Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:

Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term.

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands
constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to
cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love
for the rest of their marriage.

while getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper,
"Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex
are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only
have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the
frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at me honey,
just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is
too demanding of you." On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks
the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband
will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices
that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads,
"Baby, I didn't' realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.

I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of
listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the
letter 'T' to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs.

lol. i liked the first

A father was reading a newspaper. He didn't want to be disturbed by his little girl, so he cut out a map of the world, tore it to pieces and gave it to her to assemble. After a while, she returned to him with the map all in perfect order, every piece in its place. The surprised father said, "Honey, you don't know anything about geography, so how did you do it?" The innocent girl replied, "The picture of Jesus is at the back of this map and I knew if I have Jesus in the right place, the whole world would be perfect."

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."

A little boy wanted 1000 naira badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the 1000 naira. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, NIGERIA, they decided to send it to President OBASANJO.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a 500 naira bill.

President OBASANJO thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the 500 NAIRA and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through ASO ROCK ABUJA. and, as usual, those crooks deducted 5OO naira.=

TWENTY YORUBA girls were tired of being considered stupid, so they asked for a meeting with the town's chief. At the meeting, the chief said, "Well, I'll ask one lady a question, and if she gets it right, you'll be smarter, if not your still dumb."

So the GIRLS pick a woman who they think is smart. The CHIEF says, "What is 3 plus 4?"

"9" says the GIRL after thinking for a while. "No, you are still stupid." All the girls there start chanting "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

The chief agrees and says, "OK, what's 2 plus 1?" After thinking, the girl answers, "4" The crowd chants, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

The chief, getting tired of this says, "One more chance, what's 3 plus 3?" The girl thinks for a few minutes. "6" she answers. The crowd starts chanting, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

An Nigerian boy and his father were visiting a Bank tower in Amstadam Holland.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw,
but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed,
an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up.
They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 20-year-old beautiful stepped out.
The father said to his son, "I think its a machine that makes women younger ,Go get your mother."

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we
were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in
the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a
lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when
they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet
is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose
right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only 3 inches off the ground!!"

*********Bookmarking***********

LASIEFAIRE:

*********Bookmarking***********

NA BAD OR GOOD U MARK AM FOR THE BOOK?

Getting better and better everyday, apart from one

Nice jokes by sam
If u want the craziest and funniest text messages
please visit: www. textpal.. com

Recently a PRIEST, a GARBAGE COLLECTOR, and a LAWYER wound up together at the HEAVEN Gates.

St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. He decided to ask them questions according to the gravity of their professions on earth.

St. Peter addressed the priest and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."

The preist answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, "1,228."

"That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

A guy took his Yoruba girlfriend on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even the hooks.
The whole thing cost them 50,000 naira .They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, the guy catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed.
The guy turns to his girlfriend and says,
"Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifty thousand naira?"

The girlfriend says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. No woman, said one man, scornfully, can keep a secret.

I dont know about that, answered a blonde woman guest. I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.

Youll let it out some day, the man insisted.

I hardly think so responded the blonde lady. When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret, "

Oh my. . . . Those psychiatrists are not worth being psychiatrists ohhh. . . . . .

shoulda known dat

great jokes Sam,really cool.more please

holythug:

see ya teeth, _{abeg make i close my mouthb4 i carry virus}

Bring it on buddy!

mykali:

;DGabbro. if i be u, i go enter bottle hide myself

I am not scared of that mumu ohhh

on what?

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Holland asked the Priest beside her,
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

A man and his wife are watching a Mike Tyson boxing match on TV. Mike tyson knocks the opponent down in four minutes. The husband sighs and says, "I'm so disappointed! It was all over in four minutes. What a rip-off!!"

The wife replies, "Good! Now you know how I feel everynight in bed."

Sam milla welcome back

Thanks Guyz