Kevdee4reel:
READ:
These days, I think the ease of just lying in your bed and having a conversation with someone miles away through multiple social media platforms, has given us the room to ask the weirdest and most uncomfortable questions with unflinching consideration to opinion or perception.
We no send.
We could go on dates and hangout, but it seem like conversations is beginning to experience a transition from the traditional word of mouth to social media: BBM, Whatsapp et al. Clearly but sadly, we tend to talk less when we meet and talk more when chat.
This is a problem.
Spending less time together before we actually begin to date has become the norm. Then when she eventually says 'yes', and they begin to see more often, you realise he smokes.
This trend has made study of personality more difficult. Our assumption of character by the way he chats, speaks, her decent display of pictures on social media has given us a vague translation of real character.
The ease of communication has made us think we have ample time to ask all the questions - we actually do ask all the questions - but never the essential ones.
He meets a girl, she meets a guy. They exchange pin or phone number, they get talking or chatting. In less than a week we know how many guys she has dated, how many women he has been with.
She inquires if he has tried a party, he says "Yes, once or twice but I'm done with that life", she calls him "bad guy", she adds "I like good guys who were bad guys". He is excited that that line, that lie, worked. It always works.
How many Nigerian guys have actually tried a party. Well, he find out she isn't a virgin.
"Yes, I've been with four guys", she says.
In his mind, he adds an extra two. "Six guys" he thinks.
Yes, like most guys he believes that "I've been with four guys" is six or seven.
"I've been with six guys" is eight or ten.
He believes that in rare cases is "I've been with two guys" actually two.
She barely asks about his character, his siblings, his passion. They both leave out serious inquiry about their personalities.
They start dating.
So, she goes visiting for the first time. She knows he doesn't like condoms, he assures her his pull out game is excellent. Well, his pull out game is actually excellent. Eleven months later, they're cool. He doesn't shout, he barely scolds, he respects her mind, body and soul.
Suddenly she feels something is wrong, the natural selection of everything makes all men jerks. She had seen her father beat her mother. Her uncle, Uncle Femi, has kids from another woman other than his wife. She had caught her ex with her friend. Abraham slept with another woman. Solomon had concubines. Samson loved prostitutes. Even David in his dying days chose to stay with a young female virgin. She believes that God created all men as jerks.
He too must be a jerk, it is somewhere in the bible.
So she tells her friends about him, how 'flawless' he seem. They all tell her unequivocally "Babe, test him o". "Ah! Nne, test his anger o. He is too good to be true".
She believes, she agrees. She tests.
So, as he got back home from the hospital and walks straight to the couch, he sits.
She attacks him for coming late. He is quiet. She insults him for going to see his mother, "that sick woman" she calls her. He is quiet. She accuses his mother of 'eating' all his money. He is quiet.
He is unhappy that ovarian cancer may never allow his mother see her grand kids. He is sad that a woman who lost her husband barely ten years in her marriage - yet refused to remarry - struggled to raise him and his siblings, will not live long enough to see his own kids. He is aware it is fatal. But it is his mother, he will keep paying for chemotherapy.
"Your mother is a witch and she should just die"
"What did you say" he stands.
"Your mother is a witch and she is suffering for her sins"
"What did you say" he walks closer
"Your mother never liked me, she is evil, all your money is just wasting on her, she should just...."
"Tawaiii!!!!!!!" he slaps her.
A well appropriated slap, just once, on her right cheek. He wanted to slap her again, on the left. He restrains himself. He knew he hit her well and hard. A part of him felt disappointed. A part of him felt a jolt of excitement and satisfaction.
He went back to his couch and sat down.
She packs some of her stuffs and left the house quietly. He didn't stop her.
When he told me about it, I was angry. This woman, his mother, was like a mother to me. I eat there, sleep there, you know when you have that kind of relationship with a family. Honestly, deep down, I felt the same jolt of excitement when he told me he slapped her, but visibly I antagonized him. I can be an actor.
"You should never hit a woman" I said.
I made him understand that no matter what she said or did, he could either walk out of her presence or tell her to leave.
The other day, I made a comment on twitter that my buddy slapped a girl and deep down, I was happy he did. A girl called describes my deep excitement about that slap as me showing my 'innate sadism' without a query into reasons for my comment. Innate sadism!!!!
I'm not going to atone for the wrong of my friend or for many men who may have hit a woman before. It is wrong to hit a woman; but I think sometimes, when someone is pushed to the wall, he might strike. Me sef, I don follow agbero fight for Cele bus-stop (story for another day).
I have learnt to apply objectivity in the analysis of any situation. When one says "I want an abortion", I don't just criticize without understanding and say "No, it is wrong".
Agreed, her boyfriend could be responsible. Or, she could be married, have 9 children and doesn't want more. Or, she could have been a Chibok girl impregnated by Boko Haram. Or, it could be an ectopic pregnancy.
An abortion is mandatory and advisable for one or more of the above stated cases.
Regardless of how well mannered and polite one may seem, we have different levels of temperament.
Ladies, nobody hides characters. People don't exactly change in marriage or relationship. Who we are is who we are. Rather than ask about his dick size, his sexual fantasies. Instead of accelerating a nascent friendship into a relationship, oblivious of who he really is - which has become a norm - take time to study his character.
Meet. Study. Be observant.
Nobody, I repeat, nobody truly hides character, it is visible, transparent and clear.
Meet. Study. Be observant.
Don't test any man. Don't test me.
Olisa
@Olis123kel
www.olisakevin.com
For 'unedited' version cos this nairaland can like to help person 'edit', read here:
http://www.olisakevin.com/2015/05/ladies-dont-test-any-man-dont-test-me.html?m=1
if they don't test you, they won't know how sweet you are...  |
