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Stats: 2,371,756 members, 5,278,822 topics. Date: Friday, 22 November 2019 at 06:38 AM
|Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 11:18pm On Jun 04, 2015|
NOTE : NONE OF THIS PART OF STORY SHOULD PUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED INTO A CD NOR SHOULD IT BE POSTED ON BLOGG OR ANY FORUM WITHOUT THE COPYRIGHT LICENCE FROM THE OWNERSHIP OF THE STORY (GEORGE PRESLEY) ANY ONE FOUND DOING THIS WILL BE CHARGED FOR PIRACY... SO BEWARE!!!
PLEASE THIS STORY IS FULLY WORK OF FICTION ANY NAME OR PLACE OR FEATURES USED ON IT WICH APPEARS TO RELATE WITH ANY LIVING OR DEAD PERSON OR EVEN A PLACE SHOULD JUST BE CONSIDERED AS THE CRAZY IMAGINATION OF THE AUTHOR, NOW SIT DOWN AND RELAX WHY THE STORY UNFOLDS...
YOU WILL LAUGH OUT YOUR INTESTINE...
"KUTTY AND THE GHETTO" THE COMIC PACKED STORY OF THE IMAGINARY AUTHOR...! LEGGO!
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 11:21pm On Jun 04, 2015|
"Gbum... Gbumm... Gbum...!" Comes a knock on our room door.
"ooow... Who must be knocking on our door this early morning?" i asked no one particulary.
As i rise up from our old rumpled mat, i looked down only to laugh at my roomate or rather my close friend kenny, he was sleeping with his large mouth wide open while the ants are busy building ibadan highway express on his opened large mouth.
Kenny my friend can swallow up a big apple without chewing it.
We onced did a betting of who can swallow up a large ball of akpu which is as big as baby's head which he gladly did and win the bet.
"Gbum... Gbum... Gbum..." comes the knock again i grumbled on anger with a promise to shout at whoever tha must been knocking on our door with such a loud thud this early morning.
I peeped through our key hole and behold is our worst nightmare! Our landlord!
We have been owing the man for some months now but kept on dodging him, now he was on our door step, No way out!
I rushed back to wake my poor friend who is enjoying his sleep.
"kenny kenny! , landlord is here oooo!" i wispered.
"where!" he shouted like a mad man that he is.
"he is right there at our doorstep" i answered back.
"Chisos! Na die be this wetin we go do now?" he asked a stupid question.
"Idiot make we kidnapp your papa give am as house rent na" i thundered back.
"Kutty may Amadioha strike you dumb if u call my papa name again" He cursed back.
"Eeeeh... I agree, make we go hid abeg"I concluded as the knock becomes worst.
Where do we hid? I think na wardrope sure pass!
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by GeneralQuamdeen: 11:30pm On Jun 04, 2015|
I'm followinq.. just make sure i don't qet tired of readinq it.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 12:03am On Jun 05, 2015|
"If una no open this door i will break it and you people will be the one to repair it ooo" Comes the landlord's voice.
If i hear make he break am na, i was hiding under our poor contsruced wardrope wich is decaying every seconds as the result of the termite tormenting it, while my big headed friend kenny was hiding behind the entrance door.
Was just trying to imaging the kind of scene which is likely to occur when all of a sudden.
"Gboooa" The door slams Kenny as a result of hard push the landlord gives the door, he gave out a loud cry blowing out his hiding place.
Just like an animal that he is, he started given Kenny so wonderful good slaps, i think he is actually doing a good job, because i know some born-again wonderful slap can do the job of reducing some fats from his cheek.
Kenny have this kind of cheeks that can make a stranger been convinced that he is a governor son, who is only but enjoying his father's wealth without labour.
"His cheeks have gave his a maximum punishment, like oneday that we are returning back after watching night match Chelsea- Man U.
Kenny was a die hard Chelsea fan and me on the other hand was a staunch Man Utd fan.
On that unfateful day Chelse trashed us 3-1 on champions leauge roundoff.
My guy Kenny was busy making all kinda noise trying to make me more angry.
He was still jubilating all of a sudden some boys like Undertaker of Wrestling appeared in our front from non-completed building beside the road, They were all in black except one who one red shirt and white shot with Adam's Oshiomoles's looks. (apology to Edo folks).
"Idiats, where una dy come from" The man on red asked.
"Which kind of question be that? Una be vigilante?" i asked.
I can't tell wether am the actual person that speaked or the two bottles of Origin i tooked earlier.
"Oboi Cp, this dude get mind ooo" One of the said touching my head.
"Guy you no go remove your hand from my head?" i raged and beat off his hand.
He responds with a brain-formatting slap "kpua!"
I instantly go crazy i started speaking in frenchs and Italy,
"Si wan tun ranza bua tazzin"
"Puaaaaah...! Puauuuu!" Come another oozing slaps, this time around it rearrange my brain from crazyness to real madness.
I started talking rubish.
"Officers... Ah mean soldiers... We go Ashawo joint, this my friend na Kenny be im name, Na him be son of The former Governor of Abia... Im uncle na minister of finance from France, and na me be their maid.
"waoh big boy" I see their supposed capon talked touching kenny's cheek.
"No sir he was lieng, i swear i be bastard... I no even get papa and mama... I was picked from dustbing." Kenny my good friend started yabbing nonsense.
The touts never believe him saying that they have comfirm his financial status through his cheek, what they did for him that day, was a story for another day!
"Wai! Wai! Wai!!!" Comes the sounds as our old soldier landlord continue garnishing Kenny's cheek with some delicious slaps.
"Wey ur roomate? Wia im dey" was the landlord's chorus as he continues his slaping feast.
I was enjoying the show how i wish i can be opportuned to join in the slapping feast.
I will surely enjoy doing it on that foam-like cheeks of kenny not like mine which is as dry as kpomo fish.
I was still enjoying the show all of a sudden.
"Krrraaar gwadaaaa.... gwaddda...."
shitup! Our wardrope have falled and blow my cover, not that only it landed on my Okro head!!!
3 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 12:05am On Jun 05, 2015|
Tnx dearie... I will try my best!
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by digitsolution: 12:37am On Jun 05, 2015|
Nice one. Don't rush it, try and correct some of your tenses. The humor is cool, but let me use your word don't over GARNISH it. Nice one bro.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by smsshola(m): 1:43am On Jun 05, 2015|
Nice work but please in an attempt to make it funny don't exaggerate by prolonging some of the lines.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by GeneralQuamdeen: 6:39am On Jun 05, 2015|
Boss, in addition to what my friends up there says.. you have to worry about the way you spell your words.. funny tho
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 7:22am On Jun 05, 2015|
digitsolution:tnx... Buddies i promise to be better... Dis is my first ever story.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by GeneralQuamdeen: 7:31am On Jun 05, 2015|
Rounakid:One can tell.. do you write it down somewhere before postinq or you're doinq it directly from your head.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 8:24am On Jun 05, 2015|
GeneralQuamdeen:Well am writinq it direct frm my head nw, but i av started writinq d script nw.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 9:41am On Jun 05, 2015|
"Eeeehn so u na there u dey since wey i dey ask of u? Abi? Comes the voice of our landlord.
"Eeermmm... No sir i no dey there i just apperared" I glibberishly responded.
"Eeehn... U don turn to ghost abi? U don dey appear and disappear abi? God d deliver una to me today na today una go pay me my money." Our landlord said advancing towards me.
Shitup, i have to think fast, before this man vent his anger on me, all of a sudden i heard "Pheeew...!" Gues what? Kenny my good friend have flee from the room leaving me and landlord to my fate.
" Hei...! Hei...! You are running abi? Okay na i will catch u!!" Our landlord shouted at the fleeing Kenny.
I could'nt help but laugh at Kenny's K-LEG as he was running, it seems as if he is performing a kinda Korean dance step called Gagnam style.
Our landlord was still shouting at the fleeing Kenny and i used that opportunity to tear my own race,
"Heeee! Heeeh! Una don die don't run! I don kill u!" Was what our landlord is yelling but i don't give a shot.
Just like usain bolt i passed my friend Kenny with his Oba Gagnam style running style.
"Kutty wait na" My friend Kenny yelled.
"U dey mad, ur papa" I cursed as i continued racing.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by GeneralQuamdeen: 9:48am On Jun 05, 2015|
That's truly a qhetto life..
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 1:03pm On Jun 05, 2015|
Wow...! Datz shows dat am on riqht part... Tnx buddy...
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 2:26pm On Jun 05, 2015|
"Eeeehen Kenny see that girl i was telling you about" I said to Kenny, A day after the house rent incident, we sits at Nne Ajima's shop munching bread and mineral coke.
We have settled the landlord from the money Kenny borrowed from his girlfriend Nkasi.
"Which girl wey am?" Kenny asked mouthfully.
That chick wey we see for call center the other day, her name na Oge" I responded.
"Whaaaaati noooo! Na now wey i see wetin u dey yarn ooo" He exlaimed.
Kenny always like to use this expression "Whaaaaati no" Interpreted as what?.
"Eeeehen, dull brain na now u find out, Wetin we go do now? E be like say she dey return from church sef" i said.
"Make i come, i dey go chyke am" Kenny said as he stuffed his mouth with the remaining bread.
"Make i follow you? Maybe i go fit help?" I quired.
"Eeeehe na, make we go"He responded.
I immidiately followed like a dog that i am.
"Sssss...! Sssss!" Kenny hissed at the girl.
The girl looked back, and kenny gives her a stop sign.
"Eeeeerm... Good morning to you" My friend greeted at Evening sunset.
Oooh my gush! This dude is disgracing me, i just tries to hold my self from laughing.
"Eeehen, how can i help you" The girl responded with fluent phonetic english.
"Eeeeeerm... Oge abeg no vex, i fit know your name...? My dear Kenny blurted out.
Chisos! I can't hold my self again but laugh out loud.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by GeneralQuamdeen: 3:43pm On Jun 05, 2015|
when rehabilitating yourself, you have to touch your spelling skills, punctuation and you should note your use of concord.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 10:25pm On Jun 05, 2015|
"Kutty how tommorow sunday go be now?" Kenny asked me one sartuday evening.
"Normal normal na, i go even go church tommorow sef." i responded.
"E be like say me too go follow you go, u no say e don tey small wey i go church."Kenny said.
Talking about Kenny, he hardly goes church, he only goes church whenever there was a feast.
Talking about feast my friend Kenny is a food pervet, he can be trapped in a pit of death with a food as a bait.
"No problem we go go, i dey bored sef make we stroll small" i suggested.
"Okay na, make we go me too dey bored where we go go sef?"Kenny asked.
"Make we go Tony them side" I responded.
Tony was one of our friend from the same neighborhood, he was living with his family.
"Okay na make i collect my shirt" he said as he sets off to bring his shirt, as he brought it we left out to Tony's house.
When we reached, Tony and other guys were playing gambling with WHOT.
"aaah! Tony Tony...! Tony The bilionair Tony" We yelled as we approach them.
"Kutty and Kenny the two twins from ddiffrent parents, una welcome."
We shaked hand with the other guys who are high on the gambling game and sitted down.
"How far na? Una dey game...?" one of them asked.
"Nooo we no dey, we just dey watch" I responded.
" I go play, How much una dey set?" Kenny blurted out.
I have to comfirm wether he is actually the one who speaked.
"Kenny wetin u say? U get money to gamble?" I asked him.
"Yes na. Nkasi gave me 30,000 say make i hol am for say im be her school fees." He responded.
"Kenny u don dey mad abi? Na person shcool fees u wan use gamble? What of if u lost it there? What of if she called and request for it?" I fired numerous question to him.
"Aaaah ah... Kutty relax, she is paying next week, morever am good in gambling, i won't loose as a sharp guy that i am, i have to use this opportunitu and make cool caaaash." He said stressing the word "Cash."
After numerous attempt from me to discourage him against gambling turned out abortive, i have no option than to watch as he make his cool cash, or rather dig his cool grave.
Ofcourse he have digged himself a very cool grave, because th Nkasi i know won't take it easy if Kenny tell her any story concerning her school fees, no matter that she loves him.
The game began and Kenny was playing with one dark muscular tall guy called Chika.
Chika was an accurate black version of Bigshow of wwe, they setted 5k, like play , like play, Kenny beated Chika on the game and won the bet total of 1k, 5k addition to the 30k he was holding making it 35k.
I was overjoyed at his success, i immediately picked intrest on the game, i begin yelling his name giving him high morale.
This time around, Chika suggested the bet 20k each, which my friend gladly obliged.
The game begun, and befor i could say "Osama bin Laden" Chika have outsmartem my dear kenny and won the 40k the setted , shitup! Thats a big loose.
After much jubilation from Chika and his fans, He and Kenny reached an agreement to set 10k each, which i warned Kenny against but he paid deaf ear to my advice.
The game kick-started and things started going Kenny's side, i was happy and eager to celebrate, when all of a sudden thing starts going wrong on my side.
Before i could say "Santa claus" Piaaaah! Chika have outsmarted Kenny and won the 20k leaving him with 5k.
I was dumbfounded, all of a sudden, i heard a loud sound from my back sounding like worn out old wagon.
Guess! What? My friend kenny is on great agony, he was crying out his eyes.
Oooow! Am so sorry for him because i know what he is going to surpass in the hand of his muscular girlfriend "Chika."
"Biko nu, mere mu ebere, owu kwa ego enyim nwanyi" My friend kenny yelled as he was crying, interpreting in Ibo as thou " Please, have mercy on me, the money is not mine but my girl's."
Ooow...! I really pitied him, how i wish something can be done.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Elparaiso(m): 12:11am On Jun 06, 2015|
But I think you should work on the drama a little bit...
All the same, nice!
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 1:31am On Jun 06, 2015|
Elparaiso:owka no gbaqx...
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 1:33am On Jun 06, 2015|
GeneralQuamdeen:noted. Tnx for followind... Will make it up to ya...
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 1:33am On Jun 06, 2015|
GeneralQuamdeen:noted. Tnx for followind... Will make it up to ya... Ppl
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by GeneralQuamdeen: 11:01am On Jun 06, 2015|
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 11:37am On Jun 07, 2015|
"Kutty u don prepare finish?" I heard Kenny's voice from outside the next day being sunday morning.
After the gambling incident that occurred the previous day, we begged Chika to refund some of the betted money to Kenny after explaining how he got the money.
After a lenghty pleading with the aid of other guys around, he obliged to give back some of the money to Kenny.
Provided that Kenny will come to there house early morning of sunday to do some house chores which we make a deal.
"No i neva prepare finish ooo... Na now i even take my bath." I responded.
"Howfar na... U don collect the money?" i futher asked.
"Yees ooo... Na thunder go fire that Chika of a guy and im family" My friend Kenny said.
"Hian..! God punish person wey save you from receiving severe beating from that your muscular Nkasi? Wetin he come do u? Abi he commit crime say he refund you some of his money?" i quired.
"Kutty you no go understand, as i reach there, na so that idiot send me make i go clear their toilet, wash their plates and even some of his dirty damaged clothe" He lamented, i just pitied him as i scrambled the hips of clothes on the ground for my boxers.
"Kenny you see my boxers?" I asked him after, searching effortlessly for it.
"You dey mad, u gimme your boxers?" He replied rudely as he left to take his bath.
Anyway i don't blaim him though, he suppose to have that gloomy mood, imagine washing the toilet of the dirty Chika and family that early morning, it would be actually terrible sight to behold.
I continue searching for my boxers in every crooky and cranny of the room, after my search proved abortive, i have no option than to wear back the one that i just wore-off.
I picked the boxers and brought it closer to my nose to know how bad it smelt, it smelt so bad that i nearly throw-up.
"Puuuuah...!" I spat a large quatity of a saliva at our doorway, only for me to design the incoming Kenny with a litre of saliva.
"Chisos...! Kutty why you spat me na? Wetin i do you?" He asked angrily.
I apologised to him, telling him that i did'nt know that his on the way.
Talking about the dirtness of my boxer, it did'nt appeal that am so dirty or lazy to wash my boxer, Hell no! That's not it.
The whole truth is that i only have two boxers, one old pink boxer which i inherited from my father, and another blue boxer which i received as a birthday present from my girl friend, or rather woman friend, when i travelled village last.
I usually do wears the blue boxer only on sunday, and wears the other pink for the other days of the week.
I usually do it this wash the pink on every sunday morning, and wears the blue till evening and change it with pink when it must have dried.
You don't have to blaim me, i learned it from my uncle.
"Guy you never wear clothe finish? I don dey go" I informed Kenny.
"Wait for me make i wear my shoe." he replied as i see him forcing his big feet at the shoe, talking about Kenny's foot he have this kind of foot that you can describes as Gorilla's, supporting it with Big Toes, am sure God is not the One responsible for the mouling of those feet.
I waited for Kenny outside as he locked the door theb we set of to St.Joseph's catholic church Uruagu Nnewi!
The sermon throught the church services went well until when it reached offering time.
"Kutty make we go do offering na" Kenny said.
"Make you dey go, e never reach when i go do my own" I responded as Kenny sets of.
I said this not just that i don't want to go with my friend Kenny, but because that i want to showcase the New White Suit, i borrowed from Tony.
I waited until the last set peope comes out for offering, then i joined them, making sure that i was the last person.
"Chineke... Nna deme , deme, chineke nna... Deme... I mela!" Was what the band groups are echoing, interpreted in Ibos as tho: " Thank You, Father thank you lord... E.t.c.
I was raising my foots so high not even minding wether its is corresponding with the rhyme, i just want to make sure that everyone sees my new shoe including my crush "Rose."
I reached the offering box and puts my folded palm to the box dropping nothing.
Yes... Don't be suprised i have used this system for some times, i just prays God never find out.
As we are returning back to our seat, i continue raising up my legs this time around, more higher like am learning Kun Fu, all of a sudden...
"Prrraaaaaah" Shitup my Trouser have torned, what am i going to do now? All the eyes of the congregation are on me.
After thinking of what to do, i instatntly decided to use Dogwalk...!
Don't ask me what it meant, just get a dog and watch it closely.
"Kutty why you dey waka like this? " My friend Kenny asked.
"Nothing i just dey praticse on how to waka, wen i go for bauty pegeant award." I responded straight faced.
He just laughed, i seated with my leg crossed through out the rest of the sermon.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 11:46am On Jun 07, 2015|
Apology to my followers for slow update, i will try and make it up to ya'll.
Besides i hav'nt sees some of the taggs like Ogbarmey, Tecno4life, Onemansquad, Stuff46, Cybershow, Thronekid, Divepen, D9ty7, Therock5555, flow1759, Foxyflow, Texanormally, madam Ishilove, please tell me all ur mind on this story, wether to complete it or to leave it...
Happy sunda to ya'all updat dropping at noon...
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 11:54am On Jun 07, 2015|
Viewing this topic : Oyezed (m) Ngeela(m) please don't jus view and leave, have ur say... Ur comments are my source of energy to update... Tnx... Happy sunday to ya'll
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Nobody: 2:35pm On Jun 07, 2015|
Bro, I never saw this before. I'l read through and get it touch.
I hope to learn a lot from you.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Nobody: 3:16pm On Jun 07, 2015|
Thronekid, na you bring me here!
Okay, I read two updates actually, but work on your spacing, it gives your work a beauty.
And then when you're using the 'i', it should be in uppercase....let's see how this goes.
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 6:48pm On Jun 07, 2015|
thronekid:hian...! Learn from me? Who am i wher u are?
Plz am d one learninq from u ooo...
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 6:50pm On Jun 07, 2015|
kitchirpy:noted will upgrade... Tnx d first lady to read and comment on my work... *kiss*
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Rounakid(m): 7:51pm On Jun 07, 2015|
"All the M.O.D. Members should wait after the service" The cathecist announced, before the priest mounted the alter with his mas servers.
"May the peace of the lord be unto ya'll" The priest said.
"And be unto thee spirit" The congregation echoed.
"Kutty make we dey go na, dem don dismiss" Kenny informed.
"I never go, u no no say i be M.O.D member and we get meeting." I responded.
"Okay na, make una dey do, make i go cook something for house" Kenny said.
This is one thing that i love about Kenny, he never joked with food, According to one of his usual theory "Food comes first before other things."
"Okay na, no problem, abegg cook the food well ooo." i teased.
"If i like i go cook am without fire, if u like u eat, if u no like u leave am." he teased back as he left for home.
I in other hand left for the meeting arena, when i reached there people have occupied all the northern part of the church, so i have to seat opposite, being southern since west and east side is used as an entrance and exit passage.
The meeting started with our Chairman started given out long speech that i never concentrated on.
Since the meeting started, i have noticed one rounded face chocolate babe with cute dimples sitting opposite me, smilling at me.
I immediately picked interest on her, returning her smile with wink that i considered being sexy by myself whenever our eyes knocked occassionally.
After the chairman finished the speech, our commandant started his own, this makes me more angry, the fact being that our commandant has a way of speaking.
He always speaks as if he is exchanging a word-war with someone whenever he is talking making it so hard for the congregation to understand him.
The meeting has became so boring for me, i was only waiting for the meeting to dismiss, for me to meet this angel who is crushing for me.
"Hi babe am Kutty, whats urx?"
"Hi angel i fit know ur name?"
"Hello pretty plz, can u disclose ur moniker to me." I was reciting the lines i would use when i meets her.
"Stand up let's Share the grace." Our chairman said.
Finally we have dismissed, i rushed outside to wait, so that i will approach her when she comes out, after waiting for a minute or more, she finally comes out.
"Hi pretty, am Kutty a cousin to the late Mr.Odumegwu Ojukwu, may i be permited to know a name of beautiful angel like u?" I approached her with fluent english.
" Hmmmmm... Your name is Kutty...?" she said with a smirk in her face.
"Yes pretty, whats your name please." I asked keenly.
"Your name is Kutty and you are cousin to Ojukwu, anyway am Rita " she responds.
"Waoh thats a beautiful name" I responded biting my lower lip, in what i considered being sexy.
" You say your name is Kutty, and your a cousin to Ojukwu, was that the reason you spread your torn trouser exposing your dirty pink boxer when the meeting was goin on? Did'nt your uncle Ojukwu left enough money to to you people, so that you mend your clothe and wear better boxers.? He fired at me.
"Jeeeez...! Spread my leg? I did...? Ow... My God why did i forgot to cross my leg...? So this is the reason why this girl have being smilling at me or better mocking at me ?" All this was what is going on, on my mind as i instantly became dumb.
She just hissed and and chuckled as she left me dumbfounded.
What a disgrace...!
|Re: Kutty And The Ghetto Story By Rounakid (kutty) by Nobody: 3:34pm On Jun 08, 2015|
Your style of writing clearly depict you are still a greenhorn in it but still, you got me glued.
But as I read, my sub-conscious person dilineated some errors that could be emended.
Firstly, you have to improve on your sentence construction. They aren't good enough. You've developed a way of commingling past tense with present ones. I feel you should stick to one. It aids well.
Secondly, you have to avoid abbreviations. Believe me, they are a great turn off. And unfortunately, We often look over the damages they could cause. They have devastating effects on stories. Okay?
Thirdly, you should assuage your descriptive words. There is every proclivity that a well described piece would thrill its readers far more than it's opposite. Also, I think it's the apposite thing in a story.
Fourthly, you should make things look real, atleast. We know its a mere fictitious work but without this element, believe me, your piece would only be analogous to a faux pas.
Fifthly, your story's been centered quite much on your friend only. It's been excluding you and that must have been precluding readers from knowing much about you. I, for example, can't define you. Yeah.
Your diction should be worked on, too. Spelling's been poor.
You might want to be able to ensnare your readers in a dazy world, too. Have a moment of euphoria.
I never meant to ridicule you.
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