First thing first, I just found out last week that a twenty-three year old can go into menopause .  If your intention is to curse me without answering the question, PLEASE (I am begging) do not respond.  Thanks in advance.

Right now, I am feeling hurt and guilty inside because I feel I am hurting a family member.  Ok, here is the situation:

My second cousin cannot have babies (b/c of some menopause issue) but can carry them   My mum and other family members are asking me to give my cousin and her husband an egg.  Something about me and blah blah blah, and then my cousin is going to carry the baby.

So basically, my cousin is going to give birth to MY baby but they are telling me "technically" it can be hers, as if I am stupid".  The truth is - I don't have a baby so why should I let someone else have my baby first.  And when God bless me with a husband and we have kids, how do I explain to him that I "technically" have a kid outside. oh yea, I forgot, if I give my egg, I am not supposed  to let the baby know that I am the mother. . . . .errrr now that's messed-up.  Plus the procedure to this egg giving sounds very scary

I am very close to my cousin and I love her very much but I soo confused. Question:
am I being selfish (if I don't give my cousin my egg) knowing i still will be able to have kids ?

*_{There is a reason why I am asking you to put aside the cursing, at least just for this thread.}  

Thanks in advance

Hell NO!!

Adoption is their answer!!

I can give my cousin my egg, but they must sign a paper in front of a lawyer . . . one copy for moi, one for them and the last copy for the court i will keep my copy for my future hussy . . . just a to prove that i only assisted them.

follow your heart Epi.

if she doesn't want to adopt, she can go for anonymous egg donation (which is also screened)

i would advise you to only donate if and only if you wholeheartedly agree to do so.

there is more to egg donation than removing the egg from the ovaries. there is physical, psychological, and emotional  attachment to it. and not everyone can handle it.

Don't let your family make this choice for you. Only do it if YOU want to do it and don't make the decision in a rush.

Be Wise in your decision and make one you wouldn't later regret

Personally, I wouldn't do for the simple reason that i cant be comfortable with it and cant through the process involved ( the drugs, and test etc.)

I would advise you not to. Do you think you will be able to walk past the child years down the road without wincing that he or she is actually your biological child? Would you not spill the beans to them of this family secret? Stand up and tell your family members, "No."

Naa I wouldn't do it. Not ready for any emotional torment.

I am happy that most respondents have spoken my mind. I do not subscribe to you giving out your egg to her. Too close for comfort. Note that giving out an egg is far different from giving out a kidney or other organ or part. Advice them to go for an annonimous donor to save every stakeholder the psychological trauma associated with it.

Well, I live the final decision to you.

The dis advantages far outweigh the advantages. Refuse, if you can help her find an anonimous donor, fine.

i wouldnt, i guess am too emotional for that. I will always see the child as mine.

sparta:

i wouldnt, i guess am too emotional for that. I will always see the child as mine.

I concur.

Don't do it.

as someone said early, you need some legal protection

put yourself in your cousin's shoes

i have friends who have been trying to have children for years

In as much as this issue is controversial its also extremely sensitive!!

I'll advice that u weigh the pros, and cons well, before u make any final decisions, its a long term commitment,

especially cos of the emotional bond u'll have wid the child!!

Good luck to u both!!

oyb:

put yourself in your cousin's shoes

i have friends who have been trying to have children for years

the key is putting yourself in her shoes & doing what you would have wanted her to do for you

i guess the reason they are asking you is cos they want to maintaining the family bloodline

besides i'll rather have an egg from an family member than an outside cos atleast your sure of the family history & knows what to expect in terms of diseases & what not. a clear case of the devil you being better than the angel you dont know

I will also say its better she adopts, grl you are close now but stuffs happens. What if you fall out with your cousin later? Life has no guarantees.

Why does it have to be yours. I don't see how that is a good idea and I see this for all the reasons you gave. It will even get worse once you start having yours. You will always see that child and wonder if you would have raised him/her differently. Why can't she just get an egg from someone else outside of the family? If you are going to do it just make sure it is because you are 100% okay with it not because you were pressured. These sort of decisions are the kind that people might end up regretting for a lifetime

I share yur concerns. But, ehmmmm,

I'd say give her, watever would be will be.

Personally i will not do it, Regardless of being able to donate.

I want to believe that when the egg is put in her, her husband will fertilise it, yea?

So logically, the baby will have your genes and her husbands genes. This is gross.

I think, it's way too emotional, also there will be some sort of connection with the child.

Somebody was saying what if you were in their shoes, and that he has friends that have been trying for

child for years. Whatever happened to adopting? I know there is nothing like having the child from your

loins and all. But i think adopting may still bring blessings and all. I heard about a couple that did not

have children and they opted to adopt and years after they had theirs, how about that. I know its hard,

but why involve other people to make the whole thing more complex than it already is.

epi:

First thing first, I just found out last week that a twenty-three year old can go into menopause .  If your intention is to curse me without answering the question, PLEASE (I am begging) do not respond.  Thanks in advance.

Right now, I am feeling hurt and guilty inside because I feel I am hurting a family member.  Ok, here is the situation:

My second cousin cannot have babies (b/c of some menopause issue) but can carry them   My mum and other family members are asking me to give my cousin and her husband an egg.  Something about me and blah blah blah, and then my cousin is going to carry the baby.

So basically, my cousin is going to give birth to MY baby but they are telling me "technically" it can be hers, as if I am stupid".  The truth is - I don't have a baby so why should I let someone else have my baby first.  And when God bless me with a husband and we have kids, how do I explain to him that I "technically" have a kid outside. oh yea, I forgot, if I give my egg, I am not supposed  to let the baby know that I am the mother. . . . .errrr now that's messed-up.  Plus the procedure to this egg giving sounds very scary

I am very close to my cousin and I love her very much but I soo confused. Question:
am I being selfish (if I don't give my cousin my egg) knowing i still will be able to have kids ?

*_{There is a reason why I am asking you to put aside the cursing, at least just for this thread.}  

Thanks in advance

simple question. if you were in her position would you have asked her and expected her to help you?

dont feel pressured or guilty to give. you may donate and it doesn't produce a child.

make sure you tell them your desison early so they start exploring other avenues. God help her at 23 she is already facing issues like this i pray God help her and make her stronger through this.

what causes early menopause?

Oxone:

the key is putting yourself in her shoes & doing what you would have wanted her to do for you
i guess the reason they are asking you is cos they want to maintaining the family bloodline

Oxone:

besides i'll rather have an egg from an family member than an outside cos atleast your sure of the family history & knows what to expect in terms of diseases & what not. a clear case of the devil you being better than the angel you dont know

Hmm, You spit the EXACT words from my family's mouth.  Are you a family member under disquise?  or you can "S.A.W" 

@others

thanks for the input.  later on I'll expalin the procedure from beginning to end as I took notes.  No I am not going to do it,  . . .b/c of the procedure

epi:



later on I'll expalin the procedure from beginning to end as I took notes. No I am not going to do it, . . .b/c of the procedure

yea, the procedure is a vigorously one that's just one of the many fallback of it

Your decision is already made. Nothing else to say.

@Poster

Lemme recommend a book for u to read
so dat u understand d possible implications of wat u are abt to do

SHOCK 'AUTHOR' ROBIN COOK

epi:

Hmm, You spit the EXACT words from my family's mouth.  Are you a family member under disquise?  or you can "S.A.W" 

@others

thanks for the input.  later on I'll expalin the procedure from beginning to end as I took notes.  No I am not going to do it,  . . .b/c of the procedure

nope am no family member but the decision is yours alone. wish you luck with whatever you decide aight?

Don't even try it. They should wait upon God there is nothing He cannot do, or better still they can go for adoption.

tough

Yes, I would because I am close with her and can only imagine her ordeal. (wouldn't really look at the baby as mine since she's carrying and it's going to be hers anyway-she is not doing surrogacy)

No, because, in your circumstances, you haven't had any kids of your own yet, and how do you know that egg is not the only one that will ever give you a child? and the only child?

I like details so pls don't be offended if I ask some questions.

Is there any family history of early menopause? Did she have surgical procedures? Any disease? Her mother's health condition when pregnant with ur cousin?

There are so many things that can cause early MP.

Anyway, if I were in ur shoes there'll be a higher chance of me donating than not. I mean, ur cousin is more or less ur sister. It's a tough one though but you should give it a serious thought and make sure the decision is urs and not influenced by pressure.

Another question: She wants only one child? Or are you supposed to donate as many eggs as she wants? Now, that might get really complicated emotionally.

God's wisdom girl.