joocelyncherish:
A side guy is commonly known as a gigolo or lover a man that’s romantically involved with a woman who is in a committed relationship. However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side guy. I want to discuss “the new side guy”–a woman who decides to stay by awoman’s side after she has expressed her lack of relationship intentions with him through her words or actions. So many men have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side guy as an appetizer. You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the woman, but as soon as that mouth-atering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally. Why? Because that entrée is what she really wanted; she went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings. You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or maybe even just a “good ol time” until what she really wanted was presented to her. I know I sound a bit harsh, but even I had to realize my then-reality for what it was. Simply put: you are not and will never be her King.. The truth hurts, but it can only make you stronger. I would like to open up about my experience with
this one particular girl where I found myself playing the new side guy role. I will refer to her as “Jaker”. From the moment Jaker and I met, we immediately clicked. I could talk to her about anything. We would laugh and joke on the phone for hours and help each other out. He was so
supportive, encouraging, and respectful. We had such a beautiful and strong friendship. I was attracted to her mind, personality, and character. However, it was the magnetic chemistry and became my best friend. I thought this was it . She could possibly be the ‘one’. We began talking every day, multiple times throughout the day. As time went on and our feelings for each other grew stronger, our actions
began to reflect a “more-than-friend-on-the- verge-to-a-relationship” type thing. At this point, I fell for him. I had given my heart
to a man who was not mine. I need to pause my story and say this: Kings, we need to learn to stop giving too much too soon. Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it.” It’s impossible to guard your heart when you’re always giving it away. I think it’s beautiful that God created us to be nurturers and emotional. However, we are too quick to give away our time, body, money, and emotions to women who have not EARNED it. A king will not have to audition his love to his Queen. His Queen will already recognize his
worth, virtues, and beauty. Stop giving away so much of you that you end up with nothing for yourself. Better yet, stop giving away so much
that a man has nothing else to work for. At this point you’re an emotional wreck. You go out and try to fill that void of emptiness through other
men, food, material things, etc, but always come up short. Queen, only GOD can fill you up after you have depleted yourself. Go to Him, not the world. I am speaking from experience. Though I never gave Jaker my body or money, I gave her way too much of my time and emotions even after she expressed to me that she did not want a relationship. Before a man gets too involved with a woman, he should find out what her intentions are and listen carefully to her answer. When I asked Jaker what her intentions were with me, she said: “I like you and I see you as
someone for the long-term. However, I am young and I know I still have a lot of playing left to do, so I’m not ready for a relationship.” That reason eventually evolved to him saying She doesn’t want a relationship because She’s focused on school and his internship. She wanted to secure her future first. I thought those reasons were valid, and that’s why I still stuck by her side. Plus her actions toward me did not change, so I figured she really wanted to be with me; it was just bad timing. I thought that one day, once he got the “play” out her system and completed her internship, he would be ready. So, I continued to allow myself to get more attached emotionally and mentally. I wish I knew then what I know now: A woman who really wants to be with you will find every reason to be with you. A man who does not want to be with you will find every excuse why she can’t be with you.King, don’t make the same mistake as me. You can’t change a woman nor her intentions with you.Months went by and we continued our usual routine. She ended up completing her internship and securing a job post graduation. I noticed a slight behavioral change toward me and confronted her about it. She ended up telling me that she met somebody new and wanted to explore his options with him now that she had her future secured. And just like that, I was pushed to the side . I was so hurt, frustrated, and disappointed. I remember thinking: “I’ve been building and talking to this girl for 9 months. How dare she pushes me to the side to pursue someone else. I was the one who always held her down, supported, and helped her. Now that she’s “played” and secured his future, she decides to talk to someone else. She wasted my time! How dare her! This is not fair!” Eventually I had to turn the mirror to myself and
take responsibility for my actions. I was the one who decided to get attached to a woman who verbally expressed to me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was the one who allowed a woman to stick around in my life for 9 months with no type of commitment attached. I settled for this type of treatment because I did not see myself worthy of something better. I thought I would never find anyone comparable or better than Jaker if I walked away. At that point in my life, she was the best I ever had, and I was afraid to let that go. I am sure many of you are or know someone who is holding on to relationships and ‘situationships’ that God never brought together. As the year is coming to the end, I want to challenge all Kings to step out on faith, trust God, and release that dead weight. For 2015, I challenge you to redefine your worth and standards according to who GOD says you are and to never accept any treatment that demeans you. Get that peasant off your throne and make room for the Queen that God wants you to build an empire with. Stop giving your body away to someone who’s not even giving you a real
commitment. Stop cooking all of these gourmet meals for that woman who can’t even take you out on a real date. Cut off the girl that keeps coming in and out of your life because she doesn’t know what she wants. Indecisiveness is a decision . Make the decision for her and let her go . Stop acting like an uber to some of these women who won’t even catch a taxi for you. Just because she sends for you, doesn’t mean you need to come. Pick up your crown and wear it with dignity and class. Some of you right now may be trying to justify in your mind on why you can’t let go and move on. You’ve fell in love with the “what if”, her potential, and what it could be if you stayed. King, stop embracing the fantasy and accept your reality . I know it’s easier said than done to cut off someone you have invested in and have feelings for, but that’s where your FAITH comes in. Is your trust in God or the “option” of men you “see” around you? When me and Jaker abruptly ended, I went on a “woman fast”. I decided to focus on my relationship with Jesus and allow Him to mold me into the woman He called me to be. I decided to not focus on my “still single” status and the lack of man options around me. All of that time and emotion I would’ve given to Jaker, I gave to Christ . I learned that the more I put into Christ, the more He puts into me. I took back my crown and regained peace, joy, confidence, purpose, and
love. Woman’s rejection is God’s protection! Jaker was never fit to be My Queen . I can’t thank God enough for protecting me from a what would’ve been unfulfilling and purposeless relationship. Since then, God has showed me that there are better men than the “Jakers” of this world. He’s introduced me to much better when I least expected it. If He did it for me, have faith that one day He will do it for you. :-)
Be blessed.