In May 2008 i was travelling to see my boyfriend and i boarded the same bus wit his elder sister,and i sat wit a guy who along the line we got gisting thru the journey and when we got to our destination we exchanged numbers casually, the sister saw this,told her brother,we argued and later settled it,after 7months the sister travelled to the village and told members of the family and till is the problem o.wat do you people think abt this.the guy is saying he cant do anytin since the family is taking the matter seriously,they say i am not clean,abeg make una put mouth.

dats negligence on ur own part

u should have been careful since u knew ur in-law 2 be was around


am not surprised abt her reporting to family members, if i were her i'll do the same cus i wont appreciate my brother

marrying a loose slut

@ emilyone, is that why after 7months u still put that in mind,b4 that u still talk,if u trust the girl and u like her,u would have talked to her abt it.the truth is no problem, God sees the heart, i am clean, nobody is perfect, tomorrow i wont make such mistake again because i now have an understanding now.

This issue will remain a recurring decimal in your relationship with your boyfy and his extended family.

Major gbege if u ask me?

The thinking which I will also support is that if you can do that in the presence of your would be sister - in law what will you do behind closed doors, that is when no one is seeing you.

damn girl see wahala. sha if your boyfriend cant look pass it and stand up for you where his family is then na quater to go be that oh.

@ essentialB, this is a guy i tell everything happening to me, i dont hide anything from him and he stays far away from where i stay, he stays in a different state.guys around me etc,i took this guys number casually, for the fact that we were gisting all thru the journey, no strings attached, i dont even know the guys name.

...

chaircover:

Honestly speaking I would be quite concerned if my brothers girlfriend "casually" exchanged numbers with a stranger she met on a bus in my presence.

It could have been an innocent encounter with this guy but in future please do not exhibit this kind of behaviour in front of your in-laws.

There are ways of politely but firmly telling a man not to get too close.

By the way why were you gisting with this man and not your sister-in-law? For the sake of friendship with a stranger you have put a blot on the relationship with your boyfriend and in-lwas to be. It certainly wasnt worth it.

Gbam!!!

@chaircover, we were on the same seat, and she was two seat behind us, the truth is that nobody is above mistake, i realised my lessons knowing fully well that everyone will not see things the way you do, but wat i am concerned abt that after that seven month later it was brought up again(b4 then i do call her, visit and spend a nite in her house,like i will do to my elder sister)is it fair.

Choir master. lol

@poster

na wa 4 sef!!

Lost forever!

Why did you exchange phone numbers with this guy? If it was just for innocent purposes, like casual friendships, I'd say that you are very naive.

@Poster
What u did was wrong . . . . . .Plain n simple

Besides the fact that what she did was "wrong," does nobody also see a problem with her boyfriend basically not having a backbone? I'm sorry, that's my issue with the whole thing and most posts I see on here. Why can't the guy be confident and self aware? Why can't he talk to his family? Why is he letting his family basically control his actions? It's fine if he's mad that she did what she did, but that doesn't even seem to be the issue. It's only a problem because his family thinks it's an issue. Why can't people stand up for themselves? Why can't he stand up to his family? Many guys (and girls) let their families lead their lives and I'm sorry, as far as I'm concerned, people need to take control of their own freaking relationships!

you exchanged numbers with a guy in full view of your boyfriend's sister?

@poster

Although you did it without any strings attached , it only shows your true inner character even if you don't know yourself very well, you have no respect for your boyfriend and sister-in-law and the family are scrared of the worst happening when you join them.

There is nothing you can do in this situation so don't blame your boyfriend or his family but yourself, am sure you will do worst than they have if you where in their shoes

@ fs, i want to say a big thank you cos you are speaking real,if i was a bad girl then i would be stupid to collect the guys number even if he wasnt asking 4 a relation ship(the guy wasnt asking for anything though).Amongst all of you who want to tell me he or she is clean,that is doing wrong intensionally,that person shld first cast a stone, it is a mistake, i belive if they trust me,instead of thinking negatively, they would have thought possitively and called me to advise, i wouldnt conclude if i were the one,except i hate and dont trust the person involved.

...

Chaircover, nobody (including the poster) is saying what she did was not wrong. Ok, it was wrong, we're talking about moving forward. Yes, I take issue with the boyfriend, not because of what she did, that would be stupid, that's her own mistake. Obviously he has no fault with that. I'm talking about now. From what she posted, I got that he had forgiven her and moved on, right? She made a stupid mistake and he forgave her? That was my impression. After a few months, his family got involved. And I'm asking that if he has truly forgiven her, why can't he stand up to his family? If he hasn't, that's fine. He has the right to be annoyed. But if he indeed let it go and now it's being brought up, it is my opinion that he should stand up to his family. THat is what most people lack and that is why many people have issues in their relationships; because of all the external factors they let control their OWN relationship.

fs:

Chaircover, nobody (including the poster) is saying what she did was not wrong. Ok, it was wrong, we're talking about moving forward. Yes, I take issue with the boyfriend, not because of what she did, that would be stupid, that's her own mistake. Obviously he has no fault with that. I'm talking about now. From what she posted, I got that he had forgiven her and moved on, right? She made a stupid mistake and he forgave her? That was my impression. After a few months, his family got involved. And I'm asking that if he has truly forgiven her, why can't he stand up to his family? If he hasn't, that's fine. He has the right to be annoyed. But if he indeed let it go and now it's being brought up, it is my opinion that he should stand up to his family. THat is what most people lack and that is why many people have issues in their relationships; because of all the external factors they let control their OWN relationship.

That would be dandy if it is only his opinion that counts, and his family doesn't have a say in matter of whom he marries.
The family have just been informed, and have a right to express their concerns. For all we know, the family might feel the guy's judgment was clouded by his feelings for her. Also if the incidence is quite unlike her, she should have no problem explaining and apologizing to the family. The problem would arise if the family feel they now evidence to support earlier suspicions.
There is no lack of backbone in respecting and addressing the concerns of your family as per their future in-laws.

@poster
Why would you exchange numbers with someone you don't have any intention of contacting in the future. A lady giving out her number implies that she is receptive to further interaction with the guy in the future. I am sorry, while I accept your contriteness, I have doubts about you excuse of exchanging numbers with a guy 'casually'.

...

In May 2008 i was travelling to see my boyfriend and i boarded the same bus wit his elder sister,and i sat wit a guy who along the line we got gisting thru the journey and when we got to our destination[b] we exchanged numbers casually[/b], the sister saw this,told her brother,we argued and later settled it,after 7months the sister travelled to the village and told members of the family and till is the problem o.wat do you people think abt this.the guy is saying he cant do anytin since the family is taking the matter seriously,they say i am not clean,abeg make una put mouth.

Would you have exchanged it passionately? 

Chaircover, thanks for getting what I was trying to say. You're right that in some families people don't choose their spouse independently. I guess I often forget that, as I and my husband indeed chose each other independent of our familes. I get what you're saying about people being "blindly" in love so it's good when someone (family or friends) provide a voice of reason. That's very true. The poster and her boyfriend should indeed have explained the situation to his sister, I personally don't think she had to go tell family. If this is just one stupid mistake, I actually think it might be going overboard, but whatever. Lesson learned. If the sister already had bad feelings about the poster, that's another thing. I'm reading this as one isolated incident.

Well the truth is that i am ready to let go of the relationship and redeem myself back, i dont care want anyone thinks,if u truly love sumboby, u will want to create a room for for change atleast once, i have never offended anyone of them b4,they have always said they liked me, so i guess if i do sumtin wrong, they shld have called me and told me or talked abt it earlier and i would have forgotten everything by now(whether they want me or not), not starting the new year wit this, but no problem i have heard all u guys have said thanks alot, i have told the guy that we should let go and just be friends but he is not ready to say it is over.and u cant even move forward b4 they will say after 4-5months of not relating, she is seeing sumone else.

@ biina, you dont have to trust me, i know myself.thank you

ladydibia:

Well the truth is that i am ready to let go of the relationship and redeem myself back, i dont care want anyone thinks,if u truly love sumboby, u will want to create a room for for change atleast once, i have never offended anyone of them b4,they have always said they liked me, so i guess if i do sumtin wrong, they shld have called me and told me or talked abt it earlier and i would have forgotten everything by now(whether they want me or not), not starting the new year wit this, but no problem i have heard all u guys have said thanks alot, i[b] have told the guy that we should let go and just be friends but he is not ready to say it is over[/b].and u cant even move forward b4 they will say after 4-5months of not relating, she is seeing sumone else.

@ biina, you dont have to trust me, i know myself.thank you

See, that's what I'm saying. The guy doesn't want it to be over and then he lets his family butt in and treat you like crap. Please, move on. If he really really wants to continue the relationship, he should know how to talk to his family.

this is a very sad situation. meeting new people while you are in a relationship is very possible and no rule says that once you start dating, you should stop making friends!. I am a liberal person and don't think you commited a sacrilage here. Maybe for eye sight, you shouldn't not have exchanged your number with the guy becuase of the sister becuase you may looks untrustworthy. I beleive however that you took the number innocently but many people may misread and interprete it wrong!.