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How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? - Family - Nairaland

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How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Islie: 1:32pm On May 15, 2015
Dear Taiwo,
I am 17, the first child of my parents. I have two younger siblings, both boys. We lost our mother precisely six months ago after a protracted illness; cancer. Her death though, expected since we all knew cancer is a terminal illness came to all of us as a shock, because it came at a time all of us thought she would survive.
My youngest sibling is just seven, so my mother’s elder sister volunteered to take him with her, but my father would not allow him live outside our home. He said he doesn’t want any of his children away from him.
It was a good decision and we all applauded him, until I started noticing the presence of his personal secretary in our house. I wasn’t comfortable, so I had to ask him. I was shocked when my father told me that he is thinking of marrying her as he feels we need a new mother, more so since I will be going to the university soon.
I am not really comfortable with the idea, I told my father that much and I cannot relate well with this new woman. I have tried my best to like her, but I can’t. This situation is beginning to bring tension between my father and I because he feels I am deliberately hostile to his secretary.
I have tried my best but I just cannot warm up to her?

http://tribuneonlineng.com/content/how-can-my-father-re-marry-just-six-months-after-mum%E2%80%99s-death
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Acekidc4(m): 1:34pm On May 15, 2015
Are you Really Asking this Question??
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by nosike3(m): 1:38pm On May 15, 2015
Whether 6 weeks,6 months or 6 years!! The wife is gone!!! Let him remarry if he wants to!!! It will help him and the family heal!! Nobody is taking your mother's place!! She's gone!

3 Likes

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by winetapper: 1:46pm On May 15, 2015
its pretty a tuf decision to make.. Let his family know about it both your mums family too they might do something to help
and this is an eye opener, you now the mother and father of your siblings.. Your dad may disapoint you if he eventually stays with the new wife
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Mbkite(m): 1:46pm On May 15, 2015
He is free to marry. U better start liking her!
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by donbenedict(m): 1:47pm On May 15, 2015
I thought u understood d words "till death do them part" clearly
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Bilabong(m): 4:01pm On May 15, 2015
Op you can only advice him and not make decisions for him... If he has made his decision just respect it. Avoid your "new mum" and stay off trouble until you get your own house and marry.
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by mrsmith11(m): 6:59pm On May 15, 2015
Well nothing wrong if daddy decide to marry after you mum demise but I think 6 months is just too early for that and also considering who he intend to marry (suspicious).

I advice you just try and accommodate her in whatever possible way you can because of your younger sibling who might be at d receiving end when you leave for school

My 10 cent

1 Like

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by veave(f): 7:05pm On May 15, 2015
I thought of willie obiano's wife when i read this story.
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by lilmax(m): 7:33pm On May 15, 2015
What's the difference?
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by johnlegend01: 8:13pm On May 15, 2015
try harder
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Stunner1(f): 8:48pm On May 15, 2015
Men are emotionally weak
Women hardly re-marry
Smh

2 Likes

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by dre11(m): 11:00pm On May 15, 2015
If he wants to remarry........





Why is it the Secretary

2 Likes

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by greatgod2012(f): 4:02am On May 16, 2015
Haba! Haba! Haba!!!
6months
Kilode
Yes, it's true, he has the right to remarry, but six months It's too early if we want to be sincere with ourselves!
This is a man who has been married with the woman for over 17 years, and within six months of his wife's demise, he has already replaced her with his secretary in his heart?
O ga o!
This life sha!
Can he sincerely and honestly say it that he just wooed the secretary within the 6 months interval?
It simply means "something" has been going on between the duo before the death of his wife. They just saw the death of the woman as prayer answered. This life sha........!


Ok, ok, ok, he's a man, he is free to remarry, he just has to, because he is emotional.....bla, bla, bla.......ok but why his secretary
Why not another lady/woman? Why must it be that secretary
Personally, i take it that they have been dating before the death of that woman jor!


And please, if you want to quote to counter me, first of all put yourself in the shoe of the dead woman first, and see how it hurts!

It is well!

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by cococandy(f): 5:45am On May 16, 2015
If it's a woman now, they will say she killed her husband to marry the secretary.
angry angry

May your mom's soul RIP jare.

2 Likes

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Ewuro4: 6:17am On May 16, 2015
Had this discussion with a collegue recently.

Why is it so hard For men to wait & morn their wives for atleast 2years ? , I mean is it not weird and mind boggling how quickly they warm up to another woman? It is for me oh undecided You lost your wife for God's sake not a pet. You already have children to raise. Get a maid to do all the cooking & other house chores. Have some Respect. Gosh.

Meanwhile, a wide percentage of widows will choose to wait & raise their children before inviting another man into their home permanently. It won't even cross their minds.


I just don't get it. undecided

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by timilehing(m): 7:29am On May 16, 2015
Children can never be a rightful consoling mind for their parents. Let your father remarry biko, it's not easy to hold it down for six months

But most importantly, he needs to move on & get over it quickly unless you want to turn him to zombie.

1 Like

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by ElDeeVee(m): 7:33am On May 16, 2015
greatgod2012:
Haba! Haba! Haba!!!
6months
Kilode
Yes, it's true, he has the right to remarry, but six months It's too early if we want to be sincere with ourselves!
This is a man who has been married with the woman for over 17 years, and within six months of his wife's demise, he has already replaced her with his secretary in his heart?
O ga o!
This life sha!
Can he sincerely and honestly say it that he just wooed the secretary within the 6 months interval?
It simply means "something" has been going on between the duo before the death of his wife. They just saw the death of the woman as prayer answered. This life sha........!


Ok, ok, ok, he's a man, he is free to remarry, he just has to, because he is emotional.....bla, bla, bla.......ok but why his secretary
Why not another lady/woman? Why must it be that secretary
Personally, i take it that they have been dating before the death of that woman jor!


And please, if you want to quote to counter me, first of all put yourself in the shoe of the dead woman first, and see how it hurts!

It is well!
Hmm u may b right in some of ya assumptions sha but I don't think 6months is such a short time...if d man sees someone he likes even if its just 1month after his wife's death, he can go ahead..remember death has part them already
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by smokescreen4: 8:13am On May 16, 2015
You've got to love the life of a man, he was dating that secretary before the wife's death, six months? ?? HABA
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Kimoni: 8:24am On May 16, 2015
ElDeeVee:

Hmm u may b right in some of ya assumptions sha but I don't think 6months is such a short time...if d man sees someone he likes even if its just 1month after his wife's death, he can go ahead..remember death has part them already


I honestly agree with you, even if it is one day after, let him remarry. I personally got no issues

The only problem will be when tables turn and the woman wishes to remarry, even when it's 10 years after, the whole world will remember she is a slut who never loved her husband and killed him so she could remarry several years after.

Women need to start thinking of themselves first and not what people will say. The word "woman" should stop equating to "suffering" in Naija.

3 Likes

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by jnrbayano(m): 9:31am On May 16, 2015
Your emotion is just going overboard, stating this from experience.

1. Realise that the marriage covenant have been broken by death and your father is as free as a farting ass.

2. Your dad I should think is very modest and never want to have affairs which isn't blessed.

3. He also needs a mother figure around his kids and cant stomach them staying with other caregivers.

4. He has started preparing himself for old age because you and your siblings will have to leave to establish your respective homes. He will need company that time.

5. Who so ever he chooses to marry is his prerogative...he has even respected you guys to disclose to you what his intentions and its reasons are. He has done more than enough.

6. On your part, pray that his choice turns out good for all.

7. In time you will warm-up to your new mother.

8. Your late mum will be smiling down on you all because of his decision.
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by jnrbayano(m): 9:39am On May 16, 2015
cococandy:
If it's a woman now, they will say she killed her husband to marry the secretary.
angry angry

May your mom's soul RIP jare.

That's where your mind has just gone?

Chai! cry
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by jnrbayano(m): 9:47am On May 16, 2015
smokescreen4:
You've got to love the life of a man, he was dating that secretary before the wife's death, six months? ?? HABA

Assuming the man dated the secretary before the wife died what has it got to do with the advice the Op seek?

You people should be careful of the advice you dish out online...this suspicion can incite this boy to rebel the father.
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by ijustdey: 9:53am On May 16, 2015
jnrbayano:


Assuming the man dated the secretary before the wife died what has it got to do with the advice the Op seek?

You people should be careful of the advice you dish out online...this suspicion can incite this boy to rebel the father.


but isn't it showing with the way the whole episode just played out.


because am asking myself at what time did the man grieve for him to have found the secretary so worthy to come and take over his home just within the space of 6 months he did loose his wife
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by ijustdey: 9:57am On May 16, 2015
Ewuro4:
Had this discussion with a collegue recently.

Why is it so hard For men to wait & morn their wives for atleast 2years ? , I mean is it not weird and mind boggling how quickly they warm up to another woman? It is for me oh undecided You lost your wife for God's sake not a pet. You already have children to raise. Get a maid to do all the cooking & other house chores. Have some Respect. Gosh.

Meanwhile, a wide percentage of widows will choose to wait & raise their children before inviting another man into their home permanently. It won't even cross their minds.


I just don't get it. undecided


man is just a complex being when it comes to its relationship with the opposite sex.... what he see and imagine sometimes is controlled by the third leg that he won't reason the way you just put it.


he feels empty without fulfilling that sexual desire or urge
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by jnrbayano(m): 9:57am On May 16, 2015
ijustdey:



but isn't it showing with the way the whole episode just played out.


because am asking myself at what time did the man grieve for him to have found the secretary so worthy to come and take over his home just within the space of 6 months he did loose his wife

I know bro, we are not kids but we are here to advice that 17year old to be calm and try to tarry well with his father's decision which at this point is irreversible.

The best piece of advice is given with the head and not the heart.
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by ijustdey: 10:05am On May 16, 2015
jnrbayano:


I know bro, we are not kids but we are here to advice that 17year old to be calm and try to tarry well with his father's decision which at this point is irreversible.

The best piece of advice is given with the head and not the heart.

I feel you on that emboldened part.......

solution is what is needed now and not the causes and what happened before
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Qualer: 11:51am On May 16, 2015
greatgod2012:
Haba! Haba! Haba!!!
6months
Kilode
Yes, it's true, he has the right to remarry, but six months It's too early if we want to be sincere with ourselves!
This is a man who has been married with the woman for over 17 years, and within six months of his wife's demise, he has already replaced her with his secretary in his heart?
O ga o!
This life sha!
Can he sincerely and honestly say it that he just wooed the secretary within the 6 months interval?
It simply means "something" has been going on between the duo before the death of his wife. They just saw the death of the woman as prayer answered. This life sha........!


Ok, ok, ok, he's a man, he is free to remarry, he just has to, because he is emotional.....bla, bla, bla.......ok but why his secretary
Why not another lady/woman? Why must it be that secretary
Personally, i take it that they have been dating before the death of that woman jor!


And please, if you want to quote to counter me, first of all put yourself in the shoe of the dead woman first, and see how it hurts!


It is well!

First off, the secretary is a female/woman, so I don't understand what you are ranting about and contradicting yourself in one fell swoop.

Secondly, dead people do not wear shoes... fucck it - they are DEAD = GONE!!!

2 Likes

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by Ewuro4: 3:11pm On May 16, 2015
ijustdey:



man is just a complex being when it comes to its relationship with the opposite sex.... what he see and imagine sometimes is controlled by the third leg that he won't reason the way you just put it.


he feels empty without fulfilling that sexual desire or urge

That's just complete bullocks! He should be able to hold it together for few years. Jerk it off in the shower or something lipsrsealed
Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by cococandy(f): 3:31pm On May 16, 2015
jnrbayano:


That's where your mind has just gone?

Chai! cry
why won't my mind go there?

Has it been long since the last time we saw a thread like this and everyone was lashing at woman? Some even calling her husband killer.

Trust me if Na the man die eh? Hmm. By now her in-laws will be running helter-skelter trying to dispossess her of anything she and her husband acquired together.
She would even be an outcast by now for remarrying so soon.

Mtchew for my people. angry

1 Like

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by cococandy(f): 3:33pm On May 16, 2015
ijustdey:



man is just a complex being when it comes to its relationship with the opposite sex.... what he see and imagine sometimes is controlled by the third leg that he won't reason the way you just put it.


he feels empty without fulfilling that sexual desire or urge
na women no get sexual desire? undecided undecided undecided

2 Likes

Re: How Can My Father Re-marry Just Six Months After Mum’s Death? by jnrbayano(m): 4:07pm On May 16, 2015
cococandy:
why won't my mind go there?

Has it been long since the last time we saw a thread like this and everyone was lashing at woman? Some even calling her husband killer.

Trust me if Na the man die eh? Hmm. By now her in-laws will be running helter-skelter trying to dispossess her of anything she and her husband acquired together.
She would even be an outcast by now for remarrying so soon.

Mtchew for my people. angry

All you say is rampant on Nairaland. I agree to all.

....but this thread seeks advice for the 17year old on how to get acquainted with his fathers decision to remarry, who he is to marry and how not to fallout with the whole setup.

The boy is at crossroad right now and that's priority.

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