I have quite some examples around me. Though this question goes both ways, It feels awkward when I hear about a wife who completed a personal house without her partner even knowing she owns a piece of land. You come across businesses owned by married women without the awareness of the spouses.

Whether it is right or wrong is not as important to me as the reasons that motivated such step.

Have you done this before? Do you know someone in this act? What do you think is your/their reason?

I'm waiting for inputs from everyone, especially our married folks. Thanks.

ultrazone:
I have quite some examples around me. Though this question goes both ways, It feels awkward when I hear about a wife who completed a personal house without her partner even knowing she owns a piece of land. You come across businesses owned by married women without the awareness of the spouses.

Whether it is right or wrong is not as important to me as the reasons that motivated such step.

Have you done this before? Do you know someone in this act? What do you think is your/their reason?

I'm waiting for inputs from everyone, especially our married folks. Thanks.

You are watching too much Nigerian movie. This situation you mention is very very rare.
If a couple is in a loving marriage, its difficult for such to occur.
Building a house in Nigeria is no piece of cake. You make lots of call, plenty sites visits, spend a lot of money... list goes on. A CARING husband will notice.

The only way a wife would do what you said is if the marriage is already in trouble.

.

There's a lot of distrust in the world today.A lot of men who had women start with them when they had nothing have been disappointed by the men even after building such men with their resources.
Some women because of the experience of their mothers or aunts have taken this position.I wonder however why any woman would marry a man she can't trust in the first place.If there's a reason to hide such projects from your hubby,it might be better to not be in the marriage in the first place.

*sitting back* watching in HD and Listening in high frequency.....











Let the defensive games begin

op how does the hearsay concern you and the other nlers who keep spamming the forum?

Marriage is a personal race and there are no set universal rules that works for all.

I guess one reason is to surprise their husband.

My mum once did that to my dad...She bought a piece of land without informing him

She then presented the documents to him as a surprise package.

I did d same too. Bought 2 plots of land and immediately I got d papers and allocation, I asked my hubby to escort me to somewhere...when we got to d land I showed him, gave him d documents (which was bought in his name and mine as next of kin). I then told him ' this land is ours'.

U need to see hw he fell on his knees holding me so tight in tears and thanking me.
since then, he transfers every income of his into my account after removing some he wants to spend.

Depends on d motive shaa.

Absolutely not!
If I quench, who go inherit am?
God?

raayah:



You are watching too much Nigerian movie. This situation you mention is very very rare.
If a couple is in a loving marriage, its difficult for such to occur.
Building a house in Nigeria is no piece of cake. You make lots of call, plenty sites visits, spend a lot of money... list goes on. A CARING husband will notice.

The only way a wife would do what you said is if the marriage is already in trouble.

Not as rare as u think, actually quite common.
Financial projects doesn't just mean lands/housing but every project needing major monetary commitment...and from that viewpoint, u find a lot of women do that.


@o.p, the ' Why' may be varied, but I guess it has to do a lot with the innate 'false' sense of responsibility towards family(hers) and friends, pride and insecurity....
As well as that Pressing Need to always have something a secret.

Don't know sha...but neither will our self righteous women come here to speak d truth.

#justsaying

dBard:


Not as rare as u think, actually quite common.
Financial projects doesn't just mean lands/housing but every project needing major monetary commitment...and from that viewpoint, u find a lot of women do that.


@o.p, the ' Why' may be varied, but I guess it has to do a lot with the innate 'false' sense of responsibility towards family(hers) and friends, pride and insecurity....
As well as that Pressing Need to always have something a secret.

Don't know sha...but neither will our self righteous women come here to speak d truth.

#justsaying

please give examples of major financial projects

For reasons best known to her. If its from their earnings, and doesn't endanger the livelihood of the family, what's the harm in it?

EnlightenedSoul:
For reasons best known to him/her. If its from their earnings, and doesn't endanger the livelihood of the family, what's the harm in it?

So you're saying it ok she hides her major financial projects from her partner? As long as it doesn't endanger the family? Hmmmm, such a joke.. why are they married then?

Op, such things happen in loveless marriages or marriages already in crisis. .. the op's topic Is totally different from surprising your partner with a car or land. ..
I'm all for total disclosure in marriage. ...

MarvellousGod:
So you're saying it ok she hides her major financial projects from her partner? As long as it doesn't endanger the family? Hmmmm, such a joke.. why are they married then?

Op, such things happen in loveless marriages or marriages already in crisis. .. the op's topic Is totally different from surprising your partner with a car or land. ..
I'm all for total disclosure in marriage. ...

@Bold: Same with joint accounts sef. Personally, I have never understood a wife/husband striving to build a house separately, buying lands or other huge investments alone.

However, people have different views towards marriage and as far as it is ok by them. There are some things you believe in that they see as wrong. We all can't be same.

@OP: Others have spoken... Distrust, husband's infidelity, insecurity, parents' examples, husband's example, planning to ditch the marriage, husband's poor spending habits, lack of commitment to the marriage etc. etc.

SUV:
I did d same too. Bought 2 plots of land and immediately I got d papers and allocation, I asked my hubby to escort me to somewhere...when we got to d land I showed him, gave him d documents (which was bought in his name and mine as next of kin). I then told him ' this land is ours'.

U need to see hw he fell on his knees holding me so tight in tears and thanking me.
since then, he transfers every income of his into my account after removing some he wants to spend.

Depends on d motive shaa.

You did well. Kudos

KanwuliaJara:
Absolutely not!
If I quench, who go inherit am?
God?

I wonder o.. lol

bukatyne:


@Bold: Same with joint accounts sef. Personally, I have never understood a wife/husband striving to build a house separately, buying lands or other huge investments alone.

However, people have different views towards marriage and as far as it is ok by them. There are some things you believe in that they see as wrong. We all can't be same.

@OP: Others have spoken... Distrust, husband's infidelity, insecurity, parents' examples, husband's example, planning to ditch the marriage, husband's poor spending habits, lack of commitment to the marriage etc. etc.

Yeah, people have different views.. na them sabi shaa..

MarvellousGod:
So you're saying it ok she hides her major financial projects from her partner? As long as it doesn't endanger the family? Hmmmm, such a joke.. why are they married then?

Op, such things happen in loveless marriages or marriages already in crisis. .. the op's topic Is totally different from surprising your partner with a car or land. ..
I'm all for total disclosure in marriage. ...

Please, they're married not chained together. It has nothing whatsoever to do with love. Whats wrong with having personal projects and endeavors as a married person? Must a couple always be up in each others' grill, and tell each other everything?

I respect your opinion, but it isn't the be all or end all. If your wonderful mother didn't sit you down and tell you this, it's actually something of a time-honored tradition, lol. Women from time immemorial have cached away what their men would've just as easily risked and/or squandered away. When men would take risks as they're prone to, and lose out as is the high probability of taking any 'good' risk (and the all too common theme), who do you think suffered the fallout? In whose best interests was it to have a 'backup plan', if you will? Not to say that 'private money' should serve merely as danger/emergency money - whatever the purpose or pleasure it serves, it served.

My mother was an accountant for a private firm and a planner (I get this from her), and I can tell you that we never knew, at any given time, what that brilliant, ethereal woman had up her blessed sleeve, only that it was visionary in nature and a blessing indeed. And that's how it should be, IMO.

In fact, if you've a noggin' up there at all and for some strange reason just haven't gotten around to starting your own private 'stash', I bid you stop reading and start investing. And I say that in all seriousness. Never depend totally on any given person. You don't know what tomorrow will bring. Be your own lifeline.

EnlightenedSoul:


Please, they're married not chained together. It has nothing whatsoever to do with love. Whats wrong with having personal projects and endeavors as a married person? Must a couple always be up in each others' grill, and tell each other everything?

I respect your opinion, but it isn't the be all or end all. If your wonderful mother didn't sit you down and tell you this, it's actually something of a time-honored tradition, lol. Women from time immemorial have cached away what their men would've just as easily risked and/or squandered away. When men would take risks as they're prone to, and lose out as is the high probability of taking any 'good' risk and a common theme, who do you think suffered the fallout? In whose best interests was it to have a 'backup plan', if you will? Not to say that the 'private money' should serve merely as danger/emergency money - whatever the purpose or pleasure it serves, it served. My mother was an accountant for a private firm and a planner (I get this from her), and I can tell you that we never knew at any given time what that brilliant, ethereal woman had up her blessed sleeve, only that it was visionary in nature and a blessing indeed. And that's how it should be.

In fact, if you've a noggin' up there at all and for some strange reason haven't gotten around to starting your own private money stash, I bid every last one of you reading this now to stop reading and start investing.

Having a personal project and keeping it away from your husband is d issue. .. Even if you have some personal projects, shouldn't your partner be aware?Esp when it's a major investment...
My opinion though cos I will feel so sad if my husband keeps such secrets from me.. shows some kinda distrust. ...

@bolded, parent-child relationship is different from spousal relationships. ..

Whatever works for you shaa

MarvellousGod:
Having a personal project is different from keeping it away from your husband. .. Even if you have some personal projects, shouldn't your partner be aware?
My opinion though cos I will feel so sad if my husband keeps such secrets from me.. shows some kinda distrust. ...

@bolded, parent-child relationship is different from spousal relationships. ..

Whatever works for you shaa

I feel like you're seeing negativity in neutrality. There is no hard or fast rule, really. Do you mean to say you tell your husband everything?

I said 'we'.

OK

raayah:

Raayah, the most beautiful lady on nairaland.

So what happened to the property or investments in question?

Se ori olori lo jogun e ni? ( did strangers inherit it)?

raayah:


please give examples of major financial projects

Funding someone's education behind the husband's back is an example

dBard:


Funding someone's education behind the husband's back is an example

Explain more, you did not give enough details.

Why is funding someone's education a bad thing? Whose education is being funded?

There was a thread here years ago opened by someone who said her boyfriend was using his wife's money to fund her ( the girlfriend's) education.

Is that the type of funding you are referring to?

tpiander:


Explain more, you did not give enough details.

Why is funding someone's education a bad thing?

There was a thread here years ago opened by someone who said her boyfriend was using his wife's money to fund her ( the girlfriend's) education.

Is that the type of funding you are referring to?

Nothing wrong with any.
The issue is,'Why behind dh's back'.

Its more of a moral issue.

dBard:


Nothing wrong with any.
The issue is,'Why behind dh's back'.

Its more of a moral issue.

Must everything be done in the husband's front?

That is the real moral issue.

Learn to pick your battles.

Somebody funding the education of an underpriviledged person ( not in the manner of the example I mentioned) should be commended, not insulted. And your opinion is subjective since its one sided and biased.

I'm sure if they ask now, what are your requirements for marriage, you'll bring a list saying physical appearance, curvy figure and sex. Nothing about her character or observing her judgment.

And the underlying story finally surfaces....

Could it be more pathetic?!

tpiander:


Must everything be done in the husband's front?

That is the real moral issue.

Learn to pick your battles.

Somebody funding the education of an underpriviledged person ( not in the manner of the example I mentioned) should be commended, not insulted. And your opinion is subjective since its one sided and biased.

I'm sure if they ask now, what are your requirements for marriage, you'll bring a list saying physical appearance, curvy figure and sex. Nothing about her character or observing her judgment.

My Wife, u slowpoke, is curvy and sexy but also of good character.
Don't 've time f narrow minded farts itching for an e-fight.

There are others t give u dat satisfaction.
Gunite, u r ignored.

dBard:


My husband, me slowpoke, is curvy and sexy and also of bad character.
Don't 've time f narrow minded farts like myself itching for an e-fight.

There are others t give me dat satisfaction.
I'm ignored.

I'm so sure you are gay, why am I wasting my time responding to your asinine behavior.

tpiander:



I'm so sure you are gay, why am I wasting my time responding to your asinine behavior.

Ridiculous and silly..
Ignored.

Here are some of my reasons, and I fully support it:

1. Nigerian women have, since time immemorial, exercised some financial independence, either by being traders, farmers, hairdressers, seamstresses, etc. they've always used this to supplement family income, and sometimes have been the sole breadwinner.

Which leads to
2. Women nowadays have multiple responsibilities to their own families, and sadly not too many Nigerian men are understanding enough to help. He thinks only of his responsibility to his original family.

3. Many men are also petty and jealous and can't stand the thought of a woman being financially independent.

4. If you tell the man, he might want to control it, siphons funds from it, or spend it on some reckless venture.

5. Some men can be selfish, and can belittle the woman every time she wants to spend money on herself, children, family, or just have fun. He doesn't mind buying beer and pepper soup, but if she wants to invest in some fine cloth (yes, cloth is a form of precious property), na wahala.

6. After using the lady up, some men wake up and decide they need a new partner. How is the woman supposed to fend for herself without putting money away for a rainy day?

So, for these reasons, I think it is extremely wise of a woman to squirrel away something, because, who knows tomorrow? Save small small, buy land, build house. Maybe that's where her family lives so they won't pay rent. Maybe she has tenants and uses that rent money to pay her siblings' fees... Would her husband have agreed to build a property for her family? Would husband agree to pay for her younger siblings' school fees? It's not every school year she wants to have another argument over how to pay for fees for their children, his siblings, and her siblings. I've heard of cases where a woman's income from her business was what she used to help feed their children after Baba Mulika drank or bet away the month's salary.

The Western view of marriage was traditionally extremely sexist, denying women rights to own property or financial independence. Conversely, the Nigerian view of marriage encouraged women to be independent. I think the trouble started when Nigerian men adopted the Western way of thinking, ignoring the fact that their grandmothers had been financially independent way before the country existed. They did so without understanding the ramifications of importing a foreign, misogynist way of thinking into an existing, enlightened, and mature culture.