woman tiger' .. so strict! but at emboldened„ she will definitely be a lil goddess in the eye of the family members. after all, she's the mother in law who always need to throw her fangs around..but I still won't deny the fact that there are still good family members who are aware of mils evilness, I believe covering up her act in public is the best way. she would be condemned in private.
but you know there are also some wicked dils ? wickedness is not a definition strictly for mils

thanks

Yeah, there are a number of welcoming families (esp from the husband's side) who know what marriage is all about.

There are also a number of terrible and wicked DILs that I shake my head when I hear their stories

The major flaw of this thread is that it never acknowledged that the relationship is a two way thing and a MIL also has a huge role to play on how the relationship turns out.

If a thread is opened on evil DILs, will be willing to discuss it.

bukatyne:




Bolded! Bolded!! Bolded!!!


[size=14pt]ON A BILL BOARD![/size]

SMH i have hot temper o & single bone

Bolded:


SMH i have hot temper o & single bone

Will simply throw you into the lagoon so you can cool down

And place you on a bill board of course

bukatyne:


Will simply throw you into the lagoon so you can cool down

And place you on a bill board of course

They tried to drown us, they didn't know we were sharks & we bit their arse