Hi family, I just want to pour out my heart on the challenges I and my siblings are going through. It is quite long because it has been on since we were kids so I would write them in bits. I am in my late 20's and the first child and grew up an unhappy child, as young as 9-10 yrs old my mother maltreated me severely (and yes she is my real mom) she is very malicious that she kept malice with me in the same house for 3yrs without saying a word to me, I was in jss1 then And it never stopped. When I talk to friends and family they would say the parent is always right go and beg your mom, and then my mom would be laying curses on me, "u wld suffer you ugly girl" and so on and so forth, I would be reading in fear because she cursed me I won't pass and I would actually fail the exams and she would come back to taunt me, she starved me in the house that I relied heavily on a friend of mine for food till I finally got to the university.in my teenage years I thought I had a problem, I even contemplated suicide so many times. Then she started extending this attitude to my younger siblings we all were in the university and only her and my dad would be at home because we schooled in other states. For a full semester my mother would never call any of us for one day all 5 of us.we the kids knew we were not the problem because my mom doesn't speak to her in-laws, she has quarreled with her best friend, she is keeping malice with her own siblings....... Now my father has his own problems he may have cautioned my mother on her malicious behavior but instead of her to listen she would keep malice with him. My father has a very violent temper. He used to beat us without mercy with any weapon in hand, knives, he kicks my stomach on a regular basis the last time he beat me was 3 yrs ago. I had finished my nysc and was working already, he is a respecter of none he has beat up his mother inlaw, his sisters inlaws and his siblings nicknamed him " idi Amin" when my younger brother grew up, he became our muscle, so my father couldn't beat us again because he was getting weaker, so he resulted in calling police for us all the time I have slept in the cell twice....., for our part as kids we are not perfect we made good results in schools, we were never expelled or known as reckless kids, curfew in our house is 6pm and we abided by the rules till we all graduated and left home. One time my father called the army for us and (no offense to the police) but the police just picks us up to the station without even listening to us but the army men told my father that before he picks us to the barrack to "flog us" as my father has instructed him to do what was our crime? My father couldn't give a reasonable answer. The army men were pissed off and instead criticized my parents and advised us to try and leave the house as soon as possible.... Now today we all work (thank God) and are all out of the house but the torture still continues... my younger sister just gave birth. But from the 6th month of the pregnancy my mother never called her till she gave birth, I was the one who was with her in the labour ward and followed her home to take care of her my mother never called just for no reason, and it is her first grand child.. Tongues started wagging that my mother can even extend her malicious attitude even when she has her first grand child, and out of shame my mother decided to come for omugwo ...... She came and stayed for a day and I know my mother always like to be the center of attention but she saw that all attention was been given to my sister and the new born although I tried my best to please her, .... (Pls I would continue let me prepare for work)

Your mum is just plain wicked. For no reason

That woman should be sent on exile . No. She should be auctioned on ebay and you guys should share the proceeds.

Your parents must have had terrible childhoods.Now that all of you are grown up,you don't need to depend on them again.Try and be close to each other(the siblings)and be the family to each other.
Let your parents continue in their folly until they are too old to help themselves.

Don't let your dad be able to bully you again.Get to know some people in the police or military if possible.

@OP - Your story is touching, but I want to assure you that you are not the only one with a terrible childhood experience as a result of uneasy parenting. I, too, have worn the shoe and I know exactly where and how it pinches. I almost willingly dropped out of school due to the psychological effect of unsatisfying parenting....
But now you are already made (grown, educated, working, etc) you should invest your efforts on yourself and focus more on your life. Soon you will get married and have your own family, you need to let go of your bitter childhood experience, create a new identity of yourself (similar to being born-again in christanity)
forgive your parents (for they knew not what they were doing) lolz!
encourage your siblings to do aswell, keep up the bond, love, cordiality, understanding, and oneness with your siblings (this is the strongest weapon against offensive parents)
Finally you should love your parents nevertheless, but NB: dont let them get involved/interfer in your own family/life/affairs, instead keep a distance while you care for them and show love.

am not religious, but there is something I took from christianity ---- Isaiah 43:18 - " forget ye things of the past, remember them no more, for I am doing new things, etc, "

Come and update this topic ASAP op, some families are just plain cruel, if someone else tells u his/her family's story u will weep. I equally have mine, my mum gave me the mark of my life both on my left and right arm using a blade, then she put pepper on the wound all because I went out, I was probably like 10 or 11 for Christ sake but today I thank God sha, So op I can relate to your story....

jaybeyblu:
Hi family, I just want to pour out my heart on the challenges I and my siblings are going through. It is quite long because it has been on since we were kids so I would write them in bits. I am in my late 20's and the first child and grew up an unhappy child, as young as 9-10 yrs old my mother maltreated me severely (and yes she is my real mom) she is very malicious that she kept malice with me in the same house for 3yrs without saying a word to me, I was in jss1 then And it never stopped. When I talk to friends and family they would say the parent is always right go and beg your mom, and then my mom would be laying curses on me, "u wld suffer you ugly girl" and so on and so forth, I would be reading in fear because she cursed me I won't pass and I would actually fail the exams and she would come back to taunt me, she starved me in the house that I relied heavily on a friend of mine for food till I finally got to the university.in my teenage years I thought I had a problem, I even contemplated suicide so many times. Then she started extending this attitude to my younger siblings we all were in the university and only her and my dad would be at home because we schooled in other states. For a full semester my mother would never call any of us for one day all 5 of us.we the kids knew we were not the problem because my mom doesn't speak to her in-laws, she has quarreled with her best friend, she is keeping malice with her own siblings....... Now my father has his own problems he may have cautioned my mother on her malicious behavior but instead of her to listen she would keep malice with him. My father has a very violent temper. He used to beat us without mercy with any weapon in hand, knives, he kicks my stomach on a regular basis the last time he beat me was 3 yrs ago. I had finished my nysc and was working already, he is a respecter of none he has beat up his mother inlaw, his sisters inlaws and his siblings nicknamed him " idi Amin" when my younger brother grew up, he became our muscle, so my father couldn't beat us again because he was getting weaker, so he resulted in calling police for us all the time I have slept in the cell twice....., for our part as kids we are not perfect we made good results in schools, we were never expelled or known as reckless kids, curfew in our house is 6pm and we abided by the rules till we all graduated and left home. One time my father called the army for us and (no offense to the police) but the police just picks us up to the station without even listening to us but the army men told my father that before he picks us to the barrack to "flog us" as my father has instructed him to do what was our crime? My father couldn't give a reasonable answer. The army men were pissed off and instead criticized my parents and advised us to try and leave the house as soon as possible.... Now today we all work (thank God) and are all out of the house but the torture still continues... my younger sister just gave birth. But from the 6th month of the pregnancy my mother never called her till she gave birth, I was the one who was with her in the labour ward and followed her home to take care of her my mother never called just for no reason, and it is her first grand child.. Tongues started wagging that my mother can even extend her malicious attitude even when she has her first grand child, and out of shame my mother decided to come for omugwo ...... She came and stayed for a day and I know my mother always like to be the center of attention but she saw that all attention was been given to my sister and the new born although I tried my best to please her, .... (Pls I would continue let me prepare for work)

Even though I believe your story, I honestly would like to believe that your parents will also have their own version.

Like someone said, your parents' attitude can be traceable to their childhood. Interestingly, there's very little you can do about that now. But there's so much you can do for your selves. Let's assume you are 27, there's absolutely nothing compelling you to live under their shadows anymore.

If you live under their roof, go get another very far from theirs.

Too, the best way to treat people like that is to just 'press Ctrl Ignore on top their matter'. You have already achieved so much for your life. But there's more! You should move on.

I expected that by now you should have grown thick skin for their attitude. And thank God for a faceless forum as this, venting your frustrations here should help, but trying to talk to people you know about them will yield next-to-nothing.

Carry on. Na them go tire. And please whatever happens, dont transfer this to your children when they come.

After reading ur sad write up...I think I just loved my parents more.... u guys were cursed with brutal parents but its all probably just to build u into a great person soon.

Ha!

Your own mother? When I am sure my parents would give their lives to save ours, this is serious.

OP please kontinu

Sorry for the delay. Ok so despite the fact my sis was very reluctant for my mom to come for omugwo her mother inlaw pleaded that we pamper her and we did she never bath the baby, she watched african magic all through. The baby would be crying and she won't even carry her, she would be like " you are going to make her get used to carried" I gave my mom all the necessary attention she needed my sis was stitched down there so she Cldnt move properly but we tried our best to please my mom..that night she wanted to bathe the baby she asked me and I told her we don't normally bathe the baby so early, we bathe her by 10pm so that she would sleep and not wake up so early. As that is the case when swe bathe her by 7pm. My mom said or maybe she dosnt want me to touch her baby? And my mom went straight to her room. I later dished her food out called her to eat she refused, put off the light and slept. My sis went to wake her up " ok mom come and bathe baby" no response. We knew it was her usual self so I gave the baby a bath and we all went to bed... 4am my mother packed her load.. She wants to leave.. My sister's husband was shocked,asking her what happened she started screaming" let me go, I have my own comfortable home, rubbish " my sis was like mom pls stop embarrassing me in my home my mom just dragged her things and left. ( pls I would continue let me tend to my work a bit) thanks.

Wow I thought I was the only one in the world with this kind of mother.my mum is really something else if not that my dad is a fighter he would have been dead by now.do you guys know Dat just two months ago my mum cut me with a cutlass just because I was trying to shade my cousin from her brutal beating, I have to tell my fiancé that I had an accident because I couldn't tell him that he will be having that kind of in-law.thank god I made sure all my siblings are out of the house,the married once hardly calls her because she made their wedding a living hell.would just be a the best mum for my children and try to forget......

My sis mother inlaw called her and told her that my mother called her and was telling her that we maltreated her.. Her mil was like she knows her daughter inlaw is not like that maybe there was a misunderstanding. My mother responded that she is always supporting her daughter inlaw and hung up on her. And since then my sis mother inlaw tried calling my mom till today no response this happens about a month plus ago.. Immediately my mom left that early morning my sis called my dad and told him how my mom behaved. Her husband also called my dad and my dad was very sad and apologized to them both. I had to go to work that morning so when I had settled at work by 11am I called my dad to also tell him and his tone changed to be very aggressive. I knew something is wrong and I asked if he had heard from my mom and he said she is already home with him. And I was like ok. And I ended the conversation . My dad now called my sis husband and started telling him that why would he allow his wife (my sis to be controlling him) so he was there and we maltreated his wife. And her hubby was shocked . After wards my mother called my sister's father inlaw started criticizing her before him. My sister was fed up and sent my mother a text that she dare not run her down before her inlaws or husband and the next time she does, she would teach her a lesson she would never forget... After w while. I got a text from my dad while I was at work, that I seize to be his daughter I should never contact him or my mom again they have disowned me... That he was traumatized by all the problems we are creating, I called my sis and she said my dad sent the same text to her.. ...this is not the first Time my father has told me severally he has disowned me. If he is having a misunderstanding with any of my sibling the burden would be on me he would just pour his anger on me.. And as at this time he sent me this text I was fed up with the bullying. I responded the text that so be it.. I would not die but he shld remember that if he used to use knives and cutlass to beat us up and call police for us and we were innocent and enough is enough.. He now responded my text that I am a total disgrace and a shame to my family that all my mates are Married and I am not ashamed of my self( pls I would get back in a bit) work tins

jaybeyblu:
Sorry for the delay. Ok so despite the fact my sis was very reluctant for my mom to come for omugwo her mother inlaw pleaded that we pamper her and we did she never bath the baby, she watched african magic all through. The baby would be crying and she won't even carry her, she would be like " you are going to make her get used to carried" I gave my mom all the necessary attention she needed my sis was stitched down there so she Cldnt move properly but we tried our best to please my mom..that night she wanted to bathe the baby she asked me and I told her we don't normally bathe the baby so early, we bathe her by 10pm so that she would sleep and not wake up so early. As that is the case when swe bathe her by 7pm. My mom said or maybe she dosnt want me to touch her baby? And my mom went straight to her room. I later dished her food out called her to eat she refused, put off the light and slept. My sis went to wake her up " ok mom come and bathe baby" no response. We knew it was her usual self so I gave the baby a bath and we all went to bed... 4am my mother packed her load.. She wants to leave.. My sister's husband was shocked,asking her what happened she started screaming" let me go, I have my own comfortable home, rubbish " my sis was like mom pls stop embarrassing me in my home my mom just dragged her things and left. ( pls I would continue let me tend to my work a bit) thanks.

you really need not to go further, your story is well understood.
You have an Emmanuel-Adebayoristic-Mother, lolz.
I believe people have given you enough advice, and many more will soon.
take our advice and work hard to see that you and your siblings become better parents to your kids.

ambient:
Wow I thought I was the only one in the world with this kind of mother.my mum is really something else if not that my dad is a fighter he would have been dead by now.do you guys know Dat just two months ago my mum cut me with a cutlass just because I was trying to shade my cousin from her brutal beating, I have to tell my fiancé that I had an accident because I couldn't tell him that he will be having that kind of in-law.thank god I made sure all my siblings are out of the house,the married once hardly calls her because she made their wedding a living hell.would just be a the best mum for my children and try to forget......

I think you should tell your fiance the truth, lying about that kind of thing can turn out to be disastrous.

Hhhmmmmmmmmm....op continue....we could make a lessonful story out.of ur story....i feel for u

Your mum need a detailed psychiatric evaluation. I am very sure she is suffering from an unresolved mental disorder which started from childhood.

She and her husband need help. They have been walking free like sane human being but they are not.

Op, it is not that she hates you and your siblings, she is suffering from psychiatric disorders.

OP your story is traumatising enough, I really think you shouldn't go further.

Who needs parents with the type you've got? Just let them be for now and maybe one day, they'll change for the better.

You and your siblings should continue to work on yourselves to become better and be the best parents you can be to your kids.

I do know however, that no one is faultless, therefore you and your siblings get some blame but seriously, your parents are something else.

Dis is really terrible. To fink dis treatment is coming frm ur own biological parents ..u pple should try 2 avoid them. Dont even call or sms dem. When dey see u people r not bothered abt dem anymore,may b dey wil retrace their steps. Keep on praying 4 dem,dis might not b ordinary tho. It's well

Now I have made a decision t want to totally cut off from them, they are more harm than good and very toxic us. I thought all we change when we get married but I see how they are almost wrecking her home. Thank God for her type of inlaws. I read about narcissistic parents and my mother is an ideal candidate.and the only solution preferred is cutting off entirely. I don't want them to even be at my wedding and my sis mother inlaw is saying that they are my parents it is their right to be there, but they said they don't want and honestly I am through with them, because I know they want to use it to trap me especially trad wedding and my mom's friend was telling me how my mom keeps telling her how she would show especially me pepper, especially when I want to get married. I have had it up to here and I don't mind only doing court wedding and my husband to be would just fulfill all the things in the list for the village people and all that. And ignore that of my parents because I am tired.. I pray God gives me an understanding husband and inlaws,. As for my future kids. god would help us to become good parents, now I am aware of how a child can be damaged when their upbringing is terrible. So we deliberately try to be not like them.. We are very close as siblings and my siblings see me as their mom. And I thank God for that.. I have a niece now and I see how my sis loves her.. And I know she would be a good mother.. My own mother tormented me that I was a wicked child that she went through labour for 2 days. But my sister went through labour for 2 days also and she doesn't even remember because she is over joyed that she has a child. God help us all..(thanks all for your kind words) God bless you.

jaybeyblu:
Now I have made a decision t want to totally cut off from them, they are more harm than good and very toxic us. I thought all we change when we get married but I see how they are almost wrecking her home. Thank God for her type of inlaws. I read about narcissistic parents and my mother is an ideal candidate.and the only solution preferred is cutting off entirely. I don't want them to even be at my wedding and my sis mother inlaw is saying that they are my parents it is their right to be there, but they said they don't want and honestly I am through with them, because I know they want to use it to trap me especially trad wedding and my mom's friend was telling me how my mom keeps telling her how she would show especially me pepper, especially when I want to get married. I have had it up to here and I don't mind only doing court wedding and my husband to be would just fulfill all the things in the list for the village people and all that. And ignore that of my parents because I am tired.. I pray God gives me an understanding husband and inlaws,. As for my future kids. god would help us to become good parents, now I am aware of how a child can be damaged when their upbringing is terrible. So we deliberately try to be not like them.. We are very close as siblings and my siblings see me as their mom. And I thank God for that.. I have a niece now and I see how my sis loves her.. And I know she would be a good mother.. My own mother tormented me that I was a wicked child that she went through labour for 2 days. But my sister went through labour for 2 days also and she doesn't even remember because she is over joyed that she has a child. God help us all..(thanks all for your kind words) God bless you.

My dear, I really feel your pain, so many of us suffer abuse in the hands of our parents who, if you trace their childhoods, also suffered the same abuse from theirs. Such parents are psychologically disturbed and can't help but take out their traumatic past on innocent children. It's a vicious cycle that needs to be stopped.

May God reward you for all your suffering and I pray He heals your mind so that you also won't continue the evil trend into your own children's lives.

Take it easy and keep an healthy distance from them..

Hmmmm, speechless is the best word to describe the feeling I got from your story.

Take heart, but most importantly forgive &pray for them, I'm sure God in His Infinite Wisdom will change them sooner than you think.

Shalom!

bellong:
Your mum need a detailed psychiatric evaluation. I am very sure she is suffering from an unresolved mental disorder which started from childhood.

She and her husband need help. They have been walking free like sane human being but they are not.

Op, it is not that she hates you and your siblings, she is suffering from psychiatric disorders.

Exactly. Schizophrenia comes to mind. What the hell.

I did not want to believe your story at first untill I saw this
''She came and stayed for a day and I know my mother always like to be the center of attention''

This is the exact characteristic of such women, I have an Aunt like that and I was so sure that there could not be any other person like her in this world, I just could not understand how someone would be like that, a mother for that matter!

This Aunt is so selfish that she prevented one of her children from supporting the younger one to go to University because according to her reasoning, the older child would then become more important to the younger child than her.The younger child ended up not going to School and she does not mind!

My dear, I love you and your siblings, you have done well. please hold each other tight, give your parents some disctance, resist responding to their outbursts, try and keep cool and just walk away,but take care of them, send money for their needs, that is your responsibility (at least in Africa and also supported by the Bible).

OP my own mum maltreated me and my brother real bad as kids,
What's different between my mom and your mom is my mom treated some kids good and some worse
I really hated her growing up,
Now am grown and she change to be the most loving kindest person

I think my mom behaved like that because she struggled as a child with poverty growing up, then frustrations and kids, I forgave her, so OP your mom might change pray for her.

This is surreal.
I'm kinda chilled to my bones.

Pls OP keep the bond between you and your sibs stronger. It's great you have each other. hopefully someday your parents will get the cure they need. Maybe someday.

But what's happening with them is not normal. Their case is one of those rare instances when two people with different kinds of psychiatric conditions meet and get married.
It never works in favor of the kids.

freecocoa:
I think you should tell your fiance the truth, lying about that kind of thing can turn out to be disastrous.

How do you go about telling your fiance that your mum cut you with a knife..he will just assume the worst of you and family

ambient:


How do you go about telling your fiance that your mum cut you with a knife..he will just assume the worst of you and family

Then I'll question his sense of judgement if he writes me off because of my mum's attitude.

Who judges a person by what another did?

UnknownT:
As I was reading this, the faces I was "picturing" as that of your mom are the faces of PATIENCE OZOKWOR and CAMILLA MBERAKPE Just like in Nollywood, maybe when she is in her sickbed about dying( I aint praying for her to die now oh), she will now "confess" and beg for forgiveness. For your dad, I can't picture any face for him yet

for her dad,just picture d face of ALEX OSIFO d gorimakpa.

Jesus!!! What is this?

I don't know why some mothers are like that, some do it out being discipline.I have a friend who told me that because most of her siblings were females the mother would order the younger ones to beat her just to punish her while they were young and she was the first born.Some women probably see their first born daughters as their rivals hence their hatred for them.Some mothers go to the extend of turning the children against one another and that is why we have rivallry, hatred and enemity amongst siblings because of the seed of discord sown by these mothers.