Hello house!I just got to know about nairaland and have come to love it ever since. I have issues that have been bothering me,though its quite lenghty,bear with me please.

I have never known my dad because he died when I was just 1 year old,though my dad several wives and children of which most are older than me. Ever since he died everybody grew apart with their mother. My dad left enough inheritance of which we are still reaping till date!
My mum on the other hand remarried after my dad's death,which made my stepdad my dad,he has been the one I called dad till date. My mum had 3 kids for him,we all grew up together. My stepdad was not having any job for close 15 years,it was the money coming from dad via money shared among the children from his numerous properties and other businesses my mum used to train us all not until recently he got job. Ever since he changed,am not bothered about that. Though I went to one of the best schools you can think of till my higher school.

Am introverted in nature right from when I was young,some of my mum's friends sometime tell her my quiet nature is not ordinary,one of her friend even told her am ogbanje. My mum will in turn insult me and all that. It was while I was growing I got to know I inherited that from my paternal family as they are very reserved(most,some are not still).

I have been the a obedient type of child right from when I was young,i dont make troubles,am not wayward etc am not perfect though. Among my siblings am still the most obedient.

The problem here is that my mum dont appreciate me,she compares me with everybody,she does not understand me and she also insult me especially infront of my younger ones. I will give instances, I decided to start collecting my inheritance money personally this year due to somethings that happened,ever since my mum changed,she will tell me am greedy,(this is money she still borrow from me),am hiding money at the bank etc

Secondy,am not yet married,she will compare with my cousins and her friends children who are married(these are people who either gave birth at home,impregnated girls even those that are married got married because they are pregnant or impregnated someone. Some of them even got pregnant for thugs that have wives). I have always want to be different,as in get married before getting pregnant.i have always want to marry a man I love and love me too. My mum tell me husband is husband whenever I tell her am going to be different from people she compares me with. I never enjoyed growing up as I was abused emotionally and verbally. Whenever I tell my mum something bothering,she will use it to insult when the need arise that made me to keep to myself.she tell me am a bad person, I have a evil mind all because am d quiet type. I had low self esteem while growing because I always believe what my mum say(abuse) is true.

It has not been easy getting job after I finished school,all the while I have been at home its from one insult to another(mind you am not the lazy type,i have engaged in different businesses,did IT course,going about searching for jobs at a point I sold recharge cards ) with all these all I get is "I should do what my mates are doing" i.e get married or am not sharp etc

Concerning my relationship life,have been into differnt relationships,i was engaged to be married to somone few years back,but I realized I didnt love him and he wanted to trap me because this is someone that wanted to rape me twice, ( he said he wanted to trap me with pregnancy so I wont leave) he smokes,drinks I hid all these from my parents just because I want to leave home. It was God that saved me I would have been regretting now. That aside,after him I have been into other relationships that didnt work,mind you am not the choosy time as I even dated a guy that sold okrika and was not educated,along the line I tried to encourage him to further his education. His ex came back,even though he didnt want to let me go I had to opt out of the relationship. His people were of the opinion that am not their
language.

I prayed to God to direct my husband to me,and decided to be.Am 26,still a virgin. Last year,I started making plans to travel out of the country just to change location and see maybe things will workout,but still my mum still complain. Any time she tell her pastors about my not being ,some says I should hook a man,some say evil forces dont want me to get married of which I dont believe but my mum believe them,she will in turn use those words to insult me. One even said I have done abortion before!

Am very hurt,i cried many nights to sleep,my mum cant encourage me,she is always opposing and insulting. Anytime I have money she accuse me of not giving freely,am stingy etc. I give freely infact I cant count number of people owing me. I give to the needy some still call till today. Sometime I take clothes to the needy,give them money even jobless women with kids! Its just that I dont like listing things I do because I see it as boasting and its not according to God's way of giving. Even if tell her of the givings I did she will still find something to say!

What have I done wrong to deserve all these treatment? Have tried talking to her she will tell me one cannot be wiser than her parent. I have contemplated sucide many time. I dont have any close family to talk to. Am nothing infront of my younger ones! Am not always happy at home. I dread going home all the time. What is my offence? Or am I the one not doing something right? I ALWAYS displease myself to please her! My mum is suppose to be my comforter all the time. I dont want my kids to grow up uhappy like me!

Please advise me on what to do,am fed up.

Ps: my mum can be nice at times most especially to people outside

I think it's high time you walk away from that your mom temporarily. Her spirit of mediocrity may end up affecting your destiny if you reach a breaking point. It's a good thing that you were able to complete your educational level without being demoralized by her. You have a strong will, get out of sight, travel if u can and have a breathing space to be able to realize that person in you. Getting married to please her out of your pleasure may complicate your life more. Do the right things at it's appointed time. Truth is that some parents can be destiny changers, they will drive u sooo hard that u end up living your life for them and not for u. If you fail, they will still be the first to criticize and rub it on your face. Pray too.

Will send you a PM

chocolateme:
I think it's high time you walk away from that your mom temporarily. Her spirit of mediocrity may end up affecting your destiny if you reach a breaking point. It's a good thing that you were able to complete your educational level without being demoralized by her. You have a strong will, get out of sight, travel if u can and have a breathing space to be able to realize that person in you. Getting married to please her out of your pleasure may complicate your life more. Do the right things at it's appointed time. Truth is that some parents can be destiny changers, they will drive u sooo hard that u end up living your life for them and not for u. If you fail, they will still be the first to criticize and rub it on your face. Pray too.

Thank alot! Your advice came as relief to me. Am planning to travel out though

bellong:
Will send you a PM

Ok,thanks in anticipitation

mayGodhelpme:



Thank alot! Your advice came as relief to me. Am planning to travel out though

of possible, don't even tell her exactly when you are leaving but make sure to be communicating her once u reach.

mayGodhelpme:


Ok,thanks in anticipitation

Sent... Reply through the email you opened this account with.

chocolateme:
I think it's high time you walk away from that your mom temporarily. Her spirit of mediocrity may end up affecting your destiny if you reach a breaking point. It's a good thing that you were able to complete your educational level without being demoralized by her. You have a strong will, get out of sight, travel if u can and have a breathing space to be able to realize that person in you. Getting married to please her out of your pleasure may complicate your life more. Do the right things at it's appointed time. Truth is that some parents can be destiny changers, they will drive u sooo hard that u end up living your life for them and not for u. If you fail, they will still be the first to criticize and rub it on your face. Pray too.

On point.


And Op, u need to tk it easy wit d suicide.

I was once suicidal, I'm glad I worked on dt one. Now, I feel good everyday.

Keep hustling girl. If u can move out n get a roommate or ur own apartment, I'm sure u'd feel better n take things 1 step at a time.

Don't be too desperate, ur lucky u didn't mk some wrong moves. I'm happy for u.

I'm sure ur gonna be fine, becos u have a great spirit. All u need is time, don't let dem break u.

#shalom

Betterstill, why don't u go n work in one of ur late dad's businesses?

Pls don't let her opinions shape your life.
I don't know how much your inheritance may be worth but you can try to use some of it to start something for yourself and build on it until it is big enough to sustain you, then you move out.

Getting married because she's pressuring you to do so won't solve your problems as you may end up with anyhow kind of person (like you almost did).

But working towards moving out will help you get away from the negative energy around her.

The relationship between you and mum is toxic. Separate from her and fill your life with lots of love by learning to love yourself first.

Look for something you are passionate about and bury yourself in it. You need to improve and work on your mind. There are lots of great books on self help out there and audio tapes.

You would be the most miserable of human if you rush into marriage just to please people. It won't be worth it if you end up re experiencing all those not so good sad memories you had while growing up. The ideal marriage that suits you is one that gives you freedom,security,love,trust to experience all those childlike memories you missed. You need to build yourself up first before that special one shows up.

All your experiences were for some reasons....To make you a better human and not to break you. Accept this and don't fight it. Draw up your ideal plan of how you foresee your married life and be disciplined to see things out. You kept yourself 26 and counting shows you have discipline. You deserve the best. Goodluck.

My dear, just like chocolateme has said, u need to give ur mum some space. From ur post ii believe u can @ least afford a 1 room apartment and stay away from her. Since she doesn't apppreciate ur presence, she will aappreciate ur absence.

Find a way and keave that house......

To verbal and emotional abuse ia worse than physical abuse..

Before you know it you will start thinking of suicide.

Babe... just find a way to keave the house get a one room apartment and manage, and I can tell you things you begin to have a different outlook to life..

A big house can feel empty with the wrong people.

A room with no comfort can be the best place with the right people and environment.

yomi007k:
Betterstill, why don't u go n work in one of ur late dad's businesses?

Thanks for your advice. His company is no more,its just his investment we share.

cococandy:

Pls don't let her opinions shape your life.
I don't know how much your inheritance may be worth but you can try to use some of it to start something for yourself and build on it until it is big enough to sustain you, then you move out.

Getting married because she's pressuring you to do so won't solve your problems as you may end up with anyhow kind of person (like you almost did).

But working towards moving out will help you get away from the negative energy around her.

Thanks. Concerning business set up,have tried hands on some but didnt go far. So I thought of getting more experience before I go fully in it. Also I just dont want to go into any business,i want a business I will profer solution. Am still thinking and praying for guidiance on the business ro start.

Chubhie:
The relationship between you and mum is toxic. Separate from her and fill your life with lots of love by learning to love yourself first.

Look for something you are passionate about and bury yourself in it. You need to improve and work on your mind. There are lots of great books on self help out there and audio tapes.

You would be the most miserable of human if you rush into marriage just to please people. It won't be worth it if you end up re experiencing all those not so good sad memories you had while growing up. The ideal marriage that suits you is one that gives you freedom,security,love,trust to experience all those childlike memories you missed. You need to build yourself up first before that special one shows up.

All your experiences were for some reasons....To make you a better human and not to break you. Accept this and don't fight it. Draw up your ideal plan of how you foresee your married life and be disciplined to see things out. You kept yourself 26 and counting shows you hav
e discipline. You deserve the best. Goodluck.

Thanks alot,am greatful!

Evergreen4:
My dear, just like chocolateme has said, u need to give ur mum some space. From ur post ii believe u can @ least afford a 1 room apartment and stay away from her. Since she doesn't apppreciate ur presence, she will aappreciate ur absence.

Thanks I appreciate. I wanted to leave earlier this year,it was my dad who said family members and friends will think he was the one that chased me out. That is why am thinking of relocating abroad

temi4fash:
Find a way and keave that house......

To verbal and emotional abuse ia worse than physical abuse..

Before you know it you will start thinking of suicide.

Babe... just find a way to keave the house get a one room apartment and manage, and I can tell you things you begin to have a different outlook to life..

A big house can feel empty with the wrong people.

A room with no comfort can be the best place with the right people and environment.

Thanks! Am planning on relocating, I just pray things work out fine

Hello dear, please don't ever contemplate suicide, God has given u a life, you owe no man your life but God Almighty so go back to Him in prayers. First you really need to try harder in getting a job for yourself and secondly, you have to get a place of your own. Life is too short to live in pain & continuous regret. God bless you ma'am...

mayGodhelpme:


Thanks I appreciate. I wanted to leave earlier this year,it was my dad who said family members and friends will think he was the one that chased me out. That is why am thinking of relocating abroad

Ok, but u still have to take firm decision by moving out of the house, don't let him deter u from that. And in all u do always keeps in touch with ur people through phone calls, don't cut ties with them completely. If eventually u decided to leave the country. Make sure u put ur inheritance in order to avoid stories that touch while u are away. Wish u all the best in ur endevours

You need to leave... but but you're working towards that.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are making the right decisions for yourself.

mayGodhelpme:


Thanks I appreciate. I wanted to leave earlier this year,it was my dad who said family members and friends will think he was the one that chased me out. That is why am thinking of relocating abroad

He doesn't have to worry about that, you ll just tell relatives you desire to be on your own and not cos of any disagreement. ..

Your abroad runs, hope it's legit? Not one you'll spend money on, only to be given a tourist visa...

Also, make sure you secure your inheritance before leaving. ..

PresVA:
He doesn't have to worry about that, you ll just tell relatives you desire to be on your own and not cos of any disagreement. ..

Your abroad runs, hope it's legit? Not one you'll spend money on, only to be given a tourist visa...

Also, make sure you secure your inheritance before leaving. ..

Its legitimate, I have someone living there helping with the process. Thanks

Yieldings:
You need to leave... but but you're working towards that.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are making the right decisions for yourself.

I will surely leave because I desire it. Thanks

Good day sister. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. -Phil 4:6. Communication is key, do voice out your concerns and things that have been burdening your heart to your mother. Do not let your moms treatment define who you are. I am sure you a lovely young lady.. Blessings unto you. Keep the faith.

mayGodhelpme:
Hello house!I just got to know about nairaland and have come to love it ever since. I have issues that have been bothering me,though its quite lenghty,bear with me please.

I have never known my dad because he died when I was just 1 year old,though my dad several wives and children of which most are older than me. Ever since he died everybody grew apart with their mother. My dad left enough inheritance of which we are still reaping till date!
My mum on the other hand remarried after my dad's death,which made my stepdad my dad,he has been the one I called dad till date. My mum had 3 kids for him,we all grew up together. My stepdad was not having any job for close 15 years,it was the money coming from dad via money shared among the children from his numerous properties and other businesses my mum used to train us all not until recently he got job. Ever since he changed,am not bothered about that. Though I went to one of the best schools you can think of till my higher school.

Am introverted in nature right from when I was young,some of my mum's friends sometime tell her my quiet nature is not ordinary,one of her friend even told her am ogbanje. My mum will in turn insult me and all that. It was while I was growing I got to know I inherited that from my paternal family as they are very reserved(most,some are not still).

I have been the a obedient type of child right from when I was young,i dont make troubles,am not wayward etc am not perfect though. Among my siblings am still the most obedient.

The problem here is that my mum dont appreciate me,she compares me with everybody,she does not understand me and she also insult me especially infront of my younger ones. I will give instances, I decided to start collecting my inheritance money personally this year due to somethings that happened,ever since my mum changed,she will tell me am greedy,(this is money she still borrow from me),am hiding money at the bank etc

Secondy,am not yet married,she will compare with my cousins and her friends children who are married(these are people who either gave birth at home,impregnated girls even those that are married got married because they are pregnant or impregnated someone. Some of them even got pregnant for thugs that have wives). I have always want to be different,as in get married before getting pregnant.i have always want to marry a man I love and love me too. My mum tell me husband is husband whenever I tell her am going to be different from people she compares me with. I never enjoyed growing up as I was abused emotionally and verbally. Whenever I tell my mum something bothering,she will use it to insult when the need arise that made me to keep to myself.she tell me am a bad person, I have a evil mind all because am d quiet type. I had low self esteem while growing because I always believe what my mum say(abuse) is true.

It has not been easy getting job after I finished school,all the while I have been at home its from one insult to another(mind you am not the lazy type,i have engaged in different businesses,did IT course,going about searching for jobs at a point I sold recharge cards ) with all these all I get is "I should do what my mates are doing" i.e get married or am not sharp etc

Concerning my relationship life,have been into differnt relationships,i was engaged to be married to somone few years back,but I realized I didnt love him and he wanted to trap me because this is someone that wanted to rape me twice, ( he said he wanted to trap me with pregnancy so I wont leave) he smokes,drinks I hid all these from my parents just because I want to leave home. It was God that saved me I would have been regretting now. That aside,after him I have been into other relationships that didnt work,mind you am not the choosy time as I even dated a guy that sold okrika and was not educated,along the line I tried to encourage him to further his education. His ex came back,even though he didnt want to let me go I had to opt out of the relationship. His people were of the opinion that am not their
language.

I prayed to God to direct my husband to me,and decided to be.Am 26,still a virgin. Last year,I started making plans to travel out of the country just to change location and see maybe things will workout,but still my mum still complain. Any time she tell her pastors about my not being ,some says I should hook a man,some say evil forces dont want me to get married of which I dont believe but my mum believe them,she will in turn use those words to insult me. One even said I have done abortion before!

Am very hurt,i cried many nights to sleep,my mum cant encourage me,she is always opposing and insulting. Anytime I have money she accuse me of not giving freely,am stingy etc. I give freely infact I cant count number of people owing me. I give to the needy some still call till today. Sometime I take clothes to the needy,give them money even jobless women with kids! Its just that I dont like listing things I do because I see it as boasting and its not according to God's way of giving. Even if tell her of the givings I did she will still find something to say!

What have I done wrong to deserve all these treatment? Have tried talking to her she will tell me one cannot be wiser than her parent. I have contemplated sucide many time. I dont have any close family to talk to. Am nothing infront of my younger ones! Am not always happy at home. I dread going home all the time. What is my offence? Or am I the one not doing something right? I ALWAYS displease myself to please her! My mum is suppose to be my comforter all the time. I dont want my kids to grow up uhappy like me!

Please advise me on what to do,am fed up.

Ps: my mum can be nice at times most especially to people outside

Talk to your mum whenever she is happy. Take her by the side, tell her how much you love her, let her know you're all alone without her, shed tears, let her know you've once considered suicide. After all these and she still becomes cold towards you then you should consider leaving the house irrespective of what anyone says.

Please realise that you have only one life to live and you are responsible for your own happiness. If anything happens to you, they can only shed crocodile tears for some few hours and then continue living as if you never existed. There are over 7 billion people in the world never allow few people to make you feel sad. Make friends, go out, do something new today 'cause people like you are loved and admired by many people. Don't just breath; live!

PoisonedOne:
Talk to your mum whenever she is happy. Take her by the side, tell her how much you love her, let her know you're all alone without her, shed tears, let her know you've once considered suicide. After all these and she still becomes cold towards you then you should consider leaving the house irrespective of what anyone says.

Please realise that you have only one life to live and you are responsible for your own happiness. If anything happens to you, they can only shed crocodile tears for some few hours and then continue living as if you never existed. There are over 7 billion people in the world never allow few people to make you feel sad. Make friends, go out, do something new today 'cause people like you are loved and admired by many people. Don't just breath; live!

Have talked to her several times to no avail. At a point I usually think I dont do the right thing or am not behaving like every normal being,that was why I brought it here for people to judge. Thanks all the same