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I Must Marry Now! - Romance - Nairaland

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I Must Marry Now! by edwife(f): 2:31pm On Jun 21, 2015
I think this is the right place to post this,as this concern all young people especially young ladies.

Societal pressure is a big issue among young people and should be addressed because it is the number one cause of divorce.

Watch the video.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMOnXmBfnVA

I will try and summarize for those without MB smiley

The Ladies are talking about how young people these days marry out of pity and societal pressure. Because of the pressure, men and women marry out of pity with excuses like: Let me just get marry, I am 30 or over.

In Nigeria it is estimated that 40%-50% of all first marriages end up in divorce (www.marmalette.com).
It does not make sense if you marry for the wrong reasons eg: marrying someone out of pity:

Financial distress: marrying someone out of their misfortune like, the girl is struggling -she has not payed her school fees, let me marry her so I can alleviate her suffering.
He has been pleading with me for the past 5 years to marry him, begging me, let me just marry him.
The guy is struggling,he is really trying to get a job,let me marry him maybe things will get better after marriage.
Length of relationship: we have been dating for 8 years, don’t bring sentiments into marriage, if it is not your desire then there is no point.
Do not mix kindness with objectivity, you can be nice to people without getting married to them. Don’t settle for less. Love does not force itself on others, it should come naturally.
Marry because you really love and want to settle with the person.
Societal pressure: In Nigeria societal pressure is worrisome, and there is a name for it these days: Emotional Terrorists!!! Lol
Eg: those people that constantly keep reminding you when are you getting married? When are we going to wear ase ebi? They know your biological calendar, who is your husband?When are you introducing your fiance?
Whatever you do with your career does not matter because by the end of the day you will end up in the kitchen, if you want to buy a car they will say don’t buy wait for a husband, don’t buy a land, and want you to appear poor.

What is the purpose of your creation? Why God created you? Why are you frustrating young women? Why?
There is this mentality of don't live well before marriage, my sisters if you have money buy that car, build that house, go to that trip…A man who really want you will not be feel intimidated and handle that success. He should be happy you are succeeding.
Young ladies, bless is the woman who find her purpose before marriage, if you get married and do not know your purpose, you are wasting space. You need to know where God is leading you. God want you to marry well.
There are things you need to do while you are waiting for the right man to come:

Find your purpose: What is your ambition,where do you want to be in the next 2 years?
Have peace of mind: (don't let emotional terrorist bother you, they will always be there and some of them don't even have good homes). (There were this lady that was business oriented and it was in one of her numerous business trip that she met her husband).
Work on your maturity: be intellectually ready, emotional maturity (can you actually overlook petty things and forgive when your spouse offend you without throwing tantrums), Spiritual maturity, physical maturity (kids getting married) and financially ready (we are saying you must be a millionaire but financially independent.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Must Marry Now! by MosakuAW(m): 2:33pm On Jun 21, 2015
I dont have MB to watch this.

Pls watch and explain to me.
Re: I Must Marry Now! by Cutehector(m): 2:36pm On Jun 21, 2015
I think marriage pressure comes more on the men than the ladies.

2 Likes

Re: I Must Marry Now! by vizkiz: 2:52pm On Jun 21, 2015
seems this one has attended too many weddings grin
Re: I Must Marry Now! by edwife(f): 4:06pm On Jun 21, 2015
Cutehector:
I think marriage pressure comes more on the men than the ladies.

Really?I don't think so.
The only pressure a man has is when he is doing okay financially he is expected to get married in order to be "responsible".He can decide to get married by 40 and no one will question him.

The ladies on the other hand are constantly reminded how they are getting old(30),how menopause is fast approaching therefore won't be able to have kids at a certain age,how their beauty is fading and many more....

3 Likes

Re: I Must Marry Now! by Cutehector(m): 4:18pm On Jun 21, 2015
edwife:


Really?I don't think so.
The only pressure a man has is when he is doing okay financially he is expected to get married in order to be "responsible".He can decide to get married by 40 and no one will question him.

The ladies on the other hand are constantly reminded how they are getting old(30),how menopause is fast approaching therefore won't be able to have kids at a certain age,how their beauty is fading and many more....
what do u think is d cause for dese ladies not to be maRried at dat age
Re: I Must Marry Now! by Nobody: 4:24pm On Jun 21, 2015
Observing...
Re: I Must Marry Now! by ronald4lif(m): 4:27pm On Jun 21, 2015
All they said is correct and very factual. One shouldn't get married because they're financially ready, aging, or societal pressure but they must be emotionally and mentally ready to quell and handle the challenges that comes with marriage.

The societal stereotype that a man should settle down once he's got the money or a good job and that a woman should marry once she's clock 20 and above is counter-factual and unsound. A marital union requires more than that to be subsistence and joyful. Most people seem to pay more focus now on getting married and planning weddings than sustaining a marriage.

One should marry not because Temi, Tunde or Nkechi are all married, not because of societal pressure but because they feel they're ready and can be able to overwhelm the myriads of challenges that comes with the sacred union. Sadly, that's not the case.

7 Likes 4 Shares

Re: I Must Marry Now! by akpumping7720(m): 5:05pm On Jun 21, 2015
This reminds me of a lady I saw sometimes ago, her dad accompanies her to come wash her head in a stream near my area. I told a friend of mine who also knows her and d next thing my friend said was that she came to wash her head so as to get an husband... And d lady in question is 28 yrs! If to go by what my friend said it might be that The pressure came from d parents dat they haven't seen her bring any man home. Though I don't have any idea on what's she is passing through in respect of her relationship.
Re: I Must Marry Now! by boynigeria(m): 5:15pm On Jun 21, 2015
most of this pressure comes from the parent and then friends

u and ur gf ive been dating for over 3yrs, ur gf's friend got engaged in a grand way and she got 51 like 40 comments on FB + 70likes on instagram simply for posting her cheapass breakable glass-rocked ring, just kn dat ur in emotional soup dat week, d best of nagging is coming ur way

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Must Marry Now! by ronald4lif(m): 5:26pm On Jun 21, 2015
akpumping7720:
This reminds me of a lady I saw sometimes ago, her dad accompanies her to come wash her head in a stream near my area. I told a friend of mine who also knows her and d next thing my friend said was that she came to wash her head so as to get an husband... And d lady in question is 28 yrs! If to go by what my friend said it might be that The pressure came from d parents dat they haven't seen her bring any man home. Though I don't have any idea on what's she is passing through in respect of her relationship.

It's that bad bro. The societal pressure to get married is really worrisome and can be unbearable at times. It's capable of making someone, especially women who are usually expected to get married as quick as possible succumb and rush into marriage without ascertaining if the man suites them.

Not too long ago, as I was gisting with my sister she told me how one of our family friends, a career-driven journalist who's carved a niche for herself in her industry with a high paying wage to go with said she'd be retiring to the village this August during her 20day work-free holiday just to see if she could be lucky to find a husband there.

She said that her usual tied job scheduled and financial status might be responsible why she hasn't been able to have a committed relationship in Lagos and that almost all her friends are married. She's around 28/29 and judging by her concerns it's safe to say that she want to get married because her friends are married or coz she think she's aging, not actually because she's ready for the challenge that comes with it.

1 Like

Re: I Must Marry Now! by edwife(f): 5:31pm On Jun 21, 2015
Cutehector:
what do u think is d cause for dese ladies not to be maRried at dat age

What age exactly are you talking about?

Well it's not like some of them are actually responsible for their predicaments.There are many cases let me point some:

-Some ladies grew up with a mother who took poo from her husband and ended up hating the dad,thus feeding the girl with all types of atrocities like men are terrible,men are cheats,men are this and that,never trust a man....
-Some grew up in a violent home,the only language in the house was beating.
-A lady who grew up with a mother who fight for everything in her marriage even when she is wrong.
-A mother who had nothing but an abusive mouth towards her husband,she can't keep quiet or address an issue without verbally abusing her husband.
-When you grew up in a family where the mother was the breadwinner and mistreated her husband,why do you think such lady will need a husband?
- some Ladies are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven't found their soul mate.
-Some ladies are pickier and more judgmental. Some after they had bad experiences, where they were deceived or rejected by a person for whom they had strong feelings. Many women start to have thoughts like, “There are no decent men out there” or “All the good ones are taken.
-With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones. Modern women are more and more successful, accomplished and self-sufficient.

This does not only apply to ladies alone,some men fall under this category.
Re: I Must Marry Now! by Nobody: 5:33pm On Jun 21, 2015
This lot is complete utter nonsense.

I gotta say; the older I get, the less attractive the idea of marriage appears to me.

undecided

Sayonara to the tradition......modern day relationships.
Re: I Must Marry Now! by Nobody: 5:51pm On Jun 21, 2015
op 40-50% are divorce?op i don't believe this

1 Like

Re: I Must Marry Now! by marymaria(f): 5:57pm On Jun 21, 2015
boynigeria:
most of this pressure comes from the parent and then friends

u and ur gf ive been dating for over 3yrs, ur gf's friend got engaged in a grand way and she got 51 like 40 comments on FB + 70likes on instagram simply for posting her cheapass breakable glass-rocked ring, just kn dat ur in emotional soup dat week, d best of nagging is coming ur way
exactly
Re: I Must Marry Now! by McBeee(m): 6:03pm On Jun 21, 2015
boynigeria:
most of this pressure comes from the parent and then friends

u and ur gf ive been dating for over 3yrs, ur gf's friend got engaged in a grand way and she got 51 like 40 comments on FB + 70likes on instagram simply for posting her cheapass breakable glass-rocked ring, just kn dat ur in emotional soup dat week, d best of nagging is coming ur way
baba na so their own be o
Re: I Must Marry Now! by Aitee1(f): 6:17pm On Jun 21, 2015
Hmmmmm.. It's happening for real!
Re: I Must Marry Now! by funlord(m): 6:30pm On Jun 21, 2015
Xiadnat:
This lot is complete utter nonsense.

I gotta say; the older I get, the less attractive the idea of marriage appears to me.

undecided

Sayonara to the tradition......modern day relationships.

grin
Xiadnat:
This lot is complete utter nonsense.

I gotta say; the older I get, the less attractive the idea of marriage appears to me.

undecided

Sayonara to the tradition......modern day relationships.


This person get sense!
Re: I Must Marry Now! by cococandy(f): 6:44pm On Jun 21, 2015
Cutehector:
what do u think is d cause for dese ladies not to be maRried at dat age
Because the guys are not married too.

Will the ladies wed animals?
See question.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Must Marry Now! by edwife(f): 1:34pm On Jun 22, 2015
boynigeria:
most of this pressure comes from the parent and then friends

u and ur gf ive been dating for over 3yrs, ur gf's friend got engaged in a grand way and she got 51 like 40 comments on FB + 70likes on instagram simply for posting her cheapass breakable glass-rocked ring, just kn dat ur in emotional soup dat week, d best of nagging is coming ur way

That's where maturity comes in,why should other people relationship define your future? The duration of a relationship means nothing if you both are not ready for the challenges and responsibilities ahead.

Such girl is only asking for trouble.After the glitzy and glamour of wedding celebrations and whatnot comes real life.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Must Marry Now! by chigoizie7(m): 5:17pm On Jun 22, 2015
edwife:


What age exactly are you talking about?

Well it's not like some of them are actually responsible for their predicaments.There are many cases let me point some:

-Some ladies grew up with a mother who took poo from her husband and ended up hating the dad,thus feeding the girl with all types of atrocities like men are terrible,men are cheats,men are this and that,never trust a man....
-Some grew up in a violent home,the only language in the house was beating.
-A lady who grew up with a mother who fight for everything in her marriage even when she is wrong.
-A mother who had nothing but an abusive mouth towards her husband,she can't keep quiet or address an issue without verbally abusing her husband.
-When you grew up in a family where the mother was the breadwinner and mistreated her husband,why do you think such lady will need a husband?
- some Ladies are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven't found their soul mate.
-Some ladies are pickier and more judgmental. Some after they had bad experiences, where they were deceived or rejected by a person for whom they had strong feelings. Many women start to have thoughts like, “There are no decent men out there” or “All the good ones are taken.
-With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones. Modern women are more and more successful, accomplished and self-sufficient.

This does not only apply to ladies alone,some men fall under this category.


All ur points are correct.


Whatever happened to these set of people that u left out.

*he must be handsome/she must be beautiful.

*he must be tall/ she must be average.

*she/he must be God fearing.

*he/she must be educated(graduate)

*he must be rich.

*he must have a car.

What about such ladies? And men? I think that is more reason why the current generation aint getting married,

Let me take u back.

If as a young gal and your mother has always been nagging your dad, insulting him @ slight provocation, are u in anyway trying to tell me that u don't know what is wrong from right? Are u in any way telling me that u don't know what your father is passing through? Are u in any way telling me that it is not affecting u, the children?

It is more reason to get married, u ve known the type of family u came from and u ve known that the kids does not deserve such treatments. Thus working hard to build ur home in such a way that there will be peace unlike urz,


Ever since I knew my DAD, he was a career husband to MUM, I am in my mid twenties. My dad stopped working full time when I was in my 300level, he has been a banker all the time I knew him, he goes to work as early as 7am to return around 8pm, sometimes 9pm. We never had that father and son time. On weekends, he works till 12noon, and den retire to sleep all day against next week hectic work.

What did it make me? A hard core street boy. I be ajebo, but I turned myself to who I am, I stopped collecting money from my dad when I was in 200level, both skul fees and house rent, because I wanted him to know that it was never all about money. From my elder sister to our last, we lacked the father care and love.

What is my point?
I PROMISED my self that when I get married(if eventually I change my mind) that I am gonna be the best Dad ever to my kids.

I love my dad so much,he loved us too,he wanted to provide for all our needs. but my fathers attitude to life motivated me into making my own decisions.


Now if ur family was set on the wrong foot, it is ur responsibility to set things right in ur own generation and not shying away from it.

8 Likes

Re: I Must Marry Now! by edwife(f): 6:29pm On Jun 22, 2015
@chigoizie7

Everything you said is absolutely correct but then again do you know that just witnessing domestic violence in the home can have harmful effects on children.
Unless they are taken away from such destructive environment,that child will turn out to be an abuser. Because it is the way dad or mum communicated,it is normal for them.

A young lady/man who is born and grew up with a mother/dad who abused the other parent,will never know wrong or right unless she witness the opposite to what she has known all her life;unless someone tells her that it is wrong.

You grew up doing the right thing because you wanted to change that,you took it positively.Some don't have such mind.

90% of abusers were abused as a child or grew up around violence.

2 Likes

Re: I Must Marry Now! by Mznaett(f): 7:59pm On Jun 22, 2015
After going through this post, i'm delighted to say you're all on the right track. I keep telling people that 'marriage' is a calling and you have to sacrifice so much for it if you're called.

I've got 3 nieces of whom 2 are in their early 40's and the other is 50+. Now,the other 2 got married last 2yrs and last saturday made it exactly 2wks we buried one of the husband. But the eldest is still single as am typing now.


Some people create storm for themselves and then get upset when it rains..dnt let anybody 2rule over u dats my advice



#lady4rmmars
Re: I Must Marry Now! by chigoizie7(m): 8:42pm On Jun 22, 2015
edwife:
@chigoizie7 Everything you said is absolutely correct but then again do you know that just witnessing domestic violence in the home can have harmful effects on children.
Unless they are taken away from such destructive environment,that child will turn out to be an abuser. Because it is the way dad or mum communicated,it is normal for them.

A young lady/man who is born and grew up with a mother/dad who abused the other parent,will never know wrong or right unless she witness the opposite to what she has known all her life;unless someone tells her that it is wrong.

You grew up doing the right thing because you wanted to change that,you took it positively.Some don't have such mind.

90% of abusers were abused as a child or grew up around violence.

@Edwife, u re not wrong after all. I guess, its a case of different tales to different folks.

I don't know what else to say, but it should not be a reason not to marry on time.
Re: I Must Marry Now! by chigoizie7(m): 8:47pm On Jun 22, 2015
Mznaett:
After going through this post, i'm delighted to say you're all on the right track. I keep telling people that 'marriage' is a calling and you have to sacrifice so much for it if you're called.

I've got 3 nieces of whom 2 are in their early 40's and the other is 50+. Now,the other 2 got married last 2yrs and last saturday made it exactly 2wks we buried one of the husband. But the eldest is still single as am typing now.


Some people create storm for themselves and then get upset when it rains..dnt let anybody 2rule over u dats my advice



#lady4rmmars

Did u just say nieces? 50+ ?

Its possible,but, how come?
Re: I Must Marry Now! by FTBOY: 8:47pm On Jun 22, 2015
edwife:


Really?I don't think so.
The only pressure a man has is when he is doing okay financially he is expected to get married in order to be "responsible".He can decide to get married by 40 and no one will question him.

The ladies on the other hand are constantly reminded how they are getting old(30),how menopause is fast approaching therefore won't be able to have kids at a certain age,how their beauty is fading and many more....
ur analysis are ok and quite acceptable, but have u forgotten.....or u prolly don't know that men undergo financial stress to start a family of their own. all u ladies have to do is keep urself pretty n wish mr right comes by

1 Like

Re: I Must Marry Now! by edwife(f): 8:48pm On Jun 22, 2015
chigoizie7:


@Edwife, u re not wrong after all. I guess, its a case of different tales to different folks.

I don't know what else to say, but it should not be a reason not to marry on time.

Well for some it is. They are scare and don't want a repeat of what they witness when growing up.

The fear of the unknown can make one to totally avoid trying,others tried once and were hurt by the man they loved so they decided to throw the towel.

Many i can give you which are also cited in my previous post.
Re: I Must Marry Now! by chigoizie7(m): 8:53pm On Jun 22, 2015
edwife:


Well for some it is. They are scare and don't want a repeat of what they witness when growing up.

The fear of the unknown can make one to totally avoid trying,others tried once and were hurt by the man they loved so they decided to throw the towel.

Many i can give you which are also cited in my previous post.


Well, let me NOT be polite enough to say that I beg to differ.
Re: I Must Marry Now! by edwife(f): 9:02pm On Jun 22, 2015
FTBOY:
ur analysis are ok and quite acceptable, but have u forgotten.....or u prolly don't know that men undergo financial stress to start a family of their own. all u ladies have to do is keep urself pretty n wish mr right comes by

That is why you must not settle for less.A pretty face should not be the only quality a man should desire in a woman.

In prov 31:13 A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands,so my brother seek a young lady who is ready to work and support you financially.

When you read what the ladies say,you will notice that they talk about women being independent.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Must Marry Now! by cococandy(f): 12:15am On Jun 23, 2015
In Nigeria it is estimated that 40%-50% of all first marriages end up in divorce (www.marmalette.com).

They must have carried out this survey in Lagos.

Igando and ejigbo areas specifically. grin

It can't be that high in other states.
Re: I Must Marry Now! by edwife(f): 11:59am On Jun 23, 2015
@ cococandy Lol with what we read everyday on front page i am not surprise grin

I doubt there is even 20% in SE but if it's Lagos and North i don't doubt the report grin
Re: I Must Marry Now! by cococandy(f): 2:06pm On Jun 23, 2015
edwife:


Lol with what we read everyday on front page i am not surprise grin

I doubt there is even 20% in SE but if it's Lagos and North i don't doubt the report cheesy

I totally forgot about the north.
Oh they are correct then because the north averages more than 50percent sef. So when it's combined with other areas.

Yea SE is not high.

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