Hello dear people, i wrote this short story and i would really appreciate your comments, observations constructive criticisms and how to make subsequent stories more interesting and inspiring. This is my first write up on nairaland. Thank you so much.


LET MINE BE MINE
Today is different, it has been for the past three years, unique from the other days. The sun has decided to set much earlier today, its rays piercing through the window blades right into my eyes, seems a little uncomfortable, I am forced to wake. I stand up suddenly, I can’t really explain why, my reminder rings;”Obim’s birthday, do not forget to take the first note”. You had written that note three years ago immediately after I yelled at you for stepping your “abnormally” big shoes on my toes. You apologized so dearly and I was surprised. It wasn’t your fault that there was a hike in the price of fuel, you were also affected too, we all were, and I wondered why you apologized so dearly. I accepted your apology, though i still had that angry expression, my toes were still hurting. “Excuse me sister” I heard, the lady right behind me said, ”This note is for you”. I looked around, no one was looking up, even the conductor was busy distributing our tickets of payment. I opened it, it read, “I am sorry, I know your smile will outweigh any pain or discomfort you might feel, please cheer up, Obichukwu”. Yes, I felt my lips gradually widen, I felt your eyes on me, I could not look, I know how I felt, like a five-year old girl blushing at a her father’s kiss. I could not look and I didn’t look. The journey seemed so short, you were getting down from the bus, I still couldn’t look at you, my head bent, starring keenly at my laps, I had not felt so shy in a long while. I smiled throughout that day and yes, I have kept that note till now.

************************************************
Each time I feel pained, unhappy, sad, I smile. I read the words of that first note aloud, “my smile will outweigh every pain or discomfort”. I say it all the time and I am saying it now, I know my smile will outweigh this discomfort, this uncertainty, this fear that Obim might not wake anymore. It has been six months now, six months since that splendid evening when he had put this beautiful ring on my finger asking that I be a part of him, “Nkemdilim, I have tasted sweetness and happiness with you these past long months, marry me, let our love sweeten any bitterness there might be in the world”. I had grown to love him; he was positivity personified, he saw light in everything, in every decision. My finger trembled, the ring seemed so perfect, but shortly after I slept that night, I felt a force on that finger, a sharp pain I could not explain,my heart was beating faster than normal, the beads of sweat hanging heavily over each pore on my skin. I got up, paced around my room then dialled his number, it went through but a strange voice answered, she made some statements but I could only pick these;”He was just rushed in here now, could you come?, University Teaching Hospital, third floor, room 042”. Oh yes!, I would come, amidst the thickest forest, I would find my way there. “The injury is severe, he has slipped into a coma, but we hope he comes around soon”. It’s been six months now and I have not seen Obim blink.
I get dressed like I would for a birthday party with Obim. His three-year old note finely tucked in my pocket. I have become used to the hospital environment, some even think I am a hospital staff, “Madam, welldone, you are back to work”, I sometimes hear. They are not wrong, each day,I come back to work my words of optimism into your subconscious so you will come alive again. You look so calm and handsome today, I am not surprised, the heavens know it is your birthday. I hold your hands, talk to you and read out the words of your first note to me. I tell you that I am smiling to outweigh this fear that is telling on me. I give you a warm hug, my usual practice for the past six months, it has been so different because I do not get to be hugged in return. So smiling hard, trying to restrain my tears from flowing, I give you my hug, but today, it is deeper, warmer, longer. My braids are finely packed but I feel like it has loosened and gotten entangled with something, I feel the pull, reaching to my back with my hands, I feel your hands on my back pulling my braids, that has always been the way you trick me into playing and chasing you all the time. Even now, you have told me you will come around. You have played with me unconsciously, the tears flow freely, I am happy. The doctors say a few days and you will bounce back to life. I can’t wait for that day Obim, there is so much that has happened these past six months. I have missed everything about you, it’s been so long my hair was pulled, it’s been long I had to chase anyone.

Also visit; www.chimdimaris..com. Thanks once again
N.B:No part of this story should be copied, rewritten or printed with prior knowledge and acceptance of the author.

Harjibolar is around


Will check back to read ya work ooo

While I'm away, will like to invite :
Toykhaty, adeh39, kwencypresh, mariamferanmi, onemansquad, tecno4life, bluestarry, Franchris, almadebe, stuff46, psalmwise, thronekid, logodwhiz, fembleez1, emperortj93, Lilyomi... Who else ooo


And prettydiva89

harjibolar10:
Harjibolar is around


Will check back to read ya work ooo

While I'm away, will like to invite :
Toykhaty, adeh39, kwencypresh, mariamferanmi, onemansquad, tecno4life, bluestarry, Franchris, almadebe, stuff46, psalmwise, thronekid, logodwhiz, fembleez1, emperortj93, Lilyomi... Who else ooo


And prettydiva89

Present dear

Let me read the story first




#TEAM SCENT

i was here

harjibolar10:
Harjibolar is around


Will check back to read ya work ooo

While I'm away, will like to invite :
Toykhaty, adeh39, kwencypresh, mariamferanmi, onemansquad, tecno4life, bluestarry, Franchris, almadebe, stuff46, psalmwise, thronekid, logodwhiz, fembleez1, emperortj93, Lilyomi... Who else ooo


And prettydiva89

Thnks for da invite. Nice write up op

harjibolar10:
Harjibolar is around


Will check back to read ya work ooo

While I'm away, will like to invite :
Toykhaty, adeh39, kwencypresh, mariamferanmi, onemansquad, tecno4life, bluestarry, Franchris, almadebe, stuff46, psalmwise, thronekid, logodwhiz, fembleez1, emperortj93, Lilyomi... Who else ooo


And prettydiva89

I will be back to read. Thanks for the invite bro

busy @ d moment
ll com back to read ur story

harjibolar10:
Harjibolar is around


Will check back to read ya work ooo

While I'm away, will like to invite :
Toykhaty, adeh39, kwencypresh, mariamferanmi, onemansquad, tecno4life, bluestarry, Franchris, almadebe, stuff46, psalmwise, thronekid, logodwhiz, fembleez1, emperortj93, Lilyomi... Who else ooo


And prettydiva89

harjibolar10:
Harjibolar is around


Will check back to read ya work ooo

While I'm away, will like to invite :
Toykhaty, adeh39, kwencypresh, mariamferanmi, onemansquad, tecno4life, bluestarry, Franchris, almadebe, stuff46, psalmwise, thronekid, logodwhiz, fembleez1, emperortj93, Lilyomi... Who else ooo


And prettydiva89

thanks for the mention

lemme begin, hope i wont be dissapointed?

brb

harjibolar10:
Harjibolar is around


Will check back to read ya work ooo

While I'm away, will like to invite :
Toykhaty, adeh39, kwencypresh, mariamferanmi, onemansquad, tecno4life, bluestarry, Franchris, almadebe, stuff46, psalmwise, thronekid, logodwhiz, fembleez1, emperortj93, Lilyomi... Who else ooo


And prettydiva89

am here thanks

present

harjibolar10:
Harjibolar is around


Will check back to read ya work ooo

While I'm away, will like to invite :
Toykhaty, adeh39, kwencypresh, mariamferanmi, onemansquad, tecno4life, bluestarry, Franchris, almadebe, stuff46, psalmwise, thronekid, logodwhiz, fembleez1, emperortj93, Lilyomi... Who else ooo


And prettydiva89

is it safe for me to start reading lolz

Op, do you mind to continue?