@babygirl that was a long post; but quite helpful not only for the poster but for anyone that is marry. @annoyed everyone keep asking this question "have you talk to your wife about all these issues" and what is her response/decision about going forward with your marriage? I assume there was a discussion & agreement before you too got marry and if there are reasons for you to want to opt out then it is only fair to discuss it with her!

By the way is your wife German or Dutch? If she is one of the two, then dude you in for one helluva a ride.
[quote][/quote] Answer d question.

jamifa:

Dude, there are two things at work here. Its either you married her for convenience or you just been inconsiderate. Marriage is about compromise, its either you shape up or ship out. Harsh, but its a truth. By the way is your wife German or Dutch? If she is one of the two, then dude you in for one helluva a ride.

No she is a Celtic woman but I ain't saying whether she's french, irish, scottish or welsh!

She is so self centred. All she cares about is her looks!
Everytime she eats she goes straight to the bathroom and
throws up her food. No wonder she cannot get pregnant. She
is starving herself. do you know how it is affecting me?

Above quote very worrying have you heard of "bulimia nervosa" an eating disorder common in young women and often brought on by stressful life event!
Is there pressure for her to get pregnant? Also when I was a young wife back in the days I lived in Nigeia for a while, I felt pale and insignificant against the beauty of Nigeian women in full party regalia. My lack of confidence and low self esteem made me feel I could not compete, hence I tried very hard too to stay in shape and be fashionable in my own European way. Thanks to my mother in law she gave me the love and support that got me through and I adapted and adopted native dress for events, believe me it takes lot of courage to walk into an event, not speak the language and be dressed up. Also further back there is a posting about racism, unfortunately this still happens, its sad and ignorant, but indoors we have never had issues.

I am yet to come across a more ignorant fool than the one called Nakedboi.

Ironically most bros will trade places with u given the chance

U tire sey u marry Oyibo weh u no fit activate, na waaa4u sef, bros how big is ya kini?, Nwanne if u don taya try shift base, try move oyibo kom ma corner, i swear ma kini go helep am learn, noooooo, wit me e go shout tire, no just try meooooh, u sef efen go mercy foraam, e done happen bifor, dat one still dey call me 4 fon till 2day, ur own no go dey different, just try amubiggy,

I have been reading all these comments and it has been informative. I am not Nigerian, but im dating a nigerian guy whom I love with all my heart, i would do anything for him, I beleive that one should not try to change a person, we should change instead.Example, if my man loves watching football and I hate it, i shouldnt try to mke him change so that he will stop watching it, I believe that I should change to start liking it, that way he will see im making an effort and he will meet me halfway,its just an example, we both love football. its difficult being in any relationship, but when you in a relationship that with someone of another culture you face some challenges and I know that will happen. Iim asking all the guys out there and the gals please help me and give me some advice I want to keep him really happy, what does a naija woman do to keep her husband happy? Im told kalaba woman knows exatly how to keep her man very well. Im happy with him, very happy but I want to do more for him, so any help you can offer I will appreciate.Pls dont tear me appart, no woman is pefect i know we all have flaws, but i want to make sure that i am the best person I can be for him, we can all learn and become better people, we make improvement and change, I just want my man to feel like he is the luckiest man in the world. Thank You for you help in advance!

Sounds like she is an irish lady, sure would it be better if she was stuffing her face with pounded yams everyday and was 50 stone you would still be ANNOYED!. You know annoyed, I can tell you that white european guys are way better than Nigerian men, they are not judgemental, they are relaxed, they help out at home etc.  This is a mean generalisation, yes a naija wife is better for a naija man and same for irish we are better off together too!

But hang on, in spite of all this, I have learned the true meaning of LOVE and how to be a good wife in accordance with YOUR culture. At the end of the day someone will always loose out on culture like I have. But IF you do love someone as much as you say you do you will discuss the matter and exhaust all avenues. However, despite my observations, you have said that you know you will hurt her at some point. Listen man, if you really love someone you wouldnt have concluded that you would hurt them at some point!!

Maybe she is insecure or something about her looks, that doesnt mean she is a bad person. Stop nit picking!!

Poor girl, maybe she feels like she doesnt look good enough! obviously you never compliment her!

I mean what is is she doesnt have that a Nigerian lady has? go on list them for me (I'm sure the list is endless)

On another note annoyed, your case is indeed the extreme to the usual picture here in Dublin, its usually an big fat ugly white woman with a Nigerian man. Now times are changing but that for the most part of it.

sweetsweet we will never make them happy, not even their own women who are angels with that patience of a saint can keep them happy, pls immediately go learn how to make idika ikong soup, pepper soup, rice n stew, egusi soup, okro soup etc etc and perform the most mind blowing sex acts. If you want to keep him happy pls start with the basics. At the end of the day, I could run a Nigerian restaraunt and even write books about religions, religions, cultures, tribes. Too bad,, I do not have to mentality of an Igbo lady and you do not have the mentality of a Calabar woman. God be with us cos someone always looses out on culture.  Don't be a doormat either thought mate, I don't tolerate pubs and nite clubs, why? cos I don't tolerate that shit and no woman should.

PS: Who told you that Calabar women can make their husbands very happy? I believe this is indeed the case, but, if it was your partner who said this to you, forget it.

@leilah-u r blowing hot and cold.

So Brutal, you are a guy from Naija, help me out, tell me what a naija man really wants in a woman and how i can keep my man very very happy

@Leilah, you still have your issues.

@sweetsweet, there's no absolute rule for any man anywhere in the world. Most men in the world want to feel like kings in their own homes and some women have learnt the art of making the men feel like kings while being able to manipulate the men at the same time. I believe most Nigerian men cant stand any woman who makes them feel less than a king in the home.

Its a balancing act. . . this is one of the reasons I have utmost respect for Nigerian bred women - they endure a lot of things but they get what they want at the end of the day.

@JustGood,
My dear, Thank you for that and I understand what you are saying, any man wants to be treated like a King likewise any woman wants to be treated like a Princess. But see my man is already my King, I worship him. what bothers me is that I am not Nigerian and so i feel like i might be missing that something special. I was reading the tag from Annoyed, he keeps referring to his wife as Oyinbo, why do that, she is a person too abi? He liked her for who she was thats why he married her, and now he isnt looking for another woman is he? He is looking for a Nigerian woman. I dont want that to happen to me, I want to make sure that my man is kept happy at all times. He should be short of nothing, not love, attention,care, understanding, support, patience, nothing at all. But now see, you dont treat a kind and a Nigerian King in the same manner do you? Nigerian king is extra special, so what can I do? I dont know everything about Nigerian Culture but i sure as hell dont want my love for him to lack in anything at all thats why I am asking for help from NairaLand

@Leilah, Thank you for the tips, dont you want to help me out with some recipes, I have never cooked Nigerian food before, I do buy it for him all the time, tho i know it is not the same at all. There isnt any place where I live that sells Nigerian ingrediants to start off with and to get to the resturant where I buy the food from is at least an hour away from where I stay and that place import all their ingrediants. As for mind blowing sex acts, im kinda at a loss there, im not boring I will do anything and everything day and night and really enjoy it, it wont be an effort at all,I love him so why wouldnt i want to stay in bed with him all day? but thing is I havent been with many guys in that kinda of a relationship, he is just the second guy but he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, so im kinda scared that I am not educated enough in the mind blowing sex acts.

@sweetpain why not open a topic with help on your nigerian boyfriend? personally i think your urge to please and do everthing right is scary.
i hope its a two way thing.

Annoyed have you gone on your trip to make things work?
Have you spoken with your wife yet? why do u keep dodging this particular question but complaing more n more

Rehana2 your contribution was worth it. u are another exception to a working marriage with a Nigerian man. lol

leilah you are still here giving my bros bad name? who sent you?

@poster,
Look before you leap. That your Nija heartthrob could be worse.

Im not giving them are bad name. Why don't they compromise much? its always the usual here, I don't see naija man go make tea for his wife! or do things that white men do! its always them who want to have their cake and eat it, they don't even realise! they know whats good for them and the end of the day, and white wives are not one of those things IMHO.

Now I'm not gonna rub it in anymore.

its always the usual here, I don't see naija man go make tea for his wife!

hahaha make tea ke. ohhhhhhhhhhhh leilah u nor go kill me with laff

I dont mean on a daily basis, for eg a woman works the same hours as her husband, they both arrive home after dinner she offers him tea and he says yes, no whatever, but when it comes to naija man he will take his own tea and not offer wife any. This is not just me this happens with. I don't know sweetsweet, but all I know is that Calabar women are supposed to be the sweetest ladies in Nigeria so its going to be tough. If you go to the food section, you will see recipes, plenty of them.  If there is one in particular you need just give me a shout.

You can just begin with rice and stew I mean surely he doesn't expect idika ikong in the middle of some white mans village!

Then again, they use any excuse,

PS Ill start up a thread for you in the 'food' section

I mean, KING what man is a FKIN KING in this day and age.

See wat we white women need to know, is how you actually define a KING, can you pls clarify this and what actions/behaviours/attributes on the wifes part can amount to this??

come on annoyed where are you?

Hey can I start with the list:

10 reasons why Annoyed prefers a naija wife:

its always the usual here, I don't see naija man go make tea for his wife

I dont mean on a daily basis, for eg a woman works the same hours as her husband, they both arrive home after dinner she offers him tea and he says yes, no whatever, but when it comes to naija man he will take his own tea and not offer wife any. This is not just me this happens with.

leilah look let me tell you something along this helping thing line by nigerian men. Even nigerian women complain you are not the only person. you should understand these men are wired this way. they grew up this way. Their mother did most of these home things and didnt complain or tell their husband can you help me do this and that . i mean these things are expected from women. today things are gradually changing. some are willing to help but you wont expect him to act like the white man. when they get married tomorrow they will expect the same from their wife wether its a nigerian or foreigner and start becoming uncomfortable when they hear things like he cant help me, he wont do this and that. (i mean these things a white man will do and not blink twice about)

This is where you come in, you make your home and indeed your man. i mean i dont expect to marry a nigerian man that will act all oyiboish for me but i believe with the personality of the man i have, i can suggest where i want to see changes. if you do this lovingly and with respect they will slowly change. you make them the exception to the normal nigerian guy out there. when other women see what this man is doing for his wife, they begin to use him as refrence for their husband. they think he was born that way. nooooooooo its hardwork and patience.



annoyed can help you with your other questions

.

In my experience, men who like being treated like kings tend to reciprocate same - they make their women know they are special. A king cannot be married to a slave afterall. The king's wife has to be a queen.

Most men dont like a woman who is overly assertive. . . it can become a challenge within the family

.

If both parties are happy with it, why should anyone else tell them that they should change things?

@sweetsweet--some things r better disscuss in private.

@ Annoyed
My bro, I'm very sure that when you were taking your marriage vows at the altar, you sworn to keep her for better or worse. Guy, be a man of your words and stand your ground. Marriage is an ever learning school that you will never graduate from until you die. My advice to you is that " If your pencil goes blunt at anytime during this life course, just get your sharpener and fix it and continue your journey"
On the other hand, if you can't handle the situation seek for advice from your priest or a marriage counsellor

I am Henry by name and has avery beauifull angel named Blessing ,i asked her out and she assepted but made me go threw pains,just because she want to knwo whom i am in persn .Her fried tld so just because am hansom.She did it untill she exposed and inbarased me in the poblick all in the name of knowing whom i am i kept n hoping foor a day she will come back to her seansies i tried not to offend her in any way nd i assep to all her request.Untill one day she sorrinded and told me the truth and we became more coser to each other.please man play according to my rules and experience