Romancelanders, I'm confused and in deep trouble. How can one girl bug me to death this way? Please be patient with me and read what happened.

I met this girl from a project we were paired in church; our youth department. I was the leader, she was the assistant. It was a two weeks training project. After the two weeks, we did so well and received great commendations for a job well done.
I decided to take her out as a form of appreciation for being a great team player, and we ate that evening and shared jokes as she watched pictures on my tab.

After that day, she started calling more often, and I saw no harm in picking her calls.

Trouble started when she started calling like five times every day, sometimes even calling to tell me what happened as she was about to cross the road. Being a busy person, I found this distracting, as I cant be taking calls like that at work for things that can not benefit my employers. She would cap it all with a 30 minutes call late at night before bed.
I soon became irritated with it and told her I cant be picking her calls again. She should rather send me a text and I'd reply at my convenience. To this, she started abusing me, that I am so insensitive.
I apologised and allowed her. I played along. One month later, I called her and told her off. She sent me several abusive texts, of how I'm tearing her heart apart, of how I'm the devil himself, and of how God will punish me eternally for toying with her heart. I took it all and didn reply her, so she will go away. I was happy she didnt call for about three days.
Three days later, guess who called? She was the one. She apologised for sending me those texts, and said she didnt know what came over her. I told her it's alright.
She started visiting me on sundays because she knew my house even before we were paired together for the project. She brings all kinds of food, and I dont know how to reject the food. It will kill her emotionally. But in a month's time, I told her I'm starting a long fasting. All na lie. Just to stop her from coming to my house. In one year, she has abused me countless times for not appreciating her love, using unprintable words on me in texts, abusing me for not replying her missed calls, abused me for taking her for granted.

Just yesterday, she sent me a chat, demanding for us to meet so as to discuss about us, and how she will make me happy if I stay with her. Out of irritation, I replied her chat, telling her that I'm engaged to a lady colleague of mine, and that she should henceforth stay away. It was just a lie so she can know that I'm not free. She sparked, asking me why I never told her since last year, and she was sacrificing on me. She said she was going to ruin my reputation.

And just this morning, as early as 5am, she sent me an apology chat that she is sorry and will not repeat what happened last night again. We've gone through this road a million times in one year. This girl is driving me to insanity. I've not replied the chat yet. She has called countlessly this morning, but I have refused to pick it. My life is draining away just because I took someone out a year ago.

Please you people should note that I never for one day kissed this girl, never had sex with her. I practically owe her nothing. Why is she so needy like this? How can I get rid of her forever in my life? Should I change my line? Should I change church? Should I report her to some christain mothers in our church? Won't she ruin my chances of having a normal relationship and moving about freely in town with another girl of my choosing?
My reputation is on the line, and my future too is on the line. Is it now a crime to be nice to a lady?

mentorandfriend:

cc:
Ifyalways
MizMyColi
Missclasssy
Farano
Babyosisi
Cococandy
Priscaoge
Tallesty
Buygala
Tosyne2much
emusmith
Naijaboiy
Rokiatu
Mariolae
Chibwike
I need serious advice from experienced romancelanders to handle this before I do something silly.

Young03:
so far my name no follow for whom u listed , mal I bone stay one corner dey watch.

mentorandfriend:
Thanks rokiatu. I cherish your advice. Not that I like the attention she is giving me. It bores me to death. I'm just trying my best to be civil with her while passing my message across. Henceforth, I'll do as if she doesnt exist when I see her in church. I'm only afraid of what she is capable of saying behind me to all those girls, thats why I'm trying to be civil.

chibwike:
Have been in a situation like this before...buh urz is more complicated..coz the chic seems to be obsessed......firstly u ve got to change ur line....that would reduce communication...if she doesn't relent...try asking her what does she really want from you....her reply would help you in taking the next step...lastly, pray.

rokiatu:
Life will get easier for you when you stop caring what anyone think of you. Beside she will be bitter so she will obviously talk a lot of trash about you. Ignorance is the best solution for such people.

Young03:
so far my name no follow for whom u listed , mal I bone stay one corner dey watch.

SpeedyConnect:
Start withdrawing gradually and time will remedy the situation

MizMyColi:





See, I value my peace of mind, and as unorthodox as it might seem, I am very well versed in the art if ignoring and loving people from afar. You might wanna develop that stance in this case.

MizMyColi:
Lol
Mentorandfriend, I think you're being overly considerate here, which in itself, is not a bad thing....but,

You shouldn't have stringed her along....or perhaps, you had feelings for her? And then realized along the line she's not a ministry you want to pursue? Coupled with the issues of emotional infidelity that may crop up as a result of your being hitched to the fine doctor lady you now have.

See, I value my peace of mind, and as unorthodox as it might seem, I am very well versed in the art if ignoring and loving people from afar. You might wanna develop that stance in this case.

For someone you spoke with daily on a 30 minute average, chances are that you've become attached, hence the subtle feeling of indebtedness as to what might become of her, especially now that you know she's a young woman who has issues with emotional compartmentalization.

But you have to do what you have to do.
You ought to pray for her too. Speaking light and love over her life. Declaring that she too will find love and understand what it means to value self. (This is what I meant by loving from afar).

In all, stay safe and keep your real babe out of this...
Truss me, you don't wanna get stuff muddled up for yourself.

I'm here, should you need further clarification

demelza:
Please could you tell me more about this. This is one art I have been trying to learn and so far I have been a poor student.
Op, sorry for hijacking your thread.

Okay first off, I don't go about ignoring people, matter of fact, I enjoy them and like being around sane and like minded individuals.

I will ignore a person for one or more of these reasons

- If they are plain toxic
- If they think I offended them and just won't forgive me, despite my grovelling for such
- If a person gets high from taunting my person.

One thing I always do is FORGIVE in advance and keep forgiving.
That's the only way I can go without talking to them and remain true to the values I stand for.

One other thing I've conditioned self to do is speak positive words into their lives, especially when I feel like thinking and saying wrong and vile thoughts about them.

I had a friend, I considered her everything to me...I let her in, without boundaries....I can be trusting like that. I gave her the impression that I'll always look up to her, she's older btw.

But along the line...she became overly controlling and unwittingly manipulative. I knew it wasn't right. The last conversation I had with her kinda got me battered emotionally, I'm thankful for my male friends who won't let me slip into another identity crisis.

I told them all the stuff she said to me and both of them waowed
I can be tolerant like that.

I never replied any of those converso....it's been months now. There's hardly a day I don't think about her....
All I do is wish her well, I make specific positive statements into her life and I declare wholeheartedly that things will get better for us.

YET, I am on complete ignore mode.

If this example doesn't fit, you might wanna go specific, as different scenarios demand different measures.

Impossible is Nothing.

MizMyColi:


Okay first off, I don't go about ignoring people, matter of fact, I enjoy them and like being around sane and like minded individuals.

I will ignore a person for one or more of these reasons

- If they are plain toxic
- If they think I offended them and just won't forgive me, despite my grovelling for such
- If a person gets high from taunting my person.

One thing I always do is FORGIVE in advance and keep forgiving.
That's the only way I can go without talking to them and remain true to the values I stand for.

One other thing I've conditioned self to do is speak positive words into their lives, especially when I feel like thinking and saying wrong and vile thoughts about them.

I had a friend, I considered her everything to me...I let her in, without boundaries....I can be trusting like that. I gave her the impression that I'll always look up to her, she's older btw.

But along the line...she became overly controlling and unwittingly manipulative. I knew it wasn't right. The last conversation I had with her kinda got me battered emotionally, I'm thankful for my male friends who won't let me slip into another identity crisis.

I told them all the stuff she said to me and both of them waowed
I can be tolerant like that.

I never replied any of those converso....it's been months now. There's hardly a day I don't think about her....
All I do is wish her well, I make specific positive statements into her life and I declare wholeheartedly that things will get better for us.

YET, I am on complete ignore mode.

If this example doesn't fit, you might wanna go specific, as different scenarios demand different measures.

Impossible is Nothing.

Owhhhh
Trust me, at first, it's not easy.

I still slip, even with how far I've come.
But there's no better way for me, so I keep on.

I know there is a force in us that helps make these things possible.

Another example.
After the elections, I was angry ehn.
Choi! I saw bitterness korokoro.

I refused talking to my friends.
They call and watsapp...pfffttt.
But I knew that wasn't me. I knew I couldn't remain like that, yet I lacked the strength to snap out of it....
Others were busy congratulating and I'm like......

Well, I prayed to the higher dimension within to return me to who I'm meant to be.

Hmm
You should have seen me less than five minutes later.
It is not exaggeration, I laughed throughout the night! I became free again.
Lol

It all boils down to an awareness of who you're meant to be.

Mentorandfriend, biko have mercy

demelza:
That conditioning thing you wrote about is what I have been missing. I tend to think vile thoughts and allow it spiral out of control to the point that I get angry all over again. Will definitely apply your method.
Thank you very much.

Yomieluv:
She's a desperado.

Please avoid her,she has obsession for you,and not love. She can be dangerous,if she does get what she wants..

I will like you to be watching Investigation Discovery(ID) you will understand me more..

Please block her call,or any of her moves,except you are enjoying it.

rill:
na so the babe ugly reach?

Nawa for you o

naijaboiy:
Jesus!

See how person dey find husband by force.
This is desperation+obsession of the highest order to me.