Someone just sent me this mail, this morning (I'm not the dad o), asking me to help publish it on my blog and here on NL.

Dear Dad,
I’m writing this letter to thank you for
hitting mom. I should’ve written long ago,
but it took me a while to realize just how
grateful I am for the way I was raised.
I used to envy all my friends who grew up
in “normal” homes; with parents who rarely
argued and formal family dinners every
night at seven o’clock on the dot; where the
loudest thing in the room was the clanking
of silver forks on porcelain plates.
In our apartment, even with the TV blaring
as we ate microwave meals with disposable
sporks, the loudest thing in the
room was always you.

But now I’m thankful for all those nights
you came home drunk and rambling.
Because of you, I’ll never date a guy who
drinks too much or shouts too loud.

I’m thankful for every time the sound of
mom crying kept me up at night. Because
of you, I’ll never marry a man who makes
me unhappy.

I’m thankful I got to witness how hard it
was for mom to leave. You were such a
charmer when you weren’t drunk, and said
“sorry” so convincingly that even you
believed yourself.

Because of you, I know “I’m sorry” is
nothing but two convenient words. Two
words will never be enough to convince me
to stay where I shouldn’t.
As I watch my friends ignore the signs time
and time again, I’m thankful you showed
me all of them.

I want to thank you because I’m over hating
you. My big sister isn’t, and she carries that
pain with her everywhere, into every
relationship.

I’ve seen what holding onto the past can
do, and that’s why I’m choosing to let
go. Domestic violence spans generations —
you learned it from your father, and he
learned it from his — but in our family, I
want the cycle to end with me.
I wear my past like a badge, not a scar, and
so can all survivors of abuse,
eventually. There’s no bright side to this
stuff when it happens, and of course I wish
you hadn’t hit mom at all, but there is a
light at the end of the tunnel: we can use
our experiences to strengthen ourselves and
save others.

Dad, I want to thank you for hitting mom
because it made me the strong and
insightful person I am today. I can see pain
hidden in other people’s eyes like I used to
see it in yours and mom’s. I can see joy,
too, and all I wanna do is create more of it
in the world.

It’s thanks to you that I can make sure
countless others don’t grow up like I did. It’s
often the lessons our parents don’t mean
to teach us that matter the most down the
road. Your actions taught me so much
about how to love myself and others.
And I want you to know that I love you.

Lastly, I want to thank mom for finding the
courage to leave you years ago. Because it
took losing the love of your life for you to
break free from the chains your father
wrapped you in. You got sober, got
remarried, and became the best husband
and father in the world.

By the way, you’re still the loudest thing in
the room… but now it’s the sound of your
laughter.

Touching

hmmm

I never witnessed it, my mom and dad hardly raise voice talk more if shouting.