narrator
derek kolstad has a ground breaking,fresh idea for a movie that will revolutionize the american movie industry
derek kolstad
hi guys remember me? the dude that wrote movies like scarface and body of liesthe package and one in the chamber, well i have a ground breaking, fresh idea for a movie that will revolutionize the american movie industry
eva longoria
Ok before a movie can be considered amazing you have to possess a smashing, storyline,screen play,cast,theme,direction and cinematography now blow me away
derek kolstad
How's this for mind blowing? The story is about a [s]chemistry teacher who transforms into the meth kingpin of new mexico amidst the mexican cartel and other deadly rivals[/s] a retired hitman who goes on a revenge mission against his former employer entitled john wick
The script is going to be written,proof written,edited and revised by non other than william monaghan me because #TeamAlaroro
As for themes and scores that will be handled by Marc Streitenfeld tyler bates yea that's right the dude that did halloween's depressing tunes
Cinematography shall be handled by roger deakinsjonathan sela and directing goes to martin campbell virgin director chad stahelski
Then about casting, jason statham keanu reeves is the good guy while ray liotamicheal nyqvist will play bad guy so what do you think?
eva longoria
i like it
narrator
keanu reeves is a handsome,fashionable, glamorous ex-hitman and affectionate husband with a kickass pad,kickass car who is happily married and totally does not suffer from PTSD or have yakuza gangsters declaring Fukushū on his a*ss
keanu reeves
yea i'm living the dream man i'm married to a hot mute for a wife
bridget moynahan
But i'm not a mute
keanu reeves
really?! but you've hardly said sh*t
bridget moynahan
yea someone thought it was a good idea to make my character as irrelevant as possible even though the reverse is the case
(Dies)
keanu reeves
You're dying now? Why?
bridget moynahan
Duh! i'm terminally ill
keanu reeves
Ok do the audience at least get details of the disease that killed my wife?
bridget moynahan
Nope
keanu reeves
This is so weird how are they supposed to connect with me when i don't even as much as mention my wifes name the entire movie? Perhaps they shouldn't have put her there in the first place, maybe the movie should have opened with me caressing her picture or standing over her grave that would have made more sense
narrator
at her funeral keanu reeves acts like he had a bad lunch rather than someone who just lost the love of his life, he bumps into willem his old buddy from the assassin days
willem dafoe
Hello keanu
keanu reeves
Oh awesome some action
willem dafoe
Actually i'm your friend/mentor in the assassin industry
keanu reeves
Really? So you're totally not distracting me so you can try to impale me with your glider?
willem dafoe
Ugh! *rolling eyes* listen i'm also retired too okay i just came to pay my last respects to your mom
keanu reeves
Actually it was my aunty
derek kolstad
it's your wife bridget monahan remember?
keanu reeves
Not my fault if she was actually in more than two scenes perhaps i would remember, for crying out loud we didn't even kiss she could totally count as my sister at this rate
willem dafoe
Whatever i care about you so much that i shall leave you alone to mourn your wife you know, the way good friends do
bridget monahan
Oh before i forget i totally just willed a puppy to you
keanu reeves
When did you do that? We've been married for 5 years and perhaps dated for even more so how come your "puppy" hasn't aged all this time?
bridget monahan
You're overthinking this honey anyway i got you a puppy to help you get over my death (because therapists don't exist in this movie)
keanu reeves
You sent me a puppy to get over you? Is this a hidden message that i become a vet?
bridget monahan
No
keanu reeves
So it's some dumb therapeutic bullsh*t you got from watching alot of Dr phil?
bridget monahan
What? No
keanu reeves
Wait a minute is this because i called you a b*tch that one time c'mon i apologized
bridget monahan
ugh! It's a plot device alright?
keanu reeves
Oh no have i been tricked into some kiddy flick like vin diesel in the pacifier?
How did i not see this coming?
bridget monahan
*scowls*
puppy
Hey i'm a cute little beagle pup named daisy, i'm self-toilet trained, i totally don't howl and bother you at night and i eat whatever sh*t you gimme i'm the perfect companion
keanu reeves
Awwww! Let's be friends you can totally replace my wife
narrator
keanu reeves is at a gas station when Alfie Allen
pulls up with his entourage
Alfie Allen
(In cheesy russian accent) hey guys i'm the most happy russian on earth and i'm also the reckless son of a russian gangster Michael Nyqvist

Boyd Holbrook
Hmmm that sounds familiar in a run all night kind of way
audience
Ugh! Russian gangsters again?what's the deal man? Taken 3 russian gangsters, equalizer russian gangsters
Jeez why don't you try shifting to irish mobsters or chinese triad gangs? Communism is no longer a threat so take it easy with sh*tting on russia
Alfie Allen
Hey keanu i love your ride
keanu reeves
Whatever
Alfie Allen
Sell it to me?
keanu reeves
No
Alfie Allen
Grrrrr! You're f*cked i'm also a hot head you are so dead
keanu reeves
Hmmn i just offended the son of the dude i used to work for perhaps i should give him a call and report his son...........nah! Everything is okay
puppy
Yea and your house is totally buffed with booby traps for intruders
keanu reeves
No of course not
puppy
Ok you have a gun in case of home invasions?
keanu reeves
I totally buried my guns under the house in case i had to revenge a friend or something
puppy
Why didn't you just dump it in the trash like a normal person? anyway i bet you are a bada*ss ninja who hasn't forgotten his tricks
Alfie Allen
privyet motherf*cker(whacks the puppy and keanu's nuts with a baseball bat)

keanu reeves
Ouch a whack in the nuts that's my kryptonite sorry pup but you are on your own
narrator
Alfie Allen unveils his face
puppy
You? But i thought your bodyguard reprimanded you and told us to have a nice drive home, how do you even know where we live? If you were tailing us how did keanu not notice? (Dies)
Alfie Allen
Now that i've shown you my face i shall [s]kill you and get rid of all the evidence of my home invasion[/s] steal your car and leave the lasting image of my face in your memory you know just incase you call the police or seek retribution against me Do svidaniya
(drives off)
keanu reeves
Phew! So i guess this is still an action movie

To be continued......

Oh lawd! Please continue. Write one for 'Gone Girl' and 'Mad Max'

Oh lawd!

Enoquin:
Oh lawd! Please continue. Write one for 'Gone Girl' and 'Mad Max'

Oh lawd!

Hehehe actually i did gone girl too i was so mad when i saw it, they just ruined rosamund pike for me

severee:


Hehehe actually i did gone girl too i was so mad when i saw it, they just ruined rosamund pike for me

Link for that of gone girl I think the ending was befitting though...and continue this please.

severee:


Hehehe actually i did gone girl too i was so mad when i saw it, they just ruined rosamund pike for me

Dude you are epic. I have gone girl and it has rave reviews though I haven't seen it.


Pls leave my mad max alone.


High octane shit. It didn't care about the plot hole but I loved it.

Enoquin:


Link for that of gone girl I think the ending was befitting though...and continue this please.

https://www.nairaland.com/1994100/swing-miss-gone-girl
here you go , i didn't like the ending of gone girl, her motive was too shallow and her plan had a few loose ends like she didn't delete the footage from the surveillance camera which could show she wasn't kidnapped in the first place, the people who robbed her can always call her out and if they ran clinical tests on her when she returned home they would have known she wasn't pregnant as she claimed couldn't they even see that the urine sample belonged to her neighbour?

armadeo:

Dude you are epic. I have gone girl and it has
rave reviews though I haven't seen it.
Pls leave my mad max alone.
High octane poo. It didn't care about the plot
hole but I loved it.

i'll check out the mad max later for old times sake and #FriendlyAdvice no dey follow review, many times reviews has led me into confirm bush see john wick it's 85% on rotten tomatoes can you imagine? I no dey follow reviews for my life again

severee:


https://www.nairaland.com/1994100/swing-miss-gone-girl
here you go , i didn't like the ending of gone girl, her motive was too shallow and her plan had a few loose ends like she didn't delete the footage from the surveillance camera which could show she wasn't kidnapped in the first place, the people who robbed her can always call her out and if they ran clinical tests on her when she returned home they would have known she wasn't pregnant as she claimed couldn't they even see that the urine sample belonged to her neighbour?

Thanks. When I meant the end, I meant they forced to stay together. Ben Afleck's character was awful and I didn't relate with his character even when I knew he was innocent.
As for the plot, leave hollywood. They are running out of good ideas, stories and scripts. Make them come, make I give them some. Most of their movies are filled with too many holes.
As for reviews, I just check imdb mainly for trivias, goofs and stuffs like that AFTER I have watched the movie and formed my own opinion.

Yes and please do one for 'Into the woods'

Enoquin:


Thanks. When I meant the end, I meant they forced to stay together. Ben Afleck's character was awful and I didn't relate with his character even when I knew he was innocent.
As for the plot, leave hollywood. They are running out of good ideas, stories and scripts. Make them come, make I give them some. Most of their movies are filled with too many holes.
As for reviews, I just check imdb mainly for trivias, goofs and stuffs like that AFTER I have watched the movie and formed my own opinion.

Yes and please do one for 'Into the woods'

Ah man i felt sorry for ben affleck at the end just imagine living with a crazy person well on the bright side his bar will be getting business now which will slice his financial problems in half

Gone are the days when hollywood movies disappoint me, i don get special skill, now na from advert i go know as the whole film go be

Into the woods is that red riding hood?

severee:


Ah man i felt sorry for ben affleck at the end just imagine living with a crazy person well on the bright side his bar will be getting business now which will slice his financial problems in half

Gone are the days when hollywood movies disappoint me, i don get special skill, now na from advert i go know as the whole film go be

Into the woods is that red riding hood?

Sorry for Ben Affleck? No way, he annoyed me from the beginning. That was a befitting end to the annoying character...one dimensional man.

Into the woods tried to do what the 'Once Upon a Time' series did by incorporating and trying to tie in different fairy tale characters (Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, Razenpu something something, Jack and the beanstalk)...it is a musical with forgettable and annoying songs definitely not like Les Miserables(on an adult scale) or Ella Enchanted (for kiddies). And to think that it is filled with stars!

You did well. I watch movies to fill happy but when I begin to think about it, it makes me sadder.
John wick is cool sha but the plot holes are thought provoking.

Csami:
You did well. I watch movies to fill happy but when I begin to think about it, it makes me sadder.
John wick is cool sha but the plot holes are thought provoking.

The movie would have worked better if it was a comedy, john wick's motive for revenge, the hotel, the police the syndicate all seemed too comical for an action thriller

enoquin:

Into the woods tried to do what the 'Once Upon
a Time' series did by incorporating and trying to
tie in different fairy tale characters (Red Riding
Hood, Cinderella, Razenpu something
something, Jack and the beanstalk)...it is a
musical with forgettable and annoying songs
definitely not like Les Miserables(on an adult
scale) or Ella Enchanted (for kiddies). And to
think that it is filled with stars!

Musical? Thanks for the heads up i shall avoid at all cost

HE'S BACK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! HE'S BACK!!!
Lol. Dude leave John Wick 4 us abeg... D film is awesome

shockwave91:
HE'S BACK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! HE'S BACK!!!

Lol. Dude leave John Wick 4 us abeg... D film is awesome

Oh thank you very much for the intro

Abeg John "weak" na joke go watch crying freeman it's way better

narrator
next Alfie Allen takes keanu's car to the only chop shop in all of new york for new number plates and registration cause that's all you need to escape car theft,aggrevated assault and Home invasion charges
john leguizamo
Uh where did you get this car? i know this car it was specially made for one guy holy sh*t (smacks Alfie Allen) get outta my chop shop
Alfie Allen
ouch! all you had to do was ask me to leave. hmmm this is a real reason to whack someone but i will pass i've filled my batsh*t crazy quota for the day
narrator
meanwhile keanu reeves is busy [s]calling the cops to report a home invasion/car jacking[/s] taking a nap, burying his dog, having breakfast while catching up on some soaps, then he totally puts on a shirt stained with blood and takes a bus to see john leguizamo
[b]john leguizamo
Yea that's right some russian gringo brought your ride and i was like ese i ain't touching that cause it belongs to my amigo keanu and so go f*ck yourself
keanu reeves
O_o and it didn't occur to you that you could perhaps offer to safe keep it at the shop for a day or two and call me to clarify why a russian dude has my car?
john leguizamo
Oops i guessed that may have worked too
keanu reeves
So who is he
john leguizamo
Well his father is a russian gangster you used to work with its a suprise you don't know his son i mean you just quit the game 5years ago the least he could have been then was 25
keanu reeves
How do you know this exactly?
john leguizamo
Cause his dad called me and i told him the car belonged to you and you are likely gonna go rambo on their a*sses for stealing it
keanu reeves
ugh! You totally ratted me out? What da? Now they are gonna want me dead for sure you know you are a real a*ss hole(walks away)
narrator
Alfie Allen meets with his gangster russian father micheal nyqvist at home
micheal nyqvist
Hey everyone, i'm russian in this movie that's why i'm drinking a lot of alchohol and have santa claus like beards cause that's what a stereotypical russian looks like and here comes my son also with beards and a leather jacket because that's what russians look like, you know instead of all these racial stereotypes why didn't you just get real russian actors? anyway Did you just steal keanus car?
Alfie Allen
Yep, you want a ride?
micheal nyqvist
(Kicks son's a*ss) was there any reason you couldn't just buy the car from a dealership? i'm sure there are tons of them around you didn't have to steal baba yaga's car
Alfie Allen
O_o i stole the boogie man's car? Are smoking it or taking it in the arm?
micheal nyqvist
Shut up man that guy used to work for me, 5 years ago he got snatched by some girl and wanted to leave so i gave him his final assignment which was to whack all my competitors in one day and he did it under an hour......... hey that would have been a better storyline you know?
dean winters
Wait a minute so you had such a dangerous acquaintance and you decided to keep him alive? Why didn't you just kill him or teach your bodyguards keanu's skills incase he went batsh*t crazy and attacked you?
Alfie Allen
Oh sh*t! nice story dad if you excuse me i'm gonna go get laid in a public club
micheal nyqvist
Alright son have fun, ok so keanu reeves has totally declined from talking about this, i guess i have no choice than to send my kid outta the country for his safety a team of long ranged snipershitmen armed withassault rifles and bazookas handguns to keanus home so he can wipe his a*ss with them
narrator
meanwhile keanu takes a long shower and puts on his tailor made suit which he broke out of the ground with his guns and his past, because he needs to look good for his guests
keanu reeves
*deep breaths* it's showtime(kills everyone in a minute) that's it? so i'm the best hitman because i steal chow yun fat's gun boxing moves?
police officer
Knock knock
keanu reeves
Oh i bet you're the cop that almost put me away when i was still a hitman and now you are back with a vegeance
police officer
Actually i'm not, the neighbours just want you to keep the noise down, have fun killing people (walks away)
keanu reeves
O_o ok! Er i guess i have to clean this up then (picks up phone) hey i'll like an extra large pizza with russian pepperoni and 6 slices, anchovies not necessary
narrator
some removal dudes show up
David Patrick Kelly
In our line of business we talk in codes( even though a police man just saw keanu blatantly murder someone and didn't give a sh*t) , nice to see you again keanu you were our favourite customer because apparently hitmen now care about their victims having funerals
keanu reeves
Thank you for your services i shall now pay you in chocolate coins, apparently in the underworld we get paid in chocolate coins and don't bother asking what it's exchange rate is on the money market or how we survive on chocolate coins just go with it.....hmmm i can't work from here i have to camp at a hotel till my vegeance is over
narrator
keanu heads unto a hotel far away
Lance Reddick
Welcome to ubiytsa continental , i'm your concierge who has an african accent for no reason, do you have a reservation?
keanu reeves
Yes my usual suite please
Lance Reddick
Ok my friend so lemme once again explain the rules, no killing of assassins within ubiytsa premises
keanu reeves
Wait so the residents here are all assassins?
Lance Reddick
Yea it's like a boarding school for skilled assassins
james mcavoy
Hmmm that sounds familiar in a wanted kind of way
keanu reeves
So what happens if i almost kill someone in the hotel do i get penalized for that?what if i drag a resident outside the premises and kill them there do i go scot free? What if i find a vantage point close to the building and kill some one with a long range rifle........
Lance Reddick
that will be 2 chocolate coins thank you
keanu reeves
Hmmm i see you accept those too
red head chick
Hi keanu long time no see
keanu reeves
i can see you giving me f*ck me eyes this could either mean we are gonna play some extreme pelvic hockey or you are gonna try to kill me later
Adrianne Palicki
You deduced all that from
Hi keanu long time no see?
narrator
keanu meets ian mcshane propietor of ubiytsa continental and head of the assassins union newyork chapter
Keanu reeves
How can i find alfie allen?
ian mcshane
I can neither deny nor say for sure that i know nor ignore the location or disappearance of your target who may or may not be the son of ...........
keanu reeves
damn! Can you find him or not?
ian mcshane
Go have a drink at the bar
keanu reeves
thanks i happen to be thirsty
bartender
Hey keanu it's been ages you want the usual
keanu reeves
Yea a bloody mary not too thick with a slice of lime and crushed ice, so how much do i owe you adjusting for inflation and sh*t
bartender
Nah don't worry about it your chocolate coins are no good here seriously we take normal money here
narrator
keanu finds a note under his glass with alfie allen's location then keanu heads out to go prepare
micheal nyqvist
Hmmmm keanu sure relies alot on information maybe i should have bought ian mcshane's loyalty and asked him not to say sh*t to keanu, anyway time to sing a russian kindergaten rhyme(does so)
narrator
[s]keanu heads over to the club in stealth kills alfie allen in stealth and works away with his awesome stealthiness[/s] keanu begins murdering people who had nothing to do with his dog's death then he hesitates when he gets to alfie allen, Who then escapes and has keanu reeves chase him into the dancefloor of the club , keanu then opens fire killing more innocent people before keanu gets his a*ss kicked by Daniel
Bernhardt so keanu returns to his hotel to go cry
keanu reeves
Wow this is how i operate? It's a miracle that i'm not dead yet.Hey lance reddick send me my usual doctor to my room i just got f*cked up

To be continued........

Op God will bless you, this is awesome That movie was so awful

severee:

Oh thank you very much for the intro
Abeg John "weak" na joke go watch crying freeman it's way better

who's in that movie? Never heard of it...

shockwave91:


who's in that movie? Never heard of it...

It's all these asian gun-boxing assassin movies from 1995 back when gun-boxing assassin idea was awesome

severee:


It's all these asian gun-boxing assassin movies from 1995 back when gun-boxing assassin idea was awesome

LOL. Na wah 4 dis recommendation o. I'll put it on the list.

lance reddick
Ok so would you like some painkillers?
keanu reeves
Nah! i'll rather drink myself to a stupor Like the professional that i'm..........look i would have loved to pay but unfortunately my chocolate coin flipping hand is bursted so put it on my tab(heads upstairs)
alfie allen
Dad dad dad i was almost killed by your boogie man assassin oh God he's such a bada*ss(sh*ts his pants)
micheal nyqvist
he what? Time to feel the wrath of a russian gangster quick[s]put keanu in trouble with rival gangs so they can kill him[/s] pay willem dafoe to kill keanu reeves
dean winters
Really? Aren't those guys like super close? I mean they are like two balls in a nut sack
micheal nyqvist
Fine for assurance we shall put out contracts to keanu's other friends at ubiystan continental
dean winters
*face palms*
narrator
keanu reeves is recuperating in his hotel room,willem plays guardian angel over keanu by monitoring keanu who is in a hotel filled with assassins from a vantage point
willem dafoe
Hey what's this? Andrianne is gonna kill keanu i mustshoot her so she doesn't get to keanu shoot the glass to warn keanu i just hope he is not a heavy sleeper(shoots glass)
keanu reeves
*snaps* what da good f*ck?
adrianne palicki
hi i caught wind of the bounty on your head so instead of tossing a grenade into your room or walking in with a fire arm i've decided to suffocate you with a pillow
keanu reeves
May i ask how exactly were you going to claim the bounty? I could have been killed by anyone how were you going to prove that you did it
andrianne palicki
Just shut up and fight
narrator
keanu kicks the red dawn out of andrianne palicki
keanu reeves
Hey my arm is all better who would have thought? on second thought, micheal nyqvist put a bounty on my head? oh its on now hey andrianne where does micheal nyqvist keep all his money?
andrianne palicki
Ha you expect a hardass assassin chick like me to spi.....(Flips through script) oh er he keeps all of his cash in a church
keanu reeves
he he Nice try seriously where does he keep his money? in a church is that supposed to be a joke? Hasn't he heard of a thing called diversification Or a savings account? So you mean he has a mountain of cash and chocolate coins chilling in a f*cking church?
anyway hey clarke peteres my next door assassin. Could you help me watch her till "house keeping come" *devil smile*
clarke peters
*devil smile* yes house keeping......... Wait that's supposed to mean something right? Ok is this a live action movie? i don't understand why y'all keep tossing around characters and concepts and codenames like we are all supposed to understand all that under 90minutes

andrianne palicki
Well i guess you're never gonna fight out(murders clarke peters and house keeping is never revealed)
narrator
next keanu[s]stealthily infiltrates the church, destroys the pile of cash and chocolate coins stealthily and walks away in awesome stealthiness[/s] bursts into a catholic church and murders everyone without asking questions
keanu reeves
Wait a minute is this corpus christi savings and loans?
injured priest
Er yea
keanu reeves
Phew! For a second back there i thought i just murdered innocent catholics now lead me to the vault
narrator
they get to the vault
keanu reeves
When micheal nyquist shows up give him a message for me( sets stacks of money on fire cause apparently he has nothing epic to say)
dean winter
Er micheal keanu just burnt all your cash and chocolate coins you didn't put all your cash in one place did you?
micheal nvquist
hmmmn this could be a trap to lure me in the open but on second thought.............keanu set fire to all me money
eugene crabs from spongebob
Hmmmmn that's sounds familiar in a spongebob kind of way
narrator
micheal and his goons shows up at the church and he murders the priest in broad daylight
keanu reeves
this is actually a trap to lure micheal out in the open[s]stealthily snatches micheal for interrogation and leaves the scene in awesome stealthiness[/s] rushes head first and starts murdering everyone
micheal nyqvist
oh sh*t keanu is unstoppable is there anyone with his mumu button here?
SUV
Did someone call my name
(Knocks out keanu)
audience
Phew! Keanu is dead this torture of a movie is finally over
keanu reeves
Tada i'm not dead
audience
Oh c'mon you got knocked out by a freaking SUV how are you still alive i hope this isn't gonna be one of those movies where They say you're half human half ancient alien race just to avoid confrontation
keanu reeves
(Changes topic) where am i and why are you keeping me alive?
micheal nvquist
Well because.............em because.............that's because.......... look i'm keeping you alive and that's that ok?
keanu reeves
Dude just gimme your son and all this won't be necessary
micheal nyqvist
A full grown man's life in exchange for the life of a pup you only knew a few days? Who does that
keanu reeves
No you don't understand(snickers) that puppy was my life(holds back laughter) that puppy was my life(laughs some more) that pup was oh boy(lets out a roar of laughter) lord i can't even say that with a straight face
micheal nvquist
Yea we're done here, kill him
Daniel Bernhardt
Oh dang it i'm out of ammo let's lazily suffocate him with a plastic bag
narrator
they lazily suffocate keanu with a plastic bag but unfortunately for them willem dafoe implausibly tracks them down and frees keanu reeves who in turn murders Daniel Bernhardt and surprises micheal who is just a few blocks away
micheal nyqvist
Oh for Gods sake how did u escape?
keanu reeves
Willem dafoe found me and set me free with his long range rifle
micheal nvquist
Willem? How did he find you? I can't remember telling him anything
keanu reeves
And why does he keep firing long range shots when he can just lend a hand to get me out of fixes? Anyway i want you to call off the contract on my head
micheal nvquist
That's it? Sure thing as long as you won't ask me for........
keanu reeves
Oh and i want your son too
micheal nvquist
dude if i get you a new puppy and return your car would you leave my son and my money alone?
keanu reeves
Are you seriously negotiating with me right now? I can totally blow off your face right now
micheal nvquist
Ha no you won't if you kill me you'll never know where my son is and you know how you rely heavily on information
keanu reeves
oh i guess you saw through my poker face huh
micheal nvquist
But i'll give you the address anyway for the sake of plot progression
keanu reeves
Wohoo for plot progression now. make sure the address you are giving me is the right address and not some house crawling with law enforcement officers ready to take me in
micheal nyqvist
It's the right address
keanu reeves
And make sure you don't advise your bodyguards to relocate alfie to another safe house or to watch out for me when i come
micheal nyqvist
You gat it bro
keanu reeves
And most definitely don't tell your contract killers where i'm headed
micheal nyqvist
Sure thing

To be continued...

See as u dey expose their plot holes mumuness choi!

Csami:
See as u dey expose their plot holes mumuness choi!

As in this one pass plothole they just didn't care to attend to details

I like this movie, the dialogue, the fight scenes and the concept with the hotel snd co infact this movie was thw bomb a worthy adversary to the equalizer

narrator
keanu locates alfie allen, he kills all of alfies bodyguards and then he kills alfie allen anti climatically of course keanu could always shoot alfie allen with a long range rifle and leave everyone else who had nothing to do with his dog alone
keanu reeves
Ha! Now its all over i have closure now
audience
Phew! Okay i'm off
micheal nvquist
Uh I ain't done yet
keanu reeves
What do you mean?
micheal nvquist
Remember how your dog got murdered and you went batsh*t crazy on the russian mob? Well we are doing it again this time by killing willem dafoe your mentor
willem dafoe
Me? What did i do?
micheal nvquist
Well you set keanu free and my son is dead because of that
willem dafoe
O_o and you're sure it had nothing to do with the lazy security detail you put around him? Besides you were the one who was dumb enough to hire keanu's friend to kill keanu
micheal nvquist
yea well, everybody makes mistakes
willem dafoe
And now you are going to murder me like that wouldn't keanu come after you and kill you too
micheal nvquist
Well if he does that i've implanted andrianne palicki to take him out
willem dafoe
You mean the same chick injured keanu whooped with his bare hands imagine what he can do when he has guns
micheal nvquist
Holy cow you're right quick ready my chopper i'm fleeing
dean winters
Oh wait that was an option
andrianne palicki
Don't worry boss keanu's not gonna know what hit him(phone rings) hey ian, of course i can totally leave my post and have a meeting with you in a totally isolated place
narrator
she conveniently walks away as keanu arrives to see his buddie dead and totally flip out
keanu reeves
grrrr! Micheal didn't even have the decency of calling the Pizza boys to clean this up, its a good thing he didn't wire the house to blow now i can go activate revenger mode even though micheal has an hour headstart(gets into his bullet car complete with magic gps)
andrianne palicki
Ok so what is this all about?
ian macshane
PSYCH! We are here to kill you for killing that black guy in my hotel, as it is against the rules, Boys?! Let her have it
narrator
they gangr*pe her with bullets and then they disappear, meanwhile keanu[s]stealthily gets to the chopper before micheal,stealthily plants an explosive and walks away in his awesome stealthiness[/s] catches up with micheal's convoy and starts ramming his car into theirs like a scene from beverly hills cop
dean winters
Oh c'mon there are about 10 of us in 2 suvs how is keanu kicking our a*ss when there is just 1 of him in a bloody sports car?
micheal nvquist
Come to think of it maybe i should've travelled by boat
dean winters
How did keanu even find us?
keanu reeves
Ian told me
ian mcshane
No i said that i neither can confirm nor deny that micheal is leaving or staying in a helicopter or a chopper
dean winters
can it ian(turns to micheal) what did you do, tweet our location or something?
micheal nivquist
you know all you've done is sit and complain what's even more hilarious is that keanu hardly gives a sh*t about you so i wonder why you still hanging around? Anyway, have a gun get keanu
narrator
dean manages to wound keanu but then he begins to cackle like a cartoon villain so keanu reeves murders his a*ss out of anger
keanu reeves
Ha it's me and you micheal
micheal nvquist
Ever noticed this cliche where the good guy kills all the henchmen and always fights their boss last,is there anything that stops the boss from dying first
keanu reeves
Well i'm about to create another cliche which is toss my fully loaded gun away and hope you don't have a hidden weapon stashed somewhere
micheal nvquist
Sucker (stabs keanu in his old injury)
keanu reeves
hehehe that tickles(murders micheal) i've been stabbed and i'm probably
Bleeding out and no hospital will take me cause i've killed so many people i'm f*cked................best time for a joyride(gets into an SUV and crashes it
)...........Time to jerk off to a video of my wife(is about to jerk off to a video of his wife when he notices a pet shelter)...........time to steal a dog damn! I've got really bad ideas........ oh look a stapler i'll just staple my sliced abdomen and eveything will be fine
narrator
[b]keanu walks away with a pitbull and they live happily ever after even though keanu is mortally wounded and wouldn't last long or micheals colleagues from russia will come looking for keanu or the suv he crashed has his DNA all over it and it just led the police to the scene of a multiple homicide...........but it's a happy ending anyway
End

severee:


https://www.nairaland.com/1994100/swing-miss-gone-girl
here you go , i didn't like the ending of gone girl, her motive was too shallow and her plan had a few loose ends like she didn't delete the footage from the surveillance camera which could show she wasn't kidnapped in the first place, the people who robbed her can always call her out and if they ran clinical tests on her when she returned home they would have known she wasn't pregnant as she claimed couldn't they even see that the urine sample belonged to her neighbour?


i'll check out the mad max later for old times sake and #FriendlyAdvice no dey follow review, many times reviews has led me into confirm bush see john wick it's 85% on rotten tomatoes can you imagine? I no dey follow reviews for my life again

Mad max is a raving success.

Any negative review will only backfire in your face because a lot of people won't share your sentiment.

Stick to silly movies like John wick...... now that's perfect.

ba7man:
Mad max is a raving success.

Any negative review will only backfire in your face because a lot of people won't share your sentiment.

Stick to silly movies like John wick...... now that's perfect.

We'll see about that

Swing and a miss: mad max fury /////////////loading......11%

severee:

narrator
[s]keanu heads over to the club in stealth kills alfie allen in stealth and works away with his awesome stealthiness[/s] keanu begins murdering people who had nothing to do with his dog's death then he hesitates when he gets to alfie allen, Who then escapes and has keanu reeves chase him into the dancefloor of the club , keanu then opens fire killing more innocent people before keanu gets his a*ss kicked by Daniel
Bernhardt so keanu returns to his hotel to go cry
keanu reeves
Wow this is how i operate? It's a miracle that i'm not dead yet.Hey lance reddick send me my usual doctor to my room i just got f*cked up

To be continued........

i also found that part silly see john wick see the bad guy shoot him he was hesitating well it's a movie sha

So what's next? How about spectre or rogue nation? Those movies were a total waste of time especially spectre

33117:


i also found that part silly see john wick see the bad guy shoot him he was hesitating well it's a movie sha

So what's next? How about spectre or rogue nation? Those movies were a total waste of time especially spectre

actually spectre was obviously going to suck, that sam mendes guy is not bond material he was just lucky with skyfall as for rogue nation after the tosca scene i just tuned off it was so boring i wonder what critics loved in that movie

Spent the entire time laughing out as I read it. On to read other editions of this.

This is a great find, keep it up.

severee:


actually spectre was obviously going to suck, that sam mendes guy is not bond material he was just lucky with skyfall as for rogue nation after the tosca scene i just tuned off it was so boring i wonder what critics loved in that movie

Abeg leave rogue nation alone. You can castrate spectre, ant man and fantastic four.

@sage1000 thanx

Csami:


Abeg leave rogue nation alone. You can castrate spectre, ant man and fantastic four.

hmmm i'm getting scared what do ppl actually like in rogue nation?

-the villain was boring even by mission impossible boring villain standards
- the plot was scattered and all over the place with no direction
- Most of the iconic scenes in the movie were stolen from other movies
-there was no use for rebecca ferguson in the movie
- the finale was left too loose and anti-climatic
- what's the deal with the mask? I know it's their trademark but it's getting really unrealistic and annoying

The best mission impossible to me will always be mission impossible one