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Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships - Romance - Nairaland

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Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by MizMyColi(f): 5:19pm On Sep 11, 2015
This is not an original from me. Though, if I were to write on the topic, my thoughts won't be any different. My very good friend wrote this and I recommend to all who seek enlightenment on these issues....who truly want to forge a better path and way forward.

Buckle your reading belts!
There's a lesson for everyonesmiley


“I want someone who will make me happy and give me peace of mind”

“I need someone who will bring out the best in me”

“I desire someone who will complete me and make me feel beautiful”

Do these sound familiar?

I have been thinking and I am of the opinion that thoughts like these birth a lot of dysfunction in our relationships. How so? Allow me to share my thoughts then. Please note that these are purely my thoughts and are not in any way all-encompassing. So if what I share resonates hold it close and if it does not, feel free to act like you belong to a political party and just heard an unfavorable result in the polls and go:

www.nairaland.com/attachments/2847433_orubebe_jpeg8996ae519ebe081417c5196cab0d5ed1

Anyhoo…

I am of the opinion that the above statements usually come from a place of lack. The “Light” we do not see in ourselves, we end up looking for in places, things and (in this case) people and when two people operating from mindsets of lack come together, they look to their partners to “fill” these “gaps” in themselves. These expectations inevitably fail time and time again as no single individual was designed to bear it. Disappointment, resentment, blaming and more ensue.

Also when we consider ourselves as being in darkness (lacking in any way), and seek the “Light” of others, we open ourselves to torments. For example:

Despair. When no one’s “light” seems pointed in your direction.

Envy: When the desired “light” is directed at everyone except you.

Fear. The thought of losing the “light” we currently find solace in needles us constantly.

Regret. When we find ourselves no longer enjoying “light” from others like we once did.

Dear reader. This is hell.

So how do we put an end to such suffering? I believe that the solution is to look within and see the truth. That we are not broken, desolate or lacking in any way. That the glory and light we have searched for on the outside is WHO WE ARE and that no other person is responsible for our wholeness. I think when we see ourselves as whole, we will see our loved ones in the same way and no longer (subconsciously) see them as means to an end but as people to love.

Someone once said that a relationship is not two people seeking happiness in each other but two people sharing their happiness with each other. I agree.

Do you?

SOURCE

cc: Obinoscopy Lalasticlala

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Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by falconey(m): 5:20pm On Sep 11, 2015
this is gonna be intriguing

Lovely write-up, I'm enlightened will put it to practice immediately.

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 5:21pm On Sep 11, 2015
..enlightening
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 5:21pm On Sep 11, 2015
Do I agree?
Don't know. But America will know. Lemme call Obama.

RickRichards: "Hey Barrack, how u dey?"

Obama: "cooooooool"

RickRichards: "So do I agree with OP over here?"

Obama: "wxhsyyykaau"

RickRichards: "Huh?! What did you just say, Barrack?"

Obama: "zvsheedwwrr"

RickRichards: "Sh!t, Barrack. You're high on codeine again!"

RickRichards: "I don tire for your matter sef. A whole POTUS. You go just dey high anyhow!"

*Angrily ends call*

Chai! Why didn't I ask him to wire some billions into my account while he was high?

Dunno. But America will know.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 5:22pm On Sep 11, 2015
i see...
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 5:35pm On Sep 11, 2015
thought provoking piece of article..
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by misspicy(f): 5:39pm On Sep 11, 2015
Yes I totally agree mizmycoli...

[b]A wise man once said those who seek their happiness in a fellow being will one day get sorrow and at the end they go back to scratches...


Relationships should be about complementing each other,we should all seek for our happiness within ourselves not letting it depend on what others do or think about us...

That is why when a partner cheats or does things we never expects we feel disappponted and
heartbroken because we built out happiness on them and it was dashed

Most times I see threads on NL where guys are complaining about how a girl disappoints them n how they are on a revenge mission...it happens coz you put your happiness in that girl forgetting that she is only human and every human is prone to make mistakes that will hurt people around us.

It's in the Bible,

Jeremiah 17:5-7
NKJV. “Cursed is the man who trusts in
man and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart departs from the LORD. For
he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see when good comes, but
shall inhabit the parched places in the
wilderness, in a salt land which is not
inhabited. Blessed is the man who trusts
in the LORD, and whose hope is the
LORD."[/b]

Cutehector grin

4 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Tallesty1(m): 5:44pm On Sep 11, 2015
Nice one

1 Like

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by MizMyColi(f): 5:47pm On Sep 11, 2015
PrimeMinisterr:
thought provoking piece of article..

I tell you my dear.
If only we can stop looking up to others to complete us.
To make us feel good.

Ladies are more guilty of this.
We tend to base our sense of worth on how good 'he" makes us feel.
What we fail to realize then is that our life situation is different from our lives.

If we focus too much on our life situations, we will be detached and mostly frustrated. But if we begin to focus on this very life that we have, here and in the now.
Things will be better.
It's all about being present and aware.
These things I write aren't text book versions.
I see them work for me, even as at 3 minutes ago.

This is a fact...You cannot be zealously focused on your life situation and truly enjoy life.
All that you need to be happy right now, as in now now...is already there.

No human input is needed, though it is welcome.

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Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 5:47pm On Sep 11, 2015
...but y'know say e dey obvious no be you write am, because I read it all in 2minutes... grin

I agree with your last statement. The happiness we share in a relationship is that which is within. If you aren't happy as a single, you are only gonna end up stressing your partner_emotionally.

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Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by kinglekan: 5:48pm On Sep 11, 2015
falconey:
.


She didn't write it. Apparently you didn't read it or you probably schemed through and hurriedly dropped your comment. smiley

@Op

The last paragraph says it all. Most of us tend to consciously or unconsciously seek to find someone who would rather complement us and fill that vacuum and most times that relentless search never stops as we keep gamboling from one relationship to another.

Bottom line is this, we are responsible for our own happiness, the moment we begin to seek it in the opposite sex, then we find ourselves hitting the rocks.

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Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by MizMyColi(f): 5:48pm On Sep 11, 2015
But Falconry, I said in the beginning of the post, it's not an originalgrin
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by falconey(m): 5:50pm On Sep 11, 2015
kinglekan:



She didn't write it. Apparently you didn't read it or you probably schemed through and hurriedly dropped your comment. smiley

@Op

The last paragraph says it all. Most of us tend to consciously or unconsciously seek to find someone who would rather complement us and fill that vacuum and most times that relentless search never stops as we keep gamboling from one relationship to another.

Bottom line is this, we are responsible for our own happiness, the moment we begin to seek it in the opposite sex, then we find ourselves hitting the rocks.


yeah you caught me.

1 Like

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by falconey(m): 5:55pm On Sep 11, 2015
MizMyColi:
But Falconry, I said in the beginning of the post, it's not an originalgrin

na wa you think say I read am? Immediately I sighted it was your thread, I thought there will be lots of jibby jabbers but surprisely as you said It wasn't originally yours, the post is short and simple.

Apparently the post is talking to your gender.
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 5:58pm On Sep 11, 2015
dunno abouh others buh there's more to learn from this. I've learnt something from this piece.


thanks ma'am @MizMycoli for sharing this wonderful piece.
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Cutehector(m): 6:05pm On Sep 11, 2015
misspicy:
Yes I totally agree mzmycoli...

[b]A wise man once said those who seek their happiness in a fellow being will one day get sorrow and at the end they go back to scratches...


Relationships should be about complementing each other,we should all seek for our happiness within ourselves not letting it depend on what others do or think about us...

That is why when a partner cheats or does things we never expects we feel disappponted and
heartbroken because we built out happiness on them and it was dashed

Most times I see threads on NL where guys are complaining about how a girl disappoints them n how they are on a revenge mission...it happens coz you put your happiness in that girl forgetting that she is only human and every human is prone to make mistakes that will hurt people around us.

It's in the Bible,

Jeremiah 17:5-7
NKJV. “Cursed is the man who trusts in
man and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart departs from the LORD. For
he shall be like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see when good comes, but
shall inhabit the parched places in the
wilderness, in a salt land which is not
inhabited. Blessed is the man who trusts
in the LORD, and whose hope is the
LORD."[/b]

Cutehector grin
thanks for d advice darling.
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Cutehector(m): 6:12pm On Sep 11, 2015
Kachisbarbie:
...but y'know say e dey obvious no be you write am, because I read it all in 2minutes... grin

I agree with your last statement. The happiness we share in a relationship is that which is within. If you aren't happy as a single, you are only gonna end up stressing your partner_emotionally.
true that... People just tend to heap their problems on their partners as if they r their lord and personal saviour... They tend to get freaked out and seek for peace elsewhere. I thank mizmycoli for sharing this epic piece. It will go a long way in reiterating the hearts of men and women alike.

1 Like

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by zicoraads: 7:28pm On Sep 11, 2015
Kachisbarbie:
...but y'know say e dey obvious no be you write am, because I read it all in 2minutes... grin

I agree with your last statement. The happiness we share in a relationship is that which is within. If you aren't happy as a single, you are only gonna end up stressing your partner_emotionally.
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by zicoraads: 7:34pm On Sep 11, 2015
The worst relationship is that which a partner relies on the other to be happy. It's emotionally tiring. To have him/her breathing down one's neck for happiness and satisfaction is something I detest so much. People who act that way need a psychiatrist.

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Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 10:18am On Sep 12, 2015
MizMyColi:
But Falconry, I said in the beginning of the post, it's not an originalgrin

Why didn't you mention me here? This is a delicious topic. Apologise NOW!
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by MizMyColi(f): 10:22am On Sep 12, 2015
dearpreye:


Why didn't you mention me here? This is a delicious topic. Apologise NOW!

Apologising now!!!cheesy

I saw your mention on the career thread.
I'm clueless as to what to sayembarassed
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 10:25am On Sep 12, 2015
MizMyColi:


Apologising now!!!cheesy

I saw your mention on the career thread.
I'm clueless as to what to sayembarassed

Never mind. You know the drill. Lemme gather my thoughts on this issue.
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 10:53am On Sep 12, 2015
This is indeed another great message. I'm learning a lot from many people these days. Thanks for all the meaningful comments.

Your relationship, just like your happiness, career, fulfilment, and other vital areas of your life, IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! Almost all the things you expect from outside are within YOU. This isn't philosophy. And this isn't motivational speaking. This is the whole truth. You're responsible for your joy and happiness. To allow others determine your happiness and joy is a disaster waiting to happen; and surely it will happen.

The greatest discovery I made these past years is that I'm TOTALLY responsible for MY life.

The mindset that others will complete us ( as if we're incomplete being ourselves) and will be responsible for our lives and happiness must be jettisoned ASAP if we must derive the best from our relationships. It took me many years to discover that, and since I discovered this and shared with my woman, it's being peace and more peace. Ignorance is confusion and turmoil!

Allowing others to determine our happiness is to relinquish our power and dominion to others, and setting up ourselves for pain and anguish.

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Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by danchuzzy(m): 1:42pm On Sep 12, 2015
Kachisbarbie:
...but y'know say e dey obvious no be you write am, because I read it all in 2minutes... grin

I agree with your last statement. The happiness we share in a relationship is that which is within. If you aren't happy as a single, you are only gonna end up stressing your partner_emotionally.

True... very true!!!
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by okotv(m): 3:31pm On Sep 12, 2015
Beautiful, happiness is a personal business.

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Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Mprex(f): 4:15pm On Sep 12, 2015
undecided
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by hahn(m): 4:16pm On Sep 12, 2015
Lovely write up.

The issue of happiness truly is a personal one. If you can't make yourself happy, no one can.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 4:30pm On Sep 12, 2015
When we go into a relationship with the mindset, it's a law that nature will only give us troubles, disappointment, frustration and pains.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Abimloaded(m): 10:32am On Sep 13, 2015
My gf told me boldly that m not caring and she hates it... I asked in what sense ? and she told me in all ramifications.
This is the same lady I call in the morning and at nights to ask how she is doing and sometimes her family.
her Education she knows that I made it my priority number one, we ain't residing in the same place anyway (its a distance relationship) which she knows we can't see often because we are always busy but I still find time for her. Now m left in dilemma cause I dunno how m not caring. Is there any other thing attached to caring for the ladies pls enlighten me as I wish to know...

cc

Ichel

LadyF

MizMyColi
Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by passionate88: 11:08am On Sep 13, 2015
wow

1 Like

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by Nobody: 7:54am On Sep 22, 2015
MizMyColi:
This is not an original from me. Though, if I were to write on the topic, my thoughts won't be any different. My very good friend wrote this and I recommend to all who seek enlightenment on these issues....who truly want to forge a better path and way forward.

Buckle your reading belts!
There's a lesson for everyonesmiley



SOURCE

cc: Obinoscopy Lalasticlala

you're always trying to better yourself...This is a fact..This is great...I can't wait to see what you will become

1 Like

Re: Putting An End To Dysfunctional Relationships by MizMyColi(f): 7:59am On Sep 22, 2015
Phinalphantasy:


you're always trying to better yourself...This is a fact..This is great...I can't wait to see what you will become

Thank you!

I think this is where most people miss it about me.
I am not ashamed to admit that I am not perfect.
But I want to be perfect.
I desire to be better.
I don't know how to be any less.

No matter how many times I get it wrong, I will not stop, I will keep trying.
For where there is a will, there is a way.

Imagine what our world would be if just about 10% adopt this mindset.
Better days aheadsmiley

As for what I'll become?
Well, Chiderah? Odego yagrin

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