Notice to all Aspiring feminists in the house: shut up! ….#datsall. I just felt like saying shut up to y’all.

Let me make something very clear; I may sound disregarding or flippant when I chose to write that way, but undertoning my apparent flippancy is always a kind of LOGIC which shallow folk usually don’t catch. It’s not their fault- THEY’RE SHALLOW THAT WAY. But I’m telling you this so that no matter what direction this article may take, you may try to look at it through your logical eyes also before crafting your opinion.


The age-long puzzle of which one came first, chicken or egg, has many variations in different areas of life. For instance, which one came first, Sarkodie claiming that money no be problem or Sarkodie getting paid well enough to say so. You see, it’s a puzzle cos when Sarks began proclaiming this, it probably was nothing but self-prophecy. He probably was drinking garri and kulikuli before heading to studio to say “money no be problem” but wait a few years and the next thing you know is that the lines have become blurred because now he is actually paid. And now both professional and armateur femisists can’t tell which one came first. So here is the second puzzle, Which came first, bad boys or bad girls? Raise your hand if you know the answer.


Now I have this wicked bonerr theory that boys are generally born good and girls are generally born bad. Beware of the word generally, it means there are exceptions. And the words good and bad don’t really mean what you think so let me go ahead and explain this theory. First let us examine the maturity cycle of a typical spider….I mean, Lady……Girl, thats what I meant to say. Girl:


She is born fine and cute, no problem. She is growing up fine and cute, no problem. Then she reaches a certain age where she begins to grow boobss and bum, then PROBLEM DON START. Even if you lock her in one room and close all the windows and delete westlife (and maybe lil wayne) from her Ipad and waste all her remaining data watching Nollywood on youtube and steal her line so she can’t subscribe to use all those whatsapp dem to talk to boys and carry pump action to shoot any boy that passes near your street, she would still have issues. Oh it’s that annoying thing called puberty; it complicates her life that was once simple. Demons have come from uk. They have rented the empty apartment in her head and they are the residential type. No job, no place to go so they’re always home. Its either she’s feeling moody today or she doesn't know what she would feel tomorrow or she’s super-hyper then she has to run away because blood is oozing from her puppylove so now she doesn't feel like talking to anyone anymore. Not even her best friend. This may last for days but her mommy understands because she also has some Portuguese demons in her head that TB Joshua has constantly been trying in vain to eradicate. This is what makes a girl bad. Its not her fault at all but those mofo’s in her head tell her conflicting things that make her behaviour inconsistent and hard to understand- sometimes even for her own mother. She is a normal good girl who dreams of romantic relationships and Ice cream, but she’s just as abnormal as the other normal girls.


Now the maturity cycle of a gheko…….I mean, Dog, dickk…..huh! Boy. I meant to say Boy:
He is born looking cool or troublesome, no problem. He’s growing up looking cool or troublesome, no problem. He starts having hair around what used to be his dingy, still no problem. He starts noticing the girl’s boobss and other things on display, still no problem. Then he attempts to sample 1, buy 1, or 2, or maybe buy 1 get 1 free……PROBLEM!



You see, guys are usually fine until dating comes into the picture, while girls have their issues with or without dating. These “issues” is ususally what complicates the juvenile minds of guys and makes them feel that urge to retaliate by becoming all these rubbish that guys like to claim these days; Alpha male, Omega Dog etc. It’s all because dem no wan carry last as they may have done before when they had their first love and she started her “BullShitt” and they couldn’t undestand her and she didn’t know it was her BS that was complicating things so both parties ended up heartbroken. Go and research, most guys start out exactly the way girls starts out; wanting true love with one special person bla bla bla. Then somewhere along the line they would throw away that notion and start saying “omo see dat babe” instead of the “I always look back, as I walk away, the memories would last, for eternity, and all of our tears……THE QUEEN OF MY HEART” that they used to say before. A classical example of this transition is Iyanya “They don’t know, just how I feel about you, I truly love you” **INSERT HEARTBREAK HERE** “Your waist, your waist, all I want (now) is your waist (enough of all this love bullshitt, pls!)” The luckiest guys are the very few that, early in their dating life they happened to fall into the arms of girls who have somehow managed to tame their demons. Girls with stable personality and high sense of self. Mostly these couples grow up together and have very strong relationships (because, ManDogs are not born, they are made!).



Crazy, Pro-men, and disputable as this theory may sound, IT IS TRUE. Though there are always exceptions ofcourse. Plus, It’s not the girl’s fault at all that she’s wired that way, but she did give foolish adam the apple and COMPLICATE the entire human race, didn’t she?


Now here’s the reason I wrote this post explaining all I have explained here, it’s for you ladies, and it’s a secret; Most guys that prove this and that are still secretly looking for the same thing you’ve always wanted; to love, and be loved. They are just afraid you would break their heart as your kind is known to do thats why they try so hard to stay ahead of the game; have flashy car to keep her hooked, learn phony dating skills so you don’t get friendzoned, Just be yourself indeed and you would die a virgin, develop horrible ego as a kind of self-defence mechanism, become ManDog so that nobody would be able to get close enough to break your fragile heart again, and the list goes on. The next time you see a ManDog, DON’T get close cos he would bite you and run away, laughing. Instead, if you think you really like him and are willing to go through the trouble, ask him exactly what turned him into a ManDog, then feed him the likely antidote (care, stability of your person, and trust) FROM A DISTANCE. If his baby heart is still beating he would soon shed his doggedness and crawl into your warm arms in an unbelievable infantile surrender. Most ladies make the costly mistake of trying to tame a ManDog at close range and thats why I’ve put some words in block letters. For your own good, don’t miss any of them!


Oh and just for the record, the chicken came before the egg. Its logical, too.

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