Good day people. I am a Corps member of 2015 batch A. I have a girlfriend in her third year in school. Sincerely, I love her but she's hell bent on getting married. I am far from ready and there is this guy she dated few years back for few months before he traveled to India. This guy is really disturbing my girl, promising to marry her as soon as he returns to Nigeria next month. In fact, Dec. 30 has been scheduled for Introduction. Now my problem isn't her leaving me, but for the wrong person. I suspect he's a very bad guy and would make her cry. I tried convincing her to wait for better man even if it wasn't going to be me that all I cared about was her happiness. So, fellow Nairalanders how do I convince her and what way is best to go about this? Below is a message I sent her on Facebook and all she replied was "thank you," and soon she called me and started crying. I inquired why she was crying but she said she doesn't know and hung up. Pls, no insults. Don't tell me I should be thinking of how to get a job or start a small business 'cause it's all in my plans. Your contributions will be appreciated. Thanks.
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JUST BEFORE DECEMBER 30.

Bury this little piece in your heart, I took my time to write it for you. It's no cynicism so don't get it twisted. Marriage is a lifetime commitment; once you're in, you're in. Don't ignore the warning signals, it could be very fatal.

1. COURT HIM AGAIN: Don't assume he's the cool guy you use to know. Try courting him for 8 to 12 months before you tie the knot. Remember, he's been outside the country, gathered a handful of experiences and the resultant of this experiences will greatly determine his new personality, either for better or for worse. Ignoring or failing to take this one step is worst of all things you would ever do.

2. BE SURE OF WHAT HE DOES:
Go beyond your emotions and look with your mind's eyes. Can you trust what he tells you he does for a living? Have you sought an answer to these questions: How does he send his goods to Nigeria? Who receives the bales of clothes he sends in and who sells them and how does he get his money back? Through PayPal, Western Money Union Transfer or what? Investigate to be sure it's true.
When he's not sending clothes to Nigeria what does he do? Does he have a part-time job or own a business in India? If a part-time time job, what's the name of the company he works for and what position does he occupy. What are his job functions? If he owns a business, what kind.
Ask him how much he makes and see if it's in coherence with how much you think he's worth. Ask him these question and many more you can think of in quick succession, with that aura of intelligence of one who works with the FBI. Don't give him a chance to think! Just quickly throw the questions at him.
Observe if he's nervous or cool when giving answers. Compare all the information he provides with your previous knowledge of him and make your judgement. Trust your intuition!

3. PROMISES MAY NEVER BE FULFILLED:
Yes, he promised to make you Manager of his current business so he could move into importation of automobile spare parts. Be sure he will do this. Never you assume or just believe, it's not the Gospel after all. Compel him (though you do not have the right to) to start, maybe, a smaller business for you. If he cheerfully does, it could be an indicator that he will do bigger things. Do you still remember what the Bible says: He that is faithful in little is faithful in much.

4. DISCUSS THE MARGINS:
You are a woman, I believe, with dreams and goals. A savvy young girl poised for greatness, whose primary function as a wife is not to mop the floor, wash dishes, cook good foods and make babies. You've got a career life and a margin should be drawn between it and your marital life. I also believe you got goals to accomplish before you turn 30. Ask him how he intends to help you achieve those goals.

5. NEVER GIVE IN TO PRESSURE:
I understand the pressure by the African society on her girl child in getting married. It isn't your last chance, Baby. You are beautiful, intelligent and people tend to like you. You know this. I remember you once told me, "I no be bad market." Appreciate yourself and never take that step except you are sure you want to. The future holds a lot.

6. YOUR DAD, YOUR COUNSELOR:
I have not had the opportunity to meet with any of your parents, but somehow from what I have learned, dad is shrewder than mum (I'm not a diviner. It's just an opinion. I could be wrong). Discuss your man with him expressing the fears and confidence you have in him (your man), I'm sure he (dad) will have something very useful to tell you. Never ignore his advice.

7. AFTER THE WEDDING:
Don't get married to a ghost who will leave you for another woman in an unknown country for years in the guise of searching for endless business opportunities. I know of a victim, my mum’s best friend, then. She got married to a man, a US Naval Officer, in Owerri, in December 2001. The wedding was the talk of town as cash was lavished. The young man traveled back to the States early February 2002 promising her to come see her once in a while. The lady pleaded to go with him but he insisted that it won't be necessary as he plans to return home and start up a new life with her soon. He traveled back and that's all the lady and my mum saw of him. You think he could be dead? NO! He was seen shopping in Las Vegas in early 2013 by one of the friends of the lady who attended the wedding and had traveled to the city.

8. THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT:
I don't have anything much to say here. It is your life, your decision. Always be true to yourself and your findings about him. Remember to trust your judgement. Your decision is ultimate.

Consider the eight points critically before December 30. I wish you the best marriage can offer. I love you. Have a nice day.

Hmmm. What makes u think d guy is a bad guy?

Oruemu:
Hmmm.
What makes u think d guy is a bad guy?

I see the kind of pictures he sends to her. The way he talks on phone like a tout (no beefing). He's even been to jail and she still isnt sure of his crime.

she needs wisdom....

It's [size=20pt]LadyF[/size] again

Hmmmmm

she is just in her 3rd yr and she is hell bent on getting married this yr?.. Anyway,its her priority. If she wont listen to you,leave her alone. I'm very sure she wont listen anyway. Do all u can to convince her to be patient but if she is still hell bent on marrying d guy then let her be.

Hmmm. Quite thoughtful, little wonder she was crying!

If she wanna go, then let her na!... Yhu ain't gon share in her regrets later na

Mistake

cyprus000:
[size=13pt]
Guy.

I want to advice you has a fellow man and a human,who studied human behaviour at school.

I am talking In respect of my field of education and experience.

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If you don't won't som1 you love to make certain decision that you think may harm them.

Never put your all your weight in that matter,cos nature is a bittch and may prove your suspicion and assertion wrong.

Then you will be termed "enemy of progress" and that person will forever see you has the cause of his/her problem.

All that lady needs is knowing Good and bad in this situation.

Which you have already outlined in your article. Leave it at that and don't try to force her to do anything

Let her make her decision,cos if you indirectly make desicion for her. When e banter.

You will have to dance to the beat of blame and hate.

Cos she will definately hate you for it,considering the fact the that you were sopos to be in that guy's shoe,but you aren't .

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Thank you for the advice...I dont want to get involved in the decision making but I still want her to make the right decision. Na why I bring my matta here.

Allow her marry...you have done enough advising. it's left for her to take it or not. Buh seriously I feel for you tho. What a way for your relationship to end

stjudas:


Thank you for the advice...I dont want to get involved in the decision making but I still want her to make the right decision. Na why I bring my matta here.

Ur type is rare...I wish u well.

Spikkylee:


Ur type is rare...I wish u well.

Thanks.

I just called her again and she's still crying. She said there are a lot of things she has to tell me but it will be tomorrow. "Why not now?" I asked. She said she doesn't want to cry the more that I should just hang up until she sorts herself out.

I just hope I've not influenced her in anyway.

Wey all the people wey dey drag first to comment for Nairaland. Make una enter this thread na I need advice fast. Mods una fit carry this topic go front page?

op do you wanna hear the simple truth!!!........its her choice. you just have to let her be and choose who she wants. the guy from india did not force her and she's not a kid not to know whats good for her.


let her carry her cross.

Lalasticlala seun

This guy needs more views.

stjudas:


I see the kind of pictures he sends to her. The way he talks on phone like a tout (no beefing). He's even been to jail and she still isnt sure of his crime.

maybe is all abt d money; is she an igbo girl? Igbos mk una no vex o, na jst wuestion

Bros, you too dey worry yourself. Wait mek you witness the marriage first naa.

No be all these obodo oyibos Wey dey confuse our girls since time IMO river?

By the time he comes back, fucck am finish travel back, her eyes go clear.

Guyman just remembered how sweet the punny of his ex was come dey promise her heaven and earth just to get a second round and the gullible girl come dey fall for am.

Ode sorry "Odein"

cyprus000:


[size=13pt]
Well,I aint surprized. I have seen were wool brain wooden-headed buffoon act, only that your idiocy suppass theirs with a high margin.


I advice you seek mental assylum..Asap.
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. Wao so u dont even hv a working brain too. Hmm common 'where' u cannot spell... And again take not of ur word Asap, the right way to spell it is A sap. See ur head like Opioro mango. ODE

I'm about to punch someone in the face! What a way to book space!

Op you get time, just let it be, I'd rather let her make her decision and find out I was right, then for her not to because I would be bothered about being wrong. I hate being wrong.

am married to the wrong contry, please advice



YOU NEED MORE MONEY? CHECK MY SIGNATURE

Dnt even read it lemme book my space












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My brother be no judge please, let her decide for herself