In such a case isn't it possible that maybe the husband simply hasn't learnt the right buttons to press for more frequent action?

no.

it could be the case that the husband is told NOT to even attempt pushing such buttons unless the wife initiates it

So, the husband could be successful at more than the once a month if he really wanted to and would ignore what his wife wants - ie he could push her buttons and thus get her to give in to her feelings instead of not doing so as she wants

I would say No, A man does not need more than one wife, yet he may need or be dealing with more than one women in his life on different levels.

Yeah I know, but read my explanation.


Let's take a look at polygamy in the religion of Islam.

In the religion men are granted up to 4 wives.
Allah says clearly that one is best for you and that if you take more than one wife you must treat them just and fair. In the same Qu'arn Allah also says that you can never treat them just and fair.
So for me it is clear that one wife is enough and preferred by Allah. This is all Qu'Arn.

I stand by this with the belief that it is not likely for one person to posses all of the right qualities or characteristic's that we may want or need in our life.

I say this because I see polygamy in a different light. I see it as being more than marriage. Again clearly I believe that marriage should be between two people. For me polygamy is a natural thing that happens everyday on many levels.

I believe that I would be sharing my husband with other women on different levels. I have to be woman enough to accept the fact that I don't have every quality. I am secure in who i am and the qualities i posses. I would have to accept and trust that my husband choose me for the most important qualities that he needs. Yet i must be conscious that When my husband is out in the world he may be needed by other women for support on an spiritual, material, emotional, financial or mental way.
She may need advise, she may need help paying the bills, she may need transportation or something, My husband may need another womans wisdom in dealing with me or other matters, he could be in business with a woman or anything. The other woman could be his mother, his sister, his daughter and so on.

As a woman and sister I would want to help my sister out as much as possible.  I would want my husband to consult with me about major things such as how he chooses to meet the needs of these women, when he meets the needs, and most of all his level of support (in order to protect everyone involved), and in some cases it may be who he does them with because we know that some women will try to tempt men into doing wrong things, due to her own needs. Men do this too. Most defiantly we will evaluate things to better know what level i may need to intervene and deal with the sisters.
I truly think it's very ethical for community life. I think it's un ethical for me and my husband to be living decent, yet the sister next door singled with children is struggling. We should be able to help her. I want for my sister what I want for myself. We would also help her find a husband.

Now the other part is that I will not share my husband on a physical level. No I am not with that at all. The physical intimate part is to be shared with me and me only.  I'm very selfish in that way for sure and it's justified. A sister needs to find her own husband for that. No hugs or anything lest i throw a huge fit that will upset his world. Trust me, he doesn't want that because I mean business about mines, I'm not playin any games with no women or men about my turf. Women are very Territorial about their men and I'm okay and accept this about myself.

This works the same for women, it's just not as indebt because the male is out in he world more than she is. At least he use to me and in my oppinion he should be on the front line.

when u have more wife u might die quick oooo
cos they will be fighting everyday and cos u wahala
u wont even be coming home(the house that belongs to you)
as for me if my husband is getting another wife im leaving the house
i dont give a damn

Yeah men need to truly consider the nature of a woman before they take on more than one wife.

Men who allow their desires to lead their lives will always be unsatisfied. Men who marry for beauty will not be happy because theirs many beautiful women in the world. Men who marry for sex will be un happy because someone can always do it better and so on.

In Islam men must consult with their first wife before taking a new wife. His reasons have to be discussed, not approved by the first wife but discussed. Discussed because taking on another wife has to be a community and ethical thing. It can't be because he's tired of his first wife or because he wants more beauty or sex in his life. Again it has to be about community and it must be ethical.

During the times of Prophet Mohammad men took on more wives because during the times of war the men were killed and many women were left alone without maintenace which is damaging to women and community. So these men fulfilled a community need, not their personal desires.
Considering these things will only help the men who want more wives because the decision could drive him crazy.

Justthought i would add.

No, no, no, they don't!

angela k:

Does it really matter if a man has more than one wife ? Because we all know that most likely he will have more than one girlfriend outside that will give the one wife at home heart ache!

Those who support having only one wife, what do you think of those people who has only one wife, but ended up having several girlfriends and even ended up having child outside the marriage? I want to believe, we don't need to crucify anyone here for his/her belief on this subject, it is embedded in our own perception of marriage.

Not all men cheat on their wives and vice versa!

In all fairness i do not think that it is right to have more than one wife cos he definitely can not love them equally, but you know men now they like wahala a lot and when they set out their minds to do someting they must do it, i think that once a man take the step of marrying a second wife he can marry a third, forth and even fifth the hardest step is marrying the second one and the rest follow.

what is hard about marrying the second?

To me a man did not need more than one wife.

allonym:

or the guy has a large drive but the wife only feels like it once a month. . . lotsa frustration there that isn't cured by knitting

In that case, he needs to use his hand for something else besides knitting

right nferyn

allonym:

or the guy has a large drive but the wife only feels like it once a month. . . lotsa frustration there that isn't cured by knitting

And, come to think about it.... why on earth did that couple marry in hte first place if there's such a big difference in their sexual urges

One must devote themselves to their wife. if they have a lot of love to give, they should start a family and use their spare love on the children.
If they still have an abundant amount of time and effort to give away they may adopt more kids, or start research in to how to cure cancer & A.I.D.s out of love for their society. there is no real excuse for polygamy just lust.

Wao real interesting response on this topic. i read someone said not all men cheat. well maybe some are just too smart not to get caught. I think men have more raging hormones, and some people cheat out of pressure and some out of lust. I still think all a man need is one wife. but man shall not live by bread alone.

maybe the two decided to wait until marriage for sex and thus did not have any idea there would be such a difference in their urges.

nferyn:

And, come to think about it.... why on earth did that couple marry in hte first place if there's such a big difference in their sexual urges

allonym:

maybe the two decided to wait until marriage for sex and thus did not have any idea there would be such a difference in their urges.

That's why 'waiting untill marriage' is not such a good idea

is sex so important that it can determine whether or not a couple stay together or monogamous? i thought relationships were about support, caring & patients. If sex or sexual gratification is critical to a relationship, then the interests of the couple are misguided.

salako:

is sex so important that it can determine whether or not a couple stay together or monogamous? i thought relationships were about support, caring & patients. If sex or sexual gratification is critical to a relationship, then the interests of the couple are misguided.

Ha! It is so important o! Infact, that's one of the reasons I want to get married early. Because I want to have sex.

IAH:

Ha! It is so important o! Infact, that's one of the reasons I want to get married early. Because I want to have sex.

It is indeed important and you won't have a [i]complete [/i]relationship without good sex. It is necesary, but not sufficient

i personally think it should be one man one wowan, but then most nigerians guys think otherwise.

Most times they have a wife at home and still have lots of girlfriends outside.......its a real shame that they do that.

Yes in a situation were by the couple are not able to have a child, and it is discorverd that it is as a result of the wife inability. a man should here, have another wife if he can not wait unto God as a result of family presure or otherwise.
Please NO if the man have every thing a blessed family should have, as in child.

NduGod:

Yes in a situation were by the couple are not able to have a child, and it is discorverd that it is as a result of the wife inability. a man should here, have another wife if he can not wait unto God as a result of family presure or otherwise.
Please NO if the man have every thing a blessed family should have, as in child.

@ NduGod
and If the cause of the couples' inability to have kids is the mans fault, Pray tell, what then?
Does the woman get to go out and get another hubby? Please I'd like to know!

And what about the woman who has a higher sex drive than her husband?

Does that make her entitled to more than one husband?

whocares:

And what about the woman who has a higher sex drive than her husband?

Does that make her entitled to more than one husband?

Whocares, so long as it suit her to share her body to as many men as she wants, I want to agree she is entitled to more than one husband. Truth is, a woman body is sacred and it has that kind of respect which make them a woman and should therefore not to be touched by every tom and harry, No wonder our society do not look down well on women who shared their body with many men.

Thats another twist to it................

THAT IS IT.

no, man doesn't need more than one wife. one is OK, one wife one husband.

It may be easier to seperate the needs from the wants .

And even being clear because sometimes what we think we need may not always be best.

a man doesn't "need" a wife, therefore he can have as many as he "wants"

In the same vein, a woman does'nt need a husband. She can have as many husbands as she wants.